Heart and Soul
by evalentine
Summary: Set between Series 1&2 Jack has returned from his time with the Doctor. In his absence Ianto has disappeared. An investigation has found a single powerful dose of Retcon is gone. What will Jack do when he discovers Ianto misisng?
1. Chapter 1

** Heart and Soul - Requiem**

Chapter 1

Ianto woke from a deep sleep in a series of leisurely stages.

As he awakened, he realised he was fully dressed and in pain; his neck and shoulders were at an odd angle and sore.

Standing up to stretch to ease the pain in his shoulders a wave of dizziness caused him sit down just as quickly. He closed his eyes and waited for the vertigo to fade.

Several moments passed and he opened his eyes. Now that the room had stopped moving he took a look around. He did not recognise where he was, although the contents did feel vaguely his. He noted he was sitting on a two seater black leather sofa.

Right in front of him was a low table, on it was a tall empty glass. He picked it up and thought he smelt beer.

Next to the glass was a substantial red plastic folder with 'READ' in large black letters on the front.

Picking the folder up and opened it. It was thick with several sections, each section had a coloured divider.

On the front divider was another simple instruction.

"Start with the red section"

Not sure why he was doing this, he turned the red divider over to the first page.

On the page was a list of facts.

1: Your name is Ianto Jones.

2: Your birthday is 19th August.

3: You were born in 1983.

4: You are 24 years old.

5: Today is Tuesday

6: You are in a flat.

7: This is your flat, you live here.

8: The address is Flat 16, Fourth Floor, 28 University Close, Northenton.

After several hours he closed the folder. It was a remarkable document. It was as if someone had catalogued his entire life, into neat separate sections and then presented them in this folder. It contained the most basic information like his name and DOB to how to make coffee. In fact, there was an extensive section devoted to just coffee, which certainly explained the expensive looking coffee machine on the kitchen bench.

There were lists of his favourite films and music and why he liked them, to details of his move to this new flat, and the job he was starting in two days. It noted he had no family, but had a girlfriend, Lisa, now deceased. All of it made perfect sense. Everything he needed to know that was the essence of himself fell into place within his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

** Heart and Soul - Requiem**

**Chapter 2**

Taking a deep breath, Ianto stepped out of his apartment and closed the door giving the handle a good tug .He knew the lock did not always engage and unless he double checked with a good tug he could never be sure it was locked.

'_Must speak to the building manager about it,'_ he reminded himself.

Having checked the door was secure, he went down the single flight of stairs to the lobby and strode off towards the university. 8 AM and it was busy this time of day with students on their way to early classes mostly on foot. Mixed in with the students was university staff heading towards various buildings across the campus. This he knew would be the first wave of students who filled and emptied all the various public spaces in and around the campus during the day until the late evening.

A bike raced past him, weaving in and out of those on the pavement at great speed.

He hated these shared streets, no cars but the bikes were a hazard.

He looked at his watch and stepped up his pace as he wanted to get work before anyone else. He enjoyed being the first person to arrive. As he was the newest staff member he liked to put on a pot of filter coffee before everyone arrived. He was not sure why he did this, he had started on his first week and it had now become an establish ritual. He knew from the feedback he had received from his work colleagues how much they appreciated this and so had continued.

The man in grey watched as the young man came out of the front lobby of the apartment block. Today he noted the man was dressed in a stylish dark suit and matching waistcoat; he could just make out a hint of the jacket's deep red lining. Keeping just back from him, at a safe distance so he was not noticed, he watched as the bike flashed passed the young man.

The young man walked a few more yards down the lane and entered a small coffee shop.

The man in grey moved across the lane so he could get a good view of the activity inside the cafe.

"Double espresso," Ianto requested the young woman serving.

"Take away or sit down?" the woman asked as she took his order.

"Take away," he replied.

"That will be three pounds." the woman told him. Ianto took out his wallet and handed over a five pound note.

Taking the change from the woman, he placed it in the tip cup on the counter.

Moving now, he stood aside for the person behind him and went to stand next to the counter where completed orders were placed.

This place was real find. He had found it just after he had moved. After unpacking he had taken a walk around the university exploring the grounds and buildings to familiarise himself. The 'Coffee Shack' was only a short walk away from his apartment. It served superb coffee. As much as he liked making his own coffee he did enjoy the occasional excursion on his way to work.

Another real find was his apartment. From the conversation he had had with those he worked with, he had been very lucky indeed to find a good sized modern apartment this close to where he worked.

The conversation had then moved on the cost of renting in the area and he was asked how much his rent was. He quietly admitted the apartment was his. He had found the deeds and documents in the magic red folder. He never failed to marvel at what information it contained. Considering the silence that had accompanied his admission, he realised that perhaps owning an apartment in that building was not something everyone one he worked with could afford.

His attention was interrupted by the appearance of his coffee now waiting on the counter.

Picking it up, he took a long sip then turned and headed out the door.

Watching from the other side of the lane the man in grey followed at a discrete distance until he saw the suited man enter the University Library. A group of students passed him with heavy backpacks chatting away about some assignment due as he stood at the bottom of the stairs. As the young man disappeared from his gaze he let out a deep sigh and turned back to the coffee shop.

Sitting now at one of the tables inside the Coffee Shack, tall coffee in front of him, he took out his watch. 8:25 AM. Another half an hour before the Journal section of the library opened. He picked up the cup taking a long drink and setting it down again he took up the newspaper shaking it out, began to read.


	3. chapter three

** Heart and Soul - Requiem**

**Chapter 3**

Rosemary looked around at her staff as she got ready to brief them for the day. She knew they were in for a busy day. There was no slow time of the year for them, unlike many other departments in the university. The journal section serviced every department on campus. If it wasn't students doing course work, it was staff members preparing courses or doing research. The university ran papers throughout the year, including summer.

The extensive journal section ran across two basement floors including another with staff-only access. They had copies of almost every journal printed in hard and soft copy, including an extensive computer service allowing for access to every university, college and technical school in the United Kingdom

She stood with her back to the long counter which fronted a large office space. Within this space were eight desks arranged in two pods, along with the kind of equipment you find in any library.

She was always amused at how each desk was a reflection of the occupants' personality. For example one desk was covered in pot plants, any more and it would be a jungle. Photographs of grandchildren and family were pinned around another. Another desk held collection of stuffed toys along with a plant struggling to decide it if was going to live or die. One team member was clearly into action figures and had several in various stances of battle. Across each was the normal scattering of projects and requests in stages of completion.

She took a quick look around to gauge how everyone was today.

Her attention was broken as her newest member of staff entered the room, sleeves rolled up ready for action.

Rosemary never failed to marvel at how Ianto maintained his standard of dress so consistently. Every single day, without exception, he turned up immaculately dressed in what appeared to be an endless supply of suits, waist coats, deep coloured shirts and ties.

'He put us all to shame really,' she thought.

Being around students and more casually-dressed university staff all day meant they had, over time, unconsciously dressed down. However, she had noticed that since Ianto had joined the staff everyone, including herself, had begun to dress more professionally.

She nodded toward him as he came toward the counter; she noted that he tentatively smiled back. He was so quiet; a smile from Ianto was like a full conversation from others. He was slowly coming out of his shell, quiet and reticent he kept himself busy all day.

Another sign that he was settling in was the discovery that he had a very dry sense of humour.

"On the counter today Ianto, helping with general enquires", She indicated to the large group of students gathering, waiting for the counter to open.

"And looks the man in grey is back again today," she commented, nodding towards a man who could just be seen at the far end of the journal section standing observing the group of students waiting near the counter.

Ianto looked up to see the man she was referring to. He had been here almost every day on and off for some time, requesting information, asking for help, taking out journals. This was not necessarily unusual except he appeared to require a great deal of help. Not that he minded it, was his job after all, and in truth he enjoyed the challenge of tracking down the obscure articles the man appeared to have an unlimited list of.

Ianto got to work; he helped several students find articles, showed one student where the toilets were. He assisted a graduate student with the programme that allowed articles to be transferred from one university library to another. Found 14 articles on the ecology of the Pilgrims' Way, Kent. Helped two first years who were lost back to the main entrance. As he got back he found the man in the grey coat waiting for him. All the students were gone now and he was alone at the counter.

"Can you help me?" The man in grey asked, "I'm looking for an article published in 1956 by Professor Davies about the early developmental history of quark particle research.

Ianto nodded and moved over to the computer on the counter and set up a search.

After several moments the search completed filling the screen with details. He pulled the screen around to show the man.

"We don't have that particular journal here, its last publication was 1963, however Hull university has a copy and we can get one via inter loan, the time delay is approximately three days."

"Three days?" the man queried.

"Three days." Ianto continued, "because it's at another university. We apply for the article, they scan it and then forward it to us, we then print it out."

He saw the man nod his assent. "Ok, that sounds reasonable."

"If its urgent, we can get it here today," Ianto pointed out, "but there is a fee of five pounds."

"No, three days will be fine," the man replied.

"Who can I say it's for?" Ianto asked.

"Captain Jack Harkness," the man replied.

"Department?" Ianto asked.

"I'm doing a private research project, so I'm working independently," the Captain replied.

"I can leave it here for you to pick up if you like, sir,'' Ianto offered.

"Thank you," the Captain said, pulling out a note book smiling. "Now, I need to find everything on magnetic variations waves."

Ianto carried a large stack of journal articles on the subject requested; it was a large topic that required a number of cross references. He added the ones he was carrying to those already on the study desk.

"That's all the articles from 1976 Sir," he said.

"Do you require any others?" Ianto asked.

"No, I think that will do for now," Jack replied as he looked up at the young man and smiled.

"Thank you for all your help today," Jack added as Ianto moved away.

"Just doing my job, glad to be of assistance," Ianto replied.

Ianto made his way back to the counter noting that it was less busy now it was the late afternoon. Susan and another co-worker, Tracey, were busy by the desk taking returned journals and getting them ready to be put back onto shelves.

"How's the man in the grey coat today? He seems to require an awful lot of your kind of help?" Susan noted as Ianto joined them behind the counter.

"Have you noticed he only ever he asks for assistance from you Ianto; he waits until you and only you are available," Tracey added playfully.

Ianto shrugged, "Well, I am on the counter a lot, it's probably just coincidence," he commented.

Tracey looked towards the Captain and added "Where did he get those clothes, have you ever seen anyone wearing such an outfit? It's almost theatrical, but it does suit him."

Not looking away from his task of adding journals to the counter ready for sorting, Ianto replied, "Nope I'm sure I would recall meeting an American wearing a large grey World War Two coat, braces, and those boots."

Susan smiled. "It's so retro 40's," she said, "maybe he got caught in some time warp and ended up here."

"Has to be the explanation," Ianto remarked as he passed, moving back to his desk.

"Because I can't think of any reason someone would willingly choose to wear that coat."


	4. Chapter 4

** Heart and Soul - Requiem**

**Chapter 4**

Tosh and Owen were working at their respective stations late afternoon in the hub – both absorbed in their individual tasks. There was a general hum of background noise; the tapping of keyboards and dripping of water from the water feature.

Several large, full black rubbish sacks, along with 30 empty pizza boxes were stacked up against the wall ready to be taken out.

Myfanwy was in her nest, making a general grumbling noise as she preened herself.

Owen, without looking away from his screen, stretched. "God I could use a coffee," he stated to no one particular.

Picking up an empty disposable coffee cup next to his keyboard he grimaced. It was clearly empty and he sighed as he threw it towards the bin that was slowly filling with a large collection.

Gwen, who had been in the greenhouse, walked down the stairs from the upper level and across the hub towards Jack's empty office.

"Owen, either make your own or go on a coffee run," she commented as she passed him.

"How much longer is this going to go on?" Owen asked.

"What?" asked Gwen, knowing full well what he was implying.

"You've been in touch with our glorious leader. How much longer is he going to keep this up for?"

"Only Jack can answer that," Gwen replied.

"Owen it's until further notice," Tosh added, not looking up from her screen.

"Bloody fool's errand," Owen stated forcefully.

"Please don't call it that," Tosh commented as she looked up briefly at Owen.

Owen turned his chair towards her and stared at her directly. "That is what it is Tosh, a fool's errand!"

"You never know Owen, it might work," Tosh replied gently.

"In your dreams, Tosh. Ianto took the most concentrated experimental dose of Retcon in the history of Torchwood," Owen added.

"Well maybe Jack can trigger a memory, then just maybe…." she started to say.

"Retcon at that level," Owen interrupted, "He was lucky to have remembered his own name."

"Maybe there is something that Jack can do or say that might make all the difference," she sighed.

Owen took a deep breath. "You don't understand Tosh."

"What don't we understand Owen?" Gwen enquired.

Turning towards her, he stood up. "Retcon rewrites brain chemistry. At the level we normally use, a strong image can overcome the block. This is because the brain has so many redundant connections. If a significant and powerful memory or image triggers a response the brain uses those unused connections to forge new pathways back to the original memory."

Tosh interrupted. "So it is possible that some image, person or event could trigger the return of his memories…" she paused, then added, "Jack was, is, significant to Ianto, him being around may make all the difference."

Owen shook his head. "As I said the type Ianto took was experimental, it was developed to block not just one pathway but all of them."

Tosh looked at him. "You can't know that, none of us can, not for sure."

Owen walked across the floor to the small kitchen and turned on the electric kettle.

He continued as she picked up a clean mug. "However, if he does recall anything it will be most likely be on an emotional level."

"What do you mean?" Gwen asked as she joined him in the kitchen.

"The brain is a very complex organ; it is a feeling as much as a thinking organ. For example, if we have a fear of spiders and, we look at picture of a spider our brains still react as if it is real. We may have no memory of why we are afraid of spiders, but we react just the same. We have the effect but not the cause." Owen continued.

"And so the Retcon Ianto took blocked the memory but not the emotion connected to the memory." Gwen clarified.

"It's possible," Owen replied as he added instant coffee to his mug and poured in hot water.

"So," Tosh added, "it may be still possible for Ianto to access his memories via a feeling rather than a specific image."

"We are in new territory," Owen replied, taking a sip of coffee while grimacing at the taste.

"There is no way of knowing what the long-term effects or consequences are or will be," he said as he moved back to his work station.

"God he must have really wanted to forget," he said out loud.

Owen turned to both Gwen and Tosh, "Look, no one else is going to say this. Maybe, just maybe, we should respect Ianto's wishes, and let him get on with his life."

Tosh took a deep breath. "If only we knew why he had done this it would be easier on all of us. Maybe we could have helped…if only he had shared with us what was going on for him, but I have the feeling that the one person who could've helped Ianto was not here," she added sadly.

Owen kept working. "He bloody well wasn't here was he, he was off with that Doctor of his and now he's swanning about that bloody university hoping for some kind of miracle."

Tosh looked up. "What you're saying is we need a miracle?"

"So if it's a miracle, Owen, how are you doing with that reversal formula?" Gwen said, turning to face Owen.

"Look, I may be capable of the impossible," Owen stated, "but what is needed here is divine intervention and Jack may be many things but I don't think even he falls into that category."

Several moments passed then an idea came to him. "Tell you what I'll Just dial up God right now; let's hope I don't get the answer phone."


	5. Chapter 5

** Heart and Soul - Requiem**

**Chapter 5**

Ianto watched as Captain Harkness moved towards the front desk.

As he approached, he pulled out the enveloped article from under the counter.

"Your article came Captain."

"Thank you, Ianto, isn't it?"

"Yes, Ianto Jones," he replied.

Ianto handed over the article. "Hope you don't mind, I had a quick read through. Fascinating article, I have some interest in this area and found some other articles you might find useful."

Ianto pulled out several journals and a book. "I took the liberty of marking the most relevant passages."

The Captain looked at the articles. "Well, thank you very much Ianto Jones."

Jack took the large envelope from Ianto. He scanned Ianto's face for any spark of recognition. There was none. He was so certain that once Ianto had seen him there would have been something, anything.

He was jolted; he had thought he had meant more to Ianto. Ianto had certainly meant more to him. He had been so convinced.

He could not fathom why Ianto had done this. He had left no clues that would have given Jack any insight. He had arrived back from his trip with the Doctor to find Ianto gone.

He had left a simple message.

'_I have not made it impossible to find me just difficult; but I ask you not to, out of the recognition of our friendship and all we have shared. I have no family, no one to miss me, please let me get on with my life.'_

The others had been as shocked at Ianto's disappearance, and they had left no stone unturned in their collective attempt to find him. Months of searching had yielded no results. It had been Jack's distress that had led Tosh to confess she knew where he was.

When confronted she had argued that Ianto must have had his reasons. However, she was his friend and wanted to know he was ok. He had covered his tracks exceedingly well, but she knew how proud Ianto was of his car; it was his pride and joy. He had not sold it or given it away, she had set up a search based on his Audi. Nothing as simple as searching for the number plate on his car via CCTV . It had taken months but eventually this had led her to him.

Ianto watched as the Captain moved away from the counter, sitting down at the nearest study desk taking the journals, books and envelope.

Mary joined Ianto to use the computer station next to him and pulled the keyboard towards herself.

"What was that man's name?" she asked, nodding towards the Captain.

"Jack Harkness," he replied. "Captain Jack Harkness."

"That name sounds familiar, where have I heard it before?" she said, as much to herself as to Ianto as she set about her task on the computer.

She paused after several moments and said, "I know I have heard it before… I remember! Fred, my husband, used to be in the Police force in Wales. There was a Jack Harkness… that's right, he was an American in…" she paused for several seconds, "some sort of special-ops group, Touch something."

Ianto glanced across at the Captain, who was absorbed in the contents of the envelope.

"Nope that's not it…if it was, he would be a long way from home," she commented as she now moved away from the computer. "A very long way from home, because Northenton is as far away, as you can get from anywhere and still be in the United Kingdom."

"Maybe that's why he's here and needs all your help," Sarah said to Ianto as she passed, joining in the conversation. "Heard about our lovely Ianto," she patted his arm, "and wants him to return to the valley," she tried to imitate a Welsh accent.

Ianto rolled his eyes as his endured their good natured ribbing.

"Well he can't have him he's ours. He needs to go and find his own lovely Welshman," Mary stated.

"He's gorgeous though, wouldn't mind helping him with his journals, if you know what I mean," Sarah said, sighing, looking out at the Captain.

Rosemary joined them at the desk to look at the Captain. "And what is that aftershave he wears?"

"You know how it is Mary, any man that good looking is gonna be gay." Mary added with a sigh, "Maybe that's why he keeps looking at you Ianto," she said as she nudged Ianto.

Ianto felt himself go red and took a deep breath. As much as his work colleagues thought the Captain was looking at him, what he couldn't understand was why he couldn't keep his eyes off the Captain.


	6. Chapter 6

** Heart and Soul - Requiem**

**Chapter 6**

Walking across the campus, Gwen looked out for Jack. He said he would be in the main café across from the lake that was a feature of the university grounds. The grounds were laid out like a park, small winding pathways with established trees that created areas of shade and light. It was autumn and the trees were in various stages of turning, with vivid reds to deep browns leaves now beginning to fall.

It had been a long trip and she was tired, but calling him had not gained a reply to her questions. He was silent on any discussion to why he was still here. Weeks had passed and he had haunted the university with no result. If there was to be any progress with Ianto she figured it would have been immediately. Jack could not or would not leave. If nothing else he needed to know that although she and all the Torchwood team cared, this had to end.

She saw him sitting, leaning slightly forward with his arms crossed, isolated from the surroundings. He saw her and he straightened as she joined him. She pulled out a chair and sat down.

He looked at her briefly before looking towards the lake, leaning forward again, his arms resting on his knees, and then stared at the ground.

Gwen took a breath and asked, "Has it worked Jack, all this time hanging around the university, following his every move?"

Jack remained silent, not acknowledging her question.

"Jack," she repeated, "has it worked?"

"Now is not the time Gwen," Jack replied.

"When will it be the right time Jack, because we need you," she told him firmly.

Jack did not reply, his face becoming more clouded.

Several moments passed and sensing he was not going to reply she spoke quietly.

"You need to face the fact that Ianto does not recall one thing about his life at Torchwood or you," she paused, taking a deep breath knowing how painful it was for him to hear this.

"If you have any respect for Ianto or felt anything for him, you need to honour his request. Ianto has the right to get on with his life."

"That's not it," Jack replied looking at her for the first time.

"Then what is it, Jack, explain it to me," she asked.

Taking a breath, Jack began to slowly speak. "I came back for him, Gwen. I miss him. I wanted to share so much with him…"

Moving closer to him she put her hand on his arm as he struggled to keep his composure.

"I never expected to be gone so long; there was so much I should have said before I left… now it's too late," he paused looking skyward as he composed himself. After several seconds he looked back at Gwen. "And all I can do is sit here and watch him." He paused as a tear fell down his face.

"Do you know how hard it is to be near him and not have him recognise me? It's like I'm being eaten alive from the inside out and there is nothing I can do to change this."

Now overcome, he stopped speaking.

Gwen waited for a while before speaking allowing the silence its own momentum.

"I'm sorry Jack," she said.

"I need more time Gwen," Jack looked at her and he wiped his face clear.

"How much more time, a day, a week, a year, five years," she asked as she took his hand into hers.

"I don't know." Jack replied.

Speaking softly, Gwen took his other hand and looked directly into his eyes.

"If Owen is right, then nothing you can say or do, nothing any of us can do will change the fact that Ianto's memories of us are gone. There is no cure, no going back, no magic formula, no button to press to make it better." She paused for a few moments and added, reiterating each word, "You need to let this go, Jack, for his sake, if not your own."

More time passed before she added, "We will never fully understand why Ianto did this. We are all hurting. He will leave a huge hole in our lives, but we must move on."

"Please Jack," she implored," please stop this torture."

Jack looked towards the lake as silent tears glistened in his eyes. He then looked down at his watch and stood up. Putting on his coat while looking directly at Gwen he then turned toward the wooded area and walked away. Gwen sat at the table and watched as he walked across the grounds and out of sight.


	7. Chapter 7

**Heart and Soul - Requiem**

**Chapter 7**

_No Captain again today_,' Ianto thought as he looked out into the main area of the journal section beyond the counter. He had not been in now for some time. He was gone from the campus he was sure.

He was strangely disappointed that the Captain had completed his research. In truth he was lonely and the Captain, or Jack as he had kept asking to be called, was the first real connection he had made here. The moments he had spent helping Jack had the hallmarks of the beginnings of a friendship. And yet, they had not spoken on any subject other than his assistance of the Captain's research.

Why he felt disappointed, he could not explain. The man had some compelling qualities he had found hard to ignore. It was the deep feelings that had surfaced every time he was in the man's presence that confounded him. Why he should have this feeling for someone he had only had the most basic acquaintance, he could not fathom. The fact remained, these feelings were both powerful and confusing.

It was an overwhelming sensation of emptiness he now felt at the realisation that he may never see Jack again. It was like part of him knew something very important, he could not grasp, had been lost. The room swirled and he steadied himself by leaning against the counter.

Rosemary saw him stagger and moved to his side.

"You okay, Ianto?" she asked.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," he replied, looking out across the shelves. Taking a deep breath, he started back with the task at hand.


	8. Chapter 8

Heart and Soul

**Part Two -Revelations**

**Chapter Eight**

Gwen walked through the rolling door of the hub shaking her umbrella free of rain drops.

The Hub lay in deep shadow with the only light coming from Jack's office. With just enough light to make her way to the main light switch, she pulled it down and snapped it into the on position. As she did so, the hub lights flickered on, filling the main arena.

Walking to her desk, she opened her umbrella to dry and placed it beside her work station. Now putting her bag next to the key board she turned slightly as she glanced towards Jack's office. The door was open. She let out a small sigh of relief; it meant Jack was having a better day.

On better days he was conscious of hub activity and was involved on some level. Bad days meant the door remained closed and only opened on the occasion when Jack left the hub for hours and sometimes days at a time.

From her work station she could just make out he was absorbed with a task at his desk.

This she took as another good sign. Jack had shown little inclination to engage in the day to day operation of Torchwood since his return. He was more than willing to join in any activity outside the hub. However, sitting at his desk doing the more mundane tasks was something he had avoided until recently. She took it to mean that Jack was slowly beginning to come back to them.

She walked across to his office to say good morning. Walking up the short flight of steps she entered his office and stood in front of his desk. From the stack of completed paper work she guessed he had been up for some time.

"Still raining?" he asked, looking up briefly at Gwen before returning his attention back to the report he was working on.

"Much more and I will start building that ark," Gwen replied smiling.

"Coffee?," she asked.

Without looking up from the task in front of him, Jack reached out for the mug on his desk and held it out towards Gwen.

Taking the mug, Gwen walked back down the steps crossed the main floor and made her way to the kitchen area. Here she found the filter coffee flask hot and quarter full. She picked it up and sniffed; it smelled rank. Either this was left over from yesterday or Jack had made it. The coffee hadn't eaten through the flask, so she figured it had just been left on over night

With a practiced movement she poured it down the sink and set about making a fresh batch. She filled flask with fresh water and took out the old filter full of dregs and put it in the bin. Opening a drawer she pulled out a new filter and fitted it into the filter compartment. She was emptying the sachet of ground coffee into the filter, when a noise caught her attention.

An old fashioned alarm bell had begun sounding off, it was clearly audible but muffled like it was coming from deep within the complex.

"Jack, can you hear that?" she called out.

Getting up from his desk Jack walked to the door of his office and stood looking around tilting his head as he listened for the source of the alarm.

"Yes I can," he replied walking around the hub trying to get a clearer indication of where the sound might be coming from.

Quickly turning on the coffee pot, Gwen joined him in as they tracked the noise through the corridor down towards the ground floor vaults.

As they went down the stairs, to the second basement level, the sound became increasingly louder.

At the end of the corridor they found the source of the alarm. There were four large bells with one sounding off. It size and design meant once it went off it would be heard all way into the main area of the Hub.

Underneath the alarms was an old fashioned square electrical board. Its age was evident by the large faded and slightly peeling letters which read 'PUMP CONTROL' in black across the top.

Under the letters were five rows of indicators, each with two large indicator bulbs, one red and one green, with four smaller bulbs following on. Each row was labelled Pump Control Sub-Level from A to E.

Pump Control Level A 0 0 o o o o

The large indicator bulb for Sub-Level E had gone from green to red while three of the smaller bulbs were green and the other red. As Gwen watched the remaining bulbs each in turn went from green to red.

While Gwen was studying the board, Jack looked for a way to silence the large red bell. The sound was deafening and it was hurting their ears. It was so loud, Gwen thought she could feel the vibration of the sound in the bones of her face. After a brief struggle and a sharp jerk he pulled out a large black wire and the alarm went silent.

"Thank You!," Gwen stated, taking her fingers out of her ears, shaking her head as the ringing in her ears continued.

"What?" Jack shouted back at her.

"I said, Thank you" she shouted back.

"What?" he repeated.

'I said, THA..." she halted, realising he was teasing her.

"Okay," Jack stated as he examined the board, "If I understand this correctly this board is telling us that."-"

He was interrupted as a second alarm bell now began to ring out. They both immediately looked at the board as the sub-level D indicators now went from green to red. With a swift, forceful move, Jack pulled at the back of the board and jerked a second wire and the second bell was silenced.

"As I was trying to say, I think we had better check the lower vaults," he said, indicating to the stairwell at the end of the corridor.

It became clear as they walked down the steps into the lowest vault that it was flooded. Water was lapping almost to the top of the fourth step. They took a moment to survey the flooded vault.

There were several old fashioned cells with bars, each stacked to capacity with what looked like old broken furniture. Bits of unidentifiable machinery and a large number of large tea chests stacked against the walls in stacks of twos and threes. They had found what looked like the Torchwood equivalent of an attic or shed, where things that had long passed their usefulness had been stored. Added to this was two feet of water which as they watched crept a little further up the fourth step.

"Anything important kept down here we need to be aware of?" Gwen asked Jack.

Jack looked around and replied, "Possibly; old equipment maybe...we haven't used this level for decades." He paused then added, "as far as I am aware."

"So the answer to my question is no, you have no idea what's kept down here," Gwen stated.

Jack looked sheepish. "No," he replied.


	9. Chapter 9

**Heart and Soul- Revelations.**

Chapter Nine

Owen watched with satisfaction as the grey, filthy water from the flooded level began to pump into the catchment area around the water feature. As the moat began to fill, he noted the upper level pumps were now beginning to divert the water via the upper drainage system into the storm water sewers.

It had taken two days, multiple lengths of industrial sized firemen's type hoses, several portable pumps,one for each level the water had to rise-swearing, kicking equipment, bruised knuckles, shouting at one another and plain hard work to get to this point.

It would most likely take several hours and once the lowest vault was pumped out they would be able to find out where the water was coming from. Owen stopped himself. They knew _where _the water was coming from; they were underground next to Cardiff Bay, the sea. How was another matter altogether. He had his own theory, that when the rift was opened some damage had been done to the older foundational walls.

However, before they could inspect the area for any cause they would need to shift all the tat and junk out of the flooded level. He groaned as he knew what was coming – more bruised knuckles, shouting and by the look of some of the stuff down there, heavy lifting. Bugger this he thought, I need coffee.

Touching his ear piece he made an announcement to the others working below.

"Right you lot, Owen Harper, for only the second time ever, is going on a coffee run. Orders please."

Everyone started giving their orders at once. "One at a time," Owen interrupted.

"Double espresso for me, no sugar," Jack said.

"Chai latte for me," Tosh replied.

"Medium latte with one sweeter," Gwen added her order.

"Right, double espresso no sugar for Sir, medium latte one sweetener for Madam, and a Chai latte for Tosh," Owen repeated as he heard muttered agreement from the others.

"Any chance of a blueberry muffin to go with that?" Tosh asked hopefully.

"Make mine a banana chip," Gwen added.

"And I'll have a cheese and spinach with bacon," Jack said adding his choice.

"Oi you lot, I said coffee," Owen replied indignantly as he headed to the entrance muttering to himself.

"And don't forget the butter," he heard Jack say in his ear as he left the Hub.


	10. Chapter 10

**Heart and Soul Revelations**

Chapter Ten

"What is that smell?" Owen asked with a distasteful look on his face. A putrid smell rose from the floor as he struggled to move another large tea chest away from the wall of the vault.

"I don't know what's worse, Owen, trying to move this or listening to you moan," Tosh said through gritted teeth as she pulled at the chest.

"That does not answer my question Tosh," Owen repeated. "What is that horrible smell?"

"It's 120 years of rubbish mixed with raw sewage with a hint of dead rat thrown in," Gwen replied as she passed them, her arms filled with the contents of the previous chest they had been unable to shift.

Tosh shuddered. "Please, please don't mention rats," she added, a slight hint of panic in her voice.

"Oh they are long gone," Gwen said as she dumped what she was carrying into a large plastic container next to the stairs. "Even rats have some standards."

Owen put up his hand. "This is never going to shift, whatever is in here is too heavy," he said, defeated.

He kicked the box in frustration and cursed as the force of his kick caved in the side. As he pulled his foot out it came with a heavy helping of the substance filling the chest. From the look of it was a mixture of sawdust of some kind. Now wet, it poured out adding to the layer of muddy silt coating the floor.

"Clever," Jack said as he entered the vault carrying a tray full of mugs.

"I figured we could all use a break about now," he said as he offered each a mug of coffee from the tray.

Jack took his own blue and white striped mug from the tray and took a long sip.

"This is not half bad Jack," Gwen commented, trying to keep the surprise out of her voice. Normally Jack's coffee was something to be avoided at all costs; the first question asked when coffee was ever on offer was had Jack made it? Strong and bitter could not begin to describe the astringent after taste. But today and she realised it may be the fatigue speaking, this tasted damn good.

"Thank you," Jack replied.

Owen took a careful sniff at the coffee in his mug. "I can hardly smell the potting mix, are you trying a new brand of compost?" he asked taking a cautious sip.

"You know if your not careful I might never make you coffee again," Jack said, mock hurt creeping into his voice.

"Is that an actual promise?" Tosh asked in all seriousness as she took a taste.

"If you keep this up," Jack said looking at them, "I might start making coffee every day."

"Oh god, please, no," Owen said, trying to keep a serious face as he struggled to stop grinning.

Jack smiled, taking sip from his mug, it had been a while since they had shared a moment like this and he paused to enjoy it. If nothing else the drama of the past three days had allowed the team to relax around him and was a partial return to the Hub atmosphere before he had left.

Draining his mug, Jack walked the length of the vault trying to determine, if now that some of the contents had been removed, he could see where the water was coming in.

From the minor survey they had first attempted when the water had been pumped out, there appeared to be no major structural damage. In other words, there were no visible cracks with water gushing in.

If there was no structural damage it meant the flooding had been caused by a failure in the drainage system; a blocked pump, for example. If that was the case it meant they would still have to clear this vault entirely down to the stone floor. Looking at the thick layer of silt coating the floor – it was going to a long and dirty job.

Several hours later, the majority of contents had been removed. All that was left to be checked was two grey painted cupboards which were against the back wall. Gwen looked at the larger of the two cupboards; it looked solid. She took the handle on the right door and gave it a tug, but the door did not move. Tired and wanting to get finished she gave the handle a good hard tug. It was stuck so she cursed and tried again.

She was tired, covered in muck and stank. She pulled again this time, using all her strength, and she felt something give way. She cried out in surprise as the brackets holding the cupboard to the wall gave way and the cupboard began to fall forward. As she scrambled to get out from under it she fell to her knees. Jack, who had been watching, ran forward and caught the top temporarily preventing it falling any further.

Owen seeing the drama, also ran forward and took position next to Jack taking some of the weight. Gwen then stood up and joined them, finding a position to help as best she could.

Heaving with all their might they attempted to put the cupboard back upright. But the effort of the past few days meant their aching muscles protested in a way that told them this was one effort too far.

"On three, move back and let it drop," Jack grunted as he struggled to hold the heavy cupboard up.

He saw Gwen and Owen nodding in agreement, "Three," Jack yelled.

Stepping back as they let go the cupboard it crashed forwards narrowly missing them.

Out of breath, Gwen and Owen bent over, their hands on their knees. Jack took hold of a cell bar to recover.

Tosh came running down the stairs, checking to see if everyone was alright.

"What happened?" she asked, concern filling her voice as she joined them.

"That," Owen grunted pointing at the cupboard.

"I think we have had enough for one day," Jack said after a few moments.

No one needed to say a word as they all made their way exhausted out of the vault.


	11. Chapter 11

**Heart and Soul Revelations**

Chapter Eleven

With sore muscles Owen swung the axe into the back of the cupboard as Gwen and Tosh watched from the stairs well out of the way. They were all beyond any point where they were going to attempt to lift the cupboard back into is original place – it was too heavy.

The only solution was to smash open the back, empty the contents and then demolish it.

Taking another swing the axe bit into the wood and splinters flew. After several more swings the back broke up and Gwen and Tosh began to pull away the pieces. Looking in they could see a jumble of objects against what was the back of the doors now at the bottom.

Sitting on the edge Tosh leaned in and after several moments pulled out what looked like a piece of scrap metal. On closer examination it appeared to have a black sheen about it that caught in the light. Attached to it was a large label tied on with heavy brown string.

She examined the beautiful cursive script on the label. "Unidentified artefact of possible alien origin," she read out, "found in Fish Lane January 3rd 1884." She handed the object to Gwen, who after examining, passed it to Owen.

Gwen now took her turn, she reached in and pulled out what looked like metal donut. She read the label out, "Unidentified artefact of possible alien origin found by Kings Head Tavern 16th May 1884."

Owen took his turn, reaching in deep he pulled out another object. He read the label, "Unidentified artefact of possible alien origin found Pakers Lane 26th November 1884."

"My turn again," Tosh said, excited at what she might find, reaching right down to the bottom. Feeling around she pulled out the first thing she touched. "This one's heavy," she said as she lifted it out.

As it came into view she knew immediately it did not belong with the other objects. It was a large clear plastic zip bag with a Torchwood symbol on the front. She took a sharp breath inwards as she saw the name and the description written on the white label across the front.

Looking at each other in complete silence they stood examining the bag. Through the plastic it was clear this was a collection of personal items.

Owen was the first to recover his voice. "Well he always did have a dry sense of humour," he said, "he must have known no one would check down here for decades."

"I don't think he was laughing when he put this here," Gwen added very quietly.

"No, you're right," Owen corrected himself, "but why hide them down here, why not just throw them away?" he added after a few moments.

"Perhaps these were so important he couldn't," Tosh replied visibly upset, "Couldn't just throw them away."

"But he must have known someone in the future would come across them," Owen said.

"Maybe these are too important, I mean his stop watch and the wrist watch Jack gave him for his birthday...," Tosh said taking a deep breath, not able to finish.

Gwen took a few moments before she replied. "You know, maybe some part of him wanted there to be a record that he was here, someone in the future would know there was an operative who put in the hard yards at Torchwood named Ianto Jones."

"Is there someone we could give this to, like family?" Tosh asked her voice shaking.

Gwen shook her head. "Remember he had no family, he never spoke of his mother and I know his dad died some time ago."

"This is so sad," Tosh said now beginning to cry.

"The only person Ianto had was Jack," Owen commented as he watched Gwen move alongside Tosh and put her arm around her shoulders.

"We should put this back," Owen stated, "It's clear that Ianto never intended any of us to find this."

"No we should hand this to Jack," Tosh replied adamantly looking at them both.

They heard a noise behind them. Turning as one they saw Jack was standing on the bottom step.

"Hand what to Jack?" Jack asked as he joined them.

Handing the bag to Jack, he examined it. Gwen saw his eyes widen as the blood drained from his face as he realised the significance of what he held in his hands. Without a word he turned on his heel leaving the vault.


	12. Chapter 12

**Heart and Soul Revelations.**

Chapter Twelve

Closing the door to his office, Jack took a deep breath before he opened the bag and tipped the contents onto his desktop. He recognised the stop watch immediately; it was heavy and the action of empting the contents onto the desk top caused it to almost fall onto the floor. He caught it just before it dropped off the edge of the table.

He turned the stop watch over in his hand. Its old fashioned style fitted snugly into his palm. His thumb instinctively went to the big knob on the top and he began to click it on and off.

Although he had seen it many times he had never taken note of its design features. Now he looked more carefully he could see something inscribed around the casing that circled the face.

Curious, he squinted to read the fine script; it was a date. The style of the font suggested it was added when the watch was first purchased sometime in the past, but a closer look determined it was within the last year.

He took a moment to think, then consulting his desk calendar it came to him. It was the date of their first time together. A memorable night for both them he smiled. It had been the start of many firsts for Ianto. A night Jack had begun to appreciate Ianto's knowledge of things one could do with a stop watch. He placed the stop watch on the desk and picked up the wrist watch.

It was the one he had given to Ianto on his birthday. He had spent a lot to time searching for a gift for him. He had wanted something special to let the man know of his growing importance to him. He turned it over and looked at the inscription, then placed the wrist watch next to the stop watch.

Sitting down he now picked up the small restaurant card, that fallen from the bag, it was similar to any you might find at the register at any eatery and he tapped it against his lips.

He and Ianto had been out weevil hunting around two AM one Saturday morning; they had chased that weevil for hours, before eventually losing it. They had ended up emerging across the other side of Cardiff. It was early morning and they had shared a breakfast together at a brunch style café. It had served a full sized American style breakfast along with an unlimited supply of excellent coffee. They had talked for hours and if he recalled correctly they had been reluctant to leave each other's company and he had stayed with Ianto over that weekend.

The sense of unease that had been growing now intensified as he turned his attention to the two books. The first he recognised because he knew it well. It was the diary Ianto used to make lists of the tasks to be actioned around the Hub; he smiled in amusement at some of the entries as he flicked through. It was a mix of the trivial, mundane day to day details of working at Torchwood, mixed in with important events, interspersed with Ianto's very dry comments.

Putting it aside he now picked up the second. Immediately he realised this was a far more a substantial journal and one he had never seen before.

Turning to the first page, a photograph fell out and he picked it up. It was one Tosh had taken with the camera on her mobile phone after a particularly gruelling mission. They had needed two vehicles so Jack had taken his own and Owen had the SUV.

They had all headed back for debriefing. He and Ianto had arrived back first, exhausted they had both fallen asleep on the sofa. The photo showed what the other team members had come across when they returned.

Jack and Ianto were leaning into each other, Jack's hand resting on Ianto's leg, Ianto's head resting in the curve of Jack's shoulder with Jack's head against Ianto. He recalled Owen had made some comment at how they looked like a couple. He turned the photo over and saw the date written along the top

Putting the photo aside, he now returned his attention to the larger journal and turned to the first page. From the first words it became clear this was very personal; he stopped to consider if he should continue. After a moment's hesitation he decided he had to continue; if reading this could give him any insight into why Ianto had wiped his memory, maybe he could find some modicum of peace. Leaning back he began to read.

Several hours later he turned the last page and closed the diary; crossing his arms he held it close to his chest.

He closed his eyes as he took in the magnitude of what the diary had revealed.

Within it was the motivation for everything Ianto had said, and behaved towards him from the moment they had met.

It documented every stage of their relationship by someone who had given Jack everything he had to give, because he loved him.

Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

If he had understood correctly and he was sure he did, Ianto believed he had meant nothing more to Jack than a passing sexual diversion. Any dreams he might have of a future with Jack would end as soon as someone more worthy of Jack's affections turned up. Jack's liaison with the real Captain Jack Harkness had manifested Ianto's worst fears.

Then Jack had disappeared. He had shared enough with Ianto over the preceding months for him to realise this was not a random act. Jack had run away to be with his Doctor. That act had shattered Ianto's world.

"Not like this," he said to himself, "not like this."

For several long moments he struggled to compose himself, he leaned forward placing his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. Seconds turned into minutes before he was able to move again.

Straightening up, he wiped away the tears from his face and took a deep breath before he picked up each item and laid them out next to each other.

Taking off his own wrist watch, he now picked up the one he had given Ianto, turning it over in his hand, he rubbed his thumb over the inscription on the back. Then pressing the inscription to his lips he placed the watch on his wrist.

Pushing the chair backwards he now stepped across the floor and climbed down into his living quarters.


	13. Chapter 13

**Heart and Soul Revelations**

Chapter Thirteen

Sometime later, Jack emerged from his quarters carrying with him a deep wooden box with a simple understated eloquent design of alien origin. It had no obvious up or down except for a simple shape carved into the top. Taking one of the diaries he measured it against the top of the box, satisfied it would fit, Jack ran his finger around the edge close to the top and it opened.

With great care, Jack took each personal effect and began to put them into the box. He picked up the stop watch and with his other hand reached into his pocket and pulled out small red velvet bag with a cord pull top, opening it he slipped the stop watch into it and pulled the cord closing the bag.

Sitting down he picked up the second personal journal and opened it at the last page.

Ianto's final act had been to tear out the remaining blank pages. However, the last page was only half filled out. Taking his pen, Jack sat and added a notation, signed his name and added the days date.

Closing the diary he placed it in the box on top of the other one.

Taking the red velvet bag containing the stop watch he slid it down the side of the diaries so it was wedged in such a way it would remain in place. Checking all the items form the bag were now transferred, he put his hand into his pocket and pulled out what looked like as small jewellery shop box, except this one showed no resemblance of any you might find on Earth.

He opened it and examined its contents then placed it along with all the other items. With a deep sigh he brought the lid into contact with the bottom half and the box sealed itself once again, seamless in its perfection.


	14. Chapter 14

**Heart and Soul Revelations**

Chapter Fourteen

From her observation post Gwen looked towards Jack's office; there was still no sign of any activity. Each one of them, at one time or another during the day had taken turns to keep an eye on Jack. Right now it was her turn.

She glanced around the Hub. Tosh was asleep on the sofa; she had not been able to stay awake any longer. Owen was keeping himself busy sorting through the artefacts they had removed from the first and second cupboards. He had set up a long collapsible table and was in the process of laying the artefacts out and examining each one in turn.

It was now so late that she ,along with Owen, were almost asleep on their feet, but none of them could leave until they knew Jack was ok. When he had taken the bag she had seen something on Jack's face she never hoped to see again and it had frightened her. All they could do now was to help Jack through this.

She glanced towards the office again. Some time ago she thought she had heard him cry out as if in terrible pain, but the others had not heard it so she put it down to being over tired. Tosh shifted making herself more comfortable on the sofa. Owen stretched and yawned then looked at his watch and picked up the next item and began to examine it.

Gwen jolted awake as the door of Jack's office crashed open. In one movement, Gwen was on her feet, her fatigue gone in that instant. She raced down the steps to the first level and woke up Tosh on the way. Tosh woke with a start and after a few moments followed behind Gwen.

Owen also hearing Jack's door open moved to join them.

Jack was standing behind his desk; in the middle of his desk was a large luggage bag with a centre zip and two leather handles. The bag was fully packed with clothes.

They watched as Jack opened the top drawer of his desk took out his wallet opened it looked inside then placed in his back pocket

Jack looked at Owen, who had now entered the room fully and was standing closest to him.

"Owen," Jack stated, "I know you have already spent a lot of time on this, I need you to keep working to find a way to reverse the effects of retcon."

Owen showed surprise on his face at the request and said, "Jack, we have already discussed this; the reason we use recton is because it is so effective."

Jack paused as he put his hand on Owen's arm and looked directly at him. "Keep trying, or find another way," he asked quietly.

Moving past Owen he now stepped across to the bookcase by the door of his office. He examined each title until he found the one he was looking for. Taking the chosen book from the book shelf he flicked through it and then walked back to the far side of his desk.

"Tosh," he said as he placed the book on top of the clothes in the large bag, "I need you to create a credible line of research, something complicated and involved, which would require a full time research assistant and make sure it is something Ianto would be interested in."

He sat down in his desk chair and opened another desk drawer sorted through several items and rejected them as he continued.

"It must be a real project; something we can use later, something of real value," he continued and looked up at Tosh . "It needs to be a project that will take time," he smiled "and requires a combination of field work and basic research skills," he paused, "looking up articles books, you understand what I mean?"

Gwen interrupted. "What the hell are you doing?"

Ignoring her, Jack closed the desk and looked at Gwen briefly and began to give her instructions.

"Gwen call the University and set up a meeting for…," he paused and looked at his watch, "Tomorrow, call the university and set up a meeting for me, tell them this is a Torchwood operation, tell them it's a national security issue, tell them anything. Add I am the Torchwood liaison, get me an office, find a way to get Ianto assigned to assist me." He paused for a moment as he took a breath then added, "Offer to pay that always helps."

"For God's sake Jack," Gwen interrupted again raising her voice, "tell me you are not doing what I think you're doing?"

Jack stopped and looked at her directly, "You and Tosh, Owen if necessary start a systematic search of the Hub, go through every file, every artefact; there could be something in here that could help restore memories."

"Stop and think," Gwen started to argue.

"Don't argue with me Gwen," he said forcefully looking straight into her eyes.

Standing her ground, Gwen replied with the same forceful tone, "And what about Torchwood operations?" She took a breath. "You can't run Torchwood from hundreds of miles away."

Without looking down Jack picked up the keys for the SUV from his desk top and tossed them at her, taken aback by his action she only just caught them.

"If there is one thing I know Gwen, it's how capable you are, don't disappoint me now," he replied.

Gwen took another deep breath as she knew this was going be a difficult question. "What do you think you can accomplish by going back?"

Jack stopped and they locked eyes for a long moment before he replied strongly, "The only person I have to justify myself to is not here."

There was a tense moment before Gwen continued, frustration clear in every word.

"There's a Unit meeting in two weeks time what am I supposed to tell them?"

Jack, now laying out a charger and his mobile phone, put the phone in his trouser pocket and the charger in the large bag.

"Gwen, I will leave you to explain my absence to them," he replied, then carefully looked around, double checking to see if he had missed anything.

Jack stopped and took a deep breath; standing still for just a moment he zipped up the bag and picked it up. Then moving to the coat rack he took his coat and laid it between the straps of the bag, with great care he picked up the wooden box and tucked it under his arm

He looked at Owen, Gwen and Tosh in turn and then said, "Tosh I expect that research idea and outline in the next two days, Gwen call me with that appointment, Owen good luck."

He turned and quickly headed towards the Torchwood garage.

"Jack…Jack!" Gwen shouted at his retreating back.

For several moments they all stood rooted to the spot, too stunned to move.

"What- the –hell- was- in- that- bag?" Owen stated as he recovered.

Gwen, her hand to her lips, stood at the entrance of Jack's office alongside Tosh, who was still unable to speak.

"I am not completely certain, but from Jack's reaction," Tosh paused as she completed her thoughts, "I think Jack found the soul of Ianto Jones."

"Tosh, you've been reading too many romance novels," Owen snorted.

"God help them both", Gwen said speaking out loud for the first time since Jack's departure.


	15. Chapter 15

Heart and Soul

Part Three

Affairs of the heart

**Chapter Fifteen.**

His arms full of heavy books Ianto used his elbow to open the door. As the door swung open several of the books he was carrying began to topple and he lent them against the door frame to stop them falling.

Jack who was at his new desk moved quickly across the room to help, "that's quite a stack", Jack said as he took the ones off the top.

"Thanks", Ianto said, "here's what I've found so far", he added as he placed the remaining books beside the others Jack had taken and placed then on his desk which was at the far end near to the window

"These", Ianto continued as he sorted the books into two piles "are all the books I could find that mention 'The Standing Stones of Emin specifically and", taking several rolled up sheets of paper from under his arm he handed Jack a print out, "This the list of journal articles that I have currently requested, along with some studies that were done in the 1950's and 1960's,"

"Nothing more recent", Jack asked as he picked up the book on the top of the pile and read the title.

"Not unless you want to include New Age theories on Harmonic Convergence", Ianto added raising his eyebrows.

"Harmonic what", Jack queried.

"The idea that places like the 'Standing Stones of Emin are part of some kind global power network that allows you to tune into the universal consciousness", Ianto replied.

"Could be interesting", Jack said looked at the large number of books on each desk "but I think we have enough for right now".

"That's what I thought as well", Ianto added in agreement.

Jack watched as Ianto smiled hesitantly, "I'll get on with going through this lot then," he indicated to the books on his own desk with a turn of his head. "I thought it might be a good idea if I start with the basics ,as I have only a passing knowledge standing of stones", he explained, "and when I mean passing knowledge I mean I have driven past and thought what a odd arrangement of rocks".

"Good idea", Jack replied as he sat down at his own desk and returned to book he had picked up. He looked at the title again, "Survey of Standing Stones and Henge's in the United Kingdom" By Professor Valerie Ransom.

He had asked Tosh for a research idea, and she had delivered several. The first was an investigation of a local landmark called the Standing Stones of Emin. They had been included in a UNIT report from a satellite survey of the earth's magnetic field from approximately seven years ago. There were several magnetic anomalies around a large area surrounding the stones that appeared to radiate for kilometres in every direction. As it was only one of many such anomalies the satellite had uncovered across the entire northern hemisphere it had been put aside for investigation until such time that resources were available.

Tosh had told him that he should begin with a basic survey and review of literature and move on to the more complex issues like the magnetic survey as the research developed. It would be interesting to see what they uncovered. Even without the UNIT survey, standing stones had in built intrinsic curiosity about them because no one was sure who built them or why. The combination of the mystery of standing stones and the scientific element should keep them occupied for some time.

He glanced across to Ianto as he began to sort through books on his desk. Putting them into order, he then chose one and sat down before he began to read. The light from the window highlighted the colour of his deep red shirt, his sleeves rolled up, and his long hands turning over a page. Jack with difficulty drew his focus back to the book in front of him.

When he had left the Hub that night one of his biggest fears was that Ianto might be fundamentally altered in some way. Owen had assured him that Retcon had wiped his memories not his personality. The last three days had proven Owens words right. He took a deep breath, this was his Ianto, and everything that made him the man he loved was here.

However, there were subtle differences, for example Ianto appeared uncertain of himself. Ianto had been reticent in the past, but had a confidence about him that had grown as his abilities as a Torchwood operative had developed. He was not sure if this was part of damage done by the dose of Retcon or part of the new memory matrix which had reformed in his mind,

Jack was basically back to square one, not quite square one he told himself, maybe _square 101._ If Owen was right then Ianto had retained his emotional memories. Deep within him was the memory that he loved Jack. He would hold on to that thought during the days and weeks ahead because he was not leaving until Ianto knew he was the single most important person in his life up until this point. Right now the most difficult aspect of all this, was being in the same room with him, and not being able to take him into his arms and declare he loved and adored him beyond measure.

Jack concentrated on the book he was holding and began to study it in an effort to keep his eyes from following the curve of Ianto's shoulder down his arms to his waist. Or watch his face as he bit his bottom lip when he was concentrating…. Jack pulled himself back to the page he was reading and took a deep breath.

Ianto sat and kept his eyes on the page in front of him. If he stopped concentrating he found his gaze wandered across to the Captain. Jack, he likes to be called Jack, he reminded himself. From the moment Jack had greeted him at this office door three days before he had found it difficult to stop his gaze drifting towards him.

He'd been re-assigned until further notice Rosemary had told him. The Captain was here on a project of national importance and had asked for him personally. He was astounded that Jack had requested him as a research assistant as he had no idea he had made any impression on him at all.

He was intrigued about the projects Jack had outlined in all seriousness, if Jack had told him he wanted help with a project measuring the length of grass within the University quadrangle he would have found it fascinating. It would include travelling around the country side going to various landmarks. He hadn't done a lot of travelling since he had arrived so this was a good opportunity to reacquaint himself with the country side here abouts.

There was a scientific element with equipment to follow and liaison with others as the need arose. Jack hadn't told him much about that, not that he expected him too after all he was just an assistant.

He glanced across at Jack who was reading. There was something about him, he shook his head, recalling that day in the library when he thought the Captain was gone. That moment had left him been profoundly shaken. Now he had returned other emotions filled him which were just as confusing. All he knew right now was that the Captain filled him with fascination and curiosity. Now at least with his return he might be able to work this out. He almost dared himself to feel happy, well not happy, he told himself maybe less miserable.


	16. Chapter 16

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter sixteen**

Jack leaned forward across his desk and took the cup offered to him by Ianto. He had waited as the smell of coffee had filled the office as it had dripped into the pot over the last 20 minutes. He had anticipated a treat but the superb smooth taste took him by surprise.

Jack took a sip, "Wow", he burst out involuntarily, as Ianto gave him a curious look.

He took another sip ," you make the most incredible coffee," he said as he watched Ianto now pour a coffee for himself.

"It's the beans sir", he corrected himself, "Jack…, I buy a blend of beans myself and grind them at home", he said with a ghost of a smile at Jack appreciative comments.

Ianto took his own full mug and sat down in the chair at the front of Jacks desk.

He looked at Jack over his mug. "What", Jack asked as he started to wipe around his mouth with his hand, "do I have something on my face?"

'No", Ianto said quickly embarrassed Jack had caught him looking at him, "it's just that something has been happening to me a lot lately", Ianto laughed nervously, "It's nothing really"

"Sounds like something", he commented as he saw Ianto shift uncomfortably,

"It's difficult to explain", Ianto replied.

Jack raised an eyebrow in interest, 'well try me", he encouraged.

"It's just odd , sort of déjà vu", he said

"Déjà vu?" Jack repeated intrigued.

" I can't explain it, but every now and then, like just now, I get this feeling that , well not feeling, more like a sensation really, that we've met before" he said awkwardly.

Jack froze as he realised the importance of what Ianto was saying.

"Maybe it's connected to the first time I was here", Jack added after a few moments trying to keep control of his voice.

"No before then" , Ianto corrected him.

"Before", Jack asked quietly

"Wish I could explain this better", Ianto said, " I told Rosemary my boss, sorry my ex boss and she explained it as a past life flash back".

"Past life what?", Jack repeated momentarily confused at the change of direction in the conversation.

"Reincarnation," Ianto explained, "she reckons you meet the same people ,life after life, journey with them ,so when we meet up with them in our current lives, we have this feeling we know them".

'Ah past life" , Jack nodded as he understood.

"Well that's what she thinks anyway" ,Ianto added.

"And you", Jack asked.

"I'm not sure" he replied.

'You know that could explain a lot" Jack said after a few moments of thought.

"Like" Ianto asked

"Well on my first day here you went and got lunch and I asked you to surprise me and you came back with exactly what I would have chosen myself" ,he looked at the consternation on Ianto face.

"Past life", Ianto said not sure if he should take him seriously then replied, "or maybe you just look like double espresso, no sugar person"

"Could be ", Jack laughed, "although until now I never realised I looked like a ham salad baguette person".

Ianto ghosted a smile again not sure how he should react.

"How's the preparation for our fieldtrip coming" ,Jack asked changing the subject as he put his now empty mug on his desk.

"Just about there", Ianto replied "I've almost completed the report on what we have learnt so far ,it'll be done", he looked at his watch , "in about another hour".

"Excellent", Jack said as Ianto went back to working at the computer at his desk "once you've done that ,there is something I need help with".

"Certainly", Ianto replied, "I can leave the report for later if you like"

'Finish that first", Jack said "I need to complete this as well", he pointed to the journal he was studying as Ianto turned away, he turned to look out of the window and let out the breath he had been holding onto as quietly as he could.

When Ianto had started talking it had taken all his self control not to react. He looked at Ianto in the reflection of the window and for the first time since he had found Ianto had gone missing he felt a tiny whisper of hope.


	17. Chapter 17

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter Seventeen.**

"Completed", Ianto said as he put the printed report onto Jack's desk

"I need your local knowledge", Jack said as he picked up the report and began to flick through it.

"I need your help to find somewhere to live, I been staying in this little B and B, but now we are all set up here, I need to my own place, any suggestions?"

Ianto took a moment to think, "around here it's mostly student accommodation, it's all very basic and communal", he replied

"I'm looking to rent a one bedroom place, near to here, gotta have parking though", Jack said.

Ianto nodded in understanding, "undercover or just outside", he asked.

"Under cover would be great", Jack replied, "but not essential".

"Well I wouldn't leave my car outside anywhere around here" Ianto said in all seriousness.

"Had a bad experience parking around here?" Jack asked as he raised his eyebrows

"No it's just, I've got a really nice car and I like to take good care of it" Ianto explained.

"So you reckon it's not too safe around here, could it get stolen if I park outside?" Jack asked.

"Or scratched" Ianto replied.

"God forbid" Jack said as he raised his eyebrows knowing full well Ianto was very passionate about his Audi and smiled as he recalled the hours of care Ianto had lavished on it in the past and clearly the present.

"Other than parking", Ianto asked, "was there anything else I should ask the rental agent" he asked as he brought his thoughts back to the task in hand.

"Furnished, if possible", Jack added

"I'll get on it right away then" Ianto advised turning to his computer and setting up a search.

Ianto waited in the kitchenette as the rental agent showed Jack around the eighth flat of the day. He was not sure why Jack has insisted he accompany him, but he was pleased to come, he had nothing planned over the weekend and for once it was nice not to spend it on his own.

Jack came back into the room with the agent.

"It's kinda what I looking for, but the furnishings are pretty shabby", he commented.

Ianto stifled an outburst, shabby did not begin to describe the state of the furnishing. He was not sure when the sofa had last been cleaned and no one could convince him to touch, let alone sleep on the mattress, in the tiny bedroom. He meant tiny, the flat should have been described as a large closet with two smaller closets which someone had somehow fitted in the ability to wash and cook.

"Well it can be rented without the furnishings", the agent pointed out.

Jack turned to Ianto for his opinion, "Parking" ,Ianto said returning his look.

"Oh yeah" ,said Jack, "gotta have good parking".

"There's parking, but it's a around the back of the complex", the agent advised as very loud music began to boom out.

Jack looked across at Ianto who shook his head.

"Let's look at the next one" , Jack said indicating to the door.

Several hours later Jack looked around the modern up to date apartment, this was more like it. It was the last on a long list and he had begun to wonder if this city had any rental accommodation that would suit anyone other than a student.

The kitchen was small but he did not plan any dinner parties and he saw Ianto was nodding and giving him the thumbs up. It was within walking distance of the university even if it was good vigorous half an hour. The chattels all looked in good order and there was good parking which came with Ianto's approval.

"I'll take it", he said smiling at the agent.

Ianto watched from the car as Jack exited the real estates office with keys an copy of the lease in hand.

Jack opened the drivers door got in and pulled the seat belt over and clicked it into place.

"Right", he said turning on the ignition "I'm starving, I'm sure you must be, where is a good place to eat around here?"

Ianto looked at the menu, he was not sure what he should order. Jack had insisted he take him out for a meal to thank him for all his help.

What help he said to himself, all he had done was to look over a few flats with him. True he had spent a lot of time on the computer sorting through all the options, phoning various agents making appointments and making sure each flat fitted Jack's requirements. He paused and looked across at Jack, this was awkward, Jack insisted he pay, what to do.

He looked over the menu choices, what should he order, he took another look and saw the menu was arranged in order of price. "I'll have the chicken", he said.

Jack looked over his menu at Ianto, as he indicated his choice, he had been remiss. In the past unless challenged he would always choose the less pricey meals ,being nice rather than choose something he would actually like.

Right he tapped the menu with his middle finger and pursed his lips, he would make sure he ordered the entrée and the desert for both of them as well as a main course for himself.

Jack gave the order, "and two bottles Stella", he added as the waiter left. He looked and saw the look on Ianto's face as he realised what he had done. Apart from the chicken dish he had ordered everything his young lover was partial too. He coughed and wondered how he was going to explain this coincidence away.

He smiled as the entrée was delivered a very successful day he thought . He had found a way to keep Ianto's company and take him out to dinner. He picked up a fork, mission accomplished he thought, well for this weekend anyway.


	18. Chapter 18

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter Eighteen**

Jack looked at his watch and then at Ianto. If he kept this up he would have to start restricting his hours. Jack was yet to beat him in and he was always waiting to take his coat and pour him a cup of freshly made coffee. He had no objection to him working late and knew that Ianto was reluctant to leave unless they left together. He was not sure if this was just Ianto's work ethic, or and he smiled to himself, was this a repeat of those small beginnings at the Hub where Ianto deliberately remained working late to keep Jacks company.

Tonight, however, Jack needed Ianto to go home he had several important Torchwood issues to deal with that could not be put off any longer. It was annoying but he knew Gwen was right that it was appropriate that he deal with them and he could not begin until Ianto had left.

"It's late Ianto, there is nothing that can't wait until tomorrow", he stated.

Ianto looked at his watch and saw it was 9.45 pm, "I had no idea it was so late, I've almost finished", he added returning his attention back to the substantial book on his desk.

Jack shook his head and stood up; he stepped across to Ianto desk and stood beside him putting his hand over the page of the book he was reading.

"Go home", he said as Ianto looked at him, as he took his hand from the page of the book and crossed his arms. Ianto stretched yawned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I really wanted to be prepared for our site visit", he added now standing up and yawning again.

Jack now moved to the coat rack and taking the jacket off the hanger and handed it to Ianto who proceeded to put it on.

Jack watched as Ianto put on his jacket then instead of leaving went to check the coffee supplies.

"That reminds me" Jack said as he watched "when you're buying coffee supplies in the future take the money from petty cash".

Ianto looked up his face betraying he had been caught out, "it's just the difference between what we would have ordered and" he explained

"Ianto you shouldn't be paying for supplies out of your own pay" Jack interrupted, "I don't pay you enough for that".

Ianto looked sheepish and he nodded hoping that if he agreed the Captain wouldn't dig any further.

He put his hand on his shoulder, "see you in the morning", he said as he opened the door.

"Better get off then", he said as his move towards the open door, "good night", Jack said as he left.

He looked out of the window to ensure Ianto was actually on his way home, seeing him make his away towards the lake, picked up the phone. It was going to be a long night.

Ianto looked up at the office window on the third floor and saw that the light remained on. After all the trouble he had taken to find him somewhere to live you would think he would at least take his own advice and go home. He stopped and looked at the moon reflected on the lake he looked across at his apartment block hidden in the distance behind the trees.

The University grounds were lovely especially this time of year and the area was beautiful, but moving here to work had been a mistake. The realisation of this mistake had grown during the winter months. Nothing during that time could counter the terrible feelings of loss he had felt after the Captain had left. That day in the library he had been overwhelmed by a sense that something important had been lost and he would never find it again and it haunted him even now.

Over the preceding weeks he had tumbled into a worst depression than after Lisa had died. There had been days when he had wanted to do nothing other than stare at the ceiling in his bedroom, he had managed to keep going only through sheer effort of willpower.

Things have improved recently now Jack had returned he told himself. He could not describe the feeling that had jumped in his chest when he held out his hand and shook it, when was it four weeks ago? Since then the feelings of loss had eased perceptively and no matter how bad his day was, just being around him, hearing him talk, seeing him smile helped lift that feeling for just a moment and lightened his mood. He put his key in the lock, turned it and opened the door. Well he was home, another sleepless night counting down the seconds before he could return to work. Not work he told himself – Jack.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Ianto walked around the edge of the ditch. The ditch surrounded the circle that encompassed the main area of the Standing Stones. _This is not true henge_ he said to himself recalling what he had read over the previous weeks.

'You look puzzled", Jack said as he joined him.

"I was thinking this is not a true henge", he said following further along the edge.

"Explain", Jack requested as he kept pace with Ianto.

"Well henges have either a circular ditch **or** a raised ramp of earth approx 65 feet across with two, three or four entrances. This one has a circular raised ramp of earth around the outside, and a very deep ditch that runs around the inside of that" he paused

"Best guess is they dug out the ditch forming the ramp", he said thinking out loud, "it has four entrances which form a cross and meets dead centre", he stopped to take a look around and catch his breath as he came to one of the entrances.

"Then there are the stones", he said as he pointed at the arrangement of stones which appeared to follow a pattern of larger stones approx 1 meter high, with a smaller stones in between each larger stone which ran around the inside of the main arena. Even with a number of stones missing the pattern was evident.

*********** (ramp)

************(ditch)

************edge)

X X X (stones)

x x x

x

"And to deepen the mystery are those", he now pointed across at three massive stones which stood in a straight line along the north entrance, "and those," he said swinging his arm to now point at three massive stones to the south.

X X X

entrance

"Maybe they once went all the way around and were capped with top stones, like Stone Henge", Jack commented recalling Ianto's report and the hours of reading he had spent over the past weeks.

"Not flat enough", Ianto said as he indicated the pointed top of each.

"And X marks the spot", Jack said as he walked away and moved into the centre of the circle.

Ianto took a photograph of the centre of the circle now highlighted as Jack stood in the middle.

"X marks the spot", Ianto said as he joined Jack.

"How old you do think this circle is", Jack asked as Ianto joined him.

"There is no exact date", Ianto said as he took more photographs, "these types of structures started appearing all over northern Europe approximately 5000 years ago".

"It's impressive just to think of how much work was involved in doing this", Jack commented as he looked around and took in the whole site, "the logistics must have been enormous".

"Just imagine trying to move one of those", Ianto said pointing at one of the massive stones which stood just behind the north and south entrances.

"I would be interested to find out where the stones came from", Jack asked "if they were local or came from further afield, we should see if they came from a local quarry", he added as he watched Ianto move away to stand near the three north stones.

"If the biggest stones went all the way around I wonder where they went", Ianto said as Jack joined him.

" You mean, used locally", Jack said after a few moments.

"Something that big might have been used as a foundational stone, for something like a church for example", Ianto added.

"Possibly, I wonder if other groups of standing stone sites have been pilfered, sorry commandeered, for local building materials" , Jack said thinking out loud.

"Well we should defiantly come back soon", Ianto said taking a close up of each stone

"and stay longer, bring a theodolite and map the position of each stone see if any other site shares any similarities".

"Agreed we need to come back", Jack said looking at his watch and saw it was nearly one pm , "let's have some lunch".

"Thanks", Jack said as he took the lunch box Ianto handed to him. He had planned to take his assistant out for lunch. However, when he had picked him up at his apartment , it was clear from the large bag Ianto had with him he had prepared everything needed for a picnic lunch including the tartan travel rug they were both now sitting on.

He opened the box, and took out a sandwich and checked the filling. He looked at Ianto who was opening his own lunch box. He shook his head trying not to smile.

Ianto caught his grin. "I've done it again haven't I" he said as he took a bite of his own sandwich.

"Yep", Jack said his mouth full.

"You know I am sure you're having me on" ,Ianto said in all seriousness.

"Chicken and avocado, my favourite", Jack said as he chewed, "and delicious".

Ianto opened one of two flasks and poured a coffee from the first flask then handed it to Jack.

Jack took the cup then leaned back enjoying being outside in the sunshine. This part of the country was not renowned for its fine weather and nice days like this were too good not to enjoy, he glanced at Ianto – the view was marvellous.

"It's stunning around here", Jack said taking a drink from his cup.

Ianto nodded, "I've always liked it", he said in agreement.

"Have you lived up here a long time", Jack asked taking another bite of his sandwich.

"I moved up here September last year" ,Ianto replied as he now poured a coffee for himself from the second flask,.

"It's beautiful, I can see part of the attraction", Jack added after a few moments.

"That's one of the reasons", he replied leaning back and taking in the view. 'My girlfriend and I spent a holiday up here a while back and we sort of fell in love with the place", Ianto added

"I've often thought of coming up here myself , doing a tour", Jack commented in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

"We were camping, must of rained almost every day", Ianto said a faint smile on his face.

"Does she work at the University", Jack asked openly knowing it was a loaded question.

"No I came up here on my own", he replied as he looked at Jack. After some consideration he opened his wallet and took out a small photograph and handed it to Jack.

Jack brushed any crumbs from his fingers and took the photo it was Lisa smiling, "This is Lisa", Ianto said matter of factly, "she died a year ago….cancer".

'Ianto I am sorry", Jack commented now sitting up as he handed the photo back.

"I couldn't stand London any more…. too many reminders" , Ianto continued placing the photograph carefully back into his wallet, "when I saw the job in the journal section I thought….." he paused as he looked into the distance.

"We had a camping holiday up here, the one with all the rain, the summer before she became ill, she loved it so much…. we often talked about moving up here, starting a family…" he stopped mid sentence.

"What must you think of me", he said as he looked at Jack realising he had shared more that he had intended ,"you ask me a question and I start giving you my whole life history".

"How did you meet", Jack asked hoping that by asking for more information he could ease his embarrassment.

"We worked together for a drug company Opus Pharmaceuticals. She worked in one of the research labs, I worked in the technical library, she kept coming down hanging about lunch times ….." he smiled and looked out across the henge to the hills in the distance keeping whatever he was going to say to himself.

"I know this is going to sound strange ", Ianto said after several moments had passed,

"I sometimes wish Rosemary's idea's about reincarnation were true".

"Oh", Jack commented as he worked through the information Ianto had shared.

"Wouldn't it be amazing if you could meet up with loved ones in some future place and time, have a whole new life…. ", he said wistfully.

"Yeah" , Jack managed to say catching his breath at the comment as he looked at Ianto, _and take them in your arms and tell you how much you love them and promise you will never let them feel neglected or invisible again._

Both of them now looked into the distance taking an occasional sip from their cups as they kept their thoughts to themselves.

Ianto stood up and brushed the crumbs off himself, then looked at this watch,

" It's getting on so I'll pack this lot away and then I thought I would take another walk around and take some more pictures".

"I'll join you", Jack said as he got up and stretched. He then bent down and took up the rug before he shook it out and folded it up and followed after.

Ianto packed the car making sure nothing would roll around. What had possessed him to tell Jack about Lisa he berated himself. It was not like him to open up like this, he hated telling people about what had happened to Lisa. He kept it to himself because he hated the pity in people's eyes when he did. They treated him differently afterwards – like he was going to break or something. He had not meant to say anything, but he had seen something on Jacks face ,when he had been talking, a look that suggested he had lost someone, someone significant and he would understand.

Jack sat down at his desk and stretched, it had been a long day and was not over for him.

Gwen was right the logistics of running Torchwood this far away were daunting and he had several hours of conference calls to be completed tonight.

He looked at his watch another hour before the link up. He yawned he could really use a cup of Ianto's coffee about now, he thought as he took a sip of his own brew. At least it was hot and strong and sighing he wondered how many cups he would need tonight.

He picked up the camera, it had been an interesting day. It was their first field trip and he had been given an insight into Ianto's new memory matrix. He turned the camera on and began to scroll through the photographs.

He sat back and smiled as he looked at the content at each photograph. Ianto had been very through as he had come to expect, no aspect had been missed with great attention to detail. However a casual observer might question the subject of each picture.

There were photographs of the henge, stones, the ramp, ditch, and how each stood in relation to the other, but they all had one other thing in common. He was sure Ianto was completely un aware of what he had done because every photograph had Jack in it somewhere. He continued to flick through and several more caught his attention, he raised his eyebrows, some very interesting photographs indeed.

He sat back and pulled his lip thinking, he knew instinctively it would be better for Ianto if he uploaded the photographs himself. If they were deliberate then that was one thing, but he was pretty sure they were not. If not then taking them had been a subconscious act. He was pretty sure Ianto would never have handed him back the camera if he was totally aware of the content

This was difficult he thought should he wipe the photographs from the cameras memory, he reached forward but stopped himself. They should remain he decided, when Ianto came to look at them he would have to question why he has taken them, he would have to examine his motivation. He then turned off the camera and placed it on Ianto's desk.


	20. Chapter 20

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 20**

Ianto stood and took the young woman's hand giving it a firm shake.

"This is Toshiko Sato", Jack said as he introduced her to Ianto.

"This is Ianto Jones my research assistant", He said introducing him to her.

"Toshiko is here today to finally set up the server link I told you about", Jack added.

Ianto let go of her hand, "Jack told me you were coming", he said taking a step back from her , turned and picked up a pad of notes that were on his desk.

"I'll just get out of your way then", he said as he raised his eyebrows looking at Jack, "I'm going to library to see if I can find if an aerial survey was ever done of the local area".

"Ok we'll meet back here later and go for lunch, be back around 12.30 pm", Jack said as he saw Ianto smile hesitantly and nod in reply.

As Ianto left Jack shut the door, "It is so good to see you", Tosh said as she threw her arms around him.

"Good to see you", Jack replied embracing her.

"How is Ianto doing", she asked as she broke the hug and went to sit down in the chair in front of Jacks desk.

"He's doing Ok", Jack nodded as he answered now sitting on the edge of his desk, "You know Ianto he always gives one hundred and ten percent".

"Really he's doing ok?", she asked as if she didn't quite believe his reply ,"I have been so worried about him", she paused looking at Ianto's desk, "You know I have never forgiven myself for not being able to stop all this", she added sadly.

"Tosh this wasn't your fault", Jack said surprised she blamed herself.

"If only I had known", she took a breath, "he kept so much to himself ", she paused and looked up at Jack, "you know he never shared any part of his relationship with you, with any of us," she halted, "we knew you and he might be …... we suspected, Owen was very crude about it…but none of us really knew".

"I know", Jack said quietly realising this was difficult for Tosh to share.

"And today he looked at me like I was a complete stranger", Tosh said tears filling her eyes.

"I understand, all those memories all those times, you shared are gone", he replied sadly reflecting her thoughts

"Has there been any progress", she asked after a few moments as she composed herself.

"Slowly, very slowly" he said as he looked at the closed door, "Its one day at a time, but just lately, there have been some indications that Ianto has retained some kind of memory".

"Really!" Tosh said in surprise, "actual memories?"

Jack shook his head, "No more like impressions, shadows, feelings, sensations perhaps", he tried to explain.

"What do you mean", Tosh asked not sure she understood.

"I'm not completely sure myself", Jack added after a few moments, "there's been times when just for a moment…. there is this look on his face", he stopped as he recollected the times he had caught Ianto looking at him.

" He calls it deja vu", He said smiling gently.

"Deja vu", Tosh repeated intrigued.

"He has this feeling he knows me from somewhere but can't quite work it out ", Jack tried to explain.

"Have you found how he rebuilt his memories yet ", she asked the question they were all wanted to know.

Jack shook his head, " No, but I did find out that Lisa died of cancer", he told her, "and he moved up here because they had a holiday camping up here one summer".

"That is interesting", she commented, "cancer in this case being a metaphor for the conversion taking over her body and destroying the healthy parts and replacing them with cancerous cells".

'Yeah", he said, "got that one figured".

"You have to admit it's very clever", she added.

"His intelligence has never been in doubt", Jack said , as Tosh now stood and opened her lap top. She indicated Jack should move so she could get past him and start work on his computer.

"You know Ianto is such a private person there is probably a lot more going on than he would ever let you suspect" , she said as she started to type.

"Yeah", Jack said thinking about the photographs and Ianto's uncanny ability to anticipate Jacks needs. He smiled as he recalled that every day, at exactly the right moment he needed coffee, there was Ianto handing him a mug.

"I'm sorry this has taken so long Jack", Tosh said as she worked, "but we have been very busy, with requests from UNIT".

"I read the reports, I was sorry to miss Martha Jones", Jack added.

"She said to say hello", Tosh added as she pulled out a flash drive.

"Oh I need to warn you", she added not looking up from her task, "you know how John Hart your … caused an incident earlier this year well", she took a breath ," he's been trying to find out where you are… if he does he might try to come and see you up here".

"What" .Jack exclaimed standing bolt upright.

"He called in", Tosh said keeping her eyes firmly on the screen in front of her in an effort not to catch Jacks gaze, "Well when I say called in, we found him waiting for us last Tuesday morning down loading information from the sever".

"How did he get in", Jack asked raising his eyebrows as he saw deep red flush across her face.

"I'd rather not talk about, I'm rather embarrassed if you want to know" , Tosh replied.

"You didn't", he exclaimed leaning forwards.

"Does he know where I am", Jack asked after a few moments had passed seeing Tosh was not going to reply.

She took a breath, "Gwen wouldn't tell him and he won't get anything out of me" Tosh corrected herself , "us…. you know what I mean".

She looked up from her task to see Jack trying very hard to keep the amusement he felt from showing on his face.

"He's a bit miffed he can't track you via your wrist strap", she advised nodding towards the leather strap on his wrist.

"I've turned it to non response mode", he replied standing then walking around his desk to watch her work.

"That's why he's been hanging around giving us the third degree", Tosh replied continuing to type.

"Us" Jack retorted.

"Jack leave it", she stated sternly looking up at him, "I've already had to endure enough from Owen and Gwen", she took a sharp breath, "especially Owen".

"Did he say why he was looking for me" ,Jack asked as Tosh continued to work.

'Said he had some news, apparently he's had found someone", she said as she pulled out the flash drive, stood up and moved across to Ianto's desk.

"That's all he said", Jack asked curiously as he now sat back down at his desk.

Tosh placed the flash drive into a portal at Ianto's computer, "Anyway", Tosh warned 'Better beware", as Jack sat back in deep thought.

Several moments passed as she worked away typing, "Has he found out about your coffee making skills yet", Tosh asked not looking up.

"Never lets me near", Jack said leaning back and putting his hands behind his head

"Well that something positive" she said as she concentrated. "If he has retained that survival instinct, then there is hope".

Ianto stood behind the front desk of the Journal section setting up a computer search for any aerial surveys over past 20 years for the Standing Stone or any of the surrounding district. He was intent on setting up visual reference to place the stones within the landscape.

"It's great to see you", Rosemary said as she joined him, "I've seen you in and out but it's been a while since you came and said hello"

"We've been busy" ,Ianto replied, "I've been busy" he corrected himself,

"and I know how busy you …"

Ianto looked up as Mary passed by carrying several journal caddies.

"How's the lovely Captain", Mary said giving him a wink.

"He's good" Ianto said shifting uncomfortably trying not to add anything to the tone of the conversation that would lead to what he knew was coming.

"Good, is that what you call it", she added, "You know anytime you want Ianto, I will trade places with you in a heartbeat".

"Me an' all", Sarah piped in as she entered pushing the library cart to the front desk area as she joined them, " you just let us know and Mary and I…"

"Yeah working with the Captain , you lucky sod", Mary interjected wistfully giving Ianto a nudge, "fancy being close enough to get a whiff of that aftershave of his", she added now nudging Sarah who nodded and raised her eyebrows up and down a few times.

"You know what Ianto, I had a lovely dream about him the other night", Sarah said after a few moments looking into distance.

Rosemary rolled her eyes as they continued.

"Did you indeed", Mary interjected "he must be dream cheating, cause the other.."

"Have you two got nothing better to do than harass Ianto," Rosemary interrupted them as she watched him begin to blush, "back to work the pair of you" she told them.

"Thanks", Ianto said gratefully as he watched Sarah and Mary move reluctantly back to their tasks.

She placed her hand on his shoulder, "any time", she said following after them.

Ianto took a deep breath and returned his attention back to computer as he waited to the search to complete. Dreams he had to admit they were strange, the other night he had dreamt he had been in warehouse trying to rescue a pterodactyl with nothing more than a bar of chocolate, dark chocolate if he recalled correctly.

He had a vague recollection Jack had been there as well, flying around ,hanging from one of its legs. He blushed and breathed out, that's right, Jack had fallen into his arms and they had rolled around the floor and almost ended up kissing each other. He felt a hot flush across his chest as he remembered how their lips had almost touched.

He took a deep breath, what he had once read, _dreams were a mine of repression and or wish fulfilment'._ What the hell did that mean he thought , that he wanted to kiss Jack, or have Jack kiss him. Maybe you just want some kind of adventure with a dinosaur he told himself, as long as Jack joined him it could be interesting…..his thoughts were interrupted as the computer completed its search and with a click of the mouse he sent the results to the printer


	21. Chapter 21

Affairs of the Heart

Chapter 21

"What's your problem today" Jack asked as he and Ianto began to unpack the equipment out of the back of his car in an attempted to understand Ianto's sullen mood. He had been brooding ever since he had picked him up to come out to do the survey at the standing stones. It was their second field trip and he had been looking forward to coming back here. This time he had lunch plans that didn't include lunch boxes, but it was clear something was bothering his assistant.

"It's nothing", Ianto stated as took out and unfolded the tripod for the theodolite.

Jack looked at him surprised at his tone "Well sounds like something", he retorted.

Ianto held the tripod and began to extend each leg.

'You've hardly said a word since I picked you up", Jack added. "Is it something I've done or not done", he took a look at Ianto, "or something I could help with?"

"It's not you, I'm annoyed at myself", he explained looking up surprised Jack could think this was about him.

"Is there anything I can do to help then"? Jack repeated his offer, as he took out the case that held the theodolite.

Ianto let out an audible sigh, "I have lost something, something I thought I had put away very carefully, I was looking for it this morning and its gone", he explained angrily.

"That doesn't sound like you", Jack commented as he opened the case that contained the main piece of the equipment.

"It's not like me" he repeated Jacks statement, "and it was left to me because my grandfather knew I would take care of it properly", he handed the now extended tripod to Jack.

Ianto hesitated and closed his eyes for a second as he struggled to admit what had occurred he – took a breath, "It's my grandfathers stopwatch, I've misplaced….lost it", he said standing still.

Jack dropped the tripod at the significance of Ianto's statement hit him.

"Maybe, you put it somewhere safe", He said slowly his voice cracking as he bent down to retrieve the tripod.

"No I've looked, searched my whole bloody flat", he said anger and frustration evident in his voice, "It was the only thing ever left to me of any significance and I've lost it"

He now took the tripod from Jack and began to set it up ready to place the theodolite on top, "I can recall I put it somewhere very safe", he stopped and he closed his eyes in an effort to recall, "Nope" he declared, "can't remember".

"What…." Jack attempted to say but found it hard to speak and coughed to clear his voice,

"What was it like", he managed to ask.

"It was silver, antique, and very old fashioned", Ianto replied too caught up in his description to see the look of shock on Jacks face, "with a chunky knob on the top" he mimicked the action of pressing the button.

"When did you last have it", Jack asked cautiously as he finally got control of his voice as placed the theodolite on top of the tripod.

"That's the problem Jack I can't remember" he said tightening the large screw that held the theodolite to the tripod. "I can't bloody remember".

Jack tried as best he could to concentrate. They were making a detailed survey of the stones so they could precisely map them out, but he was having difficulty focusing.

He was not sure he was fully in control even now and it was four hours after they had arrived. His heart rate had gone down at least he thought. He resisted the urge to feel his pulse.

He saw that Ianto was now in position with the marked stripped pole and he looked down the eye piece noting all the figures in a small pocket book he was carrying with him. He looked and waved to Ianto who now moved into position by the next stone.

Tosh was right there was a lot more going on for Ianto than he realised – a lot more.

Ianto held the stripped pole moving backwards watched for Jack to indicate when to stop.

Where the hell could he have put it? He had racked his brains trying to remember, all he had was this vague recollection he had put it into a large grey cupboard. Problem was he had never owned a large grey cupboard and when he thought about it had never been in any place that might find the sort of cupboard he recalled. And why the hell would he put one of his most a treasured possessions in such a place, so the image must have come from one of those bloody dreams.

Those dreams he thought of the vivid images that had started to wake him, in the middle of the night for weeks now. It was like he was dreaming he had lived some other life and some of the them. He felt himself flush hot, at what had occurred only two days before when he had been awoken by a particularly erotic dream about Jack. Last time he had awoken like that he had been twelve. It was so embarrassing he's your boss for gods' sake he told himself.

He took a deep breath, it was only after that awakening that he had recalled his stop watch and began to look for it. How the two could be connected he couldn't fathom but he had to admit that the dream had included some incredibly innovative ways of using a stop watch which he was sure …

He brought himself back and saw Jack wave and he moved to the next stone. And secondly he would have to come back on his own and retake all those photographs; thank god he had been the one to check them. What the hell would Jack think if saw them? What the hell had been going on for him to have taken them in the first place? He was interrupted as dream images of himself with Jack flashed through his mind again and he bit his bottom lip in remembrance. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, concentrate on the task he told himself and watch for Jacks instruction to move.

He saw Jack waving frantically he moved backwards again and looked up briefly as he saw Jack now running towards him. He tried to make out what he was shouting, too late he felt something give way and his left foot slipped from under him and he fell backwards.

The ditch was steep and he rolled several times... He landed with a heavy thump on top of a partially exposed boulder. He struggled to breathe but found it impossible other than short staggered breaths.

He attempted to push himself up on to his knees but found it momentarily impossible. It was like his brain was sending instructions his body was refusing to obey. He opened his eyes now and found he was looking at grass and grey stone. He heard movement to his left and he tilted his head slightly and saw Jack sliding towards him fear written on every line of his face.

"Ianto" Jack shouted as he reached him. Ianto was face down, right arm twisted under him at the bottom of the ditch.

"I'm Ok", Ianto struggled to say but found himself unable to speak. He tried to get onto all fours but slumped back down again. He managed to pull his right arm from under him and brought his wrist into view, it looked very odd and for the moment he could not work out why.

"Ianto", Jack repeated as knelt down next to him and put his hand on his head, as he did Ianto attempted to move again.

"Don't move", he repeated emphasising each word as he saw Ianto struggle to rise.

"I'm fine" Ianto said as he found his voice and tried to shrug off Jacks hand.

"Trust me you're not fine", Jack said placing his hand on Ianto's shoulder in an effort to get him to hold him still.

He felt him try and move again, "Ianto keep still", he commanded using his most forceful voice.

Surprised more by Jacks tone than his request Ianto laid still as he felt Jack run his hands firmly over his body in order neck , chest, pelvis, back, down one leg then down the other leg

'Ahhhhhhh" Ianto cried out as Jack gently felt around his left knee he then ran his hands down to his left ankle "Ahhhhhhhh" Ianto repeated

"I'm going to take off your shoe on your left foot", he told Ianto ,"your ankle is very swollen and your shoe is restricting the blood flow I will try and be as gentle as possible"

Ianto gritted his teeth as he felt his foot being supported and his shoe eased off , even so he let out several grunts of pain.

"Does it hurt anywhere else", Jack asked kneeling by him side his hand on his back.

"Just my wrist, knee and ankle", he told him his voice filled with agony as he now rolled over and sat up with Jacks help.

"Well its clear your wrist is broken", Jack told him as he took off his great coat and placed it around his shoulders. Ianto looked at his wrist and now recognised why it looked so strange. Jack looked up the bank and then at Ianto as he pulled out his phone.

Ianto saw him and his eyes widened , "No please ,I can make it to the car", he pleaded his voice breaking up with pain.

Jack looked down at Ianto as he cradled his broken wrist, his face twisted in agony and pale as his white tee shirt, and his ankle tuning a deep blue.

"Ianto", Jack said as he breathed out in frustration.

"Please Jack," Ianto asked again as he saw a stubborn look cross Jacks face

Jack thought for a moment, "Alright I'll make a deal ,if you can stand up and walk one step, unassisted I won't call an ambulance", he offered.

Ianto put his left hand down, to give himself some leverage, now he put his uninjured right foot down and pushed up, but the movement jarred his wrist, he bit his lip in pain and sank back.

"Hand me the pole" he asked as he contemplated his second attempt.

Shaking his head Jack picked put the pole and put it Ianto's his good hand. He stood back as Ianto now used the pole for support. His second try was no better and he fell back defeated.

Jack pursed his lips then dialled 999 "I need an ambulance…"


	22. Chapter 22

Affairs of the heart

**Chapter 22**

The young doctor placed the series of x-rays on the light panel.

"The good news is your left ankle is not broken, but you have twisted it very badly along with your left knee, there is some evidence of ligament damage so you will still need a cast ,your wrist is broken here, here and here" he pointed to each fracture evident on the film," and you have dislocated your thumb."

"How are you for pain", the doctor asked as now he turned and picked up the chart before glancing at his patient. The nurses had advised him he was being very stoic and if it were not for his friend who was overseeing every aspect of his care, he would not have agreed to any pain relief and it had only been after some persuasion the young man had agreed.

"Fine" Ianto croaked.

"If you need any more let the nurse know", he began writing on the chart, "you've only a minimal dose and your injury is significant". He looked to Ianto and then back to Jack.

'I've written he can have up to 5xxx per hour if required", he said to Jack as he put the chart back on the end of the bed.

"I'm arranging for a theatre now", he saw the look of consternation on his patients face

"Unfortunately a break this bad, where the nerves through the carpal tunnel have been compromised, it will need some delicate work to set it", he explained then smiled "trust me you are better off unconscious", he touched Ianto's good foot.

"How long do you think he'll need to stay", Jack asked thinking about what arrangements needed to be made.

The doctor looked first at his patient then at Jack " a break this severe will need a significant reduction, there will be substantial swelling, and he will need to stay at least 48 hrs, firstly because he is having an anaesthetic and secondly we need to monitor the swelling, we put on a cast which can be split if necessary.

"Thank you Dr Jacobs", Jack said as he put his hand on Ianto's good arm.

"I'll send the nurse in and get that cast on your leg'", he said "might as well get that done here".

Ianto lent backwards into the back rest and looked at the ceiling. , "I don't know what to say", he said trying to keep his focus. "all this bloody fuss caused because…"

"This was my fault I should have been paying more attention", Jack interrupted what he knew was going to be another apology, "I'm just glad you are OK" he said putting his hand on his good knee.

"I still reckon I could have got here on my own", Ianto said contritely looking at Jack.

'Right", Jack commented recalling how Ianto had required nitrous oxide, and morphine, for the pain. Then it had taken a good 20 minutes, with two ambulance men, Jack and a helpful tourist to get the stretcher out of the ditch and into the ambulance.

He saw Ianto was about to say something more but was interrupted as two nurses entered with all the equipment required to set a cast.

Jack sat beside the bed waiting for Ianto to regain consciousness, he would be more comfortable now his wrist was in a cast. He stood and kissed his forehead then ran the outside of his fingers down his face and under his chin, then put his hand on his cheek cradling his face.

Thank god he was not more seriously injured. He had been so deep in thought, it was not until too late he had seen how close to the edge of the ditch Ianto was. He had attempted to get his attention but Ianto thought he was asking him to move further backwards. He had been horrified as he watched Ianto lose his footing, flail then tumble over the edge.

He saw Ianto's eyes flutter and he took his hand away. He would have a heart attack later when he stop berating himself for being so stupid. He cursed himself, even with his best intentions Ianto was the one who ended up paying the price for his inattention.

Ianto opened his eyes. "How ya' feeling" Jack asked gently.

"Terrible", Ianto replied

"Well you have two choices" Jack said ". in a tone that left Ianto in no doubt of his intention, as they sat in his car outside Ianto's apartment building, "you either accept my help to get you back to your apartment, or I take you back to my place".

With his right wrist broken and left leg in a cast from the mid thigh down it was technically possible to use a single crutch, but right now Ianto was in no state to even contemplate such action. He was badly bruised because Jack he has seen them, and despite two days of bed rest all of Ianto's movements screamed how stiff and sore he was.

He watched Ianto's face as he struggled to accept his offer. He knew how fiercely independent Ianto was and knew he believed he could cope. Jack had done as little as necessary, but this was something Ianto had accept he could not do on his own. He reached over and took off his own seat belt and put his hands on the steering wheel looking forward as he waited.

As he heard the seat belt click, he opened his car door and got out. He then went around and opened the passenger door. Ianto reached up and held onto the handle above the door before swinging his left leg out. He then turned his whole body and swung his right foot out before he straightened up on his one good leg. He attempted to steady himself but toppled forward. Jack caught him and held on to him and then moved to his left side and took his weight. With slow awkward cautious hops they made their way to the apartment entrance.

Ianto leaned against the door frame of his apartment. Exhausted he felt like he had run a marathon, his breathing was heavy and fast. How he thought he could have made it on his own, he could not contemplate. However, he would rather have made it on his own then to let Jack see any more loss of dignity. All he wanted to do now was get inside and collapse, with any luck now he was home he could persuade Jack to leave.

He reached down and pulled out his keys from his trouser pocket and handed them to Jack. Opening the door Jack helped him over to the sofa. Ianto slumped into the seat. He closed his eyes as fatigue and discomfort began to overwhelm him. He opened them again to see an open hand with two pain pills and another hand holding out a mug of water

"It's been four hours", Jack said as he handed over the pills, followed by the mug.

"I'll be fine now, I just need a good sleep" Ianto said putting them into his mouth then taking a sip of water, swallowed then handed the mug back.

Jack smiled, "listen the choice is still yours", he advised him in all seriousness reminding him the conversation in the car.

Ianto looked up and saw the same stubbornness on Jacks face he had seen at the bottom of the ditch over the ambulance debate, he nodded perceptively, resigned he had to accept he needed help.

Jack turned off the light and turned around about to say goodnight but then realised Ianto was already asleep. Instead he closed the door with care making sure it made no noise.

Ianto had been dead on his feet, foot he told himself, he had not wanted to eat just get to bed. Jack had agreed, Ianto looked grey with fatigue having had no real sleep at the hospital.

He had not offered his assistance other than get him onto the bed then waited outside as he undressed. After several moments Ianto had called him back to help him get his tee shirt over his head as could hardly lift his arms above his shoulders

Jack had carefully eased the tee shirt off, and he noted several massive bruises had deepened from deep purple to black down his back and right side where he had glanced off several boulders on the way down the steep bank of the ditch.

Jack had cut along the seam the left leg of a pair of jeans he had brought for him to wear home ,which made them easier to remove and he did not require his help. Jack had exited the room before this and waited outside finally knocked and entered to check Ianto was Ok and saw he was already under his duvet and had his eyes closed.


	23. Chapter 23

Authors Note: I apologise for those who have received a chapter alert then found it had been removed. I wrote this a few weeks ago but when I read the last two paragraphs this morning I realised I needed to adjust Jacks thoughts.

I would also like to thank all of you who have taken the time to review this story, and all of those who have added it as a favourite and setup story alerts. I feel truly honoured that you feel this story is worthy of such attention. Thank You.

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 23**

Jack went into the kitchen and put the kettle on and he looked around for the first time.

This was a small compact apartment, the main living areas comprised of a small kitchen which flowed in a larger lounge. He was curious to see what Ianto had kept with him and from what he could see on the surface, the flat was in essence the essential Ianto.

He saw a familiar picture on the shelf of the book case and picked it up. It was Lisa and Ianto very much in love.

He heard the kettle boil and he put the picture back into place. He went back into the kitchen and began opening cupboards to find something to drink. He found one shelf full of air tight containers, he opened one and found it full of coffee beans he took a deep sniff of the rich aroma. He noted the label and placed it back then noticed this was one of several containers. If this was what Ianto used at home, he really must adore coffee. As much as Jack loved coffee even he only treated himself to something this exceptional on rare occasions. A sheet of paper caught his eye and he pulled it out and as he unfolded it he saw it had his name followed by a recipe for a blend of beans.

A growing realisation occurred to him why the coffee Ianto made for him at work might be so good, he calculated how many cups they got though in a day. He put lid back on and the containers back into place along with the folded sheet.

He opened another cupboard and found what he was looking for. He emptied the mug he had used earlier into the sink and put the tea bag he had found in and poured in hot water. He looked through several more cupboards trying to find something he could eat. He came across a half eaten packet of crackers and he shook out several into his hand.

As he realised how little food was in the kitchen he now opened the fridge, except for some milk it was empty. He picked it the carton and checked the use by date before he gave it a sniff and with a grimace poured it down the sink. He rinsed out the carton and then put it on the bench. He picked up the mug and with his fingers pinched the corner of tea bag lifted it out of the mug and dropped it into the sink.

This was not right, Ianto's flat kitchen in Cardiff had been an Aladdin's cave of ingredients, in fact he had to watch his waist line around Ianto. He smiled no one other than Jack knew of Ianto's delight in cooking up a storm and he had partaken of some memorable feasts.

He took a sip trying to recall what he had seen Ianto eat at the office. The odd sandwich he recalled, but mostly coffee, he put his foot on the bin peddle. If he was eating out then there may be a few fast food wrappers in the bin , the lid lifted ,it was empty except for a few empty cans of soda, he took his foot off the peddle and the top closed.

When the doctor had examined him he was shocked he could see his ribs and he had to admit Ianto looked and felt thin. He took another sip, he would make sure he kept an eye on how much he ate from now on, some more dinners out and maybe he could order in lunch for them each day he thought.

Another thought came to him, the last time he had been that thin was after Lisa had died, it had clear to all of them that he had stopped eating, and only appeared to drink coffee. Was this an indication he was grieving over his loss of Lisa? Then again perhaps this has nothing to do with Lisa; he looked toward the closed door, if nothing else it was an indication Ianto that for whatever reason he was not looking after himself.

He took the crackers and went into the lounge. It was very tidy, everything had a place and there was a place for everything. In the corner of the lounge was his DVD and CD collection along with his boxes of graphic novels and comic collection. From what he could tell Ianto had continued to grow all three with his usual enthusiasm. Although he noted all the new purchases were unopened and were still in their wrappings, there was quite a collection, many months worth he observed.

He now moved to the bookshelf and began to look though them to see what books he had taken with him when his eyes caught a substantial folder on the bottom shelf. He picked it up, it was heavy, he put it on the coffee table and turned it over.

On the front in large black letters was "READ", he opened it.

It was thick with several sections, each with a coloured divider.

On the front divider was another simple instruction.

"Start with the red section'

Following the instructions he turned the red divider over to the first page

On the page was a list of facts.

1: your name is Ianto Jones

2: your birthday is 19th August

3 you were born in 1983

4: you are 24 years old

5: The date today is Tuesday…

6: you are in a flat.

7: This is your flat, you live here.

8: The address is …..

After several hours he closed the folder and placed it back where he had found it.

It was one mystery solved. He had he always known that Ianto was smart but this document was a work of genius. Ianto had been able to reform his memories because he had left himself detailed information about every aspect of his life.

He had documented, catalogued, created, and fictionalised where required with great care his entire life using his real memories as template for his new ones. The cancer / cyber conversion being one example. If he had read it shortly after he had come to from the sedative effects of Retcon his new memory matrix would have formed as he had anticipated. He had created a brilliant work of fiction to start a new life. The motivation Jack was all too aware of, but if he wanted a new life, why did Ianto look so unhappy.

Jack took a deep breath Ianto didn't realise it yet but this accident had allowed an opening into his life not possible until this moment. The folder was not a complete guide to all of his new memories however it had given him insight into the memory matrix Ianto had created.

He looked at the door and a deep sense of longing filled him, all he wanted to do was just take him into his arms, hold him tell him how much he loved him. Sitting in that office so close to him every day and not being able to act was one the hardest things he had ever had to do. There were times he ached to reach out to him. But he knew he had to take this slowly, for Ianto's sake.

He took a deep breath he had always known winning Ianto back was going to be a long hard road, and in truth he had no grand plan worked out. What he did know was Ianto needed time and space to understand and re-develop his own wants and needs as far as Jack was concerned. All the signs were there that deep within Ianto something was stirring, he looked at the door again. If he was right Ianto was reconnecting with deeply buried emotions. He smiled to himself, and he was pretty sure from the revelation about the stop watch, what some of those might be. And if the past was a guide he knew Ianto was a man who once he knew what he wanted would act and act with determination and speed.

All Jack could do was be around, build his friendship and allow things to develop, trust Ianto and wait for the moment when Ianto would act on his feelings. What the moment was and when Jack had no idea all he could do was to be ready and waiting. All he could do in the mean time was hold on his own feelings and hope it would be sooner rather than later.


	24. Chapter 24

Affairs of the Heart.

Chapter 24.

Ianto woke and for just a second he forgot what had occurred until he tried to move. He was not sure what hurt more – breathing or moving. He was laying on his front, his right wrist encased in plaster up to his elbow which was up near his head. One leg felt like it was covered in slightly damp concrete and his other foot was tangled in his duvet. He moved his free foot around in an effort to untangle himself but found it was only making things worse. He stopped to consider his options.

He lay for several more moments when he felt an urgent need to move, he realised he was desperate to pee. He was just about to attempt the effort to untangle himself again when the door opened.

He turned his head and saw Jack enter, he looked rumpled and he realised he must have stayed the night. With a swift action he untangled the bedding as best he could and helped Ianto sit up. He then straightened the bedding up and tugged the duvet so his chest was covered.

He then left for a few moments and returned with some pain pills and a glass. Reaching forward Ianto took the pain pills and swallowed them with a sip of water not sure what to say he nodded his in thanks.

"If you need help, give me a shout", Jack said as he closed the door. Ianto lay back grateful he was back on his own as he didn't think he could handle Jack witnessing any more of his helplessness, not after the past few days.

After a few moments he struggled and swung himself out of bed, hopping across the space between the bed and the door frame he made it into the bathroom.

Jack listened as he heard him make it back into his bed waited a few move moments then opened the door. He saw Ianto had grabbed a tee shirt and was pulling it awkwardly over his head. He stood back, and then he placed banked pillows as Ianto settled back. With Ianto comfortable he left briefly, and retuned with a mug of coffee and handed it to him, "If I've got this right you like black, two sugars", he said.

Taking the offered mug he took a sip, "Jack thanks for this", he said sincerely.

Jack nodded in reply as he knew that this small thanks was a deeply felt appreciation of Jacks efforts.

He took another sip of coffee, and sniffed. He could swear he could smell cooking. His stomach rumbled as he realised he was hungry and he then tried to recall the last time had eaten anything. He had nothing in the flat to cook so he must be so hungry if he was imagining the smell of cooking.

His thoughts were interrupted as Jack now entered carrying a tray loaded with a plate filled with fried eggs, bacon, a sausage, mushrooms, black sausage, tomatoes , hash brown and toast and he struggled to sit up as best he could.

"Not sure what you would like", Jack lied knowing full well everything on the tray was everything Ianto loved for breakfast and placed it on the cover over his legs.

"This is amazing", Ianto said in appreciation of the feast in front of him as he picked up the knife and fork on the tray.

"I figured you hadn't eaten properly since the day before yesterday, so you must be famished", Jack said as he left taking the now empty coffee mug and leaving.

Ianto dove in to the breakfast with enthusiasm, and Jack was right he was hungry. It had been a long time since he had eaten a home cooked meal. Jack returned with two mugs and placed one back on the tray and smiled that his efforts were so appreciated.

Jack knew he was not the best cook in the world. In fact Ianto had once commented that after 140 years you would think Jack would have picked up something beyond the most basic skills. But the one thing he could cook to perfection was breakfast. Jack had enjoyed cooking breakfast for both of them whenever he had slept over and from the way Ianto attacked the food on his plate it was evident his gesture was very welcome

Ianto put his knife and fork down on his cleared plate and picked up the mug, as Jack removed the tray.

"That was brilliant", Ianto said as he took a sip of coffee as Jack stood looking at him.

"I am glad you enjoyed it", he said smiling as he stood in the door frame facing Ianto.

"Oh and when you are feeling better you and I will sitting down to review how we order in coffee supplies for the office" , he turned and left Ianto to enjoy his coffee.

Ianto froze the mug suspended halfway to his mouth,"fuck", Ianto mouthed silently, as Jack headed back to the kitchen.

Jack watched as Ianto sat on the sofa his leg resting on the floor as he sorted through the pile of DVD's he had accumulated over the past months. He was in sweats, something Jack had to admit he had never seen Ianto wear, in fact until this morning had no idea he had even owned a pair. He was pleased to note that Ianto was now managing to move around using the one crutch. It had been several days now but despite this progress he was only capable of basic movement around his apartment, bed to couch to bathroom, back to couch.

His bruises were fading and he looked less uncomfortable. Jack hoped Ianto would be occupied enough while he left as he would take the opportunity to attend the Torchwood tasks that needed his attention.

"Ok", Jack said taking Ianto's choice and placing it in the DVD player. "Is there anything else you need before I go", he asked. Ianto looked up and smiled and shook his head "nope".

"I'll be back with lunch around 1 o clock", Jack said as he turned to check Ianto had everything he might need, "if you need me you can reach me on my cell phone", he added as put on his coat and headed for the door.

Ianto made himself comfortable, and attempted to watch the film he had chosen. This was without doubt one of the strangest weeks of his life. Against every argument he could muster Jack it seemed was on a mission and would brook no argument, he was staying around to help until Ianto was fully mobile.

He was not sure what to think of Jacks help. He had had to rely on his own resources for so long coping on his had become something he just got on with. Lisa had often berated him on his fierce independent nature. He had explained when you had no one for so long, you had to rely on yourself.

At first, he had resisted Jacks help hating to be molly coddled, but then realised Jack would not do for him anything he could do for himself. As he gained greater mobility Jack had stepped back and allowed him to do what he could, only stepping in if it was necessary, something Ianto was very grateful for.

He wondered at first why Jack was so intent on helping and he still found it hard to believe that Jack felt responsible for what had happened. He had pointed out he should have been paying more attention and now because his clumsiness he had lost his assistant. However Jack had made it abundantly clear Ianto was more than a work college, he was a friend. As a friend it was ok to offer help.

He rubbed the back of his neck as a deep sensation developed at the base of his skull, _a friend_, he had to admit he had never thought of Jack in those terms. Well true he liked Jack, there was something about him that made him so good to be around. That might explain all those dinners, he thought and why Jack consulted him on every decision or why he kept his company at weekends, and the thought developed, Jack thought of him as a friend.

Well to be honest, he thought it was just part of Jack's management style, a way of motivating him, treating him like an equal whose opinion actually mattered. It had not occurred to him until this very moment that Jack might like him. He felt a warm feeling grow and he smiled , when was the last time he had made a friend, someone who was not just a passing acquaintance, a real friend, a long time he told himself a very long time.


	25. Chapter 25

Affairs of the Heart.

Chapter 25.

"You remember Toshiko", Jack said as he entered Ianto's flat.

Ianto pointed the remote at the DVD player to place the movie he was watching on hold then looked up surprised at the visitor.

"Jack told me what happened so I asked if I could come and visit", she explained holding out her hand smiling, "to see how you are".

Ianto shook her hand smiled briefly, then indicted she sit down next to him on the sofa.

"Toshiko has come to bring us the survey I told you about", Jack said as he disappeared into the kitchen and began emptying the white paper bags filled with lunch he had bought, on to plates.

Tosh handed him several thick folders, "Jack said you were a bit bored and I was up here anyway and thought you might like to have look through", she said quickly.

"Thank you", Ianto replied taking the folders not quite sure how to react to Tosh. He had only met her once in the office weeks ago. He was surprised she remembered him at all and even more amazed Jack had spoken to her about him.

Jack came back into the room holding a mug and plate full of food which he handed over to Ianto.

Ianto put the folders on the floor, then took the plate and mug of coffee from Jack balancing the plate on his good knee.

" Jack told me you've had an accident, a pretty serious one by all accounts", "Tosh commented indicating the cast on his wrist and leg, as Jack now handed her a plate of food.

"I've broke my wrist ", he lifted the cast for her to have a better look, "and I twisted my knee and ankle" he indicated to the cast on his leg.

"How did it happen", Tosh asked picking up the roll from her plate and taking a bite.

"We were out at the Standing Stones , the ones we've been investigating, I was over by the edge of the ditch and without looking I stepped back, lost my footing and next thing I had fallen in", he explained

As he came back into the room with his own plate full of food, Jack shook his head as he heard Ianto put the blame on himself, "What actually happened was Ianto had his back to the edge. I was directing him to where he should be going. I didn't realise he was so close to the edge, and before I knew it he had slipped and fallen", Jack corrected him.

Ianto picked up the sandwich on his plate, "still reckon I could have got out of that ditch on my own", he said as he took a bite.

Ianto looked as Jack raised his eyes to the ceiling, followed by the stubborn look he had seen over the past week cross fleetingly over his face.

"How much longer do you need the casts for", Tosh queried, silently amused as she observed the private moment that passed between them.

"Cast on the wrist another six weeks if I'm lucky, ten if I'm not", he replied, "and three weeks for the leg".

"Well I am very pleased to see you're alright", Tosh told him smiling. "Being stuck at home is no fun", she added "especially when you are involved in something so interesting".

Ianto nodded, "Yep stuck at home and bored", he agreed as he picked up the remote and turned off the DVD player with the remote.

"Well I was thinking about you being at home and thought you might find these useful", she leaned down opened her substantial hand bag and took out a roll of paper. She smoothed them out and handed him a number of articles.

Ianto took the articles and began to scan the titles. They were a collection of local legends and stories collected approximately 100 years ago some pertaining to the Standing Stones of Emin.

"Thank you Tosh", he replied using her nick name unwittingly.

Jack took a long drink from his mug, and looked across at the both of them relaxing into each others company. Tosh had wanted to come the day after the accident to check how Ianto was. He had argued Ianto would find it very strange someone he had met for less that 45 seconds would rush to his side. It had taken all of his powers of persuasion to get her to hold off until now.

Tosh had lost more than just a friend he realised when Ianto had wiped his memories. What depths of pain must Ianto have been in to want to forget his close friendship with her. He took a breath, he didn't need to wonder, he knew, it was laid out in black and white. He re-read Ianto's journal on a regular basis to remind himself what was at stake here and never to forget his own culpability. He only hoped he could make it up to both of them. Using this opening to renew her contact with Ianto he was aware she was eager to be more involved and wanted to visit more often. He wondered if Tosh had told Gwen yet. He smiled and wondered what Gwen would say as another Torchwood operative drifted up here, as he saw Tosh take out a permanent maker from her bag.

"Its traditional when someone is in a cast to write a message", she said indicating to the pen in her hand, as Ianto held out his arm. With a flourish Tosh began to write several Japanese symbols firmly on the cast.

"There all done", she said as she finished.

Ianto looked down to examine the message along the length of the cast.

"It says get well soon in Japanese ", she told him and smiled.

Ianto looked at the series of symbols and smiled in return.

"You look after yourself ", she said standing, " and I'll see you as soon as you are up and about. I'll be back and we can go out to the henge and set up those monitors", she said as prepared to leave.

"Thank you for all the articles", he said as she picked up her bag and walked across as Jack opened the door. "And the message", he called out.

"I'll walk you out", Jack said following her.

"What did you write on his cast", he asked suspiciously as they approached her car.

Tosh smiled looking a little smug, "let's just say, Ianto might find it interesting if he could read Japanese ", she said.

"Tosh what did you write", Jack repeated this time with an edge to his voice.

" It's a good luck message", she replied nonchalantly as she opened her car door.

"Toshiko", he said not convinced as she pulled the door closed , unwound the window and started her car.

"Toshiko", he repeated as she backed up and pulled up beside him.

"I wrote a note asking him to hurry up and remember because we all miss him", she explained then drove away.

As she did she looked back in the mirror to see Jack walking back into the building, "amongst a couple of other things, she said to herself smiling as she changed gear. " like how much you love him".


	26. Chapter 26

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 26**

Jack moved to turn on his computer as Ianto set about making their first batch of coffee for the day. They had fallen into coming in together since the accident. It had begun because Ianto couldn't walk the entire distance while his knee and ankle injury healed and Jack had started picking him up and driving him in. Now he could make the full distance they met outside Ianto's flat and walked in together. It was a morning ritual he knew they both enjoyed and the walk through the park-like surroundings of university made it a pleasant start to each day.

Using his password access he logged onto the Torchwood server. Normally he would never do this while Ianto was here but something was wrong.

He clicked onto the message server; nothing. He paused briefly then checked to ensure the link was functioning, according to the pop-up it was 100%. So if the link was up he should have received something. He set up a diagnostic programme just to double check. He watched as he waited for the programme to complete its scan. A beep advised him there were no issues. He took the hot mug of coffee from Ianto, took a sip and sat back.

Normally Gwen, Tosh and Owen forwarded him a substantial amount of reports, updates, notifications and personal messages daily, but there had been nothing for three days. Compounding this was his inability to raise any of them on his cell phone. He had left several messages, all of them unanswered. He sat back pulling his lip and looked across at Ianto as he now sat at his desk organising the journals he had been engaged with. He made a difficult decision, leaning forward he turned his computer off.

"Ianto," he said, "I have to leave." Ianto looked up. "Something important has come up which I need to deal with."

Ianto looked across at Jack in complete surprise. This was the first time Jack had indicated he was involved in anything outside of the four walls of this office, the university, surrounding countryside or this project.

"How long for?" He stammered, not sure how he should take the news.

"Three days," Jack said looking at the concern on Ianto's face. "One day there, sort things out, one day back," he said thinking out loud then added, "five tops." He stood up and walked across to Ianto's desk and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Ianto asked hoping this could be an opportunity to repay Jack's kindness over the past weeks.

"No," Jack replied shaking his head, "unfortunately, I need to check this out myself."

He pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and began to manoeuvre one of keys off the ring. "I had this cut for you in case you ever needed to get into my flat," he said as he saw the surprise on Ianto's face. "It was in case if I wasn't around and you needed to check something," he explained quickly.

Ianto stood up and took the key. "You have my cell phone number, you can call me on that number, or text me, anytime." He paused to look at Ianto directly, "I will leave my phone on at all times." He took a breath, "I'll call you tonight after I arrive, just to let you know I 'm Okay," he added as he saw Ianto nod his understanding.

He looked Ianto directly into his eyes. "I will be back, I promise," he said.

Ianto saw his concern and smiled gently, misunderstanding the intent.

"I'll be fine," he advised, "I've got plenty to do." He indicated to the number of journal articles and large rolls of paper on his desk.

"I'm hoping to complete mapping out the survey we did, then I want to start working out where we should place all the monitors Tosh is bringing up." He stopped to take a breath. "And if I finish that I'm going to follow up any other local stories about the areas see if there are any other landmarks with similar legends."

Jack nodded as he listened. "Good but don't overdo it," he admonished. "Your hand is still in a cast."

Ianto smiled, it had taken him a while to get used to the way Jack looked out for him but he understood it as genuine concern borne out of friendship, "I'll be careful, no overdoing it, "he said.

"Good," Jack said as Ianto reached out for his coat and handed it to him.

He paused, reluctant to leave. "Three days, five days tops," he repeated resisting the urge to hug Ianto goodbye.

Ianto smiled. "I'll be fine," he said.

"Ok," Jack said as he opened the door. Looking at Ianto one last time he saw him return to the task at hand.

Jack stepped warily through into the Hub as the main door rolled aside to let him enter. He could see nothing that was immediately wrong. The lights were fully on and he could see Tosh at her work station and he noted she had a different look; she was not wearing her glasses and she was showing cleavage.

"Tosh!" he called out. "What the hell is going on? I've been trying to get hold of you for three days!"

She turned in surprise towards him as someone he did not recognise came out of his office down the short steps to join her. It was a young man with blond hair and from the way he walked up to Tosh and touched her it was clear this was someone she knew.

"Jack," Tosh called out in greeting, pleased to see him as he walked up to join her. "How was the conference?"

"What conference? I had to leave Ianto to come down here. I've been unable to raise any of you for days and I 'm in no mood..." he paused as he looked at the young man, "and who are you," he demanded of the stranger standing with Tosh with an inane grin on his face.

"Jack you are such a kidder," the man said as he reached out and grabbed his arm. "Remember." As he did Jack's face broke into a grin.

"Yeah, but had you going for just a second right?" Jack laughed along with Adam.

"Not even for a second," Adam replied, grinning.

Jack moved across to his desk, took his cell phone out, turned it off and then placed it in the top left drawer of his desk, closing it firmly. Then he took off his coat and hung it on the coat rack.

"I came as soon as I could. Fill me in on what happened?" he asked Adam, Owen and Tosh as they gathered in his office.

"Everything was fine here, normal Torchwood day," Owen began to explain.

"Like any day could here could be normal," Adam retorted.

"As I was saying," Owen continued glaring at Adam, "a nothing out of the ordinary day, no incursions, or rift activity and only one weevil sighting," he explained.

"Gwen went home. Next thing I get a call from her, she's screaming about having this intruder in the house," Owen continued.

"We race over there thinking the worst and she's holding a gun on Rhys," Tosh added.

"Rhys!" Jack exclaimed.

" Poor bloke was scared to death she was actually going to shoot him, convinced he was stalking her, pointed out all the photographs of them together, she was going on hysterically how he must have broken in and put them there, until Rhys pointed out the engagement ring on her finger, " Adam continued.

"We brought her back here, and I've run every test I can think of, but so far nothing has indicated what might have caused her to forget him," Owen advised. "There's no sign of long term damage or alien intervention, but I must have missed something, so for now it's a mystery to me why she does not remember Rhys."

"Any rift activity?" Jack asked, deep in thought.

"There was something about four days ago," Tosh said shaking her head, "but for once nothing came through."

"Where's Gwen now?" Jack asked.

"Staying with a friend. She refuses to go home, poor Rhys is beside himself with worry," Tosh replied sadly.

Jack pulled his lip. "Why don't we set up a video link? Owen you bring Gwen back here., I'll go back and set up the connection and see Rhys, get him to tell Gwen some of their experiences , might trigger a reaction," he said.

"Good idea," Tosh agreed. "I'll get everything set up." She stood up and moved back to her work station and began to work setting up the video link.

Jack sat with Rhys on the sofa in the flat he shared with Gwen. Rhys was in his dressing gown looking very distressed as he watched Jack set up the small digital camera.

"Ok Rhys," Jack said adjusting the screen so it captured Rhys head and shoulders.

"Is this really necessary?" Rhys asked angrily

"She needs to remember, "Jack replied firmly. "Where did you meet?" he asked.

"At college," Rhys explained. "Fancied her the moment I saw her. Not just her looks mind, I mean she is a looker," he shook his head then put his head into his hands as he broke down.

"Tell me about your first kiss," Jack prompted aware of his distress.

"It was in the supermarket, I was going to make spaghetti bolognaise and I realised I didn't have any garlic, then I thought can't kiss a girl with garlic breath..."

Adam turned to Gwen who was back at the Hub watching and listening, "Do you recall any of this? "He asked her.

"Sort of," Gwen paused. "It's like I'm seeing what he's I saying, but I don't remember how I felt."

Adam put his hand against Gwen's face. "Believe me when I tell you that that is your fiancé.Your memory is just playing tricks on you that's all," he explained as he comforted her.

Rhys looked at Jack as he turned off the link. "This is all your fault isn't it ", he stated angrily "Bloody pills to make you forget, Gwen told me, is this what happened to Ianto? Bloody magic pills..."

Jack looked momentarily confused, and interrupted him not sure what the hell Rhys was talking about, "I assure you, I did not do this," he said adamantly.

"You had better fix this Jack," Rhys demanded.

"I will, as soon as we work out what is going on," Jack advised. "Right now Tosh is going though the archives looking for anything that might help; Owen is doing every test he can think of." He took hold of Rhys by the forearms. "I will fix this" he promised.

"Better bloody had," Rhys stated as he sat down back into the sofa.


	27. Chapter 27

Affairs of the Heart.

**Chapter 27**

Scrolling though the lines of information Ianto rolled his neck to ease the stiffness standing in front of the library computer too long had caused. With Jack gone he had decided to fast forward the review of literature and get as much done as possible He wanted to show him how much he had managed to achieve during the time he had been away.

He rubbed the sore spot on his neck again as he reached down and pulled out his cell phone. Why had Jack not returned any of his voice mails or texts? Jack had said he would leave his phone on at all times he recalled. Jack had called late that first day to advise he had arrived and Ianto had given him a run down on what he had done that day, but since then nothing.

He wished he had some other way of contacting him. He swallowed down the feeling of panic that had been growing over the past days. Perhaps something had happened to him and he couldn't respond, maybe he had had an accident and was critically injured somewhere.

He took deep breath as a wave of anxiety filled him. He checked his phone again, who could he call? He knew so little about the Captain, where did he come from and where was he?

Tosh he thought suddenly. He had met Tosh, maybe she could help. He picked up his notes and headed back to their office as fast as he could.

Tosh walked into the board room at the Hub. "Any idea when this came through? I t has a low meson energy reading," Tosh asked handing an ornately carved box to Adam.

"I think I found it during an excavation," he said, taking the box from her and examining it as Jack entered the room.

"Okay," Jack said as he place a large metal box on the board room table. "Let's start going through the archives and see if we have anything that might help restore memories, starting with this."

Adam moved and put his hand on Jacks shoulder. "Remember, we set up a search of the archives at the beginning of the year. I left the completed report you asked for on your desk."

"Of course," Jack said momentarily perplexed, "remind me what we found?"

"Nothing, we found nothing," Adam explained. "A systematic search of the artefacts and archives has found nothing that would help. There are several objects that Owen reckons have possible medical applications, but who knows?"

"Oi!" Owen said indignantly as he came into the room, "I am still determining their function."

Gwen entered the room and joined them, her long face and hands in her coat pocket indicated how miserable she was feeling.

"How's it going?" Jack asked kindly as he put an arm around her shoulder as she joined them.

"I'm Ok," she said sadly.

"You don't sound Ok, should you be at work, I did give you several days off," he added concerned.

"No I'm sick of being at home, it's all still a blur, thought I might be better off being here," she explained.

Jack nodded to the others who left to work on various task, as they did he gently led Gwen to his office.

Starting from the top of Jack's desk Ianto systematically searched its contents. He scrutinised every scrap of paper, he opened every book and shook it just in case something, anything might fall out. He checked every page of the address book he had found, but it was no use as it only contained contacts regarding their work, and he recognised all of them. He opened the left drawer then the right. He turned on Jack computer but to his dismay found it password protected, after three attempts at guessing what it might be, the security programme pop-up told him he was now locked out.

There was nothing. His hope of finding a way to contact Tosh had failed and he slammed the right drawer shut in frustration. He sat for several moments and looked at the rain as it hit the window, pondering what he was going to do now. 'What was her full name?' He thought. 'Toshiko Sato. It wasn't like it was common name. He stepped over to his computer and began to search the names in the white pages.

Several numbers came up scattered thought out the United Kingdom with the initial T Sato and he sat back. 'This was crazy,' he thought, 'I am now going to start calling complete strangers, and say

"Sorry to bother you I'm looking for Toshiko Sato, small Japanese woman er yeah, do you know her, well actually, I'm looking for Jack Harkness, Captain Jack Harkness…".' He put his hand to his forehead. 'This is not right' he thought, 'I can't just ring random people in the hope one of them is the person I am looking for.'

He sat back trying to think as his stomach churned with worry. When Jack came up here to set up this project he must have given the University all sorts of information including, who he was working for. A project of national importance; wasn't it that what Rosemary had said? Someone somewhere in this university must know who was funding this project; they must have some contact details. He picked up the phone and called the secretary to the dean.

Gwen sat down in front of Jack's desk as he closed his office door then took his chair and sat down next to Gwen.

"How is it going, really? He asked her.

"It's still blur but I'm beginning to recall things," she a slight smile touched her face. "I recalled Rhys the Rant last night."

"Rhys the Rant?" Jack repeated, encouraging her to speak.

"He had a go at the checkout operator at our local store last night and I just burst out laughing," she told him.

Jack listened smiling, as he nodded in understanding recalling how Gwen had shared this part of Rhys's personality with him on previous occasions.

Gwen leaned forward." I know you told me to take some time off, but I came back to work for a reason," she explained. "Rhys keeps telling me something is wrong, and about some bloke called Ianto. He reckons, I should remember him: Ianto Jones. He said he was a Torchwood operative who went missing. "

Jack shook his head as he thought, "We've never had an operative here called Ianto, do you think whatever caused your loss of memory might be affecting Rhys?" he asked, concerned at her comment.

"I don't know Jack, all I know is he is very insistent." She took a deep breath. "He said you didn't just come back from some conference, you've been away for months, and apparently I've been running operations, that's how he knows about Torchwood. With you gone and all the time I was here running things, it caused a terrible strain in our relationship and we almost broke off the engagement because of it. He said I told him about Torchwood with your approval and from all accounts it was pretty volatile. He demanded proof and I brought him here and showed him around the Hub and introduced him to Tosh and Owen."

He shook his head as he looked at her, " I recall we brought Rhys into knowing about Torchwood, because he followed you here and you insisted we didn't Retcon him, because he had been lied to enough .You were very vocal if I recall, " he said certain of his recollection.

"Yes that's what I remember too," she stood up as she continued, "but it's not like Rhys to make something like this up and he's certain." She began to pace as she explained more of what Rhys had told her.

Jack watched her as he listened.

"Ianto was the archivist administrator at Torchwood. He always wore a suit, and made very good coffee," she said. "You and this Ianto were having a work place romance, nothing in the open but quietly in the back ground. After you went off with the Doctor, Ianto had some kind of breakdown. He was such a private person none of us knew anything about it until it was too late. We found he had engineered his own disappearance and taken some kind experimental dose of Retcon, which destroyed his memoires," she took a breath.

"Apparently we searched for him for weeks with no luck. Eventually Tosh found him by setting up some kind of search programme based on his car. When you came back and found he was missing you raced to where he was in the hope you could jog his memories. You've been there with him ever since, until you arrived back a few days ago." She took a breath and sat down leaning towards Jack. "He told me I had explained it like a tragic love story."

Jack tapped his top lip with his finger as he looked at Gwen. As much as she might deny the possibility, could whatever had affected her now be affecting Rhys, he wondered? He would talk to Owen and get him to go and check Rhys out, maybe there was some indicators that could shed some light on what was going on here.

Ianto Jones, Ianto Jones, he repeated to himself. It sounded familiar, but living in Wales should he be surprised? Ianto was unusual, but Jones was one of the most common Welsh surnames.

He stood up, and went to his office door, opened it and called out to Adam who was standing alongside Tosh as her work station. "Adam, are you ready yet? That weevil wont' catch itself you know." He then opened his right top desk draw taking out his revolver, checked it was loaded, put it into the holster then buckled the belt around his waist.

He put his hand on Gwen's shoulder for reassurance. "Let me assure you Gwen I've been here a long time and I'd remember if we had ever had someone working here called Ianto Jones."

"Are you certain Jack, absolutely certain?" Gwen asked as she observed the sad look that now formed on Jack's face as he started to speak.

"Gwen I'm certain and do you know why?" He took a sharp breath. ", I made a decision a long time ago, no work place romances, and no long term relationships outside of Torchwood either," he said quietly, "and I have kept that vow for over 40 years."

Gwen looked up at him her eyes widening. "Tell me you haven't been on your own all this time?" she asked, shocked at his revelation.

"The trouble with being immortal Gwen is you have to watch every one you care age and die or die too young." He hesitated for a moment then added, "It would take someone incredibly special for me to cross that line again," he revealed quietly.

"Maybe somewhere out there, there is someone, there has to be," she added hoping she could lighten his thoughts.

He took a deep breath. "I don't think so Gwen, a soul can only cope with so much loss and grief, I couldn't risk opening myself." He paused. "Not again." He saw the sad look on her face. "I've had the odd passing liaison," he admitted," but no-one I have let in, and certainly no one within Torchwood," he said after a few moments has passed.

"If you're sure Jack," she said still not convinced.

"I am. There has never been an operative here called Ianto Jones," he said as he stepped out of his office. "Come on Adam let's go!" he shouted, heading for the garage as Adam raced to join him.


	28. Chapter 28

Affairs of the Heart.

**Chapter 28**

With extreme reluctance Ianto turned the key in the lock and opened the door to Jacks flat and stepped inside.

He had been gone nine days and all his efforts to find him had come to nothing. The University had been no help, the project was independently funded, and the arrangements were classified. The secretary had advised him she was not unsympathetic to his situation but there was nothing she could tell him to assist him further.

He took a look around. It was a bit of a mess as Jack had obviously left in a hurry. There was a mug on the kitchen table with a spread out newspaper underneath. He walked over and picked up the mug it was half filled with brown liquid, a film of scum across the top. He took it to the sink, emptied it out, and filled it with water leaving it to soak. He returned to the table and picked up the paper hoping there was something underneath. The table was bare. He folded the newspaper placed it back neatly on the table.

He had gone to the Police and asked them to search if there had been any reports of accidents involving the number plate of Jack's car, but none had been reported. His next step they told him was to have him listed as a missing person.

He opened the door to the bathroom and looked in. There several towels were on the floor. He bent down, scooped them up, and threw them in the washing machine.

A search using every available resource, limited as it may be, had found nothing. He was in no phone directory, or electoral register. He had googled the name and found a single reference from World War Two, the Battle of Britain. There had been Captain Jack Harkness; an American. He had been an air pilot killed during a training exercise in 1941. He had found this out using the Imperial War Museum archive and paying a large fee to access his military records. The photograph included was not Jack. Well it been a last straw and it couldn't be him anyway Jack looked to be about 39 to 40 years old, if he had been that Captain Harkness he would be well into his 90's. Ianto admitted it was a measure of his desperation that had led him to check in the first place.

He walked through and opened the bedroom door. The bed was unmade. He opened the wall cupboard; some of his shirts were still here on hangers but nothing else. The flat was devoid of any personal effects. If he removed the shirts there would nothing to indicate he had ever been here. He sat on the side of the bed and saw he had missed something. He picked up what looked like a science fiction novel; he flicked through it and put it back.

He picked up the pillow and held it to his chest. Its smell reminded him of Jack and he closed his eyes. He was frightened, scared for Jack and himself. As each day had passed the terrible feeling of loss that had haunted him had returned worse than he had ever experienced and had become all encompassing. It had made sleep impossible and he could barely swallow, let alone eat.

He had tried to work out why the feeling was so distressing and he had come to realise it centred on losing Jack. He lay down on the bed and put the pillow under his head. He was gone, disappeared. People went missing every day never to be seen again. It meant he would never see Jack again.

Ianto lay on the bed trying to breathe through the feelings of panic that now overwhelmed him and he fell into a black state, his mind swirling. He suddenly felt sick. he sprang up, just making it to the bathroom he threw up into the sink. There was nothing in his stomach but that didn't stop the terrible retching. As the sensation eased he sunk to the floor.

Several moments passed and he pulled himself up and turned on the cold tap to rinse the sink as he did he leant forward and took a mouth full of water from the tap and spat it out. Making his way back to the bed, he lay down and wrapped the sheets and blankets around himself. Holding the pillow to his chest, he closed his eyes against the terrible emptiness that began to overtake him. 'Where are you Jack?' He asked himself over and over again.

Jack pulled himself out of the man hole on the waste ground and saw Adam waiting for him exposed by the feeble security light.

"Jack was it down there? The weevil?" Adam asked as Jack pulled himself into the light.

"Yeah, of course," Jack replied, suggesting he did not really want to talk.

"You ok?" Adam asked. "What did you see?"

"My past," Jack replied.

"What about the past? Is it your childhood?" Adam put his hand on Jack shoulder, "I've always been here for you Jack, from the very beginning. I'm the one you can confide in, remember?".

Jack took a deep breath. "It was meant to be buried, I buried that memory over 150 years ago.

Why now?" he asked, angrily walking away leaving Adam to follow.

"Well maybe it's time. Maybe up until now your subconscious has been protecting you, but you can't block out the past forever," Adam said encouragingly as he followed behind him.

"I can't afford to remember," Jack said forcefully.

"Jack talk to me, please," Adam pleaded. "I can help trust me," he paused. "Just tell me what you see. Where are you, Jack?".

Obeying the instruction Jack closed his eyes, "Boeshane Peninsula, my home in the 51st century. We lived under the threat of invasion. They came without warning, we thought they would pass over like they always did, but they didn't... not that day," he explained, his voice shaking.

"Who?", Adam asked quietly.

"The most horrible creatures you could possibly imagine. Their howls travelled before them. Dad told me to take Gray, he was my little brother," he took a sharp breath. " One minute I was holding his hand , I don't know when he let go, one minute his hand was in mine," Jack told him now very distressed. "I screamed out his name, I don't know when he let go, he was just behind me. I retraced my steps hoping I would see him again, I ran all the way home".

"What did you find?" Adam asked.

"My father was dead, my mother was covered in blood. She asked me where Gray was, "he told Adam, appalled at the memory he was reliving.

"It was my fault, I searched for Gray for years, and I never found his body!" Jack shouted at Adam.

"It wasn't your fault," Adam comforted Jack.

"I let go of his hand, it was the worst day of my life. It's the last thing I want to remember." He told Adam angrily as he stalked off towards the SUV.


	29. Chapter 29

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 29 **

Tosh held the strange gold carved box turning over in her hand. "So according to the molecular breakdown this potentially complex alien artefact is in fact made of wood," she stated to Owen in disgust.

"Perhaps it fell in the crate by mistake, picked up meson energy with the other stuff in the crate Jack found," Owen tried to explain.

"I don't think so," Tosh answered sarcastically. " Adam brought it back from an excavation."

"I think Jack brought it in, I recall it was included in a box of various artefacts," he tried to explain, hurt by the disdainful look on her face.

"No, I'm sure Adam found it on an excavation some months back," she stated as Jack entered the room.

"No, I was sure it was you Jack, who brought in the box," Owen said to Jack expecting him to agree with him.

Jack took the box from Tosh and turned it over in his hands. "I don't recall bringing it in," he replied, examining it.

"Adam brought it in," Tosh argued.

"If he did it will be noted in the artefact log," Owen told her.

"No point looking," Tosh told them both. "Adam found it during an excavation."

Owen let out a sigh as he looked at Jack then glanced at his watch shaking his head, "I've had enough for one day, this argument can wait for tomorrow," Owen said as he turned to leave.

Tosh watched as Owen left and checked her cell phone and began to smile as she read the text message, "I've gotta go meet Adam," she said to no-one in particular , as she turned and made her way out towards the Hub exit.

Jack continued to examine the box. There was something compelling about it which he couldn't put his finger on. He looked up briefly as both Tosh and Owen left. "Think I'll go and check the log," he said to himself.

Jack walked into his office and put the box on his desk and sat down. Looking around for the artefact log, he pulled open the left top drawer. It was stuck as if it had been jammed shut. He gave it a hard sharp tug, as he did so the contents shot forward in a jumble. "Ha, here you are," he exclaimed as he saw his cell phone. He had looked everywhere for it and it had been in here all along.

He turned it on. There were 32 phone messages and an almost equal number of texts. How long since he had checked it? He looked at the date, ten days. Unconsciously he turned the phone off and began to put the phone back into the drawer. He stopped himself and turned the phone back on and scrolled through the list. As he did so, he again felt an overwhelming compulsion to turn off the phone, and felt himself begin to put the phone back into the drawer.

He hesitated. There were so many messages from the same number. Someone had obviously been trying to contact him. He heard a voice in his head telling him it was important he check his messages. Fighting the temptation to turn it off and return it to the drawer, he scrolled to the first message and began to listen.

Moving with speed Jack opened the small fridge in the lab; he pulled out the caddy of blood samples. Where was Adam's? He spun the caddy around checking each one, it was missing. Another vial in particular caught his attention, and he pulled it out, reading the name on the label his face became even darker. He put the samples back and went to Gwen's work station. Turning it on he began to search through all the CCTV footage from the previous days. If he was right Adam did not exist until approximately ten days ago.

He observed the extensive footage as Adam went through his memory routine touching along with the phrase, remember ,_ remember_ ,_**remember.**_ It was like he was recalling a man who didn't exist. He looked at the footage again as a deep rage began to build inside him. 

Adam didn't exist, but Ianto Jones did. At first he had no recollection of him but as he had listened to each message the voice had literally resonated in his mind and his memory of Ianto returned.

The man he loved, and told he would only be gone for three days. He looked at his watch, 3.30am. He set up the system to check the trace on Ianto's car he had put there on his first visit to the university. He watched anxiously for it to indicate his location. His heart leapt in fear as he realised his car was not where he expected it to be. He looked again and he took in a sharp breath as he saw it was parked at his own apartment. He now let out the same breath, he knew the location of the car, but was Ianto there with it? He placed his palm over the icon. 'Please,' he prayed, ' let Ianto be ok.' He dialled the number and it rang- rang- rang- rang- rang- rang-rang-rang-rang at last he heard an anxious voice reply.

Rhys opened the door of the flat he shared with Gwen. "Gwen's gone, she just left, " he told Jack in a concerned whisper as he looked over Jack to check they were not being observed.

"I saw her leave," Jack replied as he followed Rhys down the hall into the main living area.

"What the hell is going on?" Rhys asked as they both stood by the sofa. "I don't like lying to Gwen."

" I need your help," Jack told him matter- of- factly.

"My help? You must be desperate," Rhys replied honestly.

Jack crossed his arms and explained what he had discovered.

"An alien," Rhys said in astonishment. "An alien who is feeding off every ones memories."

Jack nodded. "He plugs himself in by touch and creates false memories of himself and when he does it displaces the real ones," he explained.

"That's what happened to Gwen then?", Rhys asked.

"Yeah," Jack replied.

"How did you figure this out?" Rhys asked. "I mean it's been days."

"I found my phone full of messages from Ianto. He's been trying to contact me for ten days," he replied 

"So he does exist," Rhys stated.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. "Long story... let's just say he is a person of significant importance to me and..."

"Is he ok?" Rhys asked, concerned.

"He's ok for now, worried sick for me. How he really is I won't know is until I get back," Jack said, recalling the phone call earlier on that morning.

Rhys walked into the kitchen. "Right," he said, filling up the kettle. "I need my Gwen back and you need to get back to Ianto. How do we sort the little sod out? " he asked.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "The first thing you need to know, is on no account let him touch you."

"Understood, " Rhys said nodding.


	30. Chapter 30

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 30**

Jack stood outside the Hub running through the plan he had worked out with Rhys.

First step isolate Adam. Second, destroy every computer record; wipe all the CCTV footage and every scrap of evidence of Adams existence. He had come up with a plan to explain the destruction of the data. Torchwood was about to experience the worst computer virus in history. Alien in origin it would literally wipe every trace of electronic data from the time Adam turned up.

Jack would then take Owen and Tosh and administer Retcon to them. He would use Ianto's technique to restore a false memory of the last two weeks in theory this would allow their real personalities, to return.

Rhys would take Gwen home and administer Retcon there. He had offered Rhys the same opportunity but he had declined. He had advised Jack that if he knew what had happened then any questions Gwen may have his reply would deepen her new memories. Secondly, if this was ever to occur again Rhys would be able to alert Jack.

Jack steeled himself for what was to come because he had something planned for Adam. For this plan to work he had to remember. He was aware he would have to live with the revived memory of his brother. It was his most painful, shameful memory, but he would suffer it for Ianto's sake. By doing so maybe he could atone in some small way for failing both Ianto and Gray. The door rolled open and he stepped through.

Jack entered the Hub observing the morning activity with Tosh at her work station, Owen walking down the steps from the green house. He entered his office took off his coat, and waited until he saw Adam was seated at his desk.

Taking his revolver out of his desk he checked it was loaded. Now he walked out and stood behind Adam and cocked his gun close to the back of his head.

"Speak to me Adam if that is even your name," Jack stated.

"What" said Adam in surprise as he turned around to face Jack.

"What the hell are you doing?" Tosh asked shocked.

"He didn't exist until ten days ago," Jack replied keeping the barrel of the gun facing Adams head.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" Adam asked as if this was a joke being played on him.

"Jack we've known him for years he's part of the team", Owen pointed shocked at Jacks actions.

"He just made you think that," Jack said calmly.

"You know me, Jack you recruited me three years ago," Adam stated with desperate edge to his voice. As he spoke he reached out to touch Jack's arm

"Ha you don't get to me that way," Jack stated jerking his hand away to avoid Adams touch.

"Who is Ianto Jones?" He asked the group briefly glancing at each of them.

He saw nothing on their face except for a growing realisation on Gwen's face at the significance of Jacks confession the previous day came to her.

"Exactly, none of us would have ever forgotten him, except for him." His face twisted as he spoke. He's has been feeding himself on our memories by touch and by doing so he disturbed our real memories".

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Adam said doing his best to pretend this was all a mistake.

Jack grabbed the front of Adams shirt, and lifted him to his feet ",I'm taking him to the vaults".

"Jack this is ridiculous," Owen tried to point out trying to keep up with events.

"Jack No," Tosh cried out now distressed as Jack grabbed Adam lifting him to his feet.

"Move!" Jack shouted as he pushed Adam towards the vaults.

Tosh leapt forward and grabbed the gun from Jacks hand. "NO," she cried out she pointed the gun at Jack.

"That's not going to help," Gwen tried to reason with Tosh as she moved slowly towards her in an effort to take the gun from her.

"I'm just going to lock him up," Jack said as he tried to reason with her keeping his attention fully on Adam.

"Let him go," Tosh demanded pointing the gun at Jack.

"I'm not going to harm him," Jack told her quietly.

"Why should I believe you," Tosh demanded in sheer panic.

"Tosh we can talk about this," Owen advised keeping himself calm as he also moved towards Tosh along with Gwen.

"Let him go," Tosh said in desperation. As she spoke Owen and Gwen simultaneously grabbed the hand holding the gun . All three fell to the floor and after a struggle Owen wrestled the gun from her hands.

"This is what you've done to us," Jack snarled as he saw Tosh stand up and push first both Gwen then Adam. " Move," Jack demanded of Adam shoving him firmly.

"Adam," Tosh screamed out as Jack Pushed Adam further towards the vaults.

Deep in an abandoned part of the Hub, Jack looked at Adam in revulsion as he tested the strength of the bars of his cell.

"Don't kill me I had to come part of your memories in order to survive, I didn't mean any harm," Adam spat out as he squirmed under Jacks gaze.

"You changed us," Jack told him.

"I made you better, you didn't remember who you were I helped you. Look at Owen all his cynicism gone he's a different man now, he's selfless, happier, " he paused. "Toshiko too, she has never been so confident," Adam told him proudly.

"And Ianto, you would have let me abandon him again. After all the hurt I caused, you would have me do that to him_ again, _" Jack stated, visibly upset at the implication of what could have happened, what could still happen. Adam wisely remained silent as Jack fought for control of himself.

"Why us?" Jack asked finally after several moments had passed.

"All of you have such unique memories, especially you Jack. All those extraordinary memories you hold, some hidden, some absent. Your singular mind, that's what drew me here ," Adam advised.

"Good job, it's what we do best, wipe out aliens," Jack told Adam with crossed arms.

"I was in the void for so long, the colours of this world almost blinded me. It was so beautiful out there after the darkness and stench of fear ,don't send me back into the darkness" he beseeched as he saw the look on Jacks face.

"I don't intend to," Jack stated. "Right now Tosh, Gwen and Owen are in the process of taking a dose of Retcon. When they wake up they you will be erased from their memories and then there will be just me and one other left, " Jack explained the quietness in his voice disguising the rage he felt.

"So I get to live! So much for Jack the alien killer," Adam taunted.

Jack smiled a terrible smile, "You don't understand Adam, this place I've brought you is the deepest abandoned part of the Hub. No one comes down here, only I know it exists and I assure you after I leave here and close that door," he pointed to the massive metal, bolted door to the right of the cell, " no one is going to come here for hundreds of years."

He moved forward as he continued, "I'm immortal Adam, while I live ,you will remain here," he spat out the final word as he punched his pointed finger to the ground.

"Jack don't leave me here, " Adam pleaded, as he realised the full implication of Jacks words. "Not forever in this place, alone in the dark, trapped in this reality with no chance of escape."

He struggled against the bars putting an arm through in an effort to reach Jack.

"That carved box you found contains all the memories you and Ianto shared before you left. Let me go" he begged, "and I can make it so it never happened. You returned and he is waiting for you, you can hold him in your arms and tell him how much you love him. You can share his life with him just as you planned."

He looked at Jack who had his arms crossed, a cruel look set on his face as he listened in complete silence.

"Wouldn't it be lovely, Ianto in your arms safe and happy with you, "he said in his most persuasive voice.

"You could share that symbol of true love you found with him. Remember how the Doctor laughed and told you it was a replica, all the originals being lost to time. But as you held it images of Ianto came to you and it reacted. Then something came alive inside you for the first time, in how long Jack , how long ?" he shouted his voice rising in desperation.

"You lock me away and you lose everything I offer. You do this and he will never remember. His mind is locked. He will never recall what you once meant to him. He will never remember he loves you. It's all there, I can sense it, but the linkages in his mind are destroyed. I can give it all back to you, just don't leave me here" he screamed out.

Jack turned away towards the door, "Good bye Adam," he said.


	31. Chapter 31

Affairs of the Heart.

**Chapter 31**

His thoughts centred on Ianto, Jack took the turning to the right and followed the signs to the next intersection. If he travelled all night he would be back with him by morning. How he was going explain his absence at this point was beyond him for the time being, because Ianto deserved to hear nothing but the truth.

From his conversation Ianto had been more concerned that Jack was safe and unharmed in any way. In typical Ianto fashion he put his own welfare second and the relief in his voice was more than Jack could bear to hear. How could he have let this happen? He cursed Adam at what amounted to nothing less than emotional rape. The only positive to come out of this if there was one, was to thank God Ianto was not there. He shuddered to think, what Adam might have done to him if he had.

Tomorrow when Gwen woke up she would never recall what he had told her. He had kept that vow to himself for over 40 years. It had been someone special that had caused him to cross that line. Someone so exceptional he would have crossed that line if it had been the other side of the universe.

He thought back to those months as he has struggled with his growing feelings. How hard he had resisted not wanting to expose himself to being hurt again. This was Torchwood he knew from bitter experience, there were no happy endings. But this man, this man had affected him so profoundly he recognised his entire future existence would be impoverished without him in his life.

He smiled in remembrance at Ianto's attempts to seduce him, successful attempt he corrected himself. A willing seduction as there had ever been.

When Ianto had made his move, his resolve was melted by the taste of his kisses, his hands on his body, the smell of him. The weight of him as they entwined and called out each other's names in the release of their mutual passion.

As Ianto had slept, he had immersed himself in the closeness he so craved and had denied himself so long. He took in a sharp breath at the realisation of what he had lost. Why had he remained silent when he should have declared his feelings and intentions? He had been a true fool. One thing he knew for sure, he was not leaving Ianto's side again until he could share his life fully with him.

He pondered on the loss of his memories over the past days, he literally had no recollection of him not even a stray thought. Was this what it was like for Ianto? Was Adam right were the linkages damaged beyond repair in his mind? Did that explain the look of confusion he saw at times on Ianto's face, a disconnection between what he was feeling and what it meant?

A car passed him, and he now began to address the deep fears he held for Ianto. Had his disappearance triggered the terrible feelings of loss and abandonment that had led to his breakdown? He took a deep breath to release the tension he felt building in his chest. Would it set back the small beginnings that had shown such promise and which he had pinned all his hopes too?

So many unknowns and what the hell was he going to tell him?

Ianto lay in deep sleep, the first true sleep he had since he realised Jack was missing and for once it was a dreamless. The relief at the sound of his voice had eased all the fear he had felt and he had wept with relief. Again this effect Jack had upon him he could not fathom, right now he didn't care. All he could think of was Jack was on his way back, and he thanked god, he thanked the heavens , the universe, the dawn, the sun, the moon, the sky , and the stars that Jack was safe and would be here soon.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Ianto watched as Jack came out of the lift from his open door. As Jack approached his apartment door Ianto moved towards him and without warning hugged him. Jack was momentarily taken aback as Ianto threw his arms around him in a spontaneous hug of relief at seeing him safe. With Ianto's arms around him, he struggled not to become lost in this longed for moment of physical intimacy and retuned it with the same intent.

"What happened, Jack?" Ianto asked his face creased with concern as they pulled apart. Jack followed Ianto into his flat. He pulled out two kitchen chairs and they sat facing each other knee to knee. Before speaking he took both Ianto's hands into his and looked directly into his eyes.

"Ianto I am not going to lie to you," he paused briefly knowing this was going to be tough. He had thought long and hard of what he could say and decided that Ianto deserved the truth. "Right now in this very moment, there is no explanation I can give you," he said.

"I need to know Jack. You were gone ten days. I can't begin to tell you how worried I've been," he struggled to control his voice.

Jack kept his gaze, "I will tell you this, it was not at my choice and I ask you to trust me that I would never...never willingly have kept out of contact."

He took a breath knowing what he had to say next was going to be difficult. "There is an explanation, and if you ask me in one year I will give it to you," he said.

"Jack I need an explanation now," he burst out visibly upset as he struggled to understand Jack's reply. "You have no idea what I've been through," he struggled to find the right words. "I was terrified, something had happened to you, I thought you must have been in some terrible accident or you had been killed...that... that... I would never see you again," he stammered not able to stop himself as he momentarily lost control.

"It was ten days Jack," he repeated as he fought to control himself not wanting Jack to know just how much his disappearance had affected him.

Jack listened and watched trying to hold onto his own emotions as Ianto expressed in his body language how much his absence had cost him and was visibly shaken by what he saw.

"You deserve to hear the truth, but I doubt you would believe me," Jack said honestly the words catching his breath as he spoke.

"What could be so farfetched, I wouldn't believe you?" Ianto burst out letting go of his hands and sitting back.

Jack took a breath, thinking of how Ianto might react if he told him the truth.

"_I am human being from the 51__st__ century. I'm 140 years old, can't die and am basically immortal. I'm head of the Torchwood Institute that hunts down alien technology arming humanity for the future. _

_I fell in love with you, yes YOU, but I was so used to shielding myself, I failed to see you loved me. I have caused you immeasurable hurt and I am trying to do everything in my power to make it right. _

_I set up this whole project so I could come up here be by your side, in the fool's hope you might remember you loved me. And if that fails, I cling to the hope that some miracle might occur and you will fall in love with me all over again. I ache for you. Every moment I spend not being able to touch you or tell you how I feel is torture. _

_Oh and an alien infiltrated Torchwood and for 10 days I forgot you existed." _

"One year Ianto," Jack repeated, "and I will tell you everything."

"Everything," Ianto repeated not sure if he fully understood what was going on.

"Everything," Jack said with sincerity.

Ianto drew back. "Or is it something else," he said his eyes narrowing as a realisation dawned on him. "That you don't trust me enough, to let me in on what really happened," he said as he worked it out in his head.

"No, Ianto. No, I would trust you with...," Jack said at Ianto's outburst as he stopped himself before he said too much.

"There is so much secrecy Jack. I'm supposed to be working on a project of national importance and no one has heard of it or you, "he said thinking of his efforts over the past days which had only deepened the mystery surrounding Captain Jack Harkness and the project he had set up.

Jack sat back thinking ,he had promised himself that he would not lie to Ianto, but his partial reply had only made things worse. He could see the man was shrinking into himself, radiating distress, confusion and distrust, to move forward he had to tell him something. He took a deep breath.

"I'm head of the Torchwood Institute, which is based in Cardiff, Wales. That's where I've been for the past ten days. Toshiko Sato also works there," he saw the surprise on Ianto's face at his admission.

"If you look Torchwood up you won't find any information, because we are a highly classified organisation that works outside the normal channels of government. We have our own brief and act independently depending on circumstances." He looked at the uncertainty on Ianto's face , " and if need be, I can get any number of people on the phone right now including the head of UNIT or the Prime Minister to confirm every word I've told you. "

Ianto sat back in thought. "Torchwood, so that's who I'm working for," he said after several moments passed thinking the turn of events may actually require him to ask for proof.

"In a manner of speaking, but in reality you are in fact working for me," Jack corrected him.

"Why me?" Ianto asked as he worked through the information as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Out of all the people here, some with years of experience in research, experts in their respective fields, why me? I was nothing but a glorified clerk come tea boy. I find information, catalogue it, then file it and make coffee." He looked at Jack. "Rosemary said you asked for me personally, why?"

Jack took a long blink as he heard the phrase tea boyand tried to formulate a response.

"You truly believe that don't you, that your just a glorified fact finder and filer who just happens to make good coffee," he said looking at Ianto as he came to realise he was actually describing what he believed his role within Torchwood had been.

"You are far more than that to me... more than just a tea boy," he said vehemently. "I couldn't have done this project without you; your efforts have been invaluable. So why you," he took a breath, "because I saw in you the potential that you have demonstrated in full measure from the moment you came on board, enthusiasm, intelligence, hard work, the ability to ask questions that have led this research in surprising directions," he looked at Ianto's face as he spoke and smiled as he continued.

"I am not sure you know this, but I stepped back months ago. Every direction this project has taken has come from an idea you came up with and," he took a deep breath as he took a risk.

"And you are a good friend; it's a connection I felt between us from the very first moment we met. I thought this is a man I would really like to know," he looked at Ianto,"really like to know," he repeated hoping Ianto would understand the intent of his statement.

"Why not someone from Torchwood? Surely one of them could have done the same...better," Ianto argued.

"We're a small team and none of them had the right combination of skills that would fit my needs for this project, I could only find that skill base in you," Jack stated categorically.

Ianto sat back as he tried to take in what he was being told.

"And I never -ever - want to hear you describe yourself to me or anyone else, as just a tea boy," Jack stated adamantly.

Ianto smiled shyly. "You still want me to make you coffee right?" he asked knowing the amount inexplicable pleasure it gave him, to make Jack happy even in this small way.

"Ianto. Your coffee is the only way I make it through the day," he replied in all honesty.

"One year," Ianto said as studied Jack's face openly for the first time.

"I promise Ianto," he replied, "one year today". He watched as Ianto sat back mulling over the conversation wondering what he was going to do or say if Ianto did not accept. Several moments passed as he watched Ianto study him, then take away his hand from the back of his neck.

"Right then in that case," Ianto said standing. "I'm gonna need that proof."

Jack looked at him and pulled out his cell phone. "Who would like to speak to first?" he asked him candidly.

Ianto thought for a moment, "Well I've never met the head of UNIT, but I've seen the Prime Minister on television so I reckon I would recognise her voice," he said firmly.

Jack smiled as he placed the call then handed the phone over to him and listened to the conversation.

"Prime Minister." he heard Ianto say, "yes, yes, I know who you are. I need to confirm...Torchwood Institute, Cardiff, got it. Captain Jack Harkness, head of. Thank you for taking the time to speak to me Prime Minister. Sorry to have bothered you," he handed the phone back to Jack and picked up his diary which was laying on the coffee table. Jack watched as he turned to the calendar at the back for the next year.

"One year today Jack," he said looking at him as he ringed the date with the pen he had picked up from the coffee table.

"The last 10 days have been hell," he said rubbing both hands over his face. "I need coffee," Ianto said as he made his way to the kitchen and begin to take out coffee canisters.

Jack stood walked and over to join him as he saw Ianto pull out the grinder.

"One year Jack, and it had better be a bloody good explanation," he said as he set up his coffee machine.

"I promise, it is," Jack replied with as much sincerity as he could, as he placed his hand on Ianto's shoulder. 'What you make of the truth will be another matter,' he said to himself.


	33. Chapter 33

Authors Note: There are two people I would like to thank. My betas.

Firstly my daughter for helping me write in the third person, who proof read up to the Adam section even though Ianto is her least favourite character and believes Jack should be with Gwen ( need bucket).

Secondly to the wonderful milady_dragon who has offered her support, encouragement and skills as a Beta.

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 33**

"This is a magnetoresistive sensor." Tosh said handing a small palm sized mushroom shaped device covered in a soft plastic coating, to Jack who then passed it to Ianto, "it's designed to pick up local variations in the earth's magnetic field," she explained.

Ianto turned the sensor over in his hand, then handed it back to Tosh who placed it back in the case along with a large number of others.

"How does it differentiate from the normal background magnetic field? "Ianto asked.

"Good question," Tosh replied as she now turned to her laptop which was on Jacks desk. "I've set up this as a demonstration," she told them as she motioned to the screen.

"When I was getting this all ready, I set up a way to ensure the sensors were calibrated in such a way that they would use the earth's background magnetic field to register the variations within a particular band," she pointed the programme now on the screen.

The screen now had a ruler down the right hand side and across the bottom. "Let me show you," she said as she clicked her mouse and lines began to appear across the screen.

Ianto and Jack moved closer and saw information was now worming its way across the screen from right to left.

"The green line is the earth's magnetic field. As you can see although it has a slight variation of movement, it has no extreme highs or lows". She explained.

"In other words, the green line should remain where it is right now, in the middle of the screen," Ianto commented.

"Exactly," Tosh replied. "However," she continued, "this is what the Unit survey noted. " She clicked her mouse again and this time a red line went across the screen sometimes crossing above and below the green line.

"It shows slow pulses of magnetic energy radiating outward," she told them.

"Like the ripples in a pond if a stones dropped in," Jack commented.

"Good analogy, that's exactly what it might look like and it will be interesting to see if it's still continuing or just something that was a one off ," she added.

Tosh moved away and picked up a small case and opened it.

"This is your main data collector", she said as she pulled out what looked like a sealed black box with several connectors and an aerial and turned it on.

"We need to bury this on site. Then once a month someone needs to go out and download all the data it has collected. You then bring it back here and upload into programme on this computer," she indicated the laptop.

"I've set up the laptop with a wireless connection, so you can do this from a car," she added

Ianto smiled at Jack, "Definitely a plus, with the weather here so changeable," he said as he saw Jack nod in agreement.

"It can go from sunny to rain in minutes," Jack added, thinking of the last time they had been at the stones. They day had begun with beautiful weather but within the space of two hours a massive storm had developed and they had only just managed to complete mapping the stones before it hit.

"I'll set up the actual programme now," Tosh said. "Once you have all the information on the lap top you can down load it onto your main server." She turned to Jack's computer and with a click of her mouse closed the demonstration programme she had shown them. With another click she now loaded the full programme she had created. A small logo appeared followed by several pops ups, then the main intro screen.

"This is excellent work, Tosh," Jack said.

Ianto moved across and picked up one of the mushroom shaped sensors and began to examine it more closely. From what he could tell it was it was a completely sealed unit with no obvious on or off button.

"How do you turn the sensors on?" Ianto asked as he turned it over in his hand.

"If you turn it over you onto its back, and press in the centre, there is a small button under the coating," Tosh replied.

Turning the sensor over, he pressed into the centre. He felt a small movement.

"Right," Tosh said as she completed the set up, "I'll show you now to transfer the information from the data collector, to the main programme.

Ianto and Jack now joined Tosh. Now she began to go through each step required to transfer the information from the lap top to the computer.

"All set to go," Tosh said now turning back to her lap top.

"Okay now I need to show you this, I calibrated each sensor, so it will match the information with its location at the henge." She clicked her mouse and a visual representation of the henge came onto the screen.

"Looks like all your hard work has paid off Ianto," Jack said moving aside to let him see the screen.

"All we need to do now is head out and place each sensor as indicated from your survey ," Tosh added finally.

"So that's our next step," Jack said as Ianto placed the sensor he was still holding on his desk and picked up a large roll of paper.

"I've worked out the exact location for each sensor," Ianto said to both of them as he unrolled the paper and pinned it to the large board that had set up for just this purpose.

"That's odd," Tosh said as she worked at Jack's computer. She looked up, "Ianto have you still got that sensor I saw you with earlier?" Tosh asked.

"Sorry, I was checking to see how it operated." He said as he picked up the sensor from his desk top turned it off and handed it back to her.

"That's Ok, it's just." She looked at the screen, "odd," she commented as she looked at the computer screen and saw that the red line indicating the sensor Ianto had held , had shot off the top of the screen.

"Everything Ok?" Jack asked seeing that her attention was completely absorbed by the information on her lap top.

She picked up the sensor again, "I think it just needs calibrating," she said as she watched the red line slowly returning back to the centre green line."

"Right," Ianto said as she joined them in front of the board. "As I was saying, I've mapped he exact location for each sensor, it should create a good overall picture of the immediate surrounding area. I thought it would be a good idea if we also placed some of the sensors further away to see how far variations radiate out."

Jack stood and listed as Ianto explained where each sensor was to be located and his reasoning for each. He smiled to himself at his young assistant's growing confidence. He wondered if it had been after Jack had told him that effectively Ianto was leading the research.

No, he thought it was something else. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on it. All he could say was that in the right circumstances, Ianto now took the lead. He had a more general air of confidence about him. If he had to put money on it, he would say it had begun after their last visit to henge. It was like something inside Ianto had turned on and he was more like his old self now than any time since the project had begun.

He listened in amusement as Tosh and Ianto started on one of their scientific debates. Well he was certainly more comfortable in Tosh's company he was pleased to note.

"Early start tomorrow," Jack interrupted them both looking at his watch. "And Tosh has had a long drive to get here."

"Yes," Tosh said as they began to assist her to re-packing the equipment.

"We'll pick you up at 7.30 am," Jack said to her as they got ready to leave.

"Your car or mine?" Ianto asked him.

"We could take mine," Jack offered.

"Well mine's been in the garage for a while about time it had another run," Ianto advised.

Jack nodded at the offer, "Ok you pick me up 7.30," he said.

"7.15," Ianto told him, "we have to pick up Tosh at 7.30."

"Ok 7.15 it is," Jack said in agreement.

"And be ready," Ianto warned him.

"I wasn't that late last time," he said as he put on his coat.

"How long can it take to put on your coat on and lock up," Ianto said to him as Tosh smiled at their banter.

"Long day tomorrow," Jack said not replying as he shook his head smiling at Ianto comments. "Get a good rest," he added as he followed Ianto out.


	34. Chapter 34

Affairs of the Heart.

**Chapter 34**

Using a small digging tool Ianto dug a small deep hole, using the sensor as a guide he measured it to see if it would fit it did. Taking a sensor from the case he turned it on, and covered it with dirt. He stretched his back then pulled his copy of diagram to see where the next one was needed. He stretched his back again, as he looked around. He saw Tosh waving at him, holding up a flask and a cup. He looked at his watch and taking the digging tool went to join her.

"Thanks," he said taking the offered cup. "Where's Jack?" He asked looking around hoping this was his opportunity to finally get Tosh on her own.

"Oh he went off to bury the sensors required over there," she pointed to Jack who was just visible on far right.

Ianto took a breath and felt a flutter, he was almost out of sight. Good this was the moment he had been hoping for ever since he had found out Tosh was coming up. It had almost been impossible and he was beginning to worry he would never get her on her own.

"How's the wrist holding out?," Tosh asked indicating the wrist support on Ianto right hand.

"Not too bad," Ianto replied.

"Any soreness and I can take over," she offered.

"No it's good," he said as he took a sip and looked shyly at Tosh, "Jack tells me you also work for Torchwood?" He asked quickly not wanting to waste the opportunity.

"Yes," Tosh replied Jack had advised her that he had told Ianto about Torchwood and he might have some questions.

"Have you known Jack long?" Ianto asked quietly.

"About three years now," she replied.

"Cardiff," Ianto said hesitantly, "Jack tells me you're based in Cardiff."

"Yes ,that's where we're based," she replied chirpily.

"I went a couple of times, when I was younger with my Dad. Recently I recall seeing something about the Millennium Centre," he said conversationally.

"Yes, the Centre it's amazing, right next to the bay," she advised not sure where his questions were going.

"It's such a long way up here I,... I , guess Jack's family must miss him?" he asked struggling to get the question out.

"No, he's on his own," Tosh told him thinking Jack would be most interested in the line of questions.

"He's on his own then," Ianto repeated after several moments had passed as tried to formulate his next question.

Tosh looked at him. "Oh he did have some one, but he lost him," she replied.

"Him,", Ianto repeated under his breath looking into his cup.

"Yeah, he was pretty devastated," Tosh added, "but I get the feeling just recently he may have found someone special."

Ianto looked up at her as she finished speaking . "Oh I see," he replied as he took a sip from his cup, but found it impossible to swallow. He saw Jack heading back towards them he threw the remainder of the coffee away and walked off.

"Are you two having coffee without me," he said as he joined them. Tosh took a cup and poured him one as he saw Ianto move off.

"Interesting conversation," Jack enquired as he watched as Ianto return to his task.

"He asked some questions, "Tosh told him.

"Torchwood?" He asked curiously.

"You," she said as she saw Jack nod his eyes following Ianto.

'That's good news, " he said as he smiled as he kept his eyes on his young assistant.

"Really, "Tosh exclaimed as she watched Jack gaze reluctantly return to her.

"Yeah," he said as he let out a sigh of relief, "let just say it's the first positive sign I've had that things are moving forward for a long time," he told her honestly. "So what did he ask"? He said taking a drink from his cup.

"He asked if you had any family in Cardiff. I said you were single. You did have someone important, but lost them. And now it looked like you may have found someone special," she told him excitedly.

Jack looked at her as his face dropped and took a deep breath, "So you told him I may have found someone."

"Yes, him of course," Tosh exclaimed.

"Tosh." He looked her in total frustration as he took a breath and breathed out trying to find the right words. "What he will think is I've found someone and it's not him." He saw the look of confusion on her face.

"One of Ianto's core issues was he didn't believe he was worthy of being loved, especially by me," he explained as he let out a breath in frustration.

"Oh Jack I'm sorry," she said realising her mistake. " I was just trying to help."

Jack looked at Ianto and he didn't need to be psychic to know how he might be feeling. He had taken a risk to find out more about him and had had his hopes raised and dashed in the space of a single conversation.

"Fix this," he demanded looking at her.

"How?" she asked him.

"I don't know," he said almost shouting . "Just do it."

Ianto knelt on the ground digging the next hole. 'Well' he told himself' ' you had to ask. Of course someone like Jack would have someone and even if he was on his own he wouldn't be interested in you.' The word tea boy sprung into his head. He reminded himself he had promised Jack he wouldn't refer to himself in that way anymore, but the word still came into his mind.

Alright then, predictable, reliable and all the other 'ables' he could think of. He looked across towards Jack and Tosh who were deep in a heated conversation . From what Jack had told him he had had an amazing life. He was head of some major organisation that was so classified he had had to call the Prime Minister to have it confirmed. He struggled to breathe; the type of person Jack would be interested would be dynamic, sure of themselves, not boring like him.

He wiped his face dry with his hand. Why feel sad for something that could never be and never would have been? He stabbed the ground, the information fitted in perfectly with how he felt. He placed the final sensor, and stood up, and now he would go and re- take those bloody photographs.

Jack looked up from the chart as Ianto stalked around the henge taking photographs. He did not need to see his face to know that he was unhappy. He had hardly said a word for hours; what must he thinking? He kicked the ground, every time there was movement forward, it was smothered. He was beginning to think this endeavour was cursed. He looked up and saw Ianto frozen on the spot, as he watched he saw him stagger and drop the camera, he threw the chart down and raced over.

"Are you Ok?" he asked Ianto as he arrived. Ianto bent down and picked up the camera off the ground.

"I'm fine," Ianto replied sharply as he examined the camera trying to make it work.

"I'm fine," he repeated tensely as he saw concern on Jacks face as he continued to check the camera for damage . He turned it on and off repeatedly, but it remained dead.

"Perfect," he said through his teeth handing the camera to Jack as he stormed off. "I've wrecked the camera."

Jack took the camera as he watched Ianto walk off, trying to decide if he should follow. He saw Tosh race over to join him.

"What just happened?" she asked.

"I'm not sure, Ianto said the cameras ruined," he told her.

"No, I was calibrating the sensors and suddenly they went off the chart," she told him.

"What!" Jack exclaimed giving her his full attention.

"They showed a micro burst of energy right," she looked around "here" she told him indicating the spot where Ianto had been standing.

Let me see the camera?" she asked as Jack gave it to her and she opened the back and held her scanner to it.

"Ianto is right, this camera its ruined , but I don't think dropping it did this kind of damage," she said as she reviewed her scanner. "Every electrical connection has been disrupted. " She handed the camera back to Jack.

"What?" he repeated taking the camera back from her and trying to turn it on, not sure if he fully understood what she was saying.

"It's has been subjected to some kind of energy burst. I will need to analyse the data, but from what I've seen, I would say it was a micro burst of some sort," she said thinking out loud.

Jack took the camera back. "Ianto," he said out loud looking around for him and ran off towards him. "Ianto was holding the camera," he shouted back at Tosh.

Ianto stood with back to one of the massive stones on the far right hand sides looking out at the hills in the distance, from the clouds massing it would be raining soon. He had come to loathe this place, every time they came out here something happened. First was all those photographs. Then he fell and hurt himself, he grabbed the back of his neck. The third time they had come back to finish mapping the stones he had gotten a violent headache, so bad it felt like his brain was on fire . He leaned back into the rock, and this time his tentative hopes had been dashed. 'But Jack was never a real possibility' he told himself 'so why did he feel like he did? What the hell was the matter with him?' He saw Jack on his way over he took a deep breath and braced himself in an effort to control how he was feeling.

"I'm sorry," he said as Jack joined him not quite sure he could explain his behaviour in a way that would not further embarrass himself.

"Sorry about what?," Jack asked not sure what Ianto had to apologise for.

"Sorry I stormed off," Ianto replied.

"Are you Ok?", Jack asked, relived to see that Ianto didn't look as if what had ever occurred had affected him. He was about to add something more but stopped as he saw the look on his face.

"Look I'm having a rough day, I just need some time to myself," he added looking at the hills not trusting he could look at Jack and keep his feelings in check.

"Ok ,is there anything I can help with?" he asked as he saw Ianto close his eyes, swallow and shake his head.

"I need some time to myself," Ianto added after a few moments his voice clearly shaking.

Jack took a breath to respond when Ianto spoke again, "Please Jack."

"I just wanted to see you were Ok," he said in reply.

"Please," he asked again a tinge of desperation edging his voice, as he did he felt Jack's hand on his arm.

"Tosh and I will finish up , we'll call you when we are ready to go," he said gently them moved away.

He nodded not sure he could fully trust his voice to reply and looked into the distance trying to work through the turmoil of emotions that flooded through him. He tried to organise his thoughts, but found it was impossible to even try. He placed his hand over the spot Jack had touched him and let out a long sigh and closed his eyes.


	35. Chapter 35

Affairs of the Heart.

**Chapter 35.**

Jack watched with Tosh as Ianto drove away. As the car turned the corner Jack headed back to his apartment. Tosh could see that Jack was upset, as he opened his apartment he, moved to sofa at the end and pulled his legs up and put his arms around his knees ,his head on his knees and broke down.

Tosh closed the door. Not knowing what else to do she knelt next to him and put her arms around him. As she did he broke into deep sobs. Several long minutes passed before Jack composed himself. Finally he lifted his head and wiped his face dry with his sleeve.

"I am not sure how much more of this I can take," he said his voice shaking. "I sit in that office everyday and I see something is wrong, he's thin, he looks exhausted. I have no idea what's going on for him and today, when I saw the look on his face when he thought...," he struggled to speak.

"I am so sorry Jack, I wasn't thinking," Tosh said as Jack put his hand out and she took it in hers.

"What am I going to do Tosh if I can't make this right?" He asked her. "Do you know what my biggest fear is? It's that the damage is so deep it's irreparable. What if it's not just his memories? What if he can never move forward with anyone? What if I am responsible for destroying any hope he has of ever being able to form meaningful relationships?"

He took a deep breath and looked at her. "I'd walk away right now if I knew he could find real happiness with someone else. I would bear it because he deserves that in his life. He deserves to be loved," he wiped his face and looked at the ceiling. "To see that look on his face today, knowing he thought I would not find him worthy, "he sighed. "The truth is Tosh I am not worthy of him," he said adamantly.

"Jack". Tosh commanded. "Look at me." He turned his face towards her surprised at her tone.

"What if, today his questions are **a** positive sign Ianto is making progress. I saw him hesitate today, but it didn't stop him asking. The first steps when you are interested in someone is to ask those questions. You're checking things out, finding more information, seeing if you can follow up on how you feel. "

She took a breath. "There is something you need to know, you talk about the look on his face, well I saw a look too, when I said one particular word."

Jack turned and blinked at her puzzled as she spoke.

"That one word was_ him,_" she said and she noted Jack straighten a little.

"If I recall correctly, he asked about family, yours. I said you were on your own, that you had someone in the past, and you were devastated when you lost_ him_. Oh he tried to hide it but for a split second I saw hope," she continued.

"Ianto doesn't remember you come from the future where people no longer have," she paused as she recalled the phrase she was looking for. "What did you call them, quaint little categories, he lives in a world where there are." She looked at Jack directly. "I bet Ianto has moved internal mountains to ask those questions. It may be he's worked up the courage to speak because he has developed feelings for you and wants to find out if can act on them. How would it be if he made a pass at his boss and found himself out of a job or slapped with a sexual harassment suit or had his lights punched out?"

"And if you want the truth, from the look on his face it looked to me like one more hurdle had been overcome." she said finally.

Jack turned and pulled Tosh onto the sofa with him and put his arms around her. "Tosh, you are wonderful," he said as he kissed her forehead.

"Don't give up hope, not yet and I will have a word with him, you wait and see" she said.

"And tomorrow," she added "we need to work out what happened out at that henge."


	36. Chapter 36

Affairs of the Heart.

**Chapter 36**

"What happened yesterday?" Jack asked as he sat at his desk he turning the camera over in his hand.

"I am not sure," Tosh told him truthfully.

"I need answers," he told her.

"What did you see happen?" she asked him.

"I was watching Ianto," he admitted unashamedly. " I glanced down at the chart, when I looked up he was literally frozen on the spot, after a few moments he staggered , dropped the camera, then he caught his balance," he explained.

"Let me show you the data," she advised as she sat at Ianto's desk and pulled up the programme which showed the energy spike. The screen filled with the representation of the henge the sensors showing the exact epicentre of the energy spike.

"As you can see it's not a general burst, it was very specific to the exact location Ianto was standing," she indicated at the screen.

"So what you are telling me is that while Ianto was standing on that spot, there was, what? " He asked then recalled what she had stated the day before , "a micro burst?"

"It was more than that, it was a single extremely powerful focused micro burst of energy," she advised as she looked at Jack.

"Magnetic energy, right?" Jack stated trying to make sense of the information. "That's what the sensors are designed to pick up," as he spoke he saw Tosh shake her head.

"From what I could discern from my scanner yesterday I would have to say no," she replied

"What! But that's the kind of energy signature the sensors are designed to register," Jack stuttered.

"Absolutely, all I can say is there was energy picked up by the sensors, but it was not magnetic," She replied. 'It has a different signature, like colours; for example red and a variation of red could still be called red. The best I could say is that it's close but not the same, variations on a theme."

"Then what?" he asked baffled.

"Jack I have no idea" she replied honestly. Jack sat back in concern and picked up the camera and held it out to Tosh who walked across and took it from him.

"This camera is ruined , you said yesterday every electrical connection had been disrupted. That sounds like a burst of electromagnetic radiation," Jack commented. "Maybe that's what the UNIT satellite picked up: a low energy EMP event," he added.

"This was not an EMP event," Tosh replied emphatically. "If it had been every electrical device within a wide area would have been disrupted."

"You said it was focused. If it was focused then its effects would be restricted." He saw Tosh shake her head as he spoke.

"The burst was focused ,but extremely powerful. I mean if this had been an EMP as focused as this was, I calculated last night that every electrical device with a two kilometre radius would have been affected, including our watches and the car." Jack looked instinctually at his watch and it was still working.

"Secondly," Tosh continued as she took out her scan . "An EMP leaves no residual energy. It occurs, that's it, and it's over. " She put her scanner over the camera and showed the results to Jack.

"See the energy is still there fading away very gradually," she added as Jack looked at her.

"Not just the camera, Ianto as well," she admitted seeing the look of shock on his face.

"What?", he demanded sitting bolt upright.

"I scanned Ianto on the way back, as he was driving, that burst of energy went through him as well".

"Why didn't you tell me this yesterday?" He demanded,

"Well he stalked off and we were focused on the camera, you went to check on him," she took a breath. "You were not in exactly a communicative mood, during the ride back, neither of you said a word, and as I could see he had come to no obvious harm," she took another quick breath. "In truth, I didn't think of it until we were on the ride back. I got to thinking that as he was holding the camera the pulse might have gone through him so I scanned him." 

"And?" Jack asked concerned.

"The same energy signature was there dissipating at the same rate as the camera." she replied.

"You know I don't think this has anything to do with the camera," she said thinking out loud.

Jack blinked "What?" he burst out his thoughts focused on Ianto as he thought he should go and check on him.

"You know, something happened in this office the day before yesterday. At the time, I thought nothing of it." Tosh got up and began to pace in an effort to order her thoughts.

"One of the sensors registered a reading. That's right, it was the one he had turned on ,carried around then put on his desk, at the time I thought it just needed calibrating, but I wonder," she said to herself.

"Explain?" he asked not sure what she was talking about.

"I was showing you both the equipment. I turned on the main data collector, then went back to setting up the laptop, to demonstrate how to download the information, when it showed up on the main system there was a anomaly at the time I thought" she said thinking out loud.

Jack interrupted her "In plain English."

"Oh sorry, Ianto was handling one of the sensors and turned it on. When he did it registered the same energy as yesterday. It was at a level the sensor could detect," she said looking at the confused look on Jacks face.

"Has anything strange happened while you've both been at the henge?" she asked him changing the subject.

"Strange in what way?" He asked not sure where she was going with her questions.

"Involving Ianto?" She queried.

"Strange involving Ianto, "he repeated now thoroughly confused. Then he recalled the photographs Ianto had taken on their first visit and how had opened up to him, which considering how reticent he had been up until that point it had been a little unusual.

"Kinda, not really," he struggled to reply. "Nothing I could say for definite".

Tosh raised an eyebrow "Think Jack?" She commanded.

Jack took a breath, "There was a reason why he was taking photographs yesterday , and he was replacing the first set he took on our first visit. He told me he had accidently wiped them and needed to retake them," he explained.

"And that's not true?" Tosh asked as she observed Jack's reluctance in answering her question.

"Not exactly," Jack replied uncomfortably, the photographs were something Ianto would want anyone to know about.

"Anything else?" Tosh asked when she saw Jack was not going to reply.

"He had that accident, and a bad headache the last time," he replied after some thought.

"I wonder if this has happened to him before," Tosh asked thoughtfully as she looked at the concern on Jack face.

"Happened before ," Tosh repeated. "If he has enough residual energy to set off one of the sensors, then maybe I can work backwards using the data from yesterday," he voice trailed off as she stood deep in thought.

Jack watched bemused as she pulled out her lap top and began to do some calculations, about 20 minutes passed as he watched, finally she pulled her computer around.

"Well I've extrapolated backwards using the data from the sensor the day before yesterday and last night and I would say the last time this happened was." She turned the computer screen towards Jack as he took note of the date.

"Was that the date of the visit, when he got the bad headache?" She asked as she saw him nod.

"How bad was it?" she asked him.

"Bad enough he made no protest when I offered to drive him home in his Audi," Jack advised.

"That must have been one hell of a headache." Tosh stated stunned that Ianto had allowed anyone to drive his car.

"Yeah first and last time I'll get to drive it," Jack replied wistfully.

"I think Ianto has been pinged," Tosh stated categorically.

'Pinged." Jack repeated surprised at her statement. "That's not very scientific Tosh."

"Alright then, something, unnamed has directed a powerful extremely, narrow, focused burst of unidentified energy at him," she explained. "As I said pinged and pinged at least twice, maybe every time you visited."

Jack stuttered "Is it dangerous?" He asked as visions of Ianto being hurt came to him.

"I don't think so," Tosh said thoughtfully.

"How can you be sure?" Jack challenged.

"We can't be sure without doing a full work up on him, but if I had to say, I would say no," she postulated.

"Again, how can you be so certain?" he asked.

"Has he come to any harm, as far as you are aware?" Tosh asked. "You spend the most time with him you would know."

"Not on the surface from what I can tell," he added thinking.

"I think it might be a good idea to get Owen up here and check him out just in case," she advised as she saw Jack nod in agreement.

Tosh picked up the camera, " You know the energy disrupted the electrical connections," she said as she saw Jack also making the connection.

"We need to get Owen up here ASAP" Jack stated.

"You know this might not be the first time this has happened" she said quietly thinking.

"You said that he might have been pinged each time we have visited," he said.

"No I meant to others," she said.

"Others, you mean other people who have visited," he said.

"Do you know what I think," Tosh said thinking about the information she had given Ianto when she had visited just after his accident. " I think it's about time we took note of what the local legends and history are around this landmark."

"Do you know what I think?" Jack repeated her statement . "We need to get Ianto in here now."

"Agreed," Tosh replied as she saw Jack pull out his cell phone.

"I need see he's ok and you can also have that word," he indicated to Tosh as he heard Ianto answer his phone.


	37. Chapter 37

**As I have just completed Part three of this story and thought I would celebrate by posting and extra chapter this week. Enjoy.

Current word count 61582

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 37**

Jack watched as Ianto walked into the room. He always marvelled at how Ianto maintained his

standard at dress but today Ianto looked more than a little dishevelled. He was wearing faded jeans and a black tee shirt covered with a hoodie. The black shirt highlighted how pale and tired he looked. But he was relieved to see Ianto did not appear to have been outwardly affected by the events of the day before.

"I'm sorry, I know it's a Saturday, but Tosh and I were having a discussion, when she recalled you had done a lot of work on the local history surrounding the henge," Jack explained.

"Looks like you had a rough night, you up for this?" Jack asked seeing the dark look Ianto gave him.

Ianto looked at Jack.

'_No I'm bloody well not up for this,' _he thought._ 'I was perfectly content lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, contemplating the misery of my existence. I've had no real sleep for weeks. My nights are filled with the most horrible nightmares. Last night I dreamed I was bound up like some kind of animal being slaughtered as my throat was being cut and I woke up screaming._

_Because of this I haven't eaten properly for weeks and I am surviving on a combination of coffee, caffeinated sodas with the odd dry cracker thrown in. And if truth be known if you didn't take me out to dinner once a week I would have starved to death by now._

_I'm terrified you might disappear again at any moment like you did before, but this time you won't be back. I have no explanation for the why I feel this way, I just do_

_I think I have fallen in love with my boss. Yesterday I found out that there is no chance for me not even in the slightest degree because he has already found someone. _

_But I'll smile and pretend that everything is ok because that what expected of me. _

"What can I help you with- Sir" Ianto replied.

Jack winced as he heard Ianto call him sir. He hated it when Ianto hid behind a mask of obsequiousness as the perfect assistant and was clear indication that he was as unhappy as he looked.

He put one hand on Ianto's chest and the other on his back. "I am sorry but this is important we really need your help," He added

"When I was last here I gave you some whole of journal articles I had found out about the local area stories and such. " Tosh reminded him as he sat down at his desk. "From what Jack tells me you have created an extensive data base of all the local legends.

"I wouldn't say all, " Ianto replied as tiny edge of a smile lifted his face. "I'm still waiting for some information from the British Library."

"Can you give us a summation of what you learnt?" Jack asked.

Ianto moved over to the filing cabinet and pulled out several files. "Where would you like to start?" he asked.

"Let's start with the oldest and work forwards?" Tosh suggested helpfully .

He threw the files on to his desk top. "Let me at least get some coffee on then I will start with the most interesting," he added.

Several hours passed as Ianto began with another noted tale.

"It's been noted and even I agree with this, that the arrangement of stones look like the iris of an eye," Ianto said as handed both Tosh and Jack a diagram. "This ties up with the idea that the henge is the eye of a sleeping dragon. It is said that if the dragon ever awakes it will eat the stars."

"Another one around the same theme, is about a race of dragons who lived in the stars, one dragon in particular when rogue and began to devour planets. As the planets were inhabited this was upsetting to everyone. So it was trapped here by a group of other dragons for all eternity. The stones around the outside representing the bars of a cage."

"However the most detailed legend and held as local knowledge by the locals and where it gets its name comes for an old English epic poem which was first transcribed from an old manuscript in the 1700's. This transcription was itself taken from a much more ancient document from approximately 900CE and was noted as coming from an oral tradition that goes much further back. What is strange is the 900CE transcription was done at the insistence of the Founding Abbot at local monastery. It was lost during the time of Henry the VIII when the monasteries were disbanded. It was rediscovered hidden in one of the crypts at the local church in Emindale sealed in a lead box." He took a drink of his now cold coffee and continued

"It runs to around 200 verses so I'll summarise," Ianto added as he saw the look on Jack's face, " There was Heaven, where those who lived among the stars dwelt. Many Gods lived here among the stars."

"There were many different kinds of Gods and a disagreement broke out between two of them. And a war began in Heaven. It went on eons and eons and both sides became the destroyers of worlds. Eventually it went on for so long neither side could remember what they were fighting about. Each side was evenly matched so sometimes one side won, then the other. In between those who lived under the heavens suffered the most."

"Even though the true cause of the war was lost, both sides fought themselves to ruin, but neither side would give in. Eventually both sides were on the point of annihilation, both having constructed weapons that would win the war by destroying the other.

On both sides there were those that saw the coming genocide and decided to act. They were called the wise brothers and wise sisters."

"They stole one of the terrible weapons and hid it in a place neither side could find and sent an ultimatum, stop fighting or we will destroy everyone from both sides, nothing will remain, not even a memory. Only the fanatics wanted to keep fighting and it was the lesser Gods on both sides who overthrew them, Then both sides came together and worked towards peace. All the terrible weapons on both sides were destroyed except one."

"There were such differences between the two races of Gods that a war could break out in the future. So it was decided that the one weapon stolen by the six beings would remain hidden. Three beings from one side and three from the other chose to remain with the weapon for eternity keeping if safe. They lie, forever watching, ready to use the weapon to destroy both sides if a war starts again. According to the locals the three large stones on the left are called the three brothers the three big stones on the right are the three sisters."

"It goes on that the two sets of gods have now become one and the purpose of the weapon has been lost so it sits here waiting. Finally, there is a note added about a prophecy that in the future, an Immortal and the lonely God, will call on the sleeping brothers and sisters to assist in saving the universe from a great future evil. The locals call it the Eye of Emin; Emin meaning God."

"This is fascinating," Tosh commented as she jotted down notes.

"Just a couple more," Ianto added as he looked at his watch seeing it was now almost the middle of the afternoon.

"This one celebrated in the local village church at Emindale, " Ianto said as he handed them photocopy of stained glass window. "In medieval times there was a legend that this was the eye of a sleeping serpent hence the circle, that when it dreamed it would heal people especially children."

Jack looked up suddenly alert, as he also saw Tosh sit up. "Oh," he said.

"There was this small boy ,who had been born to a couple who thought they would never had children. However the child was born with no speech and was clearly slow. He had some affinity with animals wild or tame so he was put to work looking after the village sheep. One day while with the herd, he fell asleep at the stones. When he awoke, there had been a miracle. Before he couldn't speak a single word he now could take on a full conversation. At first the locals thought it was witchcraft but the boy could quote the bible word perfect. He went into holy orders starting up a local monastery whose work centred on healing the sick."

'Any dates around when this might have happened?" Jack asked.

"Well the monastery was set up around 920CE, so if you believe this then it could have been anytime around 880CE onwards," Ianto advised.

"Did it become a pilgrimage site for healing like other places in the middle ages?" Tosh asked

"Strangely no, there were no further documented healings so it just disappeared off the radar," Ianto advised. "Except for this " He handed Jack and Tosh photocopies from a news paper article from the 1920's. "This is a report from the local newspaper. A local family were denying rumours that their daughter who had been visiting the stones with her brother had started to speak. She had been diagnosed as a childhood schizophrenic and had stopped speaking some years before. Apparently according to the report she returned from the stones and slept for two days. When she awoke not only could she speak, she awoke with an abiding passion for numbers. She went on to influence modern ways of seeing the universe, but leading a normal life in every other way."

"I wonder how many more there were?" Tosh asked thinking out loud.

"Pardon? " Ianto commented not sure what she meant.

"Locals, like this family whose children were healed but who didn't want to draw attention to themselves."

"Tosh and I got talking last night. She has a theory that the stones have some other purpose that what appears on the surface," Jack advised cautiously.

"No doubt. " Ianto advised trying to keep the sarcasm from his voice. "That the whole mystery surrounding standing stones is no one knows why they were built or by who."

"You have to admit," Tosh pointed out, "it is in intriguing that this stones would appear to be taking an active role in healing people." She paused to order her thoughts. "I mean what is the criteria they use, how would they choose?" she added then saw the warning look on Jack's face. "Why some and not others..." she trailed off.

"So your saying you believe that the stones are somehow healing people ,children!" Ianto burst out.

"Yes. Why not, it's a valid hypothesis?" Tosh stated back.

"What? So there really is some kind of sky snake that lives under the ground choosing to heal people," Ianto snapped.

"Well something is going on," Tosh told him after a few seconds.

Ianto took a deep breath as he looked directly at Jack, "Look, I don't believe in miracles or happy endings. It's more likely the children were misdiagnosed or it was just simple co-incidence," he argued.

Seeing the look on Ianto's face he could swear he felt his heart actually ache. He stood up and looked at his watch it was 2.30 in the afternoon. "I think that's enough for now it's a lot to think about."

Ianto stood quickly. "Right, I'm off home." he said relieved he could finally escape back to his flat.

"Tosh and I were going out for a late lunch," Jack said in an effort to stop Ianto leaving.

"Please join us," Tosh piped in taking Jack's lead.

Ianto shook his head desperate to leave. "Look thanks and all that, but right now I'm not good company," he explained.

"My treat, I insist," she said as she saw him brace himself. "Look I would really like to thank you." She looked at Jack who was looking at her nodding at her trying to make sure she continued, "

for all the hard work you've done."

Jack watched as Ianto face smoothed into his nice mode the perfect mask as he hid his pain, smile and get on and endure.

Following behind Ianto it took every ounce of his control not to spin the man around take him into his arms.


	38. Chapter 38

Affairs of the Heart

**Chapter 38**

Sitting down under the tree by the lake, Ianto sat watching the ducks throwing bits of his muffin at them taking the odd sip from his soda. It was a beautiful late summer afternoon, the trees shading the diners from its heat.

"What is it about ducks?" Tosh said trying to lighten the moment.

"They're greedy," Ianto said as he tossed another bit of his muffin at one of them.

"When I was little we had this park where we lived. My grandmother and I used to go there every Saturday to feed the ducks. She called them God's little mischief makers, always to making people laugh."

Jack smiled at her attempt to make conversation. He gave her ten out of ten for effort. At least they had got him here. He would wait a few moments and disappear for a short while, and Tosh could have her word.

As he threw another piece of the muffin looked up as he heard Tosh gasp.

"Oh no!" Tosh burst out as shrank down in an effort hide herself and put her face into her hands.

Ianto looked up, surprised at her actions saw a man heading towards her calling out her name.

"My little Toshiko, my little rose," his voice rang out as he pulled one her hands way from her face and kissed it.

There was a brief struggle and she snatched it away and stared angrily at him. As she did the man pulled up a chair next to Jack.

"Jack, here you are at last." He said as he looked between Jack and Ianto. "And I see your still playing lost and found." Ianto glanced between Jack and the strange man. Jack was sitting with his arms crossed a look of thunder on his face.

"What part are you up to Jack, the part where he's found? " The strange man studied Ianto then added, "No. By the look on his face he's still lost."

Ianto stared in open mouthed astonishment. He had thought Jack had been dressed theatrically when he first met him but he had nothing on this person. He looked like a gunfighter who was wearing a jacket that might be found in some 80's revival rock show. And those boots!

As he looked closer he looked like as if he was actually armed. He looked up across at Jack whose face was growing darker with every moment.

"John Hart." he said as he narrowed his eyes.

"Jack," he replied in the same tone. "Well isn't this pleasant, a nice Saturday by the side of the lake having lunch, oooh." John Hart took Ianto's glass and took a long sip, screwed up his face and looked at the contents.

"Is this what passes for a drink on this planet?" He said, as Ianto snatched his drink back. There was a brief tussle as some of soda spilled onto the grass. As he recovered the glass Ianto looked into the glass then back at John Hart.

"I remember this one time on Aterion 5 , Jack and I had this bender ,wow, there was this one being, he had 15 appendages and 7 orifices ... " he started to say conversationally.

"What do you want?" Jack interrupted glaring at him.

"A hello would be nice for a start big boy," John replied as he took a deep breath. "Do you know how hard it has been to track you down?"

"I had no desire for you to find me," Jack replied leaning forward now

"I remember when all you had for me was desire," John Hart replied rolling the word desire and raising his eyebrows up and down.

Jack stood up and pointed towards the trees. "Move" he commanded.

"Oh my Toshiko," John Hart said as he stood up. "I will never forget those fabulous weeks the earth or should I say the universe shifted on it axis," he blew her big a kiss.

"MOVE," Jack shouted at him as he grabbed John Hart's arm and began dragging him towards the trees by the pathway next to the cafe.

"What did he mean nothing but desire for him?" Ianto asked as he watched them move away unable to tear his eyes away at the spectacle of John Hart being led away by the elbow by Jack.

"It's complicated," she advised taking a quick sip of her drink to steady herself. "John Hart and the Captain were partners, lovers." she explained as Ianto jerked his head around to look at her.

"In what way lovers!" he burst out startled at her revelation.

"In every way," she struggled to explain.

"But I thought, he just said you and him," Ianto sputtered as he saw her turn a deep red.

"Yes. Yes "She swallowed, "I had a temporary lapse of good judgement". She tried to explain.

"I wouldn't call weeks temporary," Ianto stated. He was about to add more but stopped when he saw the look on her face.

"But you said him and the captain," Ianto said reeling at the events and revelations of the past few moments.

"The problem is" Tosh said realising this was her moment to set the record straight. "They were in the past, but they're not now. I mean Jack's not interested in him". She added quickly, "Look yesterday I know I said Jack had found someone special, but I should have made myself clear. " She paused "It's you!" she said in a heavy whisper.

"Me!," Ianto said startled.

"Yes," she whispered. "He would never want you to know I told you this Ianto, but he secretly has feelings for you."

"Has he said so?" he stammered.

"Not in so many words, but I've known, look...he's not said anything because he's not certain you would be interested in him."

She stopped as she saw Jack return with what she could swear was a split lip.

He looked at Ianto and Tosh, it would appear he had interrupted something, Tosh was biting her lower lip and Ianto... Ianto was looking at him and by the look Tosh had said something. Good. Tosh had set the record straight he was on his own and looking, he smiled at Ianto, looking at him right now.

"You Ok?" he said to Ianto.

Wide eyed and blinking Ianto struggled to order his thoughts "Yeah, yeah" he stuttered "I, I think I'm, I'm about as good an Ok as I have been for some time."

"Good." Jack said taking up his sandwich and taking a bite he winced slightly as filling stung his lip.

twtwtwtwtwtw

Jack dragged John Hart through the trees to a place where they could not been seen from the cafe.

"What do you want?" Jack asked.

"I thought I would come and check out your new domestic situation," he said "how's it working out there, lover boy figured it out yet."

"Leave him out of this" Jack said fury in every word at the mention of Ianto.

"You used to take better care of your lovers." John remarked . " He's pretty cute, you know if it doesn't work out, maybe him and me," he paused, "you know there are things he and I could do that would ensure he would never forget me."

"Go anywhere near him and I can't guarantee your safety," Jack replied steel in his voice.

"I remember when you felt like that about me," John said.

"What do you want?" Jack interrupted his arms crossed.

"I met your little team, team Torchwood, they're doing very well without you. Tosh was a most incredible distraction, wow who would have thought..." he stopped as he saw the look on Jacks face

"You were explaining what you wanted," he interrupted.

"I wonder if tea boy , oh that was his nick name wasn't it" John said sarcastically, "can ever give you what we had once?"

"Don't ever let me hear you refer to him as that ever again," Jack said through his teeth.

"Whoa did I hit a raw nerve," he said as he stepped back wards as Jack took a step towards him.

" Lost boy, then", John retorted as he saw Jack launch himself at him. "You used to have better taste," he said as he threw a fist as Jack collided with him.

"Not from what I can see," Jack grunted has he floored John.

"Is that it?" Jack asked as he stood up over John. "You've found me mission accomplished."

"You could leave all this," John said with an almost desperate edge to his voice as he felt his ribs. "Come with me, the fun we could have," he offered.

"I have unfinished business," Jack said looking back towards the lake.

"Ah love, I remember it well, I hope it works out for you" he replied as he pulled out his wrist strap and began to disappear.

"Oh by the way, I found your brother" he said as he vanished.

"Gray" Jack cried out in surprise.

twtwtwtwtwtwtw

This can't be right,' Ianto said to himself, as he laid in bed trying tried to make sense of the swirl of jumbled, mixed up thoughts that raced through his mind.

'You'

'What the hell was Tosh talking about'? He might have secret desires for the Captain thanks to a recent revelation, which he admitted explained a lot of the content of his dreams, well the enjoyable ones anyway.

And what the hell had John Hart meant by playing lost and found and by the look on his face he was still lost?

Jack and John Hart!

John Hart and Tosh!

This would take some serious thinking to work out.

What did he mean on this planet, and that outfit? The man looked like a reject from a bad science fiction convention. Well maybe that explained the comment.

He didn't get it; this was like one of those chaotic dreams that plagued him.

He secretlyhas feelings for you, isn't that what she had said. Wouldn't that be ironic if Jack was lying right now thinking him about him, while he was here thinking about Jack. He pulled his hand though his hair and let out a deep breath.

She must be mistaken; he couldn't even begin to imagine someone like Jack would be interested in someone like him.

He knew he desired Jack plain and simple. He filled his senses, he loved being around him. 'Truth was there was nothing plain and simple about all this, he told himself, 'you've had fallen in love with your boss.'

'He secretly has feelings for you' he recalled how his heart had leapt in his chest when Tosh has spoken those words. You know Tosh has known him, a lot longer than he had. No, Tosh was being nice, no matter what he might feel, Jack would not be interested he was sure.

Jack was a friend, a good friend, first real friend he had had since Lisa. He took a deep breath let's just think about this for a moment, you found out Jack was on his own, Jack had lost someone important and has now found someone special,

'_YOU'_

The one thing he hated about all this was feeling of hope that had surged through him when she had spoken. 'Look,' he told himself 'you were incredibly lucky, you found Lisa, the time you had together was short , but someone loved you and you loved them.' Even in his wildest dreams he couldn't image he could be so lucky to have someone like Jack in his life. He should be grateful for what was.

He turned over onto his back; he wished Tosh had not said a word. He was a nobody, nothing, someone like Jack wouldn't look twice at. And he hated that her words had for a fleeting moment, had given him the hope that there might be the faint possibility, that Jack might feel something for him.

God, if only he knew for sure. If he knew for sure, he would...'Yeah what would you do", he asked himself as felt swept apart by his feelings, 'well it would start with a kiss', and he heard a voice in is head say. And he felt his breath catch as he imagined his lips on Jacks, oh to taste him Lisa had told him he tasted all sweet and salty at the same time. He wondered if Jack tasted like that.

There were other things he had quite a list he would just love to pull out and unbutton that shirt, undo that belt buckle, run his down and feel...'.'What did another man' erect penis feel like' he thought "bloody nice" he heard a voice in head say. If his dreams were any guide you could grasp each other's as the same time and... He turned over on his front.

Had he ever wanted Lisa this much, he tried to recall. Sort of, he had loved her, they had made love. But he couldn't recall the same intensity of sheer lust he felt for this man. If only, if only he knew for sure, he turned back over on this his back, wild dreams that's all he had. Sometimes he wished that horrible creature from his nightmares would tear him apart for real. He turned over again and saw the time on his clock was 4.34 am he let out a deep sigh as another image came to him this time of Jack on his knees, his mouth on his ..., groaning he got out of bed and headed for the shower.


	39. Chapter 39

Affairs of the Heart

Chapter 39

Making his way through the University medical center Ianto looked down at the note paper he held in his hand. 'Room 3C,' he checked. He now looked up at the door, 3C; finally he had found the right one. He looked down at his watch; he had made it with only seconds to spare. He quietend his breathing, his part of the student facility was like a rabbit warren; he had never actually been here in all his time at the University and had gotten lost. He straighten his tie and knocked at the door, he heard a muffled "Come In" and entered.

He found himself in a small doctor's surgery complete with wall posters, desk, bed and all the normal paraphernalia one would find in such a place.

"Doctor Owen Harper," a wiry man wearing a white coat said holding out his hand in greeting.

Taking the offered hand Ianto shook it in return. When Jack had told him he needed a physical to complete his employment record he had not known quite what to expect. The white coat he expected but the small badges and relaxed figure before him did not fill his expectations of how a doctor might appear.

"Ianto Jones," Ianto replied hesitantly, ", Jack, I mean Captain Harkness said I had an appointment."

"Yes, you've come to the right place." Owen said as he tried to keep his face as neutral as possible as he searched for any sign that Ianto knew him. Tosh had warned him that Ianto wouldn't, but it was still a shock. He had always had the secret belief that he would be the one person that he might recognize no matter how irrational that might be.

"This is just a formality." Owen began to explain.

"Jack, sorry Captain Harkness told me I need physical to complete my employment records," Ianto added.

"Yes all staff even those seconded get a thorough going over," Owen advised as indicated a chair he had set up next to desk. "Tell me Mr. Jones, can I call you Ianto?" he picked up a blood pressure cuff and began to work.

"Tell me about yourself Ianto," he queried.

Waiting in an ante room, Jack watched as he saw Ianto leave the medical room. As Ianto disappeared down the corridor he headed to the room. Moving with speed he entered the doctor's surgery without ceremony.

"Well?" he demanded of Owen.

"Sit down. " Owen told him as he pointed at the chair in front of the desk. "I'm just completing the second lot of blood work. I did a much more basic run through while Ianto was here, this one's for really serious shit. "

As he spoke he put a small vial of blood into a small machine on his desk. It was one of the many he had brought from the hub for this examination. Its look was deceiving because despite its compact size it was alien medical device that could perform complex blood analysis normally required by a full medical laboratory to accomplish.

Jack sat down trying to contain the anxiety he felt as the machine beeped. As it did Owen pressed a series of buttons and the small screen on the front began to fill with symbols. Jack watched as Owen took his time to interpret the symbols and made some notes on the pad in front of him. After several moments he looked up.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news," Owen started to say but stopped as saw the look on Jack's face. "It's all good Jack," He added quickly.

Jack threw him a filthy look that told Owen Jack was in no mood for the kind of banter he would normally accept from the Torchwood doctor. Owen immediately modified his manner slipping into the role of consummate professional he was.

With a final soft ding, he removed the long strip of paper form the machine as it completed is analysis. Taking the strip he sat down and began to write notes on his lap top on the desk.

"Well?" Jack repeated his demand.

"Ok," Owen said as he looked up at Jack. "He's 10 kilos underweight, anemic, has an elevated heart rate, and his blood pressure is slightly higher than it should be but still within a normal range." He saw the look of concern of on Jack's face. " I have advised him he needs some good meals, knock off the vast amounts of coffee and energy drinks he has to keep himself going during the day, and get a bloody good night's sleep."

He saw Jack draw a breath as he took in Owen's words as he felt a slight sense of relief that so far nothing truly abnormal had been uncovered.

"My biggest concern right now is he is underweight," Owen advised.

"But I've been buying us in lunch, I see him eat every day," Jack explained thinking back to his decision after seeing the lack of food at Ianto's flat earlier in the year.

"Trouble is from what I can gather is that is all he eats, that and the odd meal he has with you," Owen said.

"Did he say why he's not eating properly?" Jack asked after a few moments as he tried to calculate how much he had seen Ianto eat and when.

"Says he has difficulty swallowing and the sight and smell of food makes him feel sick." Owen added.

"When I take him out for a meal, he eats and eats well," Jack explained.

"Yeah, he had no real explanation except that he did admit after some hesitation that it's only when he is on his own he feels like this." Owen advised looking at Jack curiously. "I've given him a combined iron injection along with a Vitamin B complex so in the short term he will feel a lot better and may improve his low appetite in the short term. I've also given him a prescription for some high dose iron and B vitamin complex medication to correct the deficiency. But long term what he really needs to do is start eating good regular meals."

"Has this anything to do with what's been happening to him at the Henge?" Jack asked the one burning question that he had called Owen up to check.

"I'll get to that," Owen advised as he continued.

"One of the things he mentioned was that he is not sleeping well has he mentioned anything to you?" Owen asked,

Jack shook his head. "He did say he had had a rough night recently but that was the first time he has indicated anything was amiss, did he say anything to you?" Jack asked

"He admitted that the last time he slept well was just after the accident when you were staying over at his place," Owen added as he let out a breath. "Look, if Ianto walked off the street with these symptoms and as I have ruled out any organic cause," he indicated to the strip of paper from the machine. "I would say he has all the symptoms of someone suffering a high level of stress," he said as Jack sat forward rubbed his hands over his face.

"Can you think of any obvious reason Ianto would be under such stress?" Owen asked.

Jack shook his head. "Not that I know of. As you know Ianto is not much of talker, he keeps a lot to himself, always did" he admitted. "I've made sure everything we do comes from him, I include him in every decision, we work together well, and we have fun. I have made sure that this is a work place Ianto would feel the most comfortable in, he lacks for no resource." Jack added with some pride.

"We've been here before Jack. We all know Ianto is a master at wearing a mask. Its, yes sir, no sir, I'm fine sir, then he takes a bloody massive dose of Retcon and disappears," Owen said as he saw Jack shift uncomfortably in his chair.

"Which brings me to the next topic?" Owen said. "Something has happened which I cannot fully explain. "

"Well, that's why you're here Owen," Jack said stating the obvious.

"I'll get the issue with the Henge in a minute," Owen advised patiently.

"Owen please I need to know..." Jack said in frustration

"What I need to talk to you about the Retcon Ianto took." Owen interrupted.

"When you left the Hub that night you told me to keep working on a way to overcome the effects of the dose of Retcon he took. Part of that investigation led me into the history of Retcon and I need to tell you Jack it scared the living hell out of me." He took a deep breath and continued. "The Retcon we use is a safe compound. However its development has a long and troubled history, I won't go into all the gory details. But we can add Retcon to the long list of compounds and drugs that have been used in ways that do not show civilized beings in the best light to put it mildly. What Ianto took was one of the early experimental versions. That version included several compounds now modified and even banned on some worlds."

He took a deep breath and braced himself as he knew what he had to say next would be devastating. "After the first 24 hours Ianto brain reconfigured permanently."

He saw the look of despair on Jack's face as he continued. 'The Retcon destroyed a significant part of his memory completely and utterly. On top of this there was other damage just as fundamental to his cognitive processes. I would like to believe that he didn't understand the risk, but from what I have found, he knew and he still did it, God what a mess."

"How, how can you be so certain" Jack asked his voice shaking with distress.

Owen turned his lap top around to show Jack what looked like a stylized image of a human brain in several sections in various colours. "One of the tools I brought up with me was a brain bio- scanner" He pointed to the device on a stand at the foot end of the bed. "Before I came up, I asked Tosh to configure it so it would search for those areas in the brain we now know the compounds in the dose of Retcon he took most affect." He tapped the finger pad on the computer and a fine web of red traces began to appear some areas larger than others and it was extensive. " This is all damage." He pulled back to allow Jack to move in close to study the image.

"So in light of this, seeing the evidence, what I want to know is how, how is Ianto able to manage a coherent thought or string two words together?" Owen stated.

"But he, does, he can," Jack stuttered

"Exactly," Owen advised.

"And he has memory, Déjà vu. When we started working together Ianto told me he had a sense of Déjà vu. He remembered his grandfather's stop watch, his ability to anticipate, there are so many indications that he has some kind of recall." Jack stuttered as he tried to put his thoughts in order.

"Aside from the stopwatch all of them are subconscious Jack, none of them are conscious, he can look at you and think I sort of know this person, but beyond that…"

"What about the emotional memory, you told me about?" Jack continued.

"Oh that's there, and most likely associated with strong emotions linked with basic drives, sex for example." Owen advised.

"So he will never remember." The devastating words hit Jack like blows.

"Well that's the point of all this isn't it Jack, Ianto damaged his memory beyond repair. I am not sure if it was the age of the dose he found or sheer luck, but he came out able to function. The truth is when he woke up that morning his mind was as good it was ever going to be and secondly," he tapped his finger the mouse showing the same brain scan on this time which can alive with what seemed an explosion of orange lines which almost appeared to be moving.

"It's this," Owen stated.

'What am I looking at?" Jack asked.

"I have no idea, I have never seen anything like this before," Owen advised.

"That's not very helpful," Jack stated recalling he had said something similar to Tosh on an earlier occasion.

"Jack, I have no idea what this is and neither does Tosh. She's back at the Hub right now going through every known energy signature to see if she can find a match."

"Is it harmful or hurting Ianto in any way?" Jack asked the question he needed answered.

"I'm with Tosh on this one I don't think he has been harmed in any way, in fact I would hazard a guess that he has been helped in more ways that we can begin to calculate." He looked at Jack.

"You said something interesting to me," He saw Jack raise his eyebrow. "You said that recently you felt like something in Ianto had turned on, and you noted it was after visit to the Henge when he got the headache."

Jack sat back thoughtfully as Owen continued, "I bet if we could fully document this I bet after every visit he has made some connection, something has switched on and he had moved forward.

Jack sat back his arms now crossed.

"It's not harmed him in any way?" Jack asked as he examined the scan and saw Owen shake his head. "Is this enabling him to recover his memories?"

"What happening here Jack is internal brain reorganization on the most delicate, fundamental level, far beyond anything we can understand, register or comprehend- it's repairing the connections within his brain on a molecular level."

"Owen, spell it out," Jack demanded.

"Let's say thought is like energy travelling across a series of numbers 1-2-3 and so on. All the numbers must be in sequence one after the other. Now what the Retcon did was to damage and remove the numbers 1 - 3 so the energy just stops at the gap and can't go any further because it needs all the numbers to continue," Owen tried to explain. "What this energy is appearing to do is repair the gaps between the numbers and allow the energy to continue."

"So it's replacing the numbers with new ones?" Jack queried.

"No, the numbers are gone forever." Owen stated.

"I don't understand then," Jack said confused.

"What this energy is doing is stringing the numbers together in such a way that the energy can continue to reach its destination." Owen corrected him. "It's subtle, delicate, it's like looking at picture of an old woman and suddenly seeing a young girl."

Jack sat back studying the image as Owen went to his brief case and took out a small file.

"There is also something else you need to know," he said handing it to Jack.

Jack took the file and began to read. As Owen watched Jack read he saw all the blood drain from his face.

"And this could happen to Ianto," Jack asked very quietly his voice shaking.

"It was a rare side effect that only occurred in a tiny number of subjects, sorry individuals." Owen said softly.

"So the chances are it could happen?" Jack gulped still trying to control his emotions not wanting to break down in front of Owen.

"When an individual experienced an intense overwhelming emotional shock, yes but only in 1% of all cases." Owen said gently.

"That's not good enough Owen I need answers, if I know the triggers then I can watch for them." Jack almost shouted at Owen. "Avoid them; make sure he is never put him in those situations."

"I don't know Jack the triggers in questions were all specific to each individual affected. All happened during extreme situations, all of them different, it was one of the reasons one of the compounds was banned from all use."

"So on top of all this he's walking around with a potential time bomb in his mind," Jack said his voice breaking up.

"Look, so far Ianto has been incredibly lucky. He woke up that first morning functional. He has been assisted in some way by an unknown force; we cannot even begin to comprehend. And thirdly the energy there may yet act as a cushion and the worst case scenario may never occur," he put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"We're not talking normal everyday life events here, arguments, sex, basic stress that triggers this scenario. We're talking about one off events. All the evidence points to triggers that appeared to represent the realization of that persons worst fears. Every single trigger was caused by an extreme event and I cannot stress this enough, _extreme event_."

"Examples, I need examples" Jack asked desperate for some way he could control this.

Owen let out a deep breath. "Torture, rape, murder, severe injury, war, now unless I am mistaken Ianto's current situation doesn't appear to lend to any of those does it?"

"So he can still lead a perfectly normal life?" Jack asked softly as he felt a surge of incredible protectiveness towards his young assistant.

"You have to make each day count Jack. Life in Torchwood has always been dangerous; any of us could experience something just as nasty in our life as an operative, apart from you. How many of us have lived beyond 40 years?"

"I want Ianto to be safe…" Jack started to say as Owen interrupted.

"There is no such thing as safe. Not for any of us, all we have is the illusion of safety."

Owen saw Jack take a deep breath as he worked through the information.

"So the chances are this will never happen?" Jack asked.

"Out of the thousands upon thousands of individuals who took the compound in question less that 50 ever experienced total mind shutdown."

"50," Jack repeated feeling a small burst of hope.

"50," Owen repeated. "I told you this because you need to be aware, and when you make full disclosure to him whenever that is, he needs to know."

Jack nodded his head in understanding as he sat thinking through the revelations of the past hour.

"Well the really good news is I think I may have worked out one of the possible causes contributing to Ianto's level of stress." Owen advised after several moments had passed in silence.

"What?" Jack exclaimed.

Owen smiled, leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "I have my suspicion. All the symptoms are there," he said as he saw the confused look on Jack's face. "God Jack put it together man, he can't eat, sleep, is obsessed with his boss. I tell you for someone who isn't much of a talker; I couldn't bloody get him to shut up. It was Jack this, Jack that, Jack and I were here. Jack had this idea. How much you like his coffee. What you did for him when he was injured, apparently you can cook up bloody good breakfast by the way." He took a breath.

"Work it out man, he's feeling intense emotion and considering how much you appeared to shag each other the last time, his feelings are probably mixed up with a great deal of sexual frustration," he saw the look of realization grow of Jack's face.

"I knew you get there eventually," Owen said as he saw Jack had worked it out.

"He in love with me and wants to…." Jack said smiling to himself in remembrance.

"Yeah," Owen said stopping Jack in midsentence. "Knowing Ianto he's got some bloody long list with details of exactly what he would like to do to you." 

"And this," he handed back the scan to Owen showing the strange energy pattern from the Henge.

"I think that message I left on God's answer phone actually got a result," Owen advised leaning forward to take the scan, as he recalled his to comment to Tosh in the Hub months before.

"Pardon?" Jack asked.

"Divine intervention," Owen said as Jack look became more confused. "We have a miracle Jack."

"Well that's interesting, because Ianto said he didn't believe in miracles or happy endings," Jack added.

"Well I guess he is in for one hell of a surprise then isn't he," Owen said as he began to pack up.


	40. Chapter 40

Affairs of the Heart.

Time Team: TV4 UK with Tony Robinson and a team of archeologist perform a dig over three days. Involves mostly digging trenches of some form or other to see where walls or buildings were.

**Chapter 40**

Owen leaned back taking a deep sip of the coffee Ianto had just handed to him. "God, how I have missed this." He said under his breath.

"Sorry." Ianto said as he heard Owen mutter. "I didn't quite catch that."

"I think he was saying how much he likes your coffee," Jack said quickly throwing a stern look at Owen.

"Yes, yes of course," Owen added hurriedly.

"You're welcome, we always like to start the day with a good cup," Ianto said as he poured a mug for himself as he looked at Jack, who smiled back at him.

"Well," Jack said taking a long sip from his own mug. "Owen as you're staying for a few days I thought we should take the opportunity to be adventurous." Jack said with a wicked grin on his face.

"Well what did you have in mind?" Ianto asked. "We don't need to go back to the Henge for another few weeks."

"Well I was thinking, it's summer the weather is almost nice, and we've been invited to participate in an exciting venture," Jack told them both.

Owen and Ianto glanced at each other then back at Jack.

"What sort of exciting venture?" Owen asked cautiously.

"A dig." Jack stated.

"A dig!" Ianto and Owen burst out almost simultaneously.

"That's right a dig" Jack repeated

"A dig, digging dirt," Ianto repeated

"In actual dirt?" Owen added adding to Ianto's chorus.

"Outside in the open air," Ianto said a look of horror on his face.

"Digging real dirt outside." Owen threw Jack a look of horror that matched Ianto's. "In the bloody country side," he added.

"The esteemed Dr Eda Lewis, expert in the Neolithic era is doing an archaeological dig 75 miles from the Standing Stones of Emin and I have offered our services," Jack told them both trying to hide the amusement he felt at their reaction to his plan.

"Dig as in actual digging in dirt," Ianto repeated as he looked up at Jack.

"Thought it was time we got down and dirty," Jack said smiling into his coffee at their reactions.

"And she is doing a dig," Ianto asked just double checking in case he had misheard and Jack was just pulling both their legs.

"Apparently she has identified a site for a possible Neolithic village and is currently spending five weeks on site with several of her most enthusiastic post grad students." Jack added. "And in exchange she has offered to answer any questions we might have related to our project."

"I understand you know one of the post grad students, he's hoping to use some of your findings to present in the Neolithic journal," Jack said to Ianto.

"Yeah Bradley Webster, we've talked and shared information," Ianto advised. "It's one thing to send an email," he paused trying to express how he felt, "I've seen Time Team it's just ditch digging."

"It will be good fun," Jack advised." She says there's a reasonable hotel nearby where everyone's staying, and I booked the rooms," Jack said at the look on Owens and Ianto's faces.

"For Christ sake Jack there's nothing fun about digging great big holes looked for scraps of crap," Owen burst up. "And I hate the bloody country side," he said in frustration as he saw Ianto nod in agreement at his outburst.

"It's one thing to do everything by and from the book; I thought it was time we participated in some actual basic research." Jack advised them both.

"Bloody basic, is right, bloody hell Jack." Owen continued his objections.

Jack pulled Owen aside, "You wanted to do some observation, "he flicked his eyes towards Ianto, "so take the opportunity to do so," he said almost through his teeth.

"All right then," Owen said throwing an evil look at Jack.

"I'll order in extra shovels then," Ianto said sarcastically shaking his head seeing the argument was lost.

"What you'll both need is several changes of clothing, a hat, and something nice in case we are invited out to dinner," Jack said "And sun block because you never know it might stop raining long enough to get burnt."

Ianto bit his lower lip as he tried to find the enthusiasm he would need for a week of sore backs, knees and broken finger nails.

"At least make sure the rooms have a bath," Owen said in disgust as he saw Ianto nod.

"Already booked my friends," Jack advised. "Already booked."

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Ianto sat in Jack's car, his arms folded; trying to work up enthusiasm for what he knew was going to be a hard week.

Owen his comrade of moans and unhappiness had taken off in his own car, planning to join them at the site. Ianto has smiled as Jack had warned Owen had better turn up and not scarper back to Cardiff. Ianto knew how he felt he had had the same thoughts of escape himself.

He looked out of the window; the country side look so familiar, he read the sign as it flashed past the car. It was so beautiful here with a deeply wooded valley so unlike the windswept open nature of the moors. As they crossed the stone bridge, he suddenly recognised the significance of the location.

"Stop the car Jack, stop the car!" he called out.

"Are you Ok?" Jack asked Ianto as he glanced across, trying to find a place to safely stop.

"Please Jack, please stop the car," Ianto said an air of desperation in his voice. "I need to get out now," he stated.

Jack looking in his mirror saw what looked like a tourist lay-by ahead; pulling over the car came to a stop. As he did Ianto opened the door and jumped out.

Jack took off his own seat belt and got out. Ianto was walking around taking in the surroundings. Taking in the entire scene he crossed his arms and closed his eyes.

Jack took the moment to take stock of where they were the sign said "Bridal Falls Bridge". Jack had read about the place but never until now visited. It was a particular beauty spot. The stone bridge they had driven over was on three levels that crossed the narrowest part of a steep tree filled gorge. A fast running river ran down the gorge in a series of cascades which passed under the bridge.

Sensing this was something of deep significance for him he remained silent but close enough to let Ianto know he was there if needed.

After several moments Ianto opened his eyes. "Jack I'm sorry if I scared you." He said as Jack moved towards him and put his hands on his shoulder.

"There's something I need to do, and I'm not sure I can do this on my own" he said as he looked at Jack.

"Anything" Jack advised softly.

"I need to say good bye to Lisa," he said quietly. "I've been meaning to do it for some time, but I've never felt like it was the right time, or place, but when I saw where we were, I realised it was now and here." he tried to explain.

"What do you need?" Jack asked him keeping his hand on Ianto's shoulder.

"Just walk with me," Ianto asked as he headed to the pathway led down a series of long steps to the bottom of the gorge.

Slowly they walked down the path which led to the lower part of the bridge where the most spectacular cascade could be seen. As they got closer the noise of the river began to become stronger.

They stopped at the bottom at the look out. Ianto stood for several long moments taking in the beauty of the river as Jack stood with him.

"Lisa loved it here." He said a faint smile forming on his face in remembrance. "Finding this place was the highlight of our holiday, the one I told you about with all the rain." He paused as he recollected. "We were having this blazing row, I forget about exactly what. It's so strange how rows flare up and seems so important at the time and yet now I can't remember what we were fighting about." He stopped. "Anyway we were shouting at each other, she was driving, she pulled over, just up there," he pointed to where the Jack had parked. "She pulled over and stormed out the car and tore down the path here".

"I waited a while before I followed, always best to let Lisa alone when she was angry." He chuckled lightly. "When I got to the bottom of the path she threw her arms round me and kissed me." He stopped for a few moments as he caught his breath. "It was right on this spot, she said 'I love you Ianto Jones stubbornness and all'…and she spun me around and I saw all this." He indicated the sheer magnificence of the surroundings.

"I never felt so alive, being here with her in that moment," he said as his voice trailed off.

Jack listened to the river as Ianto took his time before speaking again. "While we were up here Lisa wasn't particularly well, she'd been feeling poorly on and off for weeks. When we got back she was diagnosed with Cancer."

"We went through months of hope mixed with fear followed by pain as she just faded away."

He took a sharp breath. 'One moment we would be elated that something might help followed by the realisation there was nothing anyone could do."

"Watching Lisa die was the hardest thing I have ever had to do." He added quietly after several long moments had passed.

Jack said nothing allowing Ianto the time he needed.

"It was a time when I leant something about myself I still have trouble with….. How selfish I could be," Ianto remarked disgust in his voice.

"That I can't imagine," Jack burst out in all honesty.

"She was in terrible agony; she couldn't bear even the slightest touch." He took a deep breath. "She was crying begging for some way out." He struggled to speak, "and all I could think of was please don't die, please stay with me just one more…."

He struggled to compose himself as the tears rolled down his face. Jack put hand back between his shoulders rubbing gently to let Ianto know he was not alone.

There was a long pause before Ianto spoke again.

"When she died I thought it was not possible to feel such pain and live." He took another deep breath "and yet here I am in the place of our last true happy memory."

Ianto looked into the river. After several long moments he straightened as came back to himself.

"Ianto did you tell her every day you loved her?" Jack asked gently.

Ianto looked at him. "Yes I did every moment I could," Ianto replied almost stuttering.

"Did you let her know she was the most important person in your life?" Jack asked and he saw Ianto nod in reply. "Lisa knew you loved her," he continued, "and when she died she took that with her into whatever lies beyond death: the knowledge that she was cherished and loved beyond measure and she was lucky to have someone who stood by her through all those terrible times to the very end".

Several more moments passed as they stood together, when Jack spoke again. "Well you did better than I did," he admitted his voice breaking up.

Jack looked up at the bridge then at Ianto as he continued, "Some time back I made a terrible mistake, and I let someone down very badly. They loved me, more than I deserved and being the fool I was did not recognise this until it was too late." He paused.

"I hurt them so deeply they performed a kind of suicide. I now have to live with that mistake, knowing that person has no recollection of what we once had, or ever could have or should have been," he continued almost whispering. "And my biggest regret, my biggest regret is that person never knew how much they meant to me, I never told them I loved them…" his voice trailed into nothingness.

"Oh Jack." Ianto said looking at Jack as he now put his hand on Jack shoulder to comfort him, appreciative that Jack had chosen to open up to him share something so personal with him in an effort to make him feel more comfortable.

"Lisa was incredibly lucky Ianto, she had you," Jack said adamantly looking into his face. "She's not been forgotten or put aside and she will be part of you forever because while you live her memory continues in you."

Jack watched as a shadow of a smile crossed Ianto's face as his words took effect.

"When I think of Lisa I want to remember her as the wonderful person she was and how much she loved me and how much I loved her," Ianto said taking strength from Jacks words. "As she was here in this place, alive and happy."

Jack watched as tears rolled down Ianto's face as he watched the river, it was some time before Ianto wiped his face dry as he turned to Jack.

"Thank you for this, I'm glad I didn't have to do this on my own," Ianto said as he took in a deep breath.

"There is nothing I would not do, Ianto all you have to do is ask," Jack replied looking at him. "Seriously, Ianto just ask," he added hoping Ianto could discern what he meant from his gaze.

Ianto stood for a while longer taking in the beauty of the gorge, then began to make his way back up the path with Jack walking beside him

As they were half way back Ianto stopped and looked back down the path as Jack joined him he asked curiously, "The person you lost, is there nothing you can do to put it right."

Jack looked at Ianto and put his hand on his shoulder as they walked together.

"As a matter of fact I'm working on it right now," he said with a gentle smile.


	41. Chapter 41

Affairs fo the Heart.

Chapter 41

Owen collapsed into the chair next to Ianto, his body aching in places he never knew he had until now. Ianto he noted was leaning back his legs stretched out, a half-drunk water bottle hanging limply between his fingers. Owen took the bottom of his tee shirt and wiped his face clear of sweat. He grimaced as saw he had left behind a very dirty mark.

"Ianto mate are you alright?" Owen said as he opened his own bottle water and took a long drink.

"I, I, hate the sun it makes me all grumpy and it and gives me a headache," Ianto moaned not opening his eyes.

"Have you seen my hands? I'm a surgeon, my hands are used to finer things," He leaned over to show Ianto who opened his eyes and sat up slightly. "Bloody hell," he said as he took Owen's hand then showed him his hands, equally dirty and sore looking.

"I, I'm an indoor person, give me a computer, a filing cabinet, a nice air conditioned office, and a coffee machine," Ianto paused and looked at Owen. "Is there any coffee left?" Ianto asked wistfully looked across at the flask sitting on a small camping table.

"Only instant," Owen advised.

"Fuck." Ianto stated. "I am not drinking instant, I don't care what they say on the bloody label it is not the same."

Owen smiled and looked towards his colleague and found himself chuckling. He had to admit the last four days would have been hell except for his new found friendship with Ianto. It had grown out of a camaraderie of suffering based on the fact that neither them were used to being outdoors. Indulging in what Ianto had described as a forced double ditch digging. In the past there had been this unsaid antipathy towards each other, culminating in Ianto shooting him in the shoulder. Now he found himself really liking the bloke, he had a sweet innocence about him mixed with a surprising naiveté wrapped around a core of steel.

Ianto looked up to see Jack heading towards them. "Oh no," he groaned.

Owen looked in the same direction as Ianto. "That's all we bloody need captain happy clappy," he said.

"Why does he always have to look so bloody pleased with himself?" Ianto said struggling to sit up fully.

"He probably found us another pointless meaningless task for us to do," Owen advised thinking about the hours of sieving they had done over the past three days.

How are the troops?" Jack said as he approached them wearing his biggest grin and rubbing his hands together with glee.

Ianto threw him a filthy look at his obvious pleasure in their discomfort. Ianto saw he was about to add something more when the dig manager Eda Lewis joined them.

"Excellent! There you are Mr. Jones, come with me, you're needed to referee an academic argument," she said as Ianto brightened. He stood and followed her over to the gathered students fully engaged in a heated debate.

Owen watched in open envy and he muttered, "lucky little fucker," under his breath as he saw Ianto join the conversation under the shade of the awning.

"And there is a pile of dirt with our name on it," Jack advised Owen.

"I didn't sign up for this sort of shit Jack," he burst out as he took Jack's offered hand assisting him to stand.

"Yeah what did you sign up for?" Jack asked him as they headed out from under the awning.

"Right now I don't remember, but I am sure the phrase back breaking was not in the job description," he said following Jack out towards a large pile of dirt.

twtwtwtwtwtw

With a dirty hand Owen wiped his face clear of sweat as Jack added another shovel of dirt into the large garden sieve at his feet. Picking it up he shook it and clouds of dust rose to be scattered in the light breeze. Coughing and spitting out grit, Jack checked the small objects left behind, more small stones. He flicked them on to the small pile in an ice cream container for later inspection.

"What we gonna do about that Henge?" Owen asked as he started on his second shovel full.

"Tosh reported in this morning, she went over every inch and nothing," Jack advised him.

"And Ianto?" Owen asked

"Keep him away for now until we know more. It's been there at least five to six thousand years it's not going anywhere," Jack told him.

"Doesn't one of you have to go once a month and pick up the data from the sensors? Won't he think it's strange if you try and keep him away?" Owen asked.

"I've asked for Tosh to arrange a satellite link so we can download the data remotely," Jack advised.

"Satellite link," Owen repeated not sure he had heard correctly.

"I've arranged a link via the European Space Agency," Jack advised "they have a geostationary satellite passing over every 16 days so we're gonna piggy back the download."

"Piggy back, passing over…arranged, you mean pay." Owen asked

"Basically, yeah," Jack admitted.

Owen whistled. "That sort of thing doesn't come cheap Jack, how much does that sort of thing cost?"

Jack looked at him without answering as he refilled his sieve.

"How much this cost you so far?" Owen asked.

"Fair bit," Jack advised.

"Fair bit," Owen repeated, "I saw the cost for those sensors, with the software included, and the computer set up, you didn't get much change out of 85,000 pounds. I know you're paying Ianto along with all the costs of the office and the University to use their resources."

"I've some savings, investments odd bit of property." Jack advised. "I've got my consultancy work with Torchwood that pays a bit," Jack added quietly.

"Bloody hell Jack, how much longer can you fund this?" Owen asked him bluntly.

"A while longer," Jack said glancing over at Ianto.

"What happens if you run out of funds? What then, you could be left with just your shirt on your back and that coat of yours," Owen commented as he followed Jack's gaze to watch Ianto who was in deep conversation with Bradley Webster and another student while Eda Lewis listened in.

"Jack for Christ sake tell him, it's not like you to hold back, what the problem?" Owen asked him frustration evident in his voice.

Jack looked back at Owen and let out a sigh not sure if he really wanted to share something so personal with the colleague.

"It's awkward, I just don't want. " Jack tried to explain.

"Screw this up." Owen offered seeing how uncomfortable Jack looked.

"Yeah" Jack replied. "I was an idiot for not speaking up and now I don't want to lose him because I lost patience and acted too soon."

"I've seen the way he looks at you Jack. Tosh tells me he been asking about you, aren't they all signs he's interested," Owen offered in exasperation.

"I need real evidence, a sign, a tangible sign if I had that…." He sighed glancing across at Ianto, "nothing would stop me." He paused. "Anyway it's our last day Owen, four days observation, report," Jack told him changing the subject.

Owen looked across at Ianto still in conversation with the other students which had now led to arm waving, and gesticulations.

"How long had you noticed him doing this?" Owen asked as he brought up his hand and rubbed the back of his neck where his skull met his top of his spine.

Jack stopped and looked across and Ianto who immediately proceeded to demonstrate the action as he listened to one of the other students talking.

"Never thought about it," Jack commented.

"Well, I first noted it when I was examining him and I realized it was something new. Well I never observed this gesture, when he was at the Hub," he said adding another shovelful to his sieve then picking it up and shaking it. "Over the past days I noticed he does it every time he has to think deeply. We were out here earlier today and I asked him about it. He told me he just gets this sensation deep in his skull like a deep itch he can't put words to. I asked him why he rubbed that spot and he said it just helped."

Jack stopped shaking the sieve as he thought about it. The gesture was one he has seen Ianto repeat so many times; he had never given it a second thought. As he thought about it, the last time it had been was during their conversation when he had returned after the Adam incident. Ianto had sat for several long minutes studying Jack in depth as he had massaged the back of his neck with his hand.

"Retcon or Henge?" Jack asked.

"You know I have a feeling its Henge related," Owen advised.

"What would have happened if he hadn't been pinged?" Jack asked very quietly not sure if he really wanted to know.

"Thank god we will never find out, but I suspect his shyness would have become locked in, becoming increasingly pathological. The speech hesitation and his slight stutter are definitely Retcon related. I know Ianto hasn't told us everything. He is so damned reticent god knows what has really been going on for him. And we both know how good he is at suffering in silence. One of the areas of damage is associated with those areas of the brain that deals with anxiety. Any damage will be linked with shyness, social phobias and it could be that he has been suffering a high degree of generalized or focused anxiety."

"Are you saying he could be suffering from some sort anxiety disorder caused by the Retcon damage?" Jack asked.

"It could explain a lot about the level of stress he's suffering," Owen advised. "And I always suspected he had some level of O.C.D." He saw Jack nodding in agreement thinking about Ianto's obsessive need to keep things in order.

"Has there been something I've missed? I mean to me, he comes across as well, Ianto," Jack asked.

"Most people of who suffer from this develop their own coping mechanisms and often go about their lives through sheer effort of will power refusing to allow it to dominate their everyday lives," he explained.

"Sounds like this is something you know a lot about," Jack said sensing Owen had more than a passing academic interest in the subject.

"I have a close family member who suffered, stills suffers and I tell you it takes an immense level of personal courage and will power to just get out of bed and open the front door every day."

Owen took a deep breath as he continued "Even with some repair the damage is so extensive the damage will affect his thinking forever," he said as he saw Jack close his eyes, clearly upset.

"But Jack remember what I said about the energy connecting the dots. Ianto is making an amazing recovery. It's true it takes him longer to get the emotional stuff, but it's still Ianto. He's all there, his intelligence is unaffected, he's still got his wicked sense of humor, he's still the same man as before. In a sense it's a testament to the human brain that it can recover from such a blow. I stand by the statement that it's a miracle he can remember his own name because the reality is Jack the man should be a vegetable. So why you're beating yourself up for what occurred and the choices Ianto made for whatever reason the fact that we are having this conversation is that Ianto is going to be OK."

Owen saw Eda waving them over to join her and the other students under the awning.

"Thank God," Owen said throwing down the sieve. "I have had enough of this shit, let's go look for that sign."

Jack put his hand on Owen's shoulder, "Thanks for this."

"Anything for you and the tea boy," Owen said trying to hide how he actually felt under a sarcastic retort.

"You don't fool me," Jack said smiling.

"Whatever," Owen snapped back heading toward the gathered group.


	42. Chapter 42

Affairs of the Heart.

Chapter 42.

Placing the tray on the table Owen now served the drinks. "Vodka and tonic for you, Dr Lewis," he handed her a glass.

"Eda please," she said taking the glass.

"Whisky," Owen said handing the glass of amber liquid to Jack. Taking the pint glass from the tray he took deep and sip and sat down.

"Captain, I must congratulate you on finding the talented Mr. Jones," she told them.

"Jack please," Jack requested as he saw a smile flicker across her face.

"Oh but Captain suits you so much better," she replied as she saw a curious look grow on Jack's face. "I need to warn you, I am going to attempt to try and steal him from you. I know Bradley would love to have him work with us. And I know at least one of my other students wouldn't object."

"Where are they all tonight?" Owen asked seeing this part of the bar was empty.

"Oh the argument this afternoon has descended into what I believe will be a test of fortitude combined with a student custom associated with the end of an annual excavation," she said with an amused tone.

She saw a look of confusion. "A drinking competition," she told them. "I heard the challenge declared earlier and I also know at least one student is going to use the opportunity to attempt to kiss your Mr. Jones." She saw a dark look cross Jack's face.

"I wouldn't worry too much, they've been plotting this all week." She leaned forward in a conspiratorial whisper. "You see one of my female students has got a bit of a crush and is as shy as your Mr. Jones, it's taken her all this week to get up courage just to speak to him." She took a deep breath," So Captain, can you tell me why Torchwood are up here participating in a dig and studying the enigmatic stones of Emin?" she asked innocently.

Jack choked on his drink and saw Owen gulp, spilling his beer.

"How?" Owen said as he rubbed the beer that he had spilt on his shirt.

"How do I know? You see Captain Harkness and I have met before and I must say you are looking very good for your age Jack," she said.

Jack looked at Owen and then back at Eda, raising his eye brows and smiling shyly.

Eda sat back, "You know I'm kind of disappointed you don't remember me because I certainly remember you," She looked at Owen. 'What a week, I blush now thinking some of things we did," she said smiling "40 years ago, I was a Student of Professor Longstone; Torchwood was called into assist with an investigation into the goings on at "Skara Brae" on Orkney in Scotland." she said saw a smile growing on Jack's face. He took her hand and kissed it.

"I was stunned to get your request and a little disappointed you don't recall me," she told him.

"Eda I could never forget you I just thought time has passed, I didn't want to embarrass you," he told her.

"That does not answer my question Jack, what interest does Torchwood have in the standing stones of Emin?" She asked again accepting his explanation.

"This is an independent project," he advised her.

"Independent from whom?" she asked and waited again for a reply that did not come. "So an independent project investigating an obscure landmark hundreds of miles away in the middle of nowhere," she said looking at the Captain.

'Yes," Jack replied "I needed a research project, something that would require certain conditions; fieldwork, investigation, and be of interest to the person assisting the carrying out of that research."

She nodded as she a realization dawned on her. "Ah the excellent Mr. Jones." She raised her eyebrows.

"It's complicated," Jack tried to explain.

"Yes well love always is," she said looking at both their faces as Jack choked into his drink again.

Eda shook her head. "Jack you may think you've been discreet, but even someone at my stage of life can see that you never take your eyes off him, and those looks you throw at him when you think no one's looking." She took a breath. "Does he know all of this is just for him?"

Owen shook his head. "And I think Jack would like it to stay that way," he advised.

"As I said it's complicated," Jack said as he looked at her wondering how much he should say.

Owen interrupted before he could speak. "Ianto's one of us. A Torchwood operative and there was an accident," he looked at Jack, "and he's lost his memory."

"I see," Eda answered not sure she fully understood.

"Of Jack," Owen advised.

"So you're up here trying to see if you can jog his memory," she said as she now understood.

"So your studying the stones is just some happy coincidence," she said in reflection as she saw Jack nod as she sat back. "Well let me tell you something, you and your Mr. Jones have managed to do something that has been up to now, seemingly impossible," she said as she saw the look of confusion on their faces. "Up until now every project to study the stones, including my own, has failed."

"Failed in what way?" Owen asked his curiously piqued.

"You should know the stones come with a bit of a reputation in academic circles, a few years ago a group of us were doing an academic review. This for the un-initiated is a review of everything written and or studies done on a particular subject. During that review it was clear every group of standing stones in Europe had been subject to intense historical, geographic and scientific study except one."

"The standing stones of Emin," Jack reflected.

"For someone like me, it was heaven sent. I was on the lookout for my next project. An opportunity to go where no one had gone before was just too good be true," she advised.

"What happened?" Owen asked

"I told my head of department and he told me to not bother, that any attempt to study the stones would end in failure. He told me every study had ended before completion. And I can tell you that up until your efforts even mapping out the stones had appeared to be impossible. I actually laughed at him, and he told me go ahead and try."

"And?" Jack asked.

"As he predicted I never managed to set up a sustained study. Every time I tried to arrange something, my funding fell through, students got sick, I got sick. Another time we managed to actually start to map out the stones and it rained for 10 days straight making it impossible to work."

"So you ended it then?" Owen asked.

"No, I can be very stubborn and no bunch of rocks was ever going to get the better of me. What stopped me, was during what was to me my final visit time to the Stones, I got this incredible idea, that well, has driven my entire academic career," She advised them.

She raised a glass. "So to you and your fabulous Mr. Jones and all the incredible information he has been forwarding on." She took a sip and looked at them both, "and now for the really embarrassing bit, what do I have to do to get my hands on what's in those filing cabinets in your office? As you are well aware there is nothing I wouldn't do beg, borrow and or steal to get my hands on what's in them." She said as a huge grin spread over Jack's face.

Owen rolled his eyes and took a sip of beer wondering if it was possible to anywhere and not run into some ex-lover of Jack's.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

"Jack, whenever we get back to the Hub I want a list," Owen told Jack as they headed back to their rooms.

"A list of what?" Jack asked not sure what he was being asked for.

"I want a bloody list of everyone you've not slept with," Owen told him

"Why not slept with?" Jack teased.

"Because it will be miles shorter than the one…" Owen stopped in midsentence as they came across two students giggling furiously clearly drunk struggling to hold Ianto upright.

"A one little kiss Ianto, please?" Jack heard one of the students say.

"We'll take him for here," Jack told them. As they moved aside Ianto staggered forward. Jack caught Ianto's right arm and threw it around his shoulder as he did so he put his own arm around his waist. Owen at the same time repeated the gesture on left side. Together they now attempted to move Ianto towards his room at the far end of the corridor.

"Come on tea boy," Owen said as they tried to maneuver Ianto down the corridor. Ianto clearly very drunk was using all is concentration in putting one foot in front of the other.

"Not tea boy, not allowed to call myself that anymore, Jack'll grumple gum, tell me off," Ianto told him.

The staggered several more steps and he fell towards the wall. "I've been drinking," Ianto advised stating the obvious as he leaned his head up against the wall.

"We can see and smell," Owen advised him struggling to bring Ianto back into an upright position.

"We had a com, com, compe pepeti tiontion," Ianto struggled to say.

"Drinking competition?" Owen offered.

"Yes, what you said, shelly sots," Ianto offered an explanation as Jack and Owen struggled to get him moving forward again.

"Jelly shots?" Owen offered grinning and shaking his head trying hard not to laugh.

"Yes," Ianto replied categorically.

"How many?" Jack asked wondering how much Ianto had drunk to get into this state.

The question stopped Ianto dead in his tracks. He brought a hand up to his face and started to count on his fingers. "15," he declared proudly.

"You drank 15 Jelly shots," Jack burst out.

"First, there was beer and a crandenberry cran something," he corrected him.

"A red rocket," Owen explained as he saw a look of query of Jack's face. "Diabolical , two shots 120% proof vodka with cranberry juice," Owen explained as he saw Jack wince.

"I drank that bugger Bradley under the table," he added chuffed with himself.

"Under the table and out the door by the sound of it," Jack commented trying to keep Ianto moving forward but he was so drunk he had become dead weight.

"I told him, you can't out drink me, I'm Welsh," Ianto added.

"You are going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow," Owen told him as Ianto tripped over his feet falling forward as Owen and Jack struggled to keep him upright.

Working together Jack and Owen moved making slow progress down the corridor. As they neared his room Ianto looked at Owen. " You know I like you Owen , when I first met you, I thought, I thought he's a bit of a wanker, but now I think your nice," he said.

"Thanks Ianto," Owen told him as they finally reach Ianto's room door.

"Key?" Jack asked as they reached the door as Ianto leaned his head on Jack's shoulder and snuggled in. "You smell so good," he said taking a deep sniff.

Owen places Ianto's arm over Jack's shoulder who was now steadying Ianto with both hands on his waist.

"I see if mine will work if not I'll have to go to the front desk," Owen advised getting out his own key. After a futile attempt it was clear it didn't work.

"Key, Ianto we need you room key?" Jack asked again.

Ianto looked up at Jack with a devious smile and declared swinging his arms out to his side. "I've hidden it on my body Jack. You'll have to search for it." Then after a few seconds declared in a stage whisper, "I'll give you a clue. It's in my right hand trouser pocket." As he finished his statement he fell towards Jack who steadied him.

Smiling and shaking his head Owen started to pat him down. Finding the key in his back jeans pocket pulled it out showing it to Jack.

" I'm drunk," Ianto declared.

" Ya think," Jack stated struggling to hold Ianto up.

"Tell me something we don't know." Owen told him as he attempted to unlock the door. It was an old fashioned key and he found he needed to fiddle with it to get it to fit into the tumblers.

Ianto looked startled at Owens question, stated loudly, "Alright then, I want him," and launched himself at Jack pressing him up against the wall. In one move he found Jack's lips and began to snog him. Feeling Ianto push him up against the wall with lips pressed against him Jack was taken by surprise as he felt Ianto starting to pull his shirt out of his trousers, followed by a hand pressing into his crotch. There were several frantic moments of struggle as Jack tried to hold Ianto up and at the same time keep his hands out of his trousers. Finally, he managed to grab both hands but was still unable to push Ianto away who was kissing him in a determinedly single minded passion.

"Put him down Ianto," Owen told him as he pulled him off.

Taking Ianto by the arms they got him into his room and as they entered Ianto staggered and almost fell but Jack caught him.

"I think we had better get you into bed," he advised kindly.

"I wish," Ianto stated giving Jack a wanton look as he launched himself towards Jack again. Jack managed to catch him before he fell on the floor. Assisting him to stand Jack watched as Owen quickly pulled back the bed covers on Ianto's bed.

Straitening up Ianto threw his arms around Jack again and attempted another snog. He almost reached Jack's lips when Owen came to his rescue and pulled him back. "You know, you don't have to get me drunk, " Ianto advised as he felt Jack's hands undoing his belt buckle. "Yeah?" Jack asked looking into his eyes.

"Yeah," Ianto replied eagerly. As he spoke Jack pushed him gently backwards while holding onto the end of his belt and in one swift move yanked it out. As he did Ianto spun slightly and fell face down on the mattress. He belched gently and immediately closed his eyes.

"The way you did that Jack suggests you've had practice," Owen said impressed.

"Years," Jack replied taking a deep breath and with Owen's help moved Ianto so he was fully on the bed and then pulled up the sheet and blanket covering him.

'That was interesting." Jack said as looked down at Ianto as he tucked his shirt back into his pants then wiped his mouth.

"Well Jack, you wanted a sign, this one' 50 meters by 50 meters flashing 'take me now," he declared crashing in a soft chair on the far side of the room.

"Yeah I think he made his feelings pretty obvious," Jack advised smiling to himself.

"For god's sake Jack tell him how you feel," Owen advised. "All this bloody angst."

Jack took a deep breath and put his hand on Ianto's shoulder and patted it, looking at Owen.

"Tell him you love him," Owen told him firmly.

"Is that a hint of romanticism I hear in your voice Owen?" Jack asked looking at Owen.

"All right then, take him somewhere, snog each other senseless, and then do each other. Watching the two of you dance around each other is doing my head in," Owen advised wearily. "Look if you won't tell him I bloody well will," he said standing up and starting toward the comatose form on the bed. "Ianto, Jack loves you, he was a complete bloody idiot, but he loves you."

Jack kissed Ianto's cheek then whispered in his ear.

"Come on Harkness I want to leave early tomorrow and get back to civilization, "Owen told him as Jack stood and they headed for the door.

"Well I think I have an idea, a romantic evening, fancy restaurant," Jack told.

"Don't bloody care Harkness, just get on with it," Owen told him as he shut the door.

As the door shut with a click Ianto's eyes flew open as wide as it was possible for them to be.


	43. Chapter 43

Heart and soul Chapter 42

Affairs of the Heart -Warning MA

Placing the final bag in the boot of his sports car Owen shut the lid down with a snap.

"Right Harkness, this is been without doubt the most uncomfortable, dirt filled, experience of my life promise me we will never do this again," he said a sardonic look on his face.

Jack pulled him into a huge bone crunching hug.

"Oi!" Owen tried to say but found all his breath being squeezed out.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate you coming," Jack told him.

"Save it for Ianto," Owen told him as they pulled apart. "Now tell me you are going to say and do something?" he asked tilting his head towards Jack.

"I've booked dinner for both of us tonight, and by the end." Jack replied

Owen held up his hand. "Please spare me the details, just do it," he advised as he saw Jack nod his head.

He got in and closed his car door, "I'm off, "he said as he started up the engine and drove with speed away from the hotel.

Looking back in his mirror, he saw Jack walking back to the hotel. As he drove down the narrow road he looked out for a place to stop. Seeing a farm drive way he pulled in. Taking a deep breath he opened out his cell phone and made a call.

"Tosh, sorry is it that early? He took the phone from his ear as Tosh raised her voice.

"Look I'm know I am going to regret this the rest of my life but," he pulled the phone away as

Tosh continued her tirade, several moments passed before she halted and he could speak again. "I need you to do something for me, well not me actually, now listen, yes I'm sorry I know it's early," he took the phone away from his ear again. "This is not for me yes, it's early. I have said I'm sorry, this is important, what I want you to do is help me with something. Yes, it's bloody important. No it can't wait, look I need you to….." Tosh went quiet as Owen began to speak. He groaned at her reaction. "Oh god woman don't all bloody mushy on me. Yes I promise I 'll come if there's a wedding , yes I promise you a dance, "he heard a squeal of delight down the phone " Thanks Tosh," he said as he ended the call.

He looked down at the number pad, now for his part flicking the phone open again he dialed then started speaking."Ianto there's something you really need to know ….." Flipping his phone shut he looked into his mirror, smiling as he put the car into gear and put his foot on the throttle. 'Well if this didn't work' he told himself, 'who knew what the fuck would.'

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Ianto woke up. The first thing he felt was a terrible throbbing in his forehead. He groaned then attempted to move. His mouth was open and it tasted like something unspeakable had climbed in and died. He sat up slowly, leaned forward and drew his hand over his face.

As he sat up the pain in his head changed character. It felt as if his brain, having failed to escape his skull, was now digging its way out using some form of blunt instrument. The sun was coming through the cracks of the curtains and he squinted his eyes as the pain of the light made the throb in his head even worse. He felt his bladder fit to burst and he stood, swayed slightly and made his way to the toilet.

Leaning forward with a hand out against the wall he peed. After a long pause he felt a modicum of ease as his bladder emptied. Now finished he staggered back into the bedroom. As he became more into himself he realized he was fully dressed but without his belt.

The pain in his head got his attention again and he laid back down closing his eyes as he tried to recollect some of the previous evening. The only clear part was the beginning, the rest were just flashes. A row of drinks; he recalled the beer and some kind of sweet concoction. He groaned as a vague recollection of meeting Jack and Owen came to him and he put his hand to his forehead.

'What the fuck was the time,' he said to himself and looked across at the clock. For several seconds he tried to focus on the clock after few moments her realized it he couldn't read the time because it was covered with a note with small vial sellotaped to it.

Picking up the note he pulled off the vial and saw it was from Owen. Squinting to focus his eyes he started to read.

"_The amount you drank last night you will have the hangover from hell. For reasons I am not about to disclose here you will find said vial_" Ianto examined the small vial and saw it contained what looked like some sort of milky liquid. "_Contained in this vial is perhaps the best hangover cure in the entire Universe, so Jack tells me._" Ianto had another look at the contents. "_Now drink this, have a shower, shave, change your clothes, read the note from Jack and then listen to your voice messages. You can thank me later." _

Snapping the top of the vial he drank it down in one gulp. Spluttering and gagging he lent forward as a bitter aftertaste hit the back of his throat. Muttering under his breath he grabbed a half drunk water bottle. Fumbling with the lid he opened it and took several gulps of water to try and get rid of the vile taste. The water dribbled down his chin and he wiped it with the back of his hand. Leaning forward he picked up the note from Jack.

"_I figured that you would want to sleep off last night so don't be surprised at the time"_

Ianto now looked at the clock and saw it was 2.30 in the afternoon. Ianto groaned as he fell backwards on to the bed the note screwed in hand.

Several moments passed as he lay there with his eyes closed, his stomach churning. Finally he brought up the note to read the remaining words.

"_Pick you up for dinner 7.30 be ready, it's a date._"

Pulling himself up he headed for the shower. Stripping he put his hand under the water as he waited for it to be just the right temperature. He now stepped under the hot water and let it cascade over his body. Turning slowly he allowed the water to soak away the ache in his muscles. The water flowed over his face and it filled his mouth, it tasted so sweet. As he did he felt the pain in his head ease and the ache in his body begin to fade.

What a night, what the hell had he been drinking? His stomach turned a flip as he recalled the concoction of drinks, 'never gonna touch those again,' he promised himself. He picked up the shampoo and washed his hair, as he did he felt his stomach settle. His head began to clear and he began to feel a lot better. 'Hell,' he thought, 'Owen was right.' He started to hum as he started to wash his body.

'Bloody hell.' He was feeling brilliant. ' What was in that vial?' He rinsed the soap off his body letting the water run over his whole body, it felt so good. Some got into his ear it felt just like a whisper, he stopped bringing his hand up to the back of his neck. 'There was a whisper, a whisper,' he recalled, 'a whisper… what the hell was that whisper?

He grabbed the towel; the whisper had been soft, warm, and like breath in his ear that smelt just like Jack, what were the words. He stood up as he dried himself, God he was feeling good his headache was almost gone and he felt like he had slept off months of fatigue.

Opening his bag he pulled on fresh boxers followed by a clean t-shirt and jeans. Now where was that belt? He saw it on the floor, picked it up and threaded it through the loops of his jeans.

A breath soft in his ear. Why could he not recall the words they were just on the edge of his consciousness, all he could remember was an incredible feeling of love?

He picked up Owen's note and read it again. Picking up his cell phone he saw he had two messages.

One was from Tosh the other Owen, pressing keys he began to listen

Staggered he sat down as he listened. Trembling he now listened to the second message as he did closed his eyes, and the words from the whisper came to him.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Standing with impatience at the lobby desk, Ianto waited for receptionist.

"Captain Harkness, have you seen him he's not in his room, but his car still in the car park," he asked impatiently.

"Ianto Jones?" she asked professionally ignoring his manner. "He left this for you." She reached out taking an envelope from a cubby hole and handed it to him. Tearing it open he read the message and headed for the front entrance.

Stretching out Jack eased the knot in his shoulder. Owen had been correct, this week had been physically tough, and he was sore. He looked at his watch, and his stomach fluttered. Tonight he would tell Ianto how he felt. Well maybe he would kiss him first, kiss him a lot, then kiss him all over, then tell him how he felt. After last night he had no fear he would be rejected. He looked at his watch again as the second hand crept with agonizing slowness around the dial.

Lost deep in thought he stood to take another turn around the hotel garden. It was so beautiful, being sheltered from the winds by a tall rock wall, an old fashioned closed garden complete with gazebo, roses, and overhanging trees. He thought he heard movement and saw it was Ianto. In single moment he found they were embraced around each other, their lips meeting in a moment of sublime glory. Jack felt the world around him dissolve as he kissed Ianto with all the bent up desire and frustration on the past months. Ianto kissed jack with all the passion and desperate yearning easing the ache in his heart.

Several moments passed as they became the only two beings in the universe. Pulling back now to catch their breath they lent their foreheads together. Slowly now with a tender deliberation they each other kissed more deeply each taking the measure of the other. Pulling back for a third time, they looked into each other's eyes. Crashing their lips together, there followed an ecstasy of fumbling. Realizing where they were, Ianto pulled back with difficulty, Jack who understood without words his intention took his hand and headed back with speed to the hotel.

"Captain Harkness," the receptionist called out as she saw Jack and Ianto race past the front desk "Are you checking out now?"

Ianto who was just ahead of Jack still tightly clutching his hand turned his head sharply towards Jack who stopped and turned towards her.

"No," Jack said with great impatience as he looked at Ianto, "we'll be staying one…"

"Two," Ianto corrected him. "Three?" he added hopefully.

"Three more days," Jack replied looking at Ianto who had raised his eyebrows as they moved off together.

"And cancel my dinner reservation," Jack shouted back as they disappeared out of the lobby.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwt

A tray filled with afternoon tea of scones, jam, honey, coffee and cream lay longways between Ianto legs. Wrapped in sheet he leaned back into Jack who was sitting behind Ianto his arms around him as he softly kissed Ianto's neck.

Leaning into Jack's chest he to spread jam onto a scone. Then reaching back he offered him a bite.

Seeing the jam on his fingers Jack took his hand and taking his finger sucked it off.

"You know you're taste delicious without the jam," Jack advised as he now took a bite of scone held by Ianto.

Ianto tilted his head and kissed Jack on the lips pulling back he took a bite of the same scone.

"I had some interesting voice messages left for me today," Ianto advised.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he asked. "You gonna share?" taking another bite.

Ianto kissed Jack again then he now poured him a coffee and handed it to him.

Jack sat a little straighter taking the coffee. "I want to share myself with you forever," Ianto said him taking a hand and kissing it.

Jack kissed his shoulder as Ianto handed him another bite of scone.

"Did you mean everything you said to me last night?" Ianto asked him quietly.

"Every word and more Ianto," He told him. " Just give me time and I will prove it in every look gesture and action."

Taking the tray, Ianto carefully removed it from bed taking the coffee cup form Jack's hand and placed it on the bedside table. He took his face cupping it in both hands kissed Jack leaving him in no doubt how much he needed him too.

twtwtwtwtwtwtw

His fingers twisted and entangled in Jack's hair from the top of his head, lost in sensation as Jack worked his mouth around his cock, he arched his back and thrust forward as he felt Jack swallow him deeper. He felt a finger slip its way past his entrance, suddenly it hit a sweet spot he never knew existed until this moment and it took him over the edge and body shuddered as his orgasm ripped through his body. He felt that spot touched again and he felt a wave as he came even harder. Jack had asked him he had felt adventurous but he was not expecting this ecstasy.

Several moments passed as Jack made sure he took in every drop of his lover's essence. Kissing his way up his abdomen he worked his way up his chest until he reached his lips and gave him a deep kiss.

Ianto let out a huge breath completely sated as Jack kissed his way up his body. Finding Jack's lips on his he kissed him back. For a few seconds he didn't recognize the sweet slightly bitter taste then realized he was tasting himself as he tried to catch his breath.

Wrapping his arms around Jack he held him close kissing the top of his head as he settled on his chest.

Taking Jack's hand Ianto wrapped into his and began to kiss it.

"This is real isn't it Jack?" Ianto asked softly. "Not some dream I'm going to wake up from and find you gone."

"I promise Ianto, when we wake up here tomorrow you will wake up in my arms," Jack advised as he kissed his forehead.

"That's good Jack because, I need you Jack, I lo…." he said as drifted into a deep sleep.

Jack pulled Ianto closer, wrapping his arms around him and felt humbled by the man in his arms. He had been privileged that this man had fallen in love with him once. By what miracle could he put to being this lucky for a second time? Somehow, somewhere in his life he must have done something worthy of such a reward; what he couldn't imagine.

There was so much further they had to travel, so much yet to be revealed. The truth about himself and his past. The truth about Ianto's past, Lisa, and the reality of Torchwood. They had so much yet to face, but right here, right now in this moment, this was enough.

If love could find a way forward out of such tragedy then it could find a way through the trials to come. This time Ianto would know he was loved, and adored, Jack would make certain of it. He intended that Ianto would never doubt his love again. Jack had made a promise that night and written it in the last page of Ianto's journal. He had promised he would find him and put things right. He asked what ever powers to be for the strength to do just that.

In the distance far away six lost and lonely souls wept with joy and dreamed a happy dream.

Story is continued in

Heart and Soul –Part Four - Secrets and Lies.

.


	44. Chapter 44

Heart and Soul – Part Four.

Secrets and Lies.

**Chapter 44.**

Turning the page of the book he was reading as quietly as he could, Jack looked up at the time; three am. He heard a sound and he looked up turning head towards the partially open bedroom door. He caught his breath but let it out when he realised it was Ianto turning over in bed thankfully still sleeping.

With any luck Ianto might make it through the entire night for once. If nothing else Ianto could do with just one good night's sleep. He turned his head to double check Ianto was still sleeping and saw he lay still deeply asleep.

He smiled to himself as he thought of his lover and all they had shared over the past weeks. As before Ianto had wanted to race ahead wanting to please Jack. However for the first time ever Jack had wanted to take things slowly. Partly he recognised he wanted to saviour every encounter, it was not often in one's life you got a second change and this time he had wanted to get it right. Secondly he wanted Ianto to really enjoy the unfolding of their physical relationship; he wanted to make it special for him.

He had slowly introduced elements to their love making culminating with their first time a few weeks after the dig. As they came close to going all the way, he had sprung a surprise romantic weekend. Ianto had loved the entire experience; from the rose petals on the bed, champagne, dark coffee chocolates that awaited them on their arrival, to the deep bath and love making. He sighed, for that is what had been: making love. Until now he had never fully understood that phrase: sex was sex, a means to an end, sexual release. But this was different he wanted their love making to be a reflection of the love, security and commitment he should have offered Ianto before he had left with the Doctor. And right now if it was in his power to do anything that would ease whatever Ianto was going through he would do it.

He heard the fridge start up; talking about cold, he recalled his conversation with Gwen today. She was insisting he now end his time there and return to his duties at Torchwood. They needed him, she argued, she had held the fort long enough and needed time to resolve some of the issues in her life.

To say he was reluctant to return was understatement, and although he had to admit part of him did miss the excitement, another part of him didn't want to return Torchwood with all its dramas, problems, and risks. Regardless of the current difficulties as sobering as they were, he loved it was just him and Ianto, going about their everyday life. The last thing Ianto needed right now to be taken from everything that was familiar and thrown in the deep end somewhere else. This was his home and while he lived where Ianto was, was home for Jack.

Setting up home with someone was something he had not considered or enjoyed for a very long time, although he had to admit he faked it well. Past lovers and or partners never suspected for one moment how much he felt constrained by any situation coming close to domesticity, except two, he smiled to himself. When had first arrived on earth and unaware of his immortality he had fallen in love with a wonderful woman, Sarah. They had married and set up home. From the first he had revelled in the day to day delights of married life. It didn't matter if it was choosing colours to paint the walls or winding the mangle handle on wash day, he had cherished every moment.

He sighed as he reminisced. They had had one wonderful year and instead of continued bliss, she had died in childbirth. She had died along with the baby, so he could not even console himself with bringing up even a piece of Sarah. In the grief that had followed, he had discovered he could not die. He had to admit he had gone off the rails there for a while. He had indulged in what could only be described as reckless behaviour which ultimately ended with him joining Torchwood.

And now there was Ianto. He felt a surge of love and protectiveness towards him. Setting up home with Ianto promised a re-acquaintance with those lost delights. He heard a noise as Ianto cried out, standing up he raced into the bedroom pulled back the covers and slid in next to him.

"It's Ok, I'm here," he said as took him into his arms. Ianto looked him with terror filled eyes as he jerked awake.

"Oh Jack I'm sorry I, I, I woke you again," Ianto said the strain clear in his voice.

"No, I was already awake," Jack told him softly as he gave him a gentle kiss.

"I should get up, let you rest," Ianto offered.

"You need to rest Ianto you're exhausted. Let me just hold you and see if you can fall asleep," Jack offered.

"I'll try," Ianto agreed as Jack wrapped his arms around him and listened as for once he felt Ianto drifted back to sleep. "Please Ianto," he whispered "let me in and tell me what's wrong."

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwt

Handing over a mug of hot coffee Jack pulled Ianto to him and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"Ok," Jack said "Let's go through what we got for today," he said as he saw Ianto now pour a coffee for himself and sat down in the chair facing Jack's desk.

"I've got to complete my part of the journal article and get it off to Bradley," Ianto told him.

"How close are you to completion?" Jack asked him.

"Very close, just got the bibliography to go and then I can forward it to him today," Ianto advised.

"Excellent," Jack said.

"And you?" Ianto asked.

"I thought I'd follow up on that cap stone Eda Lewis she recalled, might belong to our Henge. She's given me a few ideas on where to look so I'm going over to the geological library to see if I find a better indication as to where it is," Jack said. "I'll bring back lunch. Fancy anything or you happy with what I bring back?" Jack asked as he saw Ianto hesitate.

"Sure whatever you bring back will be fine." He told him as Jack drained him mug and stood. Taking his coat off the coat rack and putting it on, he pulled Ianto into his arms and gave him a hug and light kiss.

"Be back soon," he said as he left the office and headed over to the library.

"Damn it," Jack said to himself as he walked down the corridor that bloody mouthwash was back in Ianto's pocket

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Ianto closed his eyes as he heard the door shut. He put his head in his hands and braced himself as the feelings he had been holding on to claimed him. He began to shake as he felt his heart race and he became short of breath, he felt pressure in his head and his stomach twisted, he tasted bile in his throat. Opening the door he raced the toilet and threw up the small amount of breakfast he had managed to eat. Bracing himself against the cubicle walls he closed his eyes he tried to focus on the counting ritual that has worked in the past to bring him back. He got to 39 when he realised his anxiety was not decreasing. He braced himself against the sides as the anxiety went through him in waves.

'Please god,' he pleaded, "don't let Jack find me like this." He felt his anxiety consume him and felt a horrible blackness over take his mind….

Several moments later Ianto stirred, he was on the floor jammed against the toilet legs twisted under him. He straightened up and looked at this watch to check how long he had been out of it this time; only five minutes and he felt surge of relief. He would be back in the office before anyone realised he was missing. He took out the mouthwash and took a mouth full then spat it into the toilet bowl and made his way back to his office.

He knew what Jack was thinking; he thought he was throwing up deliberately, when nothing could be further from the truth; he was starving. He wanted to eat but the sight and smell of food made him sick to his stomach. His anxiety right now was constant and it was only his will power that allowed him to appear in control.

'Why did I let Jack move in with me?' he berated himself. It had been after that incredible weekend, he had been feeling astounding, the anxiety had almost gone and he was sleeping, well mostly sleeping. But when Jack had moved in he realised he could no longer preform those rituals that allowed him to control his anxiety outside his flat. Jack had immediately sensed something was wrong and offered to help. The panic that filled him had meant he had to hurt Jack and it had crushed him as he had used his own logic against him. But if he knew, if he found out then all this was over. Jack would be out that door, hell he couldn't stand himself, why would Jack stay? His mind now filled with the mantra that dominated his thinking: 'Please don't let me lose Jack.'

wtwtwtwtwtwtwt

Looking through the surveys, Jack tried to remain calm, as he tried to order his thoughts. How many times in the past months had he been in the library worried sick about Ianto? 'Too many,' he heard an inner voice reply. All this time he had been focused on being with Ianto, it had finally happened and it was wonderful, but something was wrong. Something was happening for Ianto, he could see the fear in his eyes, in his heart of hearts, and he knew it was more than fear, it was terror.

After his long discussions with Owen he had prepared himself to discover what Ianto had not told them. Even after their relationship had re-ignited he had managed to preserve that mask, but once Jack had moved in the reality of his situation became very evident. The truth was Ianto was a lot more fragile than he appeared.

Jack now recognised that what he had seen and had experienced was the façade Ianto had shown him and the world. He had tried to offer his help only once and he still recalled the conversation with on-going distress.

It had been one week after he had moved in, they had just made love and Ianto was his arms his head on his chest as he kissed the top of his head.

"Ianto please tell what's wrong?" he asked as he felt Ianto immediately tense up and remain silent.

When it was clear Ianto was not going to reply, he started to ask again, as he did Ianto got up pulled on his bath robe and left the room.

Jack followed as Ianto stood looking out the window of his apartment. Walking over he stood behind him and put his arms around his waist and began to speak again but stopped when he saw the look of sheer terror on Ianto's face reflected in the glass. He pulled him around into his arms, "Let me help," he offered as he felt Ianto tense up again and move away.

"I don't need help," Ianto told him as clearly as he could.

"Ianto I see it in your eyes, something is wrong."

Ianto interrupted, "I can deal with this, I am dealing with it," he told him his voice shaking.

"Dealing with what Ianto?" he asked gently.

"I don't want to talk about it," he responded.

"How can I help if you won't tell me what's wrong?" Jack said frustration evident in his voice as he put his hands on Ianto's shoulder and looked into his eyes.

Ianto pulled away and stepped back as he looked directly at Jack for several moments then started to speak. "When you came back after you were missing for those ten days you told me that you couldn't tell me what happened, but after a year, if I asked then you would tell me, right?" Ianto said.

Jack nodded not sure where this was going.

"I sat and listened to you, I was hurt, freaked out," he stopped to compose himself as he struggled to speak. "I, I'd been though ten rounds of hell, but I listened and regardless of the cost to myself, I agreed," he saw Jack nod unable to argue as his own strategy was against him.

"I've shown patience and understanding. I've given you the space and time you needed in spite of how much distress it has caused me." He took Jack's hands.

Jack pulled Ianto towards him holding him and Ianto put his forehead against his.

"In all this time Jack I have never asked you for anything," he looked into Jacks eyes, "so I am asking you now please, please show me the same patience and understanding that I have given you." He took a deep breath, "We both have secrets, things we can't or don't want to share with each other."

"You don't have to do this on your own," Jack said tears in his eyes," I'm here for you."

"I know," Ianto replied "What you are doing is helping, just being here, and being with you it's all I dreamed and more." He struggled to say.

"I want to do more, let me," Jack asked quietly.

"This is not something you can help with me," Ianto said trembling.

"I don't believe that Ianto, I love you, please let me help, there must be something, and I will do anything." He said desperately.

"Anything?" Ianto queried.

"Anything Ianto there is nothing I would not do," Jack said his voice breaking.

"I have only one request then, "Ianto told him.

"Anything," Jack reiterated

Ianto took a deep breath knowing he was going to hurt Jack deeply with his words but knew if he really told him the truth he risked losing everything he treasured, "Don't ask me about this again." He said.

Jack opened the map drawer. That had been six weeks ago and everyday he had to stand by and watch as Ianto struggled with his demons. He had good days and bad days, and all he could do was stand by him and support him in any way he could. He tried every moment he could to let him know in words and deeds how much he loved him and he was there for him. It caused him real pain to know at this point Ianto couldn't or wouldn't share with him. He had called Owen but he couldn't help. If Ianto was not ready to share, they couldn't force him.

He took out the map and slammed the drawer shut. Who would have thought when he kissed Ianto in that garden he would now be experiencing this hell? He could think of nothing worse than watch he man loved suffer in silence and be powerless to do anything about it.


	45. Chapter 45

Heart and Soul – Part four - Secrets and Lies.

Warning NC17

**Chapter 45**

"How in god's name, did they move such massive lumps of rock around the countryside?" Ianto asked as he examined the large rock before them. It was at least 70 feet tall, but was lying face down on the ground. Its base was wider at the bottom than at the top. Even lying down it would take a good step up to climb onto its surface.

Jack smiled as he took a deep breath of the country air. It was wonderful to get out of the office. He glanced over at Ianto who was climbing onto the top of the broad surface. He was pleased to note Ianto was looking a lot better. He was eating, much to his relief and the past few nights he had slept all the way through. Ianto had told him just this morning, how much he appreciated his efforts, in allowing him the space to deal with whatever it was.

In celebration they had enjoyed a morning shower activity Ianto had termed find the knob. Jack was only too happy to oblige if he could nothing else then he would make sure he would allow Ianto to experience as much pleasure as was in his power to do so. If Ianto was having a bad day then it was his role to ensure it at least ended on a high point.

Seeing Ianto reach out his hand he took it and joined him on the top of the slab of rock. As he joined him he pulled Ianto towards him and gave him a deep kiss. As they drew back they stood arm around each other enjoying the view.

They were on top of a hill overlooking the entire moor. The day which had been threatening to a storm all morning had cleared enough so that they could see right down to the sea.

"It's beautiful here," Ianto said after a few moments.

"Yeah," Jack agreed looking at Ianto, "views pretty spectacular from where I'm standing."

Ianto looked at his watch 'I'm starving, do you think we could have an early lunch."

Handing the lunch box back to Ianto, Jack was pleased to see Ianto take a third sandwich and hoover it down with obvious appetite. He was relieved, another week with Ianto not eating and he was going to call Owen up, agreement or no agreement.

Ianto saw Jack smile and knew it was because he was eating. Although Jack had kept to his word, he knew he kept a running tally of everything he ate, well food anyway.

"Chicken and avocado, were you yanking my chain that time or is it really your favourite?" Ianto asked.

Jack took bite of his sandwich, "asolutly," he said with a full mouth, "my favrite."

"I still can't work out how you did it," Ianto teased.

"What?" Jack asked seeing the twinkle in Ianto eye.

"I remember you took me out to dinner and ordered everything I liked from the entrée, desert and beer if I recall," Ianto told him.

"Except that chicken dish," Jack said as leaned forward put his hand behind Ianto's neck and pulled him towards him gave him a kiss. "And I intend you will never order the second cheapest dish on any menu again," he told him.

"I like chicken," he said coyly.

"Ianto you hate chicken," Jack answered.

Ianto laughed, "Ok you got me, I hate chicken."

"Told ya." Jack said laughing as he watched Ianto lick his fingers.

Ianto saw Jack looking at him. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked him knowing exactly what Jack was thinking.

"I was just thinking there's part of you I would love do to that to," Jack said slowly.

"I'll have to check my list." Ianto teased.

"If it's on your list then you can mark the task as accomplished several times over, in fact several, several, times over," Jack told him in mock seriousness.

Ianto smiled and whispered something in Jack's ear who started to grin then gave him a deep kiss.

"You know what Ianto Jones," Jack said as they broke to take breath "I like your thinking."

"And I need the practice." Ianto told him trying to keep straight face.

"Much more practice Ianto and you will have reached Olympic gold medal standard," Jack told him honestly.

"Well practice makes perfect," Ianto told him seriously. "I need to get my technique just right," he said as he saw the look of lust on Jacks face.

Jack stood up and looked around to check they were alone, all he could see was a deserted standalone half ruined barn approx. five meters from where they were and the road from what he could see was clear. He felt arms pulling him down.

Giving Jack and another deep kiss Ianto used his hand to undo Jacks belt and unzipped him, then slipped his hand and took gently stroked Jack's cock. He felt it twitch and begin to swell taking hold of the shaft he gently worked it to full erection. He heard a small moan escape Jack's lips and he kissed it away. Kissing his way down his body he came to Jack's open fly and saw Jack was fully erect so he pulled his boxers down and exposed his erection now throbbing in time with his heartbeat. Jack gasped as he felt cold air. Licking around the head and the back of the shaft and up again, Ianto now put his hand around the bottom of the shaft. As he did he felt Jack tremble and taking the head he now placed his lips over the very end and ran his tongue over the opening tasting a drop of pre-cum. slipping his mouth over his cock he now removed his hand and took his entire length…..

Ianto and Jack startled as an ear splitting thunderclap broke just above them and huge drops or rain began to fall soaking them.

"Shit," Ianto said as he jumped up as he saw Jack join him trying to put his penis back in his pants and do up his trousers and not catch himself on the zip. Ianto grabbed the rug they had been lying on by the four corners throwing over his shoulder and he towards the barn door.

As Jack joined him the rain increased in intensity and another thunderclap shook the barn. Catching their breath they both broke into fits of laughter.

"Well that's one blow job I am never gonna forget," Jack said wiping the rain from his face laughing.

"And here I was hoping it was going to be memorable for other reasons," Ianto said laughing as he lowered the rug to the ground.

Jack threw his arms around Ianto and kissed him.

"Have you any idea how much I love you." Jack said as he spoke he felt Ianto stiffen in his arms. He looked up to see a look of horror on Ianto's face and his heart jumped.

"Oh God," Ianto said as he struggled to get each word out. Jack looked around to see where they were. They were in the middle of the barn, someone had clearly in the past attempted to repair the roof with clear plastic which was hanging down in ragged sheets. Then the smell hit him. The last time had been when he had found Ianto bound, gagged and beaten in the hands of a mad man cannibal. He looked at Ianto who was shaking and struggling to breathe as his face drained of all blood. He needed to get Ianto out of there now.

Ianto turned as another thunderclap shook the whole building. Looking around in panic, he ran to the entrance but never made it, and collapsed to the ground.

Jack watched in horror as he tried to catch Ianto. He didn't make it and they fell awkwardly as he hit with a thump striking his head on the ground.

"Ianto," Jack shouted as he pulled his body off the floor cradling him. "NO!", he screamed as he realised Ianto was unconscious and Owen's words crashed down him. Rocking Ianto he pulled his body in as close as he could. 'No, no, no, no' over and over again screamed in his mind as he panicked not sure what he should do. He shouted at him, "I need you Ianto, I love you, don't leave me, not like this!" Instinctively he kissed Ianto trying to will as much of his life force into him as he could. After a few moments he felt Ianto stir, and open his eyes as he did he broke down and sobbed.

Several terrible seconds passed when he Ianto lifted his face and looked at him. Relief flooded through him and as he then kept hold of him he fiercely kissed every part of his face.

"Oh god Ianto," he said shaking as he held on to him.

Ianto reached up and touched Jack's face. "Get me out of this place," he said in staggered breaths.

Realising whatever was going on for Ianto was not over, he helped him stand. Then he took off his coat and placed it around his shoulders and led him outside. The rain had eased and sky was becoming much lighter. Guiding Ianto to the car they paused as Ianto threw up. Seeing and feeling that Ianto was moving further into shock he opened the car door and he got him seated. Clicking in his seat belt, Ianto closed his eyes then put his head between his knees as he fought to slow his breathing.

Moving with speed Jack jumped in the driver's side and started the car.

"We've left the picnic stuff," Ianto croaked.

"Fuck the picnic things," Jack cried out in frustration "I need to get you home, safe," he said as he saw the look on Ianto's face, turning up the car heater too full he took off with as much speed as he could.


	46. Chapter 46

Secrets and Lies.

Chapter 46

Jack slammed their front door open and helped Ianto over to the sofa. Racing into the bedroom he ripped the duvet off the bed and wrapped it around him bringing his feet up as Ianto curled into himself and broke down into deep sobs.

Watching as Ianto broke down he struggled between comforting him and doing what he needed to do. Right now he must continue to treat Ianto for shock so moving quickly he put the kettle on. While it heated he wrapped his arms around him as he felt Ianto shiver violently. Hearing the kettle boil he returned to the kitchen and made a cup of sweet tea. He moved the duvet aside and pulling Ianto's head up and put the cup to his lips. Ianto shook his head trying to push the cup away. 'I'll throw it up," he managed to gasp out.

"Then I'll make another one," Jack told him. Lifting the cup to his lips, he saw him take a sip then gag. Placing the cup on the coffee table he went back in the kitchen and got a bucket and placed it on the floor. Picking up the cup again he put it to Ianto's lips who took a cautious sip.

After several sips he felt under the duvet and felt Ianto had warmed slightly but was still shivering. Without warning Ianto grabbed the bucket and threw up, there was nothing left in his stomach but he still heaved.

"Please don't leave me Jack, I'll can control this," he said tears running down his face looking at Jack.

"What!" Jack said startled at Ianto's statement.

Ianto looked at him struggling to speak between sobs.

"Please- don-'t leave- me," he repeated.

Jack put down the cup and wrapped his arms around Ianto. "Will you please tell me what is going on for you, it's eating me up inside watching you in such pain all the time, please please let me in?"

"And see you walk away," Ianto told him stricken.

Jack looked at directly taking his hands, "I am not going anywhere Ianto, my place is here with you and nothing you say can change that."

"I've had to cope so long with this on my own," he said still struggling to breathe.

"Ianto I'm here for you," Jack told him looking directly into his eyes.

"You don't understand Jack." Ianto broke down again.

"Then have me understand," Jack pleaded as he wrapped his arms around Ianto.

Ianto looked at him terror written deep in his eyes. Ianto took his hand and kissed it.

"Jack I risk losing everything I value most in this world, I risk losing you," he said between sobs.

"Oh Ianto, my darling Ianto, you will never lose me," he said.

Ianto closed his eyes and began to speak softly. "Part of me trusts you utterly Jack. I look at you and I think this man loves me," his breath caught. "But another part tells me that at any minute for whatever reason you're gonna be gone. It's like I have this...this huge hole here," he pointed to his chest. "It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and no matter how hard I try to ignore that feeling, I look at you and know you are going to be gone, maybe not today not tomorrow, but one day I will just wake up and you'll be gone."

Jack listened and he felt the words slam into his soul shouting out his betrayal.

"I've tried to control this Jack, I have fought it with every ounce of strength I possess, there have been days when it was so bad I wanted to end it all, and the only thing that kept me here, the only difference was you." He took a deep breath. "So what you are asking me to do is risk the only anchor I have."

Taking both Ianto's hands in his he looked deep into his eyes, tears flowing down his face as Ianto broke down again.

Jack hugged him. "I love you Ianto, I am not sure what more I can say, or do. I will never leave you willingly now or in the future. There is nothing I would not do or say to prove that love." He moved back and pulled Ianto's face so he was looking at him. "But for us to move forward you have to tell me and as a couple we have to face what is going on together."

Ianto looked up and took a deep breath, closed his eyes then opened them and looked directly at Jack and began to speak hesitantly.

As Jack listened he realised he was in the presence of perhaps the most courageous person he had ever met. How Ianto had managed to make it through each day was astounding to him. He had sat in that office with him all this time and never had a clue. One thing he was relieved about was that Ianto was not bulimic. He was throwing up because the panic attacks were so severe, it caused him to vomit. However it was clear Ianto was living with a level of anxiety that was unacceptable and there had to be some way to help him with this.

"And today?" Jack asked quietly as held Ianto close to his chest.

"I've have this recurring nightmare." He shuddered in remembrance, "I'm in this room filled with shoes and shit, there are human bodies wrapped in plastic hanging from the ceiling and a fridge," he gulped, "full of hacked off feet." He struggled to breathe and he paused, after a few moments he began to speak again. "Next thing I'm trussed up and gagged in terrible pain, out of the corner of my eye I see this blade as and it hacks into my neck." He looked directly at Jack. "When I saw where I was I can't explain, it was like it like my dream had become real."

"Ianto how long have you had this dream?" Jack asked as he shuddered at the horrific images and what they represented.

"Months, along with the others," Ianto admitted quietly.

"Are all of them as disturbing?" Jack asked shocked at their vivid nature.

"Mostly, but some are more fun," he smiled looking at Jack shyly.

"Really?" Jack asked as a flicker of a smile crossed his face.

"Yeah," Ianto admitted blushing slightly. "And I can say is they have included some innovative things, one could time with stop watch." He looked at Jack. "And you."

Jack kissed him and took a deep breath, "You passed out Ianto tell me about that?" Jack asked him.

Jacks eyes widened as Ianto told him this was not the first time, it happened when ever his anxiety reached a certain level he blacked out but always came to feeling better, and his heart leapt in fear.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Standing in front of the apartment building Jack punched in the numbers of Owen's cell phone number. He looked up at the window as heard it ring. Ianto was asleep and he wanted to talk to Owen in private but he had to do this quickly. The one thing he didn't want was for him to wake up and he not be there.

He heard Owen reply and with clipped speech he told him about the events of the day and the full extent of what Ianto had shared with him.

After he finished speaking he heard a brief silence followed by a string of expletives.

"Fuck Jack," he heard Owen say, "these are what's called a disassociated fugue. How many times does he say this has happened to him?" He asked

"Four for sure maybe more" Jack told him.

"Four maybe more, fuck Jack this is serious shit," Owen told him as tried to hold on to his own panic.

"What the hell is a disassociated fugue?" Jack asked.

"It's a form of emotional short circuit, if the brain gets overloaded it shuts down," Owen advised.

"Shuts down," Jack spluttered.

"It's not good Jack," Owen advised.

"I had that figured," Jack retorted "Is there any way we can help with the anxiety?" Jack asked him.

"Absolutely, I can prescribe him something right now and fax it to the university pharmacy." Owen told him categorically.

"Do it, " Jack told him. "It's clear his nightmare images are memories. I want to tell him, disclose everything, I think it will help, but I need to know what I can expect if I do.

Owen took a moment to think. "I agree, he needs to know, but I'm not sure there is the right place, my instincts are to get him back here, then we can tell him, in what will be in a controlled environment."

Closing his eyes, Jack asked softly, "Is that what we most feared?"

"Jack, I have no idea, this could be solely linked to the anxiety, it's rare but not unknown, I'll be honest I don't know," Owen replied honestly.

Jack let out a deep breath. "Expect us in two days," he said closing his phone.


	47. Chapter 47

Secrets and Lies

Chapter 47

Standing by his desk Ianto sorted through the journals and books he was returning to the library. He had no idea how long they would be gone and it was important they were returned. He counted to check he had captured all of them, and then he took a drink from his coffee mug draining it.

Jack, who was going through his desk, looked at his watch and stood up. "Ok I have to see the Dean, and then there are a few other details I have to attend to. I'll be gone about three hours," Jack told him.

Ianto smiled as Jack moved over and embraced him, "I need to drop these back to the library and then I'll get back finish packing and empty the fridge," he told Jack.

"Don't forget to pack my wooden puzzle box, it's on my beside table." Jack reminded him as he saw Ianto give him a thumbs up. "Ianto I love you, we will get through this I promise," he said as he gave him a longing kiss.

"I love you Jack," Ianto said to him as he left. Jack blew him a kiss as he disappeared out the door.

Checking the room he quickly straightened a few papers, then taking the almost empty coffee flask he hurried to the small kitchen down the hall. There he emptied the dregs into the sink then rinsed it out.

Returning to the office, he placed the now clean empty flask on the coffee stand and pulled out the plug from the wall. Picking up the stack of journals and books he placed them outside the door pushing his foot against them as the threaten to fall over. Leaning in to the office he turned out the light, closed the door and locked it. He picked up the journals shifting their weight to make them easier to carry. He was not sure how he felt, shaky and excited, but hopeful. Ianto was not sure he fully trusted events, and he felt a niggle of fear start to churn his stomach. 'Keep focused' he told himself, 'focus on the task at hand, return the journals and books,' He repeated to himself.

"Finished with them already? That was quick work even for you Ianto?" Mary asked as Ianto approached the Journal counter and placed the unruly stack he was carrying onto the top.

"I am going to Cardiff for a while, a few weeks," Ianto advised keeping his comments strictly to the point. He was in no mood for her usual sexual innuendos. The medication prescribed by Owen and Jack's support were helping and he had reached a fragile equilibrium. Mary was the last test of the day then he could get back to the flat.

"Cardiff. How wonderful," she said as she started to gather the large number of books and journals Ianto had placed on the counter into order.

"Thank you," Ianto replied assisting her to sort through the journals, relieved she had not launched into her usual suggestive comments about him and Jack.

"You must be looking to forward seeing it again and all your friends,." she said.

"Only been there twice; visited it once with my dad years ago," he started to say then looked at her confused. "Sorry, friends?" he repeated.

"Yes, all your Torchwood friends, bet they'll be so pleased to see you," Mary told him.

"Not sure I'm that happy you for Ianto, my Jim tells me you Torchwood lot are considered a strange bunch and you seem so nice," she said, not looking up from her task.

"Strange lot?" Ianto repeated his mind reeling.

"Do you remember when the Captain first turned up here, I recognised him. Remember I said at the time I knew that man from somewhere. I told my husband Jim, who as you recall worked in Wales as a policeman a few years ago, said I was right. He was Captain Jack Harkness , from Torchwood Cardiff. " She rattled on oblivious to the effect of her words on Ianto. "Now let me see apart from the notorious Captain, there's some stroppy Doctor Owen something, some Asian bit, and an ex copper Gwen Cooper and you the nice quiet one." Pausing she saw the look of total confusion on his face.

"You are Ianto Jones their missing person," she glanced at him then laughed misreading his expression, "course you are. All I can say is the photograph on that letter did you no credit, you are much more handsome in person. Well you know the rest: Captain waltzes in here, demanding this, wanting that, memo's flying about, next thing your seconded and we must give him every…."

"MARY," Rosemary interrupted loudly as she walked up behind Mary, "I think you've said enough."

Ianto startled as Mary jumped and looked to see Rosemary, fury written on every line of her face.

"What is she talking about!" Ianto spluttered as Rosemary looked at Mary then looked at Ianto.

"Ianto you need to discuss this with Captain Harkness," she told him glaring at Mary.

" She said you had a letter about me a photograph and memo's " Ianto struggled to say.

"You really need to discuss this with Captain Harkness" she repeated

"If there is information about me, then I have every right to see it, Now!" he demanded.

Rosemary shifted uncomfortably, she cursed to herself, she should never have kept them but being the meticulous person she was she had filed them.

"They are confidential Ianto, copies from months ago…" she tried to explain.

"Are you refusing to show me information which has been passed around to everyone in this department?" Ianto interrupted her shaking with anger.

"I think you had better come with me," she said lifting up the counter top to give him access to the back areas as he followed her to his office.

"I am so sorry Ianto, Mary has spoken completely out of turn," she told him, as she opened the filing cabinet which held his personnel records. She came across his file and opened it, flicking through she pulled out several sheets of paper and held them out to him. Taking the offered sheets he spun on his heel and left the room.

Making his way into furthest corner of the journal section Ianto put his head against the stack of journal caddies, his hands shaking. With some effort he brought his breathing under control and moved to a study desk. Standing he spread out the papers he held in his hand.

He took a look at the first one, and examined the photograph. It was attached to a simple letter, with a date of birth and some other personal details asking if the university could confirm he, Ianto Jones, was working there and was signed T Sato.

The second, the email trail, was more problematic, and he felt himself reel, as he scanned the contents. It was a confidential email conversation which stated who Jack was, who Ianto was. Apparently he was a Torchwood operative who had gone missing due some kind of accident. There must be some confusion, he sort of worked for Torchwood now but only in the broadest sense and his memory was just fine. He had never heard of the organisation until Jack had told him after his return from those missing days. If he read this correctly the University had initially refused to release him from his role. Jack had in blunt terms explained why this had to be and to not approach Ianto about the reasons for his secondment. All and any discussion was to be directed to Jack. The fact it was an open secret disturbed him greatly, it was clear he had been the subject of some gossip, and he felt hot with embarrassment.

He used every ounce of control he had to remain calm. Jack was the only person who could explain. He swallowed stood up and reached into his jacket pocket for his cell phone. As he searched his pocket an image of it on his bed side table came to him and he cursed, picking up the sheets he headed for the exit.

With shaking hands he unlocked the door of their apartment, and went into the bedroom. A suit case was half packed on the top of the bed, and with one sweep of his arm it crashed to the floor. He pulled out the sheets from his pocket and spread them out on the bed and turned to pick up his cell phone, but it was not on the bed side table as he thought. He went down on his knees to see if it was under the bed. A quick look determined it was not. Ianto put his head into his hands as the control he had exerted in the library began to slip. He moved around the bed to see if it was on Jack's side but it was not there either. He stood and closed his eyes as the anxiety began building into a full blown attack. In his panic he spun around and his hip knocked the wooden puzzle box Jack kept on his side of the bed and it hit the floor with ominous crack.

He felt sick, it was one of Jack's most treasured possessions; the final straw today would be if it was damaged. Picking it up he swiftly ran his hands over the smooth silky wood to check, As he did he felt something shift and to his amazement the top came off and fell on the floor.

Twtwtwtwtwtwtw

"I've sorted out the office with the Dean, told him we will be back in," Jack called out as he headed to the bedroom, "about a mon…" He stopped mid-sentence as he opened the door to see Ianto, whose face was etched with misery and pain as he held the bigger of the two journals. On the bed in front of him were the contents of the box along with the substantial red folder.

"Ianto," he tried to say but Ianto interrupted him.

"What is Retcon?" Ianto asked looking up at Jack.

"We need to talk," Jack said.

"What's Retcon Jack?" Ianto asked him again more strongly.

"It's a compound that destroys memories," Jack told him as he tried to move towards Ianto but stopped when Ianto raised his hand to stop him.

"So according to this," he held up the open journal, "I took a massive dose of this drug or compound as you call it to forget _you_. I then moved up here, severing all ties with my past." He said haltingly as he struggled to order his thoughts. "And I created some kind of fiction to fill in the gaps," he said slowly pointing to the red folder.

He looked at Jack, "So knowing the truth you let me stand by that river while I poured out my heart to you about losing Lisa like some idiot. When according to this you killed her because she was half converted into some metal monster who wanted to turn us into cybermen whoever the fuck they are."

Jack took a breath, "Your grief for Lisa is real," he started to say but Ianto interrupted him.

"The journal is in my hand writing, I recognize myself in the photograph, and this," he pointed to the stop watch then held up the journal. "So this is either an elaborate fake or it's real."

"How I feel about you is real," Jack told him trying to remain calm as his heart raced out of control.

"And do you want to know what makes this worse Jack? Is that those bloody nosy interfering women in the library knew." He picked up the sheets on the bed that Rosemary had given him and threw them at Jack.

Jack picked them up as they landed near his feet; glancing at them over briefly he looked appalled. "How many more people in this University knew about me? Have you any concept of how small I feel right now, how humiliated?" Ianto demanded of him.

Jack shook his head unable to speak.

'All this time," he said raising his voice. "Have you any idea what I've suffered over the past months? I've told you only part of it , I've suffered , terrible headaches, images I couldn't make any sense of, that were so bad, I thought I was going mad. Now I find out that they're echoes from some other life I have no recollection of.'' He returned to the journal and opened to a particular page.

Jack remained silent, his face twisted with emotion.

"From what I've read, I gave you everything I had to give, but then you ran off with some bloke without a word," he stuttered "And just before that you had some kind of liaison with another bloke in the 1940's. The man I found in the archives, Captain Jack Harkness. How the hell does that work Jack? How the hell could you have an affair with some bloke from the 1940's anyway?"

"Please Ianto." Jack tried to interrupt as he recovered his voice.

"According to this I wanted a new life, a new start and you followed me here. Why Jack if you so loved me to follow me here, h, h how come you ran off in the first place with this these other bloke-blokes, were they somehow more worthy than I was, did I not give you enough of my soul to you that you felt you could come up here and take the rest?," he said tears running down his face.

"Ianto not telling you how I felt before I left was the biggest mistake of my life," Jack tried to explain.

"So that's what I am, a mistake," Ianto said miss- hearing. "So you thought you knew what was best for me? This whole time you knew the truth and you just let me continue in this nightmare existence."

" _You_ were never a mistake, they are all mine," Jack said loudly as she struggled to deal with each new statement.

"My existence over the past months has been hell. I've been tormented by my feelings for you. Watching you, being around you, and you never said one word to put me out of my misery. You could have let me know how you felt. Do you know how hard it was, what I had to go through before I could even contemplate being with you?" He broke down but as he saw Jack approach him he indicated he should remain where he was. Wiping his face dry he took a deep shuddered breath then pointed to the objects on the bed. "These are all mine, do you have anything else of mine?" he demanded.

Jack pulled up his sleeve and with trembling hand removed the watch, "I love you Ianto, there is so much I need to tell you, to explain," Jack said sobbing each word as tears ran down his face as he handed over the watch.

Ianto turned it over in his hand then added it alongside the other objects on the bed.

Ianto looked at him, "Jack, I don't even know your real name. I mean if you love me why you would not trust me with that?"

"Oh Ianto," Jack said as he saw a realization grow on Ianto's face as he rubbed the back of his neck as he now stood and pointed at Jack.

"This is this one year thing, the big thing that you wouldn't share with me. While I was going mad with fear and worry for you, when I didn't know if you were dead or alive.

Did you and the rest of them down at Torchwood spend a week having a good laugh at Ianto the man with the fake life?" He demanded angrily

"That is not what happened Ianto," Jack struggled to say now desperate to get Ianto to hear him, "Ianto you are my heart and soul. I made a terrible mistake, I should have told you how I felt, I'm sorry I've done this all wrong."

"Sorry? Before or after you ran off with this Doctor of yours or your evening with the real Jack Harkness?" Ianto asked him.

"Please let me explain," he begged.

"The year's not up yet Jack wasn't that the deal?" Ianto told him angrily.

"Ianto there is so much more to this than what's written in that Journal, there is so much more to this you need to understand."

"Oh I understand about the part time shag tea boy, pathetically in love with his boss. So in love he was prepared to accept any scrap of attention or affection you deemed to throw his way," Ianto said breaking down.

Remaining silent, Jack cried openly as Ianto delivered each devastating statement.

"Why if you loved me so much, did you allow me to feel so worthless that I wanted to destroy all my memories of you?"

" No wonder I was the only person in Torchwood who had the necessary requirements for this project," he paused as a realization came to him. "This project, this research that's just a hoax isn't it?" he said his eyes widening in shock.

Jack grabbed Ianto's arms not able to endure anymore, "Ianto I love you, I treated you very badly. All this time I've been up here all this time trying to put things right," he shouted back trying to put his arms around him.

"A bloody hoax, all that work I have put into this, Jack, a hoax, how could you!" he shouted back struggling to free himself.

"This project is not a hoax it is a real project of real value, I made sure of that," Jack argued back trying to explain.

"You made sure of it," Ianto replied sarcastically.

"I would never do that to you, never," Jack replied adamantly still trying to hold on to him.

"What do you mean?" Ianto demanded finally freeing himself.

"I would never have you waste your time, this project had to be real," Jack told him.

"Unlike everything else, after all the lies, that had to be real," Ianto said in disgust making his way to the door, "I need to get away from you."

"No, Ianto there is so much I need to tell you," Jack said as he stood in the doorway desperately trying to prevent him from leaving.

He pushed against him. "Let me go," he growled.

Jack grabbed him by the arms again. "Promise me you will hear me out, that's all I ask."

'Jack I need air, I need to think," he said as he struggled free.

"Ianto, I am begging you, please hear me out," Jack shouted after him.

Ianto paused for a moment as he listened to Jack's plea then left the apartment slamming the door.


	48. Chapter 48

Heart and Soul

Part Four Secrets and Lies

Chapter 48

Ianto completed a third circuit around the lake, as he tried to make sense of the chaotic thoughts that were still racing through his mind. He stopped and looked up at his apartment window. Turning his back he stood and leaned into a tree looking down across the lake to the café. Its lights reflected on the surface and he could see there were closing up for the day. He felt a slightly calmer; however part of him felt numb, another was angry, another just wanted to run back and hug Jack, another wanted to punch him in the face.

Walking had really helped but he still struggled to understand there was just too much. Suddenly a thought came to him; what if he divided everything into two periods before and after?

As he did this he realized there two Ianto Jones. He had a sense of the other Ianto; he had been hurt and hurt badly. When he was reading the diary his feelings clearly recollected the painful longing, betrayal and its devastating effects even though he could not remember a single incident. It was clear he had suffered a broken heart and done a desperate thing.

He took deep breath as a realization came to him so if there were two Ianto's then there had to be two Jacks. One was the bloke in the book, the other was his Jack. God this was complicated and his head hurt.

Reading the journal explained his fear of Jack running off and leaving him. The trouble was he had no recollection of that other Jones or Jack. His feelings certainly did and he felt overwhelmed. His feelings had taken over as he read the diary as he understood its implications. Wow he thought his thoughts were going around in circles.

Two Jacks, Two Jacks… let's start with what he knew, his Jack. His Jack was his best friend. He made love to him, held him in the dark, kissed him and who had pledged his love to him. His voice was his anchor and his touch grounded him.

Then there was the other Jack, Jack the bastard. Jack the bastard came on to everyone and had had an affair, then ran off with some bloke called the Doctor. Had his Jack ever shown interest in any one other than him? He closed his eyes as he thought long and hard. No, he couldn't think of a single instance.

His Jack was a considerate and gentle lover not letting him rush ahead, preparing him for each step forward in their physical relationship. He made sure he experienced maximum pleasure and enjoyment at every stage. He closed his eyes as he remembered their first time together; it had been incredible like a honeymoon. He could not recollect a more romantic or erotic experience. 'Well that's not surprising is it?' he told himself, 'If your life was the other Ianto.' Well there was nothing like it in the journal, Jack the bastard had never treated his Ianto to anything like it. The pages were full of shagging and desperation as if offering his body was an acceptance of something was better than nothing. He had enjoyed it by all accounts but at times it had hurt physically and emotionally because that's all there was.

So why had Jack not declared himself when he first turned up as he had accused him? What would his reaction had been if some stranger and Jack had been that when he first turned up and told him how he felt? He would most likely have run a mile. Had he come on to him, he would have screamed sexual harassment. It had taken him a while to sort out his sexual feeling towards Jack and he had to admit the nice dreams had helped here. He had never felt that way before with another bloke, still didn't, it was just Jack. Had that been why Jack had not acted until recently, he was scared if he declared how he felt and Ianto wasn't ready he might blow it? He smiled himself, 'Well there was a word that had taken a whole new level of connotation recently.'

Jack said he had made a mistake. He closed his eyes to recall what Jack had shared with him as he had said goodbye to Lisa. He gulped, 'Lisa, that one was too big', and decided to put it aside for now, but when he thought about it, saying good bye that day felt right still did, because he wanted to move on.

He brought his thoughts back to Jack's words. He had told him he had let someone down badly. He had not recognized his own feelings until it was too late. That person had had committed a form of suicide and his biggest regret was that person never knew how important he was to them because he had been a fool. A thought hit him and the world swayed as he took hold of the tree steady himself. 'ME he was talking about me.'

The monumental revelation swept through him like physical wave and he sank to the ground and put his arms around his legs then rested his head on his knees. He could feel his thoughts stitching together as all the fragments of meaning from the past months melded. The look on Jack's face that first visit to the Henge that told him Jack has lost someone important. Tosh comments on how devastated Jack had been when he had lost _him. _Another remnant came to him, _'my biggest regret was they never knew important they were to me, I never told I love them', _every longing look thrown his way, every gentle touch, on his back, shoulder, arm, smile, his lips on Jack's, sweet whispers in the dark, waking up in his arms.

Ianto broke down and began to cry. All this time he had been here because of him. How hard had this been for Jack? It must have been torture just being in the same room with him and not be able to say anything. Wiping his face dry with the sleeve of his shirt he stood up.

He looked up at the apartment. Jack was there, right now. Jack said he had been trying to put this right. Ianto shivered, now he needed to put a few things right himself as his terrible words came to him. Standing he hurried back to their apartment.

"Jack!" Ianto called out as he opened the door to the apartment. As the door swung open he stepped on something, he bent down to pick it up, and saw the place was a wreck. The book case was smashed; books, DVD's, CD's and his graphic novel collection were scattered across the room. The coffee table was in pieces, the sofa was turned upside down.

"Jack!" he called out in panic as he raced through the apartment. He saw his cell phone on the floor, he picked up, flipped it open, he put his finger on the 9 button when a glow began to fill the room.

He stepped back, not sure what the hell was going on, as he watched the glow grew and the strange man who had turned up at the café that afternoon and kissed Toshiko appeared.

"Ianto, I know where Jack is," he announced.

Ianto stood his mouth open his fingers frozen on the buttons of his cell phone.

"Where is Jack?" He demanded as he moved threatingly towards the man he recognized as John Hart.

"Don't panic, Jack sent me, there is something I need to tell you, Jack's brother Gray…" he tried to explain as he moved backwards away from Ianto almost tripping over some debris.

Curling his lip Ianto moved towards. "What have you done with him?" he said slowly.

"I had to give him Jack, I managed to escape, but I know where Jack is," he said desperately trying to explain as he saw the murderous look on Ianto's face as he moved towards him.

He showed Ianto his arm and pulled up his sleeve and exposed an object fused into his skin. "He had me jumping to his every command," he started to say when suddenly he cried out in pain then began to peel the thing off his arm. In horror Ianto watched as raw flesh was exposed as he pulled the device off his forearm.

"It's a bomb," he held it up in front of him; "if I hadn't done what he said he would have killed me." John explained as he threw it to the ground.

"Where's Jack?" Ianto demanded again.

"Gray, Jack's brother, he's taken him back in time," John tried to explain.

Ianto wide eyed edged away from John, quickly scrolled through the speed dial of his cell phone. Keeping his eyes fixed on John he started speak quickly trying not trip over the words, "Tosh, It's Ianto, this is going to sound like I'm mad, but that strange man you know has appeared out of thin air , he says he taken Jack and he has bomb on his arm."

"Had a bomb, had a bomb," John shouted out. "Oh we don't have time for this," he said as he pushed a sequence of buttons on his wrist strap, then taking a running leap, he grabbed Ianto around the waist in a tackle and they both dissolved in a haze of orange light.

"Ianto, repeat did you say John Hart and he has a bomb," Tosh said into her cell phone as she saw an orange light appear by the water tower in the Hub. As it did Owen and Gwen headed towards the light as Ianto and John Hart materialized in a heap.

"What the fuck!" Owen shouted out as he moved towards the pair as they both struggled to stand.

Standing first Ianto punched John Hart connecting with jaw and knocking him to the ground. "What have you done with him?" he screamed as John who scrambled to his feet and backed up as Ianto launched himself at him again. John side stepped as he tried in an effort to keep on his feet.

"Where is he? If you have hurt him, I am going to rip you limb from limb," he screamed at John lashing out with his fist again.

Owen and Gwen now reached Ianto and grabbed his arms in an effort to restrain him. "He's got Jack," Ianto screamed at Gwen and Owen who with difficulty struggled to hold Ianto as moved towards John. John spat out blood and moved backwards keeping well out of reach.

Tosh, seeing the struggle raced to join them; standing in front of Ianto she placed both her hands on his chest, and then braced herself leaning into him with all her strength.

"Ianto," Tosh demanded, "calm down and tell us what is going on?" as she felt him make a small movement forward.

"He's- got- Jack," Ianto grunted out each word straining against the combined force of Owen Gwen and Tosh who were struggling to contain him.

"Woh there lover boy," John Hart said but immediately regretted it as he saw Ianto almost struggle free. Seeing Ianto's fury at his words he stepped up to the workstation level.

"Not helping John," Tosh shouted at John as she used all her strength into holding Ianto back.

"What is going on?" Tosh repeated in short breaths.

"It's Gray Jack's brother they were separated as brothers. He was taken by these horrible creatures that lived to torture, when I found Gray he was chained to a wall, the creatures long gone. He thought I was the hero for rescuing him," John tried to explain. "I didn't realize how twisted he was inside until it was too late, he placed a bomb on me and if I didn't do what he said he would blow me up," he took a breath. "He made me kidnap Jack. He's going to inflict on him the same terrible torture he endured and you know what that means for Jack." John explained.

"So you just took him?" Ianto shouted at him as fear gripped his insides at John's words.

"I had no choice!" John shouted back.

"There's always a choice," Ianto shouted moving one step forward dragging Owen, Gwen with him pushing Tosh almost upright.

"Look I could have gone anywhere, anytime any when, but Jack asked me to find Ianto and give him a message," John desperate to explain as he saw the effort it was taking to hold Ianto back.

"Explain," Gwen said through her teeth. "Quickly," she screamed at him.

"He says, he's sorry and that he loves you and he was just trying to make things right and to make sure you know he hasn't just left you," he added rolling his eyes as if embarrassed to say the words out loud. He looked around the group. "And I made a promise that I would keep you safe," he said looking at Ianto.

"Safe," Ianto repeated confused.

"Safe from Gray. Gray told Jack he going to rip his world apart, if he finds out about Ianto there is no knowing what he might do to him," he explained to the group.

"This is not like you John, what is really going on," Gwen said still keeping a firm grip on Ianto who is now standing glaring at John shaking and breathing heavily.

"Matter of honour," he advised quietly.

"What?" Tosh spat back at him.

"Matter of honour," John shouted back at her.

"Look I know where and when Jack is," John told them as Owen and Gwen now cautiously let go of Ianto who is still glaring at John.

"You alright mate?" Owen asked putting his hand on Ianto's chest as he sees Ianto nod. Tosh threw her arms around him in a huge hug.

"Where the fuck am I?" Ianto asked as he looked around as Tosh hugged him

"Welcome to Torchwood," Owen said.


	49. Chapter 49

Heart and Soul. Secrets and Lies.

Chapter 49

"What!" Ianto burst out. "Torchwood, Cardiff."

"As hard to believe but that is where you are," Owen explained.

"How?" Ianto stammered.

John brought up his wrist. "Love my little wrist strap," he said raising his eyebrows.

"And how are you my little Rose, you know I'm ready to repeat any time you and me it was sooo good," he said but was interrupted by Tosh.

"This is not the time or place John," she told him then looked around and gave him a shy look.

"Oh God," Owen groaned as he saw the look pass between them.

"Ianto, are you alright mate?" Owen repeated looking at him.

"Owen, I've just had an almighty row with Jack. All kinds of shit hit the fan He's been kidnapped, and so have I. You're telling me I've travelled hundreds of miles in the blink of an eye. " He threw a filthy look at John Hart,"I've just tried to kill someone with my bare hands. If a pig flew by I would not be surprised." He was interrupted as Myfanwy flew overhead screaming out her welcome cry as she saw Ianto. As she flew overhead he ducked slightly.

"Would you settle for a flying dinosaur?" Owen offered as he heard Ianto let out an expletive.

"I think we had all better sit down and do some serious explaining," Tosh said holding onto Ianto's arm.

"No shit, Sherlock," Owen burst out as Ianto grasped his arm and put his other one around Tosh.

Owen smiled as he walked beside Ianto. His first demand was they prove he was in Cardiff.  
A walk around the Plass confirmed that he was. Then he was given a quick tour of the Hub. Owen was amazed at how well Ianto was doing considering Jack's description of his mental state. Right now he appeared to be taking it all in his stride. The only time he had a negative reaction was when he introduced him to their resident weevil Janet. He asked Ianto about it but he wouldn't explain except to say the weevil was the stuff of nightmares. As they returned to the main area he led him into Jack's office and shut the door.

Ianto looked around trying to make sense of it all. "We need to have a candid talk," Owen began. "I know how much you hate talking about yourself." He held up his hand as he saw the look on his face. "I_ know_ how much you hate talking about yourself, but you need to be as upfront with me as you can be, Jack kinda filled me in, so I know about the anxiety, nightmares and blackouts and as your Doctor I need you to answer my questions honestly."

He saw Ianto nod as he realized the truth behind Owen's statement. "How much do you know and or remember?" He asked Ianto outright.

"I found my journal," he said taking a deep breath.

"How much of it did you read?" Owen asked.

"Bits here and there, enough," Ianto admitted very quietly.

"Ok, let's put that to one side for now, how much do you remember?" he asked seeing the distress on Ianto's face.

"Can you be more specific?" Ianto queried.

"Good point," Owen advised. "Before the date you took the Retcon?"

"Nothing," Ianto replied.

"Nothing?" Owen queried.

"I think what you are asking is do I remember any of you and this place," Ianto said as he saw Owen nod. "As far as I am concerned the first time I met you was in that doctor's office at the University. Tosh when she first came up to set up the computers. I have no idea who that woman was I just met, but I accept it's Gwen Copper."

"Jack?" Owen asked as he saw Ianto lift his hand to the back of his neck.

"When I first met Jack it was like I knew him, but couldn't place him. I had all these other f, f, feelings" he stuttered as he blushed, "and my grandfather's stopwatch and that was mixed with the other feelings and Jack." He explained as his blush deepened.

"Say no more," Owen said understanding implicitly.

Ianto continued. "As I said I found and read my journal, I recognized it as mine from the hand writing, but I had no recollection about any of the events except…" he paused.

"Except?" Owen encouraged.

"When I was reading it I was filled with all these emotions, anger, hurt, sadness, despair, all at the same time I can't explain it, but it was overwhelming," he said honestly.

"That I can explain." Owen told him as he saw a look of relief cross his face. "You took a compound called Retcon, which destroys memories," he explained.

"Like Rohypnol the date rape drug?" Ianto queried.

"In a crude sense, yes." Owen replied then went on to explain in some detail the basic effects and damage and consequences of the compound he had taken.

"So what I was feeling were emotional memories then," Ianto summed up as he saw Owen nod. So what happened in the journal was true then?" Ianto asked quietly.

"Look Ianto I'm going to be honest with you, I have no idea what's in it, but I will tell you this when Jack got his hands on it he was like a man possessed. He left here within hours of finding it and has not returned since," he saw Ianto was clearly upset. "What happened between you two? Last conversation I had with Jack you were both coming down here," he looked directly at Ianto, "I heard you say you had just had a terrible row."

Ianto looked ashamed, "I had just found the diary I said some things, some things I shouldn't, I stormed out the flat, by the time I got back Jack was gone," he started to explain clearly affected.

"Now I need to ask you about your anxiety, how are you feeling right now?' he asked changing the topic as he did not want to push Ianto if he was not ready to talk about what had happened.

"Not sure I trust events, as for the anxiety all I can say right now it's under control," he told Owen after several moments.

"Under control or are you suppressing it?" Owen asked.

"It's in the background, to be quite honest Owen I am feeling a bit tired," Ianto told him.

Owen looked at him and saw the truth in his statement; Ianto looked like he had just fought ten rounds of hell.

"You look knackered Ianto but there are a couple of important things you need to know about," he said soberly to Ianto as he opened his lap top.

"Owen enough about me! I have no fear for myself but what, how are, Jack, John Hart said he knew where and _when,_ I need to…" he said as looked at Owen trying to express how he felt. "I need…," he struggled to say.

Owen sat down next to him. "What do you need Ianto," he asked softly seeing him struggle to get the words out.

"I need Jack," Ianto advised him quietly looking at Owen. "Somehow, he's been taken some where, when, which I still don't understand. I mean time is linear; we have no control over time. I'm not stupid, I've read Stephen Hawking, I understand some of the concepts and the math, so how can Jack be somewhere in time Owen? And how in God's name are we going to find and rescue him? Right now all I know is Jack is gone, taken by that bloody horrible excuse for a human being John Hart." He took a breath. "He said Jack's brother was going to inflict the same terrible torture on him he had had done to him. Which means he is in danger, alone, and …I said some terrible things to him, so not only is he alone and suffering god knows what, he thinks I hate him," he continued before Owen could reply as he looked directly at him.

"And where do I fit into all this? I'll tell you what my biggest fear is, you lot won't let me be involved in helping to get Jack back. That you all think that somehow I'm too fragile or mentally unstable," he let out a deep breath. "If I was an operative here, then surely there something I can do? What I'm asking is don't make me sit on the side lines, because I'm telling you, I won't rest until Jack is safe. There is nothing I will not do to get him back , and if you won't help me Owen then you had better move out my way because I'm going after him, and I asking you not to stop me."

He saw Owen trying to formulate a response.

"So I don't really care what else you have to tell me about me," he pointed at the laptop, "what I want to know is what you, Tosh and Gwen are doing to help Jack, because I don't see a lot of urgency, I'm sitting here having some long conversation about my health when Jack is out there hurting, alone and thinking…. "

Owen interjected, "Thinking you hate him." He saw Ianto nod as he tried to work his way through all the questions Ianto had raised. "You know for someone who's not much of a talker you can really go for it," he said with a small smile.

"I've got a lot on my mind," Ianto replied honestly.

"All the questions and concerns you raise are all valid and there is no way I am going to try and answer all them tonight." He raised his hand as he saw Ianto was about to interrupt "You are exhausted Ianto, you look like a member of the living dead. So I am going to deal with a couple of the biggest and I will make sure you have answers to the rest tomorrow." He saw Ianto raise an eyebrow. "There are answers Ianto let me assure you, they will test your understanding of the world as you know it , but you will have those answers, deal?" he said, and he saw Ianto nod so he continued.

"Jack loves you, god knows why Ianto but he does, I could never see the attraction myself. Even the most cynical being in the universe can see the love you have for each other, you had an argument, as you said you had just found the journal, you had words?"

"They were more than words Owen, I said some terrible thing, things I shouldn't have said," Ianto told him.

"God why me? " Own groaned under his breath then sighed. "If you ask me over a pint sometime I will tell you about how I came to work here it's a long and sad tale. What I learnt out it was, Jack is an amazing individual whose capacity for forgiveness is almost infinite, it's like he's bigger on the inside than on the outside." He looked at Ianto who was clearly at the point of physical collapse and Owen wanted nothing more than to force feed him fat and calories and then get him to sleep for 36 hours but unless he dealt with this right now he knew Ianto would not rest until he did collapse.

"What were his last words to you?" Owen asked as he saw Ianto wince.

"He asked for an opportunity to explain," he said quietly.

"Did you say no?" Owen asked.

"I walked out," Ianto told him.

Owen decided to take another tack seeing this tack was not helping when he came to a realization.

"So to sum up, you had a fight, you said terrible things, he begged you to stay so he could explain, but you stormed out?" he said to Ianto.

"Yes," Ianto said not looking at Owen.

"Gawd help me, you know Ianto there are times when I really wish I had taken that course in couples counseling," he said shaking his head as Ianto looked at him confused.

"Look the circumstances are a little extreme I give you that, but you had a row, all couples have them, you should have heard Katie and me, you must have had them with Lisa. You say things, you storm out, you cool off, you go back sort it out and if I remember correctly it's usually followed up with great makeup sex," he saw Ianto's expression lift a little.

"Next item on the agenda: urgency," he said moving on quickly. "Give us a chance Ianto! It's been less than twelve hours since Jack was taken. Let me assure you we have a sense of urgency."

"And finally that leaves you. Only an idiot with a band of merry idiots is going to stand in your way. That said you need to watch out for Gwen. Gwen is a kind hearted person who will try and do the best for everyone as she sees it. So expect mothering and concern, she really does care for you very much. She can be outspoken but at least you will know where you stand with her and she does makes some good points at times which keep us on the straight and narrow. As for me Ianto, I make you a promise I will not stop you or stand in your way, but that comes with a proviso. There are things you need to know and understand about the Retcon you took, once you understand that Ianto, you're a grown man you don't have to justify your actions or motivations to anyone," Owen paused. "So are we all done for now?" he asked and saw Ianto nod in agreement as he stood.

"Thanks Owen." Ianto said as he stood and swayed slightly with fatigue.

"Come with me Ianto," Owen told him leading him down to Jack's quarters.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

"Where is he?" Gwen asked as Owen joined her in the board room.

"Asleep," Owen told her, "he's exhausted, dead on his feet, I showed him to Jack's quarters and made up the cot, he was out before my foot hit the bottom rail."

"What a mess," Tosh said speaking for them all

"He's coped amazingly well," Gwen advised.

"Yeah, he has had to take a lot of information very quickly, just think this morning he was a research assistant in an isolated university, shacked up with his boss and by nightfall he's fallen down the rabbit hole," Owen said.

"Rabbit hole?" Tosh said shaking her head not sure she understood the reference.

"Alice in Wonderland," Owen told her as he saw her nod in understanding.

"Where do we go from here?" Tosh asked wearily.

"Er, hello," a voice said from the other end of the board room. They all turned to see John Hart who was sitting his legs stretched out, his feet on the table, looking at his fingernails.

"As I have been trying to say, I know where and _when _Jack is," he said, "and I know how to get him out, but I have a feeling getting Jack out of there is going to be the easy bit, the difficult bit…"

"Easy bit?" Gwen interrupted.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," he continued as he threw a dark look at Gwen, "getting Jack out will be the easy part. The difficult part will be to keep lover boy from any heroics." He lent forward, "because if one hair on his head gets damaged Jack _will_ kill me."

"What do you care what happens to Ianto?" Gwen asked sarcastically.

"You can't think of one reason why I would care?" he said in reply staring at her.

"Well we could try stop him keep him here," Gwen said trying to recover.

"I don't think so Gwen," Owen snorted as he saw his thoughts reflected in Tosh's face. "Although it could be interesting to see you try," he told her.

"Ianto needs to be involved on every level." Tosh told her, "I think he had enough of people controlling his life, I think he should be given the choice." She saw Owen nod in agreement.

"Listen I am not trying to be the big baddie here," Gwen told them, "Ianto risks losing his life, has anyone told him about Jack's er," she glanced at John, "Jack's abilities."

"Oh, you mean that Jack can't die," John interrupted as he saw the shocked looks on their faces. "Let's just say I was witness to a demonstration recently and you really do need to get better security on your server."

"No," Owen replied. "I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen he told me if Jack had things to share that it was for him to do so."

"Great!" Gwen retorted "Pair of bloody fools the both of them."

Tosh nodded. "Oh I think that is the one thing we can all agree on," she said as they all stood to leave.


	50. Chapter 50

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies.

**Chapter 50.**

"You let me sleep how long?" Ianto said as he was led by Gwen into the board room to see Tosh waiting for him.

"Sit down and eat." Owen ordered as he placed an open pizza box in front of Ianto, followed by a full mug of coffee.

"You let me sleep for 21 hours," Ianto complained.

"Yeah well we needed all that time to prepare the answers to your questions," Owen told him, "you know you have quite a list."

"We've got another meeting directly after this one, working on that urgency issue you raised. So listen to Tosh, ask all and any questions and eat." Owen repeated his order he smiled to himself as he saw Ianto pick up a slice. As he took a mouthful as Tosh handed him a substantial print out filled with equations.

"Owen said you wanted to see the math," Tosh said to him as he licked his fingers and took the offered bound folder. "I was not sure how basic you wanted it, but I know you're good with figures, so if you want more let me know." She saw him open to the first page. "The first thing you need to know is there is a rift in time and space…"

Ianto listed with increasing incredulity, he was not sure what to make of Tosh's explanation.

If he understood correctly then it was possible to travel in time and space. Which apparently Jack had done with some bloke called a Time Lord. Before he met The Doctor he was a Time Agent from the 51st Century along with John Hart.

He recalled his conversation with Jack just after he had returned after being missing. There was an explanation Jack had argued but Ianto wouldn't believe him. Ianto had argued back saying that nothing could be that farfetched. Considering what he was now being told, he had to agree. Had Jack told him any of this he would have thought him mad and at worst mocking his distress to avoid telling him the truth. However here it all was in black and white and he could not argue with the calculations. He was deep in thought as he saw Owen head pop around the door.

"All set?" he asked and saw Tosh give him the thumbs up he looked up to Gwen, Owen followed by John Hart entered the board room.

"What is he doing here?" Ianto demanded.

"He knows where and when Jack is," Gwen told him calmly.

"You keep way from me," Ianto told him bluntly pointing at him as he saw him take a seat at the far end of the room.

"Let's get started," Gwen said indicating to John who stood up and pressed his wrist strap. As he did a detailed hologram of a small castle appeared on a small mound. In the back ground was a hill covered with a wood. A group of small buildings appeared to surround the castle and it was hard to tell if this was village or support buildings. A wooden palisade surrounded the buildings complete with large gate

"This is Castle Godwin in the year 999," he told them.

"Why, there and then?" Gwen asked the question they all wanted to know.

"Your guess is as good as mine, it's isolated, but I have a feeling the methods of torture were quite crude but creative and it mirrors Gray's history," he explained as he saw Ianto go pale.

"The aliens who took Gray are a rogue race known as the Sla-harg. They have no home planet that anyone can discern. They have a fleet of ships and roam around the galaxy. They take over a small planet then use it as a base to torture and destroy the local population. They appear to target the biggest and strongest beings first then work their way down. They typically choose low tech planets as they offer no resistance. No cruelty or depravation is considered out of bounds including genocide. It makes some events in 20th Century Earth history look like a picnic complete with roses and a concert."

"But you told us Jack and Gray came from a technologically advanced society," Tosh said.

"Yes that doesn't mean to say they wouldn't take advantage if the opportunity arose. Jack's colony was basically low tech," he explained.

"How did the colony survive if they kept getting attacked?" Ianto queried thinking this must had meant a horrible childhood for Jack.

"The Sla-harg moved on to set up base somewhere else. They are hated throughout the galaxy, Ianto real effort has gone into finding and destroying them. They are technologically advanced beyond anything we had in the 51st century to such an extent even The Shadow Proclamation and the Judoon have not managed to track them down. No one's ever seen one and all we really know about them is from the wreckage they leave behind, destroyed cultures, death mayhem and the occasional abandoned victim."

"Gray," Tosh said quietly.

"Gray," John reflected. "I found Gray chained on a ruined planet, thought I was hero for saving him. It was not until later he realized I knew Jack and I swear to all of you here I had no idea how twisted he was. He has this abiding hatred of Jack. He blames him for what happened and now wants revenge. As Jack was the favored son who got to live he says he is going to destroy Jack's life and everyone he ever cared about," he looked at Ianto.

"Where is Jack being held?" Ianto asked.

"One of two locations," John replied pushing a button on his wrist strap as he did two images appeared replacing the earlier hologram.

"The mound only looks like a hill when in fact it is a barrow," he saw Ianto raise his eyebrows, " or the castle dungeon. There is a passage way connecting the two," he told them.

Owen turned to Ianto, "Do you know what a barrow is?" he asked him.

"Yeah it's a Neolithic type burial site, it has chambers in it. They would leave a dead body on the mound, then when it was clean store the bones below in the chambers, an ossuary, skulls all together in one chamber, and so on"

"Charming," Owen commented.

"So, we use the thing on your wrist and the rift go back in time and rescue Jack," Ianto said thinking out loud.

Gwen interjected, "We?"

"Yes we," Ianto pointed to himself and to the group.

"With all due respect Ianto, I don't think that's such a good idea," she advised as she saw fury replace concern on his face.

"So you're going to sit here and do nothing," he burst out. "You're just going to leave him there."

"No, sweetheart I meant you being part of the 'we'. I mean you've just arrived back, you need to find your feet. Jack asked for you to be kept safe. I mean traipsing off one thousand years in the past …" she trailed out at the combined disapproving looks of the others around the table. She took a deep breath knowing this was an opposing opinion. "I think it would be best if Ianto remained here as back up doing support. It was what you were best at," she told him.

Ianto stood and looked directly at Gwen who was sitting opposite him. "You think you can stop me?" He looked towards Owen for support.

Gwen stood, "I'm the current head of Torchwood, I had a long think about this and the best thing for you would be to remain here out of harm's way, there's plenty of other ways you can help."

"Best thing for me, out of harm's way," Ianto spluttered. "My lover is trapped a thousand years in the past going through hell and you are going to decide what's best for me?" Ianto said raising his voice pointing at his chest as he saw Gwen start to reply.

"Ianto has to come," John Hart interrupted as he looked directly at Ianto. "In fact my help is dependent on it."

"Dependent , that's blackmail," Tosh told him bluntly shocked.

"Blackmail it might me, but everything that happens moving forward is dependent on Ianto coming with me, I won't leave this base to rescue Jack without him," he told them.

"Why is it so important that Ianto come?" Owen asked suspiciously , thinking Ianto being included was one thing, but part of a bigger plan of John's was another and had trap written all over it.

"This is dark John even for you, this sounds like a set up," Gwen said. "One minute you are telling us you promised to keep Ianto safe and then you are telling us you won't help unless he accompanies you into unspeakable danger."

"There is no plan, no rescue, no moving forward without Ianto's direct involvement," he told them bluntly.

"But you told us Jack asked you to keep him safe, I thought that's what Jack had sent you back for?" Gwen spluttered.

"Ianto there is more to the message than Jack's assurances and my promise to keep you safe," he said ignoring Gwen, his eyes firmly locked on Ianto who returned his gaze.

"More to the message?" Ianto asked him his face still burning with fury at his altercation with Gwen and John's revelation

"Let's hear it then," Gwen demanded as she saw John shake his head.

"This is for Ianto only," John said swallowing as he looked at Ianto who returned his look.

"Jack told me I could trust you," he said a desperate edge to his voice keeping his eyes firmly fixed on Ianto's face. "Can I trust you to stand in a room alone with me knowing what I have done and hear what I have to say?"

John Hart felt his chest constrict as his heart skipped a beat, as he watched Ianto keep his gaze and work though his request. How ironic he thought that his whole life had come down to this finite moment. A moment based on the hope that Ianto was the man Jack believed him to be. He saw Ianto nod and indicate to the door nearest John.

Moving back from the table Ianto pointed to the glass paneled door that led to the corridor just outside the board room.

"Is this wise you did try to kill him?" Owen asked him as he caught his arm as he passed.

"The worst thing that could happen Owen is that I give into the incredible urge I have to kill him and for that very reason, I am making sure you can all see me and are quick enough to stop me if I do." he said as he passed.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Owen, Tosh and Gwen watched through the glass panels of the door as Ianto stood by the opposite wall to John, his hands on his hips and indicated John should start talking. John brought up his wrist strap and pressed a button as he looked back into the board room and smiled.

"Well there goes the sound on the CCTV footage," Tosh said stating the obvious as the conversation began with a great deal degree of hand waving on John's part as a dark look steadily grew on Ianto's face as he listened his arms crossed.

Ianto now replied along with equally animated arm gestures. John cut in speaking again with some passion and which ended with Ianto putting his hand to the back of his neck and rubbing it.

"I've been meaning to ask you Owen what's with the…?" Gwen asked as she mimicked the gesture.

"It means he's deep in thought," Tosh replied as Owen was forming his reply as she saw Gwen mouthed an 'oh' as they went back to watching the conversation.

John said something and Ianto moved forward and grabbed the front of his jacket almost lifting him off the ground. Owen started to stand, but Ianto let go and pushed John away in disgust. John staggered and caught his balance then proceeded to continue with what could clearly be described as pleading complete with a hand on heart gesture.

Several moments passed as John continued, very passionately then pulled Ianto around who pushed John's hand away. Ianto took over speaking with an equal number hand movements combined with eye rolling. The eye rolling and look on his face indicated he did not believe John and said something that looked suspiciously like 'prove it'.

John Hart looked around then asked Ianto to move in closer; as he did John whispered something in Ianto's ear. The effect was immediate, he turned brick red, then brought his hand to his face obviously embarrassed. John moved back and pulled a small jewellery shop box from inside his jacket except this one showed no resemblance of any that might be found on Earth and handed it over. Opening it Ianto was clearly affected, as John spoke at some length while Ianto caressed the contents, he then closed the box and they were both silent for a moment. Ianto now held out his hand and John shook it.

Now the conversation changed nature again as John spoke and Ianto reluctantly moved towards John who was gesturing him to come closer. The group was amused as it was clear it was now John's turn to look decidedly uncomfortable. They watched as John now hugged Ianto. They held the hug for a few moments until John slid his hand down on to Ianto's arse. Ianto just as swiftly moved it back to his waist. Then to everyone's astonishment they briefly touched lips and broke apart.

"Could this get any more weird," Owen burst out at the sight of the two of them kissing.

'God I think there's been forgiveness," Gwen said as Ianto and John rejoined them.

"What makes you think there's been forgiveness?" Ianto said sharply. "John's delivered his message and we have an understanding."

"An understanding?" Gwen queried.

"An understanding," John replied looking at Ianto who nodded.

"Right then John ,you said you knew how to get Jack out," Tosh said sternly.

"You know I love it when you get all bossy," John said giving her coy look and she bit her bottom lip.

"Oh god," Owen groaned as he saw the look between them.


	51. Chapter 51

Heart and Soul

Part four –Secrets and Lies

Poll - See Profile - Get your vote in. What would like Ianto to say in up coming rescue.

**Chapter 51**

Tosh and Owen pulled Ianto aside as the meeting broke for a short while to allow everyone to gather their senses.

"What the hell was that about?" Owen asked.

"What was in Jack's message and that box," Tosh interrupted excitedly indicating to the jewelry box in Ianto's hand.

"It was private and sort of jewelry," Ianto answered trying to thing how best to describe the contents held within the box.

"Ooh jewelry, who for? Can I see?" Tosh asked but before Ianto could reply Owen interrupted.

"And the conversation between you and John looked like it got pretty heated?" Owen asked frowning.

"Confidential." Ianto replied as Owen pulled Ianto further into the corner of the room.

"Look Ianto, Gwen is right; what's being proposed is very dangerous. Where you're going there is no safety net, no calling for the police or an ambulance if there's any trouble. You will have to rely on your own resources and whoever goes with you will have to cover your back in every capacity. Are you saying you now trust John Hart?" Owen asked candidly.

"No." Ianto's reply was emphatic. "We don't trust him, we watch him like a hawk."

"I'm confused," Owen said bluntly. "He told us he made an agreement to keep you safe. I don't see how dragging you into some plan of his, is going to do that. It's one thing for us to sit here and set up a plan to rescue Jack where we're in control," Owen indicated to the Torchwood Team. "I don't see how gallivanting off with John Hart fits any definition of safe?"

"Let's just say the definition of safe is being stretched a little," Ianto told them cautiously.

"Stretched?" Tosh repeated.

"There are lots of ways of keeping someone safe," Ianto replied not sure how he could explain this. "Jack asked John, to keep me safe in a more active manner."

"Active manner," Owen said not sure he fully understood.

"Like a body guard?" Tosh queried and saw Ianto nod.

"I think the exact words were," Ianto started to say but was interrupted. "Stick to him like glue," as John Hart completed the sentence joining them.

"Stick to me like glue," Ianto repeated the phrase.

"But you hate each other, he tried to kill you with his bare hands," Owen burst out looking at John.

"And that could still happen," Ianto warned John as he raised his eyebrows.

"See how this works Owen everyone gets to win, Jack gets to kill me if Ianto comes to any harm, and Ianto gets to kill me if I go back on my word."

"And I will kill you if you betray Jack and Ianto," Owen added.

"See it's a win, win, win situation," John told him.

"And what do you mean keep your word?" Tosh asked.

"Ok," Gwen interrupted. "Tell us about how we are going to do this," indicating they should all go back to the table.

"We have 36 hours left before the chronix matrix in my wrist band is fully charged and we can make a time jump," John told them.

"Not sooner?" Ianto asked.

"We're using rift energy to boost the recharge so we've cut down the time considerably," Tosh told him. "Even then we will need to divert some rift energy to boost the crystal, I'm setting the…"

"Stop, stop, stop," Owen said loudly looking at Ianto "Sorry mate but this has to stop right now. John we need to know what your plan is. Oh I know you had this word with Ianto, we all saw it, and I'm sure I speak for everyone here, I don't trust you. God knows what you will face; it may as well be a totally alien environment and will be hostile in the extreme." He saw a look pass between Ianto and John.

"Are you fucking mad?" he continued as he looked directly and Ianto. "Tell me you have some idea what is going on, because unless we have some idea, I am going to withdraw all or any support, until we do."

Gwen joined the conversation speaking to Ianto, "Owen's right we've not heard one word about how you are going to rescue Jack only that you must and I emphasize the word here, you must accompany John. How do we know this is not a trap and he's not just going to hand you over to Gray? Do you really believe that we can sanction you going under these circumstances? "

There was a brief pause and Ianto looked around the room looking at Gwen, Owen and Tosh in turn. "You don't think the same thought hasn't crossed my mind, that this all a trap? I am aware of the danger and the risks. I'm not stupid. You all seem to think I have got moron written across my forehead. I know I've not been in the best of health, I know I risk my life in going. Have I changed so much that you no longer trust the person I was, or do you believe that somehow I have lost everything that was me and you no longer trust me and the ability to make my own decisions? Is that what you are saying? If that's the case then go ahead and withdraw your support I don't care, because I am going." He stood up and looked at them in disgust. "Excuse me I need to get ready and I have a proposal to consider." He picked up the jewelry box and left the room slamming the door.

"Shit," Owen said as he stood up and he raced after Ianto. He managed to catch him in the corridor.

"Ianto," Owen called out after him.

"You wanker, you said you would support me," he said turning to face Owen glaring at him.

"Look all we're asking …" Owen started to say.

"Fuck you!" Ianto shouted at him and stalked off.

Striding across the hub to the work stations he looked around for something to write with and on. He saw what he was looking for on Owen's desk, picking up the A4 note pad he also took a pen and went to sit on the sofa and began to write.

After a few moments John Hart walked up and joined him.

"Ah my shadow," Ianto snaked.

"Hey, just following orders" John told him leaning against the wall next to sofa.

"You know their request is not that unreasonable," John told him after several moments has passed as he watched Ianto continue to add items to an impressively growing list.

He chuckled to himself after several more moments passed. "What is so funny?" Ianto asked glaring up at him.

"Just something Jack said about you," John added.

"And what did Jack say that was so funny about me?" Ianto asked sarcastically

"He said that Torchwood would only have two options: help, move out your way or have to deal with the footprints you would leave down their backs. All I can say is that was some big footprints you left."

"Fuck the lot of them, I'll do what I've always had to do, get on and do it myself."

"Hey you're a _big_ boy…" John started to say but was interrupted as Tosh and Owen came over to join them.

Tosh sat down next to Ianto and sat for a few moments as he continued to write. "Can I have a look?" she asked as he put a full stop to the sentence and handed it over.

"Pretty comprehensive," she commented after reading through it "What do you think Owen?" she asked handing over the pad.

"There's a couple of things you need to add; one you will need an inoculation against small pox and the other's a medic," he said as Ianto looked up at him.

"I've done some calculations and with some adjustment you should be able to include one more person, do you agree?" Tosh asked John who looked serious, crossing his arms to think.

"It will be stretching the capabilities of chronix matrix to the absolute maximum, but as long as the rift boosts the signal it's possible," he replied.

"Ok then that's settled, I'm coming with you," Owen told them as Ianto stood and without warning hugged him.

"I'm sorry," he said as Tosh joined and put her arms around both.

"We trust you, and have our full support," she added.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwt

"This is a simple rescue operation," John Hart told them as they now gathered around the board room table. The center of the table was filled with the remnants a large meal of fish and chips spread out on paper which each person present lent forward and helped themselves too.

"Castle Godwin has a flaw, it has tunnel between the barrow and the Castle. These are dangerous times; the barrow has been set up a refuge, come escape route in case of attack. It is also where the eldest son has his own," he paused as look of disgust crossed his face as he tried to find the right words," private torture pits."

"Nice bloke," Owen commented sarcastically.

"Anlaf Godwin has a hands'on approach to torture," John replied distastefully.

"Oh my god," Gwen said as she went pale.

"Oh yeah he's a kind of Anglo Saxon do it yourself kind of man," John told them.

"So Jack could be in either place?" Tosh asked as she saw John nod.

"We materialize about half days'walk from the castle. We enter the tunnel via the barrow, make our way to the lower dungeon or torture pits, we get Jack, materialize out. Should be….

Owen interrupted "How will you know his location?"

"I have a way of tracking Jack," John answered, "It's a tracking device embedded in his body from when he was a Time Agent. When I took Jack I activated it, using my wrist strap I can locate where he is."

"If this is a simple rescue operation, why is it so important Ianto has to come with you?" Gwen asked still not happy with the situation.

"Ianto," John Hart said looking at Ianto to reply.

"Gwen leaves it, "Tosh interrupted. "We all agreed we would trust Ianto's judgment."

"You are asking us to put one hell of a lot of faith in you," Gwen told John bluntly who put his hand on his heart as she spoke.

"Hang on a minute," Tosh interrupted before the conversation got out of hand. "How are you going to get back? Your wrist strap is a three person transporter, without the rift boost one of you has to stay behind," she pointed out.

"That will be me, I have unfinished business with Gray," John Hart told her a cold burning fury written on his face.

"Right then," Ianto interrupted as he stood up and scoffed a few more chips and took a long drink of soda.

"The plan is this, we jump in, walk to the castle avoiding all contact, sneak in, grab Jack. Using John's vortex manipulator we jump back to the hub." He took a breath as he brushed salt off his fingers. "So as you have all told me just how dangerous this is going to be, I want gun," he told the group.

"A gun!" Owen replied startled as John raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah a gun, you're all packing, John's got one, and I want one," Ianto told him indicating to the pistol in Owen's front pocket.

"I'm not sure that wise," Owen told him.

"I'm about to jump 1000 years into the past with my lover's ex-partner, and a man whose last bout of physical exercise was four hours digging a ditch while constantly moaning, wise doesn't come into this," Ianto told them, "I want a gun, I going to face god knows what and I am going armed."

Owen looked towards Gwen who stood and threw her hands in the air.

"I guess that's a yes then," Ianto said indicating Owen lead the way.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

"Choose your weapon," Owen told Ianto as he stood in front of a long table in the gun range which held a line of pistols and revolvers.

He watched as Ianto picked up each one examining each in turn. He smiled to himself as Ianto instinctively picked up what had been his favorite choice as an operative and then proceeded to load and cock it.

He put on ear protectors and stood facing the targets.

"Do I know how to use this?" Ianto asked Owen.

"Think about it Ianto?" Owen told him as he saw Ianto blink then turn and fire three shots at each target hitting each one dead center.

"Wow," he said as he smiled.

"Have I ever, you know shot a person?" he asked losing his certainty.

"You shot me in the shoulder once," Owen told him.

"What, I did what?" Ianto turned around horrified.

"Bloody hurt I can tell you," Owen told him.

"Why would I shoot you in the shoulder?" Ianto asked him shocked as he could think of no reason why he would ever shoot Owen.

"You felt you had good cause at the time," Owen told him, he was about to say more when the main lights dimmed and the emergency lights went on followed by discordant alarm.

Owen touched his ear piece and found it dead.

"We're under attack," Owen told Ianto who instinctively brought his stance into a professional position holding his gun in the correct way for attack and defense.

Moving cautiously they made their way down the corridor and heard a rustle as both raised their weapons they saw John Hart hurtled around the corner to join them.

"It's Gray. He's used Jack's vortex manipulator and he's released your all your residents from the lower levels," he told them as Owen let out a string of expletives.

"Gwen and Tosh?" Owen asked.

"Holding their own in the central part of the Hub," John said catching his breath. "I suggest we find our way there," he added. "You know united we fall and all that."

"Don't you mean united we stand?" Ianto corrected him

"Whatever." John replied.

As one they moved down the corridor covering each other. They had just made it to stairs when a weevil bowled around a corner and immediately launched itself at Owen. As it was about to latch its teeth into Owens shoulder Ianto began to empty the magazine of his gun into the back of the beast as he screamed.

"I think you got it," John Hart shouted at him as the beast slumped and he saw the wild look in Ianto's eyes.

"Bastard's been plaguing my nightmares for months, thought I would take the opportunity to kill it once and for all," Ianto said as he took the spare magazine from his back pocket.

"Thanks," Owen said as he stood surprised at the venom in Ianto's voice.

"Is it dead?" Ianto asked as he reloaded his gun.

Owen shook his head and was startled as three more bullets hit the weevil between the eyes.

"It is now," Ianto advised much to the shock on Owen's face as he cocked his pistol.

"How did you get to be such a good shot?" John Hart asked Ianto.

"Apparently I'm good with shoulders," Ianto advised as he saw John raise his eyebrows.

Moving now without incident they finally reached the main Hub area to find Gwen and Tosh being stalked by three weevils.

Owen saw Ianto's eyes glaze over and he grabbed his arm. "Let's try and just incapacitate these ones and only kill them if we have no other choice," he told him.

"Ok," Ianto agreed quietly. Nodding to each other a swift a volley of shots rang out and within a few moments three weevils laid unconscious on the ground.

Tosh walked down the steps in clear distress and threw her arms around John Hart who held her and stroked her hair speaking gently then she drew back and they kissed.

Oh god," Owen groaned under his breath as he saw them embrace.


	52. Chapter 52

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies

**Chapter 52**

"Is this normal for round here then?" Ianto as he cautiously checked every corner of the central hub area with his eyes checking to see if there was anything else lurking about in the shadows.

"Normal?" Gwen queried

"Yeah normal, you know kidnapping, time travel, alien creatures, getting attacked, chaos and mad brothers," Ianto added as he helped pick up scattered debris.

"As I said mate, welcome to Torchwood," Owen interjected.

"So this is like a normal occurrence for you lot then?" Ianto added.

"Cardiff's centered on a rift in time and space, aliens, artifacts come through all the time, so, yes," Gwen replied.

"So that's what you do then, chase down aliens locking them up, sort out artifacts seeing if they're useful," Ianto summed up.

"Yeah basically, we're arming humanity for the future," Tosh added.

"You don't look convinced mate," Owen asked as he saw the look on Ianto's face.

"How do your families handle all this?" Ianto asked.

"What families?" Owen replied "Only person here with a significant other, other than you Ianto is Gwen"

"Rhys and he says hello by the way" Gwen told him as she saw Ianto nod an acknowledgment.

"What about a normal life, how do you cope with your boyfriends, girlfriends, families, going out for a curry, a beer, reading a book, watching a DVD, a life?" Ianto asked as he saw looks pass between them.

"Job's pretty well 24/7 not much time for a normal life, "Tosh replied.

"You used to be part of it," Gwen pointed out as she turned and headed back to Jack's office.

"I understand that I was an operative here?" He said with a frown as he saw Owen now leave and go to the medical bay and begin to pull out supplies and laying then out on the examination table.

Several moments passed as he watched Tosh call John over and asked for his wrist strap. Taking it off he pressed several sequences then handed it to her.

"Can I ask you something?" Ianto said after she had completed entering a line of equations.

He continued as she nodded.

"In my journal Jack and I seemed to spend a lot of time here in the hub, and I was wondering where did Jack live? It's like he never seemed to leave the place."

Tosh looked at him. "Jack lived here in the Hub," she told him honestly.

"But where Tosh, I know I haven't seen all the Hub but…." he paused as he realized something

"Are you telling me he lived under that office?" He asked shocked as he saw her nod.

"But's there nothing down there except a cot, a shower and some beaten up furniture, it's hardly a home." He saw the look on her face. "Tell me he just used it when he stayed overnight right? He has a flat or apartment in Cardiff when he was not here?" he asked as she saw her shake her head.

"Ianto, Jack's life until recently was Torchwood, I can't explain, but it felt like his life has been on hold for a long time, I mean a very long time as if he was waiting for something," Tosh tried to explain but not doing very well.

"The no life outside Torchwood included Jack as well as the rest of you then?" Ianto added softly.

"Yeah pretty much," Tosh replied. "As far as we are all aware, he has no family. If he has friends he has never really spoken of them and I have feeling they were more acquaintances than friends. I mean even us, we know Jack cares about us, he's the boss but you got this feeling that Jack is or was a very lonely man."

"Was a lonely man?" Ianto asked.

"Yeah until you" She replied looking at him.

"Me?' he queried,

"Yes you," she told him giving him a nudge, "Over several months he became softer, happier, he smiled more, he was more approachable, playful we could all see it, something came on inside him," Tosh smiled. "You were both so discrete, you had to read the signs pretty carefully to work it out, for me it was the day you were both wearing the same shirt," she laughed.

"Same shirt?" Ianto asked her curiously.

"As you know Jack has this limited wardrobe, it's like he went out and bought the same shirt in three different colours times 20 over," she saw Ianto smile in agreement, " Well, one day we came in and you were both wearing the same dark coloured shirts, I think it was pretty clear you stayed over," she told him. "Well to me anyway and I realized that Jack had found someone special."

'You changed as well you know," she told him after several moments had passed.

"You stopped wearing those awful white shirts and started wearing these deep rich colours with a waistcoat. You seemed to spend an awful lot to time with Jack on weevil hunts. If you weren't out together, Jack was consulting with you on something down in the archives. You both had this this little secret smile you shared with each other. I know Gwen said she almost walked in on the two of you snogging. From the comments, I know she made sure she knocked on any door which was closed before entering," she stopped seeing she was embarrassing him.

"You have no recollection of any of this do you?" she asked him and saw him shake his head.

"I think what you're me telling is that Jack was leading a very lonely life, where he has kept himself busy, living here in this god awful place with no one until…" he stopped.

"Until you Ianto," she told him bluntly. "Then it all came tumbling down, he went missing, so did you. And did we look for you, we left no stone unturned. Then he arrived back and found you gone, he was devastated like his whole world had shattered," she became tearful. "Something had happened to him you could see it in his eyes, it was clear he had survived some kind of horror. He briefly touched on it but said he couldn't share any of it because it was too raw. "

"Did you ever find out what happened?" he asked softly struggling to keep his emotions in check, as he saw her shake her head.

"We did find out something a few months ago, when Martha Jones came to visit. She told us she also travelled with the Doctor during that time. She told us that although only a few months had passed for us, a year had passed for her and Jack. She called it, 'the year that never was.' Apparently he had been held prisoner by this mad time lord called The Master and Jack had been treated very cruelly." She heard Ianto gasp. "From the little she said I think he was tortured and raped," she paused. "We don't really know the full extent of what he endured. All Martha would say was pretty it was horrific." She became very quiet and rested her hand Ianto's arm. "She said the only thing that had kept him going was the thought of coming home to you."

Ianto remained silent as he listened to Tosh continue not able to speak.

"So he returned and found you were missing. He raced off to the university to find you, and found you had no recollection of him. He stayed a long time, hoping against hope there would be some spark, Gwen went up to see him and persuaded him to come back. When he did it was like a part of him had died and you could see the light in his eyes had gone out." She touched Ianto's arm gently again as he looked visibly upset.

"But then we found what you had left behind, hidden?" she told him as a small smile grew on her face.

"Hidden?" he questioned.

"Hidden mementos, special objects which had clearly meant a great deal to you, hidden away deep in the hub," she added and smiled in remembrance, "and then it was only chance that led us to find them."

"My stop watch," Ianto added.

"And the wrist watch Jack gave you for your birthday," she told him and saw him go pale as he recalled how Jack had been wearing it and he had demanded it back. "And your journals."

"Everything changed after that Ianto, I have never seen Jack so animated or driven. It was like watching a drowning man being thrown a life line. I know he had a huge row with the university and had to pay them a great deal to allow him to set up the project. I think he would have given them the moon if they had asked for it and it had been within his power to hand it to them. You know he has spent just about every penny he has on that project don't you?" she told him and saw him shake his head. "He loves you very much Ianto, I know because he told me so. He has agonized over every decision he has made since he left. I just hope you can work it out between you what ever happened…" she stopped as he looked up to see that Ianto was deeply affected and close to tears.

"I love him more than I can possibly t-t-t-tell you, he is …"" he told her struggling to get the words as he swallowed. "I need to think, I need some time to myself," he told her, "I going down to Jack's old place," he said walking off towards the office and nodded to John who nodded back.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Ianto pulled shut the manhole cover. He lay down on the cot and closed his eyes wrapping his arms around himself calming his thoughts as he considered Jack's proposal. He was deeply affected by what Tosh had told him. He had been aware from the few things Owen had shared that Jack has sacrificed a lot to be with him, but until now he had no idea of the emotional cost. He shivered at the realization of how special their love making had been. He was not sure if he had been raped he would had been able to have any one touch him, let alone have sex. It wasn't sex he told himself, they had made love. Jack had made love to him and he had made love to Jack. He let out a deep sigh; they were both in such need of healing. He had found healing in Jack's arms, had Jack found any healing in his? He prayed that he had and made a pledge that he would.

Several moments passed when he sat up and opened the jewelry box revealing a single plain light gold ring. The impressions on the bottom of the box indicated it was one of a pair clearly that had been linked in a figure of eight design. The second ring he knew was with Jack. He picked it up and examined it. Who would have thought something so ordinary, could be so extraordinary? John said it was an age-old symbol of love. The figure of eight design represented infinity, two rings linked as a solid which only separated into two rings in the presence of deep and abiding love.

Firstly, Jack had apologized for the manner of his asking and promised he would make up for it, as he had always envisioned this moment in a far more romantic setting. From what John had told him Jack had intended to offer this to him immediately on his arrival back from his time with the Doctor. It represented his commitment to him and them as a couple. He would understand if the answer was no, considering the complete mess he had made of things so far. If it was no, his commitment to Ianto would not change now or in the future and asked only for an opportunity to ask again if Ianto felt he could not accept at this time.

If he accepted and chose to wear the ring it meant that they would spend their lives linked in a rare and privileged fashion. The rings represented no ordinary bonding. It was a link of heart and soul that meant they would share of and with each other as true soul mates, for life.

'When had he realized he loved Jack?' he asked himself and thought back to the first time he had noticed the man in grey standing back at the journal section waiting patiently to speak to him. 'It was then,' he realized, he had not recognized it at the time but it was love at first sight. He had been filled with an incredible feeling he did not understand at the time. Now he knew the feeling was an emotional memory, the most powerful and only memory he had for Jack at that time, his love for him. It made sense of why he had been so affected when Jack left the University that autumn, the love of his life was gone and his soul was bereft.

He picked up the ring and held it in his palm. It felt so warm and memories of their time together over the past months flooded in to his mind and an intense feeling grew in his chest as he focused on Jack and as he concentrated he could almost sense him in the room. He blinked as other feelings now infused: him love, devotion and Jack's adoration of him and a tear ran down his face. He loved Jack with an equal measure. As he thought about their possible future life together, the ring imparted to him a staggering realization, that neither could be whole without the other. They were a rare exception to the rule, of all the couples who had held this symbol only one other had been so blessed

His thoughts focused on his love for Jack, and Jack's love for him, he closed his hand around the ring and he felt a warm tingling sensation flow into his palm. He was sure he could sense the ring was almost singing with joy. Taking the ring he kissed it, and then placed it at the end of the thumb on his left hand, as he had been instructed. He watched in amazement as it flexed and almost flowed down over the nail and knuckle, and settled between the bottom of his thumb and the knuckle, now part of his being.

He closed the box and wrapped his arms around himself. "I love you Jack," he said out loud. Silently he made a vow that once they were reunited they would have a life away from the chaos and madness that had so far ruled their lives and live each for the other as one.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Ianto lay on the cot in what had been Jack's cot trying to sleep. He rubbed the sore spot on the top of his right arm. He hated needles and had expected some discomfort but was not expecting the inoculations Owen had prepared to sting quite so much and remain so sore for long after.

He had given Owen an update about how he was feeling, and admitted honestly that his anxiety had fallen away now he had some real fear to deal with. Owen had taken the time to go over what he had told him earlier about the Retcon he had taken. The conversation had been going well until Owen started going on about wanting to share something about Jack's special abilities again. From that point on he couldn't concentrate because the phrase 'special abilities' kept ringing through his consciousness.

His reaction he had to admit was part of the effect of the ring. It was like it was absorbing all their time together and for the past few hours it had focused on their intimate union. While he had to admit this was pleasurable, at first he had felt guilty considering what Tosh had told him about Jack's experience. However the ring had soothed his guilt with the knowledge that their love making had been part of Jack's healing and had been enjoyed by both of them and he relaxed. However this relief came with a renewed vigor with which the ring was attuning itself to him…them. It was incredibly distracting considering he was trying to complete preparations for the jump tomorrow.

On hearing the phrase he had felt an urge to yell out, 'Yeah Jack had special abilities all right, the ability to make me come twice in under an hour. The ability to hold me on the edge for so long, when I did come I felt like had been transported to some distant galaxy'. He swore to god one time he had come so hard and long he had almost passed out. He ran his hand over his hair as images and sensations flooded through him and he groaned at the ecstasy of coming inside Jack and Jack coming inside him. That exquisite mixture of pain and pleasure that was sex with Jack, he turned over on to his stomach trying to control his rampant erection.

"Thinking about Jack ha?" he heard a voice in the dark say.

"I think we can both agree that subject is off limits," Ianto sternly told the voice.

"Oh I understand, if Jack is doing for you what he did for me," the voice sighed.

Ianto turned and glared towards the voice.

"You know that man is a genius when it comes to sex, I swear one time I came so hard, I thought I had passed out," the voice said wistfully.

Several moments passed when the voice added," I guess it comes from years of practice and I mean years. "

Ianto sat up and looked towards the voice. "Look I understand you two had this thing once," Ianto told the voice recalling Tosh's revelation by the lake.

"Thing, let me tell you we were stuck in time loop for five years it was more than just a _thing,_" the voice said categorically.

"It's that time agent thing, stuff, life," Ianto sputtered," and all the rest about Jack. I've already told Owen and I'm telling you, if Jack has things in his life, he can to tell me about them himself," he paused then added, "The last thing Jack asked me in person was the chance to explain and considering the circumstance of that request, I think he has the right to tell me himself."

"Oh the no telling rule, got it you don't want to know, fine by me. I am sick of all the secrets and lies anyway. But just remember some secrets can end up killing you."

"What the hell does that mean?" Ianto said loudly

A voice from above that sounded like Gwen shouted down, "You boys behaving, don't you make me come down there."

"Yes Mam," John Hart should back sarcastically as he turned over.

"You know it's pretty safe down here, a bloody fortress, I am sure nothing can happen to me, you could use the sofa," Ianto pointed out hopefully.

"What is it about stick to you like glue you don't understand?" John pointed out.

Ianto groaned. "Well if you and I are stuck with each other then we need to get one thing straight, I don't ever want to hear you use that word in my hearing again," he asked.

"What oh what a _big _castle you've got or oh is that a _big_ rocket in your pocket or you just pleased to see me," John said.

"You know what I mean," Ianto growled.

"Alright, alright I won't use the term big in any conversation that could lead to any indication that your b..."

"I'm warning you I don't need to use my bare hands anymore, I'm armed," Ianto warned him.

"So I've gathered," John Hart replied.

"You know I can feel the heat off your face from here," he added after several long moments had passed.

"Shut up and go to sleep, I'm knackered," Ianto grumbled.

"Well knowing Jack I am not surprised." John started to say.

Ianto muttered under his breath and turned over in on the cot trying to make himself comfortable. Jack must have some special ability if he managed to sleep on this he groaned as he changed positions again.

"Still thinking about Jack eh?" the voice said.

twtwtwtwtwtwtw

**Authors Note: **-Don't forget to vote in the pole on my profile.

In an up coming rescue what would you line Ianto to say?

1: "Get your hands off my husband!"

2" "You tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, he'll get no such pleasure from us. !" aside to Jack You know I have always wanted to say that.

3: Both


	53. Chapter 53

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies

**Chapter 53**

Ianto stood at the foot of the water feature He mentally went over what he was carrying. He was wearing thermals under modern jeans held up with a good leather belt. His belt held a gun holder and a Glock 17. Tucked inside out of sight was a small leather pouch filled with coins of the realm. He wore good strong walking boots, a plain black cotton tee shirt, along with a thick wool jumper. This was covered with a dark brown wool jerkin with a hood which was a practical item that was worn during the time they were travelling to and would not look out of place. Across his back he carried a long wide leather tube like pouch. This was filled with what he called the necessities of civilizations like a shaving kit and a few other items. Around his neck he wore a scarf he had found in the lockers as it looked useful so had added at the last moment. He had also added a woolen hat and gloves now also in the pouch. In his hand he held a quarterstaff, which he had read about and could also come in useful as walking stick and as a weapon.

He smiled as Owen joined him similarly dressed along with John who was dressed as he always was.

"Look this is my style, add or detract just doesn't feel right," he said as he saw the looks on their faces.

"Tough," Owen said as he threw a pack at him. "I've prepared this for you, it's got a first aid kit and some other useful bits and pieces we might need like food." John shrugged and placed it over his shoulder adjusting it so it fitted comfortably.

"Nice ring," John said to Ianto indicating the ring on his left thumb.

"Jack gave it to me," Ianto replied as Owen glanced over to see the plain gold band on his left thumb trying to recall if he had seen it before but not able to place it. In all the fuss of the last few days he admitted he could have missed it.

"Congratulations by the way," John said offering his hand.

"Thank you," Ianto said shaking the offered hand.

Owen rolled his eyes and shook his head as he checked his gear, and put the exchange down to another mad and inexplicable conversation between the pair of them. If he didn't know better he could swear they were speaking in code.

"Ok are you ready?" Tosh called down from her work station.

"When I get back babe you and I are going to make beautiful music together," John winked and called out to her as he threw here a kiss and was rewarded with a smile.

"Good luck," Gwen called out as Tosh began to withdraw the rift connection to John's wrist strap.

Ianto watched as John began to punch information into his wrist strap. He raised his finger to initiate the jump when all three of them were engulfed with a massive flash of orange light. Suddenly his brain felt like it was going to explode.

Tosh watched as the orange and pink haze surrounded then engulfed Owen Ianto and John. Then in what seemed like an explosion filled the Hub dazzling them both leaving behind a heavy smell of ozone and burning electrical wiring. As the flash occurred the Hub lighting flickered chaotically, and then disappeared leaving them in complete darkness.

"Are you all right?" Tosh called over to Gwen.

"Yeah, what happened?" Gwen called out to Tosh who now found her flashlight and was headed with speed towards the Hub's main power system controls.

"I am not sure?" Tosh replied as Gwen joined her. "I suspect a rift spike and it appeared to happen just as John was about to initiate the jump."

"What does that mean?" Gwen asked as they reached the board

"A massive spike of rift energy has overloaded the Hub systems," Tosh told her.

"I meant for the boys?" Gwen corrected her.

"I don't want to think about that right now ,let's just get the systems back online and we can check what happened," Tosh replied her entire focus on the board in front of her.

"Gray?" Gwen offered as she held up her light onto the board.

"No I don't think so," Tosh advised as she examined the board and began to re-initiate the power start up for the Hub.

"What makes you so sure?" Gwen asked holding up the light as Tosh worked.

"Too big, only the full force of the rift could have produced a surge big enough to knock out the entire Hub," she replied flicking switches and pulling fuses back into the on position. As she pulled down the main circuit breaker the lights came back on and they could hear their computers start to reboot.

Back at their computers they began to power up the server bringing it back on line. Several moments passed as they tapped away at their key boards.

"Did they make it?" Gwen asked trying to keep emotion out of her voice as she worked.

Tosh kept working not wanting to reply, running through the lines of information as took a deep breath.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Gwen asked terror in her voice.

"Massive rift spike." Tosh confirmed.

"Have we lost them?" Gwen cried out as tears ran down her face.

Tosh gasped as the lines continued, as they came to an end she sat back and took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "The spike overloaded John's vortex manipulator, he never got to start the sequence, the surge ripped through and tore the matrix apart," she paused as she came to terms with the information on her screen. "It scattered them into atoms," she heard herself say out loud.

"Oh God," Gwen gasped as her legs failed her and she fell to the floor.

"They're dead," Tosh said staring blankly at the screen.

Tosh sat on the sofa her head against Gwen's shoulder tears falling down her face trying to come to terms with the disaster before them. Gwen was silent staring into the distance her arms around Tosh. The phone in Jack's office began to ring, and after several moments it stopped. After a short break it rang again, its ring echoing around the Hub then stopped. Gwen's mobile phone began to ring and she ignored it. After several moments it stopped then started again. Taking it out of her pocket she turned it off.

A few moments later the phone on Jack's desk began to ring again. Gwen swore and held Tosh closer and it stopped. A few moments passed and the phone rang again. Tosh stood up and walked across to Jack's desk, picked up the phone and ripped off the hand piece and threw it across the Hub.

Standing in front of the desk motionless as Gwen came to join her and guided her back to the sofa.

Approximately two hours later, they heard the proximity alarm. As the door rolled aside they stood ready to face whatever came through the door and were stunned to see Rhys.

"How did you know how to get in here?" Gwen burst out then raced over to Rhys and threw her arms around him.

"It's alright, what's happened?" he asked her gently.

"They're dead Owen, Ianto and John. Jack's trapped in the past, and…"she broke down in tears

"How did you know how to get in here?" Tosh repeated Gwen's question.

"Never mind that now Tosh, some woman called Martha Jones from UNIT called said she'd been trying to contact you for bloody hours, she said its urgent, very urgent." He handed her a piece of paper with a number on it call as Tosh pulled her phone out and punched in the numbers.

Moving with speed Tosh stood by her computer station watching the down load as Gwen watched from behind as the data flowed over screen.

"Will someone fill me in?" Rhys asked as he gently hugged Gwen as Tosh began to speak.

"At exactly the same time as the surge in rift activity, The Standing Stones of Emin pulsed with an incomprehensible amount of power. It burnt out every sensor we placed there, took out a geostationary satellite passing overhead and almost took out several others. The energy ripple was picked up as far away as Waikato University in New Zealand which is the other side of the world. It was so powerful, the ripple effect registered instantaneously on their equipment there. "

"What does it mean, are you saying the stones caused the rift flare?" Gwen asked.

Tosh blinked as she thought out loud. "Wrong energy signature so I don't' think so." She took a deep breath. "If the figures are correct we have underestimated the power here, by a factor of one million, maybe more. If I'm right then this release was only a tiny fraction of its actual capability."

"Are you saying that the energy released was the equivalent of someone flexing a finger? "Gwen asked

"Exactly, if this object wanted to, it could have taken out the moon," Tosh told her bluntly, "but it has lain quiescent for thousands of year holding back its power until now, why?" She took pause to think and bit her lip.

"You know the stones have done nothing but help all year. In fact they have an established history of helping. Isn't that what you told me?" Gwen asked.

"The question is why would the stones risk exposing their secret, because that's what they've done?" Tosh continued as she nodded in reply to Gwen's observation.

"Well this and the odd ping," Gwen added seeing the look on Rhys face.

"Ping?" Rhys repeated.

"I'll explain later," Gwen told him as she patted his chest.

"Exactly," Tosh replied. "It's exposed itself to all sorts of questions and scrutiny. The least of which is a team of UNIT investigators on their way there right now. It's clear this is an object of immense power clearly of alien origin. Why would it expose itself. …."

"Are you sure it was at the exact moment?" Gwen interrupted.

"To the nanosecond," Tosh replied.

"Look will someone tell me exactly what is going on?" Rhys asked insistently

"A few hours ago Owen, Ianto and John attempted a jump back on time, we were using the rift to recharge John's vortex manipulator. At the point he was going to start the jump there was a massive rift flare. We thought, we were certain, they'd been killed, lost to the rift." She explained not sure she trusted her voice.

"You don't think?" Gwen asked wide eyed and saw Tosh nodded. "So are you saying," Gwen asked looking at Tosh not fully trusting her own reasoning.

"Exactly, for whatever reason those stones used their power to counter the rift flare and enabled the jump. It's the only possible explanation that fits all the data and history, " Tosh said wrapping her hands around herself.

"So they made it," Gwen said her voice breaking "Oh my god Rhys they made it."

"And when this is over" Tosh continued her eyes sparkling, "I'm going to visit those stones and I don't care how crazy it's going to look, I am going to kiss each and every one. "


	54. Chapter 54

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies.

**Chapter 54**

Ianto watched as John began to punch information into his wrist strap. He raised his finger to initiate the jump when all three of them were engulfed with a massive flash of orange light. Suddenly his brain felt like it was going to explode. His vision filled with star bursts of every colour in the known universe and some he could swear did not exist. An intense sharp pain hit him at the back of his neck and put his hands to his head and crashed to his knees.

Swept up in the energy Owen watched as Ianto cried out and fell to his knees, on his other side he saw John frantically trying to punch in sequences on his wrist strap. As the haze cleared it didn't take a genius to work out they were not in any wood he could discern, there were no trees for a start.

They were in some kind of over grown open pasture land along with a stunned young boy who was surrounded by several sheep. The boy pointed and began to gibber unintelligibly towards them.

"Where is the wood?" Owen shouted at him as he grabbed the lapels on John's jacket.

"Not my fault, not my fault," John desperately tried to tell him. Owen ground his teeth as he pushed John away and hurried to assist Ianto who was on the ground on all fours.

"Are you Ok?" Owen asked Ianto as he helped him to his feet.

"This was not my fault, not-my-fault," John kept repeating looking desperately around trying to gauge where they were.

"I can't see," Ianto said as he staggered a few steps then sat down putting his head between his knees.

"Shit!" Owen burst out and kneeled down next to him.

"Can't see as in blind?" Owen asked.

"Not blind, blinded all I can see is these star bursts of intense colours and my brain is feels like it's on fire," Ianto explained.

"What happened John?" Owen demanded as he lifted Ianto's chin checking his eyes.

"It wasn't me, I swear," John told them panic in his voice.

Ianto reached out and managed to catch Owen's arm, "He's right Owen, I was watching him, he never completed the sequence on his wrist strap."

"So where and when the hell are we and what the fuck happened?" Owen demanded again.

"I have no idea where we are. All I can see is a large group of standing stones," John said looking around still fiddling with his vortex manipulator in a growing panic.

Owen burst out with a string of expletives as he glanced around to see they were in the center of The Standing Stones of Emin.

"I gather from your outburst you know where we are?" Ianto asked.

"You'd know where we were too if you could see Ianto, you've been studying the bloody things all year," Owen told him.

"What! How! JOHN,"Ianto called out.

"We'll deal with him a minute, how many fingers am I holding up," Owen asked Ianto as he held up three fingers.

Ianto squinted, "Eight," he replied as Owen swore.

"John," Ianto shouted out fear distorting his voice.

"Not sure not sure," John said a shake in his voice as he still tried to get some response from his manipulator.

"Oh god," Ianto cried out as another star burst of colours hit his vision, less intense this time.

"How many fingers now?" Owen asked as held up his entire hand.

"Five," Ianto replied squinting, "but they're purple with green specks?" he added.

"We're where?" Ianto asked again as the whirl of colours started to fade and he could concentrate.

"Ianto we are in the middle of The Standing Stones of Emin", Owen told him bluntly, he was about to say something as he saw John start turning around in panic.

"No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no," John repeated over and over again. He grabbed Ianto bringing him to his feet, his normal arrogant non-chalance replaced with sick terror.

"We're over a 100 miles out, she's dead… worse than dead." He pushed Ianto away from him staggered three steps then took hold of one of the stones for support.

Refusing Owen's assistance Ianto staggered across to John trying to bring him into focus, and pulled him around by the shoulders, "We have five days, we can still make it, use your vortex manipulator, make something up, tell him I'm injured , tell him we've been delayed," Ianto told him urgently.

"I can't," John screamed at him. "The matrix is drained. It will take days, weeks for it to recharge. It's useless, beyond its most basic functions." He grabbed Ianto again by the top of his arms and shook him. "We can't make it in five days Ianto."

"Listen…100 miles we can make it. If we start right now we almost have five days ," Ianto told him trying to calm him down, "three miles an hour, twelve hours a day, that's 36 miles a day we can make it".

"Even if we could manage to walk 36 miles a day, which I seriously doubt, we still have to find a way in. We will be cutting this very fine. This is a hostile time period, a single delay is all we need and…" John told him wiping his face clear.

"We need to get moving then," Ianto told John as and started to move in the direction of Johns pointed hand.

"How many hours to sunset?" Ianto asked as John consulted his wrist strap. "Six," John replied.

"Right, we can make 20 miles today, come on Owen," Ianto called back at him.

"Will someone tell me what in the name of all hell is going on?" Owen demanded as he moved to catch up with them.

Ianto turned to him. "We have five days, to travel over a 100 miles and rescue Ariana."

"I get the five days and the distance. I mean who is Ariana?" Owen asked confused.

"My sister," John replied his voice shaking, "she's seventeen years old and the only family I have."

"The deal was in five days John has to hand me over in exchange for Ariana or Gray will give her to Anlaf Godwin," Ianto told him as his vision cleared even more and he noted the grass was now green and not red.

Owen looked at them both opened mouthed. "You're just going hand Ianto over and you are going to let him?" Owen spat at them seriously wanting to punch something. "You've gotta know this is a death sentence. Gray will drag you in front of Jack, torture then kill you," he shouted at Ianto.

John turned around and punched him to the ground. "You bastard!" John screamed at him as Ianto pulled him back as Owen edged away. "Do you think I have no sense of honour?" he shouted to Owen's fallen form.

"Sorry Mate, that's not what I meant," Owen said as Ianto held out his hand to help him up.

"I made Jack a solemn promise, an oath, and that oath came at a heavy price," John shouted at him as he took off.

"What is he talking about?" Owen asked Ianto feeling his jaw.

"Jack went willingly, to buy us the time we needed to rescue Ariana." Ianto told him looking at John's retreating back as he pulled Owen aside. "And John's right; as of this moment we're fucked," Ianto said his voice cracking up, "Ariana may as well be dead, and Jack is in hell, and we've got no way of getting either of them out, because I can't see any way this is going to work."

Owen went pale as he realized the implications of what they were saying, "Jesus Christ almighty," he muttered under his breath as both of them raced to catch up with John.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwttw

Jack lay naked on the damp stone floor, curled up on himself trying with every effort he possessed not to make a single movement. A spasm caused his foot to twitch and excruciating agony shot through his feet into his legs. He tried to control the trembling that accompanied the pain without success and for a brief moment he passed out. His brother with dark callous glee had laid out his plan to Jack. Respite via death would not occur, suffering would be his name. It was his one piece of normality being used against him and unless fatally wounded he healed at a normal rate. Now Gray would use it against him to its fullest potential. The beating that followed was not the general beating he had expected, but was to his feet. It had been prolonged and severe and had destroyed all the small bones to splinters.

He opened his eyes and noted the edge of light to his right expanded and something was roughly thrown and landed close by him. He braced himself as the vibrations caused, his feet to twitch and teeth chattered with the agony.

He wondered where his strength to endure had gone. The truth was the man he been had vanished with the first blow. At that moment he realized he had severely underestimated his ability to cope, it had gone, beaten out of him by The Master. He had tried desperately to hold on to his sense of self, but he knew he had nothing left to hold on with. All that was left was a hollow shell filled with terrible pain. A shell who had cast his last remaining hope into the wind of chance and now had nothing left to cling to.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Owen tried to keep up the pace set by John. They had walked trying to step into a rhythm of walking, that burnt distance So far so good, he was thirsty and a little tired but he knew this was day one, and they had made walked eleven miles.

He cursed the Henge and couldn't figure why for whatever reason it had intervened and brought them here. A further check of John's vortex manipulator the last time they had rested confirmed it had not burnt out, but its current capability had been reduced to a fancy wrist GPS with a calendar function. It meant getting back to their own time would be problematic but considering their current predicament that was the least of their worries.

"What if we steal a horse?" Owen offered trying to catch his breath.

"Can you ride? I can't? Can you?" John asked each of them in turn.

"This is Anglo Saxon England, not the Wild West, Owen, horses are the equivalent of a 21st century Ferrari." Ianto told him.

"Well it was just a thought," Owen grumped.

"What's with the Rocks?" John asked as he still tried to make sense of what had happened.

"The Standing Stones of Emin," Ianto replied and went on to explain the past year and the project as he finished he saw Owen look uncomfortable.

"There's more," Owen told them not sure how either of them was going to take the information he had to share.

"More?" Ianto asked looking at him.

"It's complicated," Owen advised him.

"Complicated?" Ianto repeated.

"Yeah, it's what we discovered," Owen told them as they approached what looked like wide dirt path.

"We discovered? Why do I have feeling this doesn't include me," Ianto saw the look on Owen's face. "I think you had better start," Ianto told him matter-of-factly wondering what was going to be revealed now.

Owen stared at him began to explain about their discoveries and their effect on Ianto.

"So according to you every time I visited I got pinged by this Aeon power. Were you ever going to tell me?" Ianto asked as Owen completed his explanation and looked uncomfortable.

"Aeon power, who came up with that one?" John snorted.

"Tosh came up with the term when we couldn't identify the energy signature," Owen told him.

"Aeon power," Ianto repeated unfamiliar with the term

"Yeah, power emanating from a supreme being," he tried to explain. "We don't, didn't believe it was a malevolent force , all indications suggested the power was benign …" Owen told them.

"All those stories, the one's about the dreaming dragon," Ianto interrupted understanding.

"What" John exclaimed.

"The stones have some interesting legends stories, events, history, healing children," Ianto tried to explain.

"Legends, stories ,events, history!" John spat out as if they were both mad.

"Why, if it's been helping me all year, why would it bring us here, why would it make things so difficult?" Ianto asked bewildered.

"Ianto I have no idea, this is a force we don't understand or even comprehend," Owen replied honestly.

"I understand enough," John snarled, "this Aeon power or whatever you want to call it has screwed us over and left Ariana and Jack in the worst possible position." He spat on the ground, "I curse it to hell and when I can, I will come back and nothing will remain of The Standing stones of Emin except a large gaping smoldering hole in the ground," he said his voice dripping with venom as he picked up his speed and stalked off.

**Authors Note:

Please note: this is a fictional Anglo Saxon England. At times it will mirror Anglo Saxon England and share some characteristic. However, I have used creative license in creating this time for this story. This includes language, for the sake of this story everyone understands modern English. (The bit about the horses is true however.) All distances are in miles.


	55. Chapter 55

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies

**Chapter 55**

Day One – Late Afternoon.

Ianto sat his back up against a tree, trying to calm his mind. Something was wrong, he should have been able to make some kind of contact, but there was nothing not even in the tiniest sense. He thought it was just tiredness but he knew that was not it. Every moment since they had arrived he had tried to make contact. Every time he failed it just made the sense of wrongness grow.

Where Jack should be there was only emptiness. He paused because it was so difficult to quantify what he was sensing into words. Then he realized that something essential that made Jack who he was gone. He felt a tremor and the ring knew it to and he closed his eyes and reached out again and he took a deep breath. All he could sense was a terrible hollowness where Jack should be. He took the offered water pouch from Owen and took a drink.

"How far have we come?" Owen asked as he saw John fiddle with his wrist strap.

"Fourteen miles," John told him his face long with fatigue.

"Hours to sunset?" Owen asked as he took back the water pouch and took a drink himself.

"Two," John told him.

"Ten more minutes," John said.

"Something's wrong," Ianto said standing and moving over to John. "With Jack."

"Well yeah," Owen said. "That goes without saying, I don't think Gray's gonna hold back is he with the …" he stopped as he saw the look on Ianto's face.

"Try again Ianto, your bond is so new it may just need to attune," John told him. "Jack's not wearing the ring; it might mean we have to get closer."

"You don't understand, regardless of distance I should have a knowing of him, don't ask me how I know this, I just do. I've tried and tried, there nothing there, he's gone," he told him and saw Owen began to say something but John raised his hand.

"Gone like dead?" John asked him and saw him shake his head.

"He's there physically, I know that it's Jack. Who Jack is, is gone." He said getting more frustrated as he tried to explain.

Owen listened as he tried to get a handle on the conversation as Ianto explained further.

"It's like some essential element of who Jack is, is missing. I can't explain it but all I can get is this hollow feeling." He closed his eyes. "It's like his essence has been stripped away," he cursed his own inability to explain.

Taking Ianto's hand Owen examined the ring on his thumb. "I think I get this Ianto, you're somehow bonded to Jack," he said and he saw Ianto nod. "Well that explains the congratulations," he added. "How does this work then, is it telepathic, empathic, can you talk directly to each other is that what you're trying to do?" he asked quickly.

"Sort of empathic, as the relationship grows the rings attune each partner to the other, you have a sort of knowing of each other," Ianto struggled to explain.

John interjected," The rings are old, very old. They belong to some long forgotten culture. No one recalls who they were all that remains of them is the tales of the bonding rings they forged. All sorts of stories exist around what powers those who are fortunate to wear them can access. The point is we don't know their full capability, at best we were hoping we could send a message like 'Now' as we got closer. However their most basic function, from what Jack told me was their ability to connect each bonded partner at all times on some level."

Owen interjected," It's like knowing you have a leg. You don't have to think about your leg at all times it's there as part of you. However if something happened you would instantly know it if was numb or missing," and he saw Ianto nod.

"That's exactly how it feels like I know part of me is missing," Ianto told them relived they now understood.

"However," John continued, "according to the instructions for the rings, to be at their most effective they have to be worn on the left thumb. Because that's not possible right now. Jack has hidden his, in his body," John added, as he saw Owen raise an eyebrow.

"So the effectiveness might be limited because Jack is not wearing his ring as prescribed?" Owen asked as he reflected back what John had told him then added. "So it sounds like you have connected but Jack can't receive and or respond."

"I'm the other half of the bond and I'm telling you there is nothing to connect to." Ianto told him his face creased with concern as he watched Owen stood thinking.

"I think we can guarantee that Jack is being tortured," he said quietly as he paused then looked to them. "I got it. Jack was tortured for a year, the year that never was. When he came back he was in a right state. I was very concerned for him especially when he found you missing," he indicated.

"Later on Martha filled me in on the gory details because she thought Jack might have a breakdown and would need help. I mean he can't go to some shrink and say 'I was held prisoner for a year by as psychotic Time Lord who used my body to take out his anger and sadistic tendencies on. ' She told me he came very close a complete breakdown, the reason he didn't was because he had one thought that kept him sane," he looked at Ianto," coming back to _ You._" He took a deep breath, "Jack doesn't know you came back after the argument to sort things out, he believes he's lost you and as a consequence has lost it. It in this case being himself."

"But I've been trying to tell him that he's not on his own in the dark, that I'm here and I love him," Ianto told him.

"What you're both telling me is that the rings most basic function is to create or enhance an empathic link. That means feelings, not thoughts. So stop trying to send thoughts and send feelings. Right now you need to send him the strongest feeling you have for him and keep sending, because what kept him hanging on during the year that never was, is going to bring him back now," Owen told him as he saw Ianto nod his understanding, close his eyes, and brought the ring to his lips.

Jack lay unmoving his eyes blank, agony his existence ….he blinked; something was different, there was an insistent feeling in his chest. Again his physical discomfort overwhelmed all other considerations and he lost it. Several moments passed and it returned. It was the tiniest ember which grew into the faintest warm glow that spread upwards, downwards, and outwards. He closed his eyes and concentrated. It was so distant, barely perceptible, but it was there, a presence reaching out with a feeling of love. He dismissed this instantly as something not for him. He knew the truth, he was wrong, a freak. The feeling returned stronger and he dismissed it again as a sick fantasy of wish fulfilment. Hours passed or was it seconds he could no longer tell. The feeling was back and no matter how hard he pushed the feeling away it returned stronger each time. Now it was a constant whisper stroking his mind. He was confused; bewildered he only had a single purpose, a vessel for pain. Moments passed then the feeling touched his mind ardently with passion and determination and left him no doubt it was directed solely at him. As this powerful feeling bombarded him he unable to deny it any longer and images filled his mind of the times when he was a man, a man with hope. He broke down, and wept, as his heart responded

Owen caught Ianto as he swayed, tears running down his face. "He's back," Ianto told.

"One hour 30 minutes to sunset let's get moving," John told then both as Owen slapped Ianto on the back.


	56. Chapter 56

Authors Note- I have just passed the 100,000 word mark. As celebration of reaching this mile stone I have posted the next chapter. A huge thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. This is dedicated to the wonderful mi_ladydragon for her unfailing support and excellent beta skills.

**Heart and soul **– Part four – Secrets and Lies – **Chapter 56**

**Day two**

Ianto held the cloth scarf he wore around his neck in front of his nose as he surveyed the ruin in front of them. It had been a three room daub and wattle dwelling, with a thatched straw roof of some kind. It had been the first actual building they had come across. They had strayed from track they had been following and taken off cross country choosing a direct route which meant they missed any dwellings along the way until now.

They had smelt the destruction a long time before they had seen it. It was the sweet cloying smell of death mixed with smoke. The remains of several bodies possibly all members of the same family were inside the cottage. One a young man had tried to make his escape but he had been run down and trampled to death. Another a much older man had been hung over the branch of the nearest tree and his body swayed in the stiff wind.

"I thought this was a time of feudalism, where the peasants were beholden to the lord of the manor who in return protected those on his manor?" Owen queried sadly.

"Who would do this and why?" Ianto asked as he looked around at what looked like a productive small holding.

Owen shook his head as he indicated to Ianto help him lower the body from the tree branch.

"With all due respect, we need to keep moving," John insisted.

"Are you suggesting we just leave him hanging there?" Ianto asked him.

"It's tragic, but they're all dead, and the dead don't care." He stopped as he saw the look of determination on both Owen's and Ianto's faces.

"Well we do, the least we can do is cut down the body, and lay it to rest with the others in the cottage," Ianto told him in disgust

John watched in frustrated annoyance then realized there was no moving them on until this has been done and went to assist them.

"Fucking disgusting," Owen commented as they cleared the second body from the track and laid it alongside the other bodies in the cottage.

"Bleeding hearts," John commented as they kicked in a wall covering the bodies.

"If nothing else they are together and we did the decent thing," Owen told him as he saw John roll his eyes.

Searching around for a source of water to refill their water bladders, Owen came across a small well. A sniff told him it had been fouled and looking down he determined another body lay at the bottom. He returned to the others shaking his head and saw Ianto had found a flat round of blackened burnt bread which he added to John's pack.

"Let's get moving then," Ianto indicated sadly without another word and they took off west once more.

Several hours passed and the sun climbed from late morning to mid- afternoon. Owen wiped his face clear of sweat. Ianto had now stripped down to jeans and tee shirt and had managed to find a way to pack everything in one bundle. Unlike himself who looked like some mad gypsy on wash day with articles tucked to his belt and pack as he has stripped off. The going was not rough, mostly part moor land interspersed with tree filled valleys. They had followed a mixture of rough tracks and open grass land cutting across country keeping west at all times.

In un-typical fashion for this part of the country the weather was excellent. It was an early autumn day without a cloud in the sky and if you ignored the stiff breeze it was almost perfect. They had come across several other minor dwellings and structures but had skirted by them, keeping out of sight as best they could. To their relief none appeared to have suffered the fate of the earlier one. What was a surprise was the absence of people it was clear from the heavily laden fields that this was the time of harvest yet they had not met a single a soul. The only face they did see startled in terror and ran off.

He looked at Ianto's back and something registered, "Ianto you're limping are you ok?" Owen asked him.

"I'm fine," Ianto replied not looking back as he continued to stride ahead.

Owen continued to observe and noted they were coming up to a small track that cut across a stream it had been at least an hour since they had last stopped to rest. "John," he called ahead to John who turned nodded and after looking at his wrist strap indicated they should stop.

They made their way to the stream and dumped their packs on the bank under several trees. Taking the scarf from around his neck Ianto dipped it in the water and wiped his face. Wetting the cloth again he tied it around his neck.

Returning to his pack he took out the remaining bread and small pieces of cheese from his pack and shared it equally amongst them. Owen took the time to fill up their water bladders from the clear water in the steam. Ianto sat down his head on his knees but took the water bladder when offered and took a deep drink.

"Is the last of the bread?" John asked.

"Yep, except for the burnt loaf," Ianto told him not looking up.

"How many miles?" Ianto asked him.

"To go or how far we've come?" John asked him

"Both," Ianto and Owen replied together.

"19 today yesterday 18 total 37 miles," he told them. "Approx. 69 to go." "There's still several hours of daylight left we can burn up a few more miles."

'That means if we can average 23 miles a day we should make it," Ianto commented quietly conserving his strength.

"Reality check," Owen interjected as he saw John and Ianto looking at him, "From now on our energy is going to wane, so far we've been running on adrenaline. We've pushed ourselves to the limit and we're running out of food and the weather's been good. We're beginning to suffer dehydration and I bet the two of you have as bad a headache as I have."

"So what are you suggesting Owen?" Ianto asked him

"We need to buy and or exchange something for food because to keep going we need calories, as higher an intake as we can manage, fat and carbohydrates should do it ," he saw them both nod in agreement and start to rise.

"Ianto feet," he ordered before Ianto could stand.

"No, Owen," Ianto told him.

"I need to see them, I know you're in pain because I've been walking behind you for hours, now get them boots off," he told him his tone leaving him in no doubt to his order.

"I can cope," Ianto advised "And we are wasting time we have to keep moving Jack…" he told him, "we must keep moving," he said with urgency.

'This is from the man who wanted to waste time to bury the dead?" John added sarcastically.

"It was the right thing to do, "Ianto told him sternly.

"Ianto we will lose time if you can't keep up," Owen told him bluntly ignoring John's comment.

"I will crawl there if I have to Owen," Ianto told him categorically, but then saw the stubborn look on Owen's face and John's crossed arms and knew he had lost the argument.

Moving with extreme reluctance Ianto removed his boots then peeled off his right sock. Owen let out an expletive as he saw the heel of his right foot rubbed bloody and raw. He pulled over his pack he took out his medical kit.

Ianto sat stoically as Owen worked cleaned up the wound and applied some cream.

"How is Jack doing?" Owen asked quietly as he worked.

Ianto closed his eyes for several moments as they saw the blood drain from his face. "Not good," he told them.

"Look there is something you should know about Jack," Owen began to explain.

"It's ok, I know that he can't die, I mean he can die he doesn't stay dead, John told me," Ianto said to the shocked look on his face, "and the rings have given me a kind of knowing, so even if he hadn't told me I would have figured it out by now anyway…," he stopped himself not wanting to share the true cost of each death Jack experienced and the scars it left on his being as he now understood it.

"So why all those bloody conversations of don't tell me any of Jacks secrets, we had?" Owen asked him.

"We didn't know if Gray could monitor any of conversations in the Hub and I could only block so many in case he was and got suspicious we were up to something," John replied.

"Like a double blind, double cross," Owen added shaking his head.

"Yeah something like that," John replied as Owen indicated to Ianto to hold a wound pad on his heel while he fixed it into place.

"And if he was listening and thought I was being all stubborn not wanting to know, then it was a small advantage we had because it was something we could possibly use," Ianto shrugged as he told him.

"This is one dangerous game you're both playing," Owen told them both.

"This is no game Owen, two people's lives are at stake: Ariana and Jack's," Ianto interjected angrily, "Jack might not be able to die, but he is in terrible shape mentally. You should know they've dragged him out again and have given him another beating and from the sensation it was his hands this time. Right now he's curled up into himself and there's a lot of darkness in his mind. I can feel he's hanging on by a thread , he's trying with all his strength to hold on, but he's slipping away."

"Was that when I saw you stagger?" Owen asked him as he worked.

"Yeah," Ianto replied as he flexed his hands, "I didn't feel the pain but the sensation was horrible, best way I can describe it would be soul shock," he tried to explain as he began to pull his right sock carefully over his heel so as not to dislodge the pad.

"You're ok with all this? " he asked curiously trying to recover from the knowledge that Ianto knew Jack's big secret as he packed away his kit.

Ianto eased his boot back on, "Jack can't die Owen, but he's had no life. He's had no one to care or really give a damn about him beyond work for a long time. The bottom line is I sense Jack's been a member of the living dead for decades and he's been just going through the motions, not that he has much choice as he. So you tell me if that's living?" Ianto stood easing his foot inside the boot.

"But Jack can never grow old; I mean have you thought about the implications?" Owen asked him concerned Ianto did not fully understand.

"When I found out, I had to do some serious thinking and then I realized that life only exists in the now and the purpose of life is to live. So if Jack and I can live in the now giving of each other fully in each moment then that's all I ask. And when I die Jack will carry with him the knowledge that he was loved unconditionally, just the way he is. Because of that he will live a better life and continue to make the most of every moment, so his existence will be life affirming. " He stopped realizing how much he had said.

John looked at him in a new light, "Jack is a very lucky man," he said wistfully as he watched Ianto pick up his pack.

"Well what I want is a life for and with Jack and with every passing moment that life is slipping away," Ianto told them both.

"Wow that is some insight," Owen commented as they began to stride out.

"Yeah the rings are mind blowing and I have a feeling they are just warming up," Ianto admitted honestly as Owen set back into his walking pace behind Ianto noting his walking had eased.

Stepping in beside him Owen went over the conversation, and he recognized there had been fundamental change in Ianto.' Yes' he told himself 'Ianto could be still be reticent about himself, but when it came to Jack, he was an unstoppable force.' Owen had never known a previous time when Ianto had spoken so forcefully on any subject.

He wasn't sure if this was the effect of the rings or the Henge but found his friendship had deepened and he looked in admiration at the man who had forged himself out of his tragic history. Or maybe he concluded this was who Ianto always was and he was only seeing it now. For a fleeting moment he felt sorry for Gray, and wondered if he had any idea of the force that was marching towards him God help Gray, he thought God help any who had hurt Jack when Ianto got his hands on them.


	57. Chapter 57

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies –Chapter 57

**Day Three **

**Morning**

A fine rain fell soaking all three of them as they stood at a crossroads. There was no sign but one of the tracks that led to the left was deeply rutted tracks and indicated heavy use. So far they had not seen or come across any type of dwelling where they could barter or buy provisions from. Towards early evening the day before, they had come across a very crude hut with the remains of a half-eaten meal laid out. It was a meager meal of flat dark bread with a large pot of some kind of cold thick pea soup. They had had a small debate and decided as hungry as they were didn't want to deprive who ever this supper was for. As a consequence they had taken only a small bite each of the bread and eaten about half the contents of the pot, leaving several small coins as a thank you.

Now it was morning. They had walked several miles and knew if they wanted to keep up their killer pace, they needed to eat There was no argument or discussion as they took the more deeply rutted track in the hope it would lead to a small holding or village,

The rain eased as each one behind the other they moved forward trying to keep out of the mud and puddles that made up the track. An hour later they saw their first fields, and followed the hedge row lined track as it widened into grassy paddock, when they heard a high pitched scream of terror.

Racing ahead, they saw a small arrangement of buildings which looked like a small holding of some kind. A man sat on horseback, while another was dragging a terrified girl from the main dwelling. From her age she looked to be about twelve and was writhing in his grasp screaming. The occupants of the dwelling were huddled around each other with an older man pleading with the man on horseback. Without warning the man on horseback drew his sword and thrust into his chest. The man staggered and then collapsed to the ground. As he sank to the ground the older woman threw herself on his body screaming adding to the scene of chaos. Another man on horseback now came into view and began to crowd the group of terrified peasants back into the cottage. Another stood by carrying a torch stood ready to set the thatch alight.

From their dress it was clear the riders were a class above the farmers. Each was in a shift covered with a cape fastened at the front with a large brooch. Each of the three men wore helmets and all carried swords.

Owen and John looked at each other but before they could act they found themselves confronted by several men who pulled them down and stifled any protest. Ianto who was just ahead of them horrified at the scene he was witnessing, shucked of his pack and ran forward. He was entirely unsure what he was going to do but knew he was not about to see a twelve year old dragged off and raped and people burnt to death before his eyes.

Ianto screamed at them to draw their attention and several of the occupants took the opportunity to escape taking off in every direction leaving the old woman who remained on the body of the fallen man and young girl who still screaming and struggling against the man who held her.

"Fuck wits, leave her alone you bastards!" he screamed at them. The man holding the girl grunted as she bit into his hand he let his grip slip momentarily and she scurried away.

Roaring with frustration at the girl's escape the man on horseback goaded his horse into a full gallop directly aimed towards Ianto. Gripping his quarter staff with both hands Ianto stood his ground as he held his breath. All he could see was the horse bearing down on him the vibrations as it thundered towards him. Just before the horse reached him he stepped aside and he swung his staff and hit the horse full in the mouth. He felt it connect with bone and saw blood fly. The horse staggered sideways and came to a stop unseating the rider who flew forward onto the ground cursing.

Another horse he had not seen brushed up against him and he felt himself roughly snatched. He was held awkwardly and his feet dragged along the ground. For a few terrifying seconds he thought he was going to be thrown under the hooves but before he could react he was thrown on the ground next to the fallen man. He landed roughly on all fours with a thump which knocked all the breath out of him. The unseated rider now joined the group and pulled him up by the hair and slapped him across the face with the back of his hand. The force of the slap sent him reeling backwards and he saw stars dazed he had little time to react as another arm grabbed him around the neck forcing him back on to his knees.

"Well men," the man in a red cape shouted out, "We lose a fuck, but gain gold," as he greedily examined the thick gold ring on Ianto's left thumb. Ianto struggled against them but found himself held. He grunted with pain as their efforts to remove it nearly dislocated his thumb. But no matter how hard they tried the ring remained firmly lodged between his first knuckle and his hand.

The unseated rider whose face was scarred with deep pits marring his good looks drew a wicked looking dagger and moved menacingly towards Ianto.

"Give us the ring or we will cut off your hand," he growled at him.

"Fuck you," Ianto said spitting in his direction.

"Hold out his hand," he demanded. Ianto struggled as three men now restrained him and another pulled his arm out straight exposing his wrist. His eyes widened as he saw the blade rise then he screwed his eyes shut and braced himself against the coming pain. Instead of pain he heard a full thwack beside him and he opened his eyes to see an arrow sticking out of the chest of the man holding him. The man coughed blood then fell forward as another arrow joined the first. A another blink later and he felt a whisper of disturbed air as a furious flurry of arrows flashed passed and hit each of the other riders with deadly accuracy.

He blinked again and saw the scarred man now on his knees his hands behind his neck as wiry man holding a stretched out bow filled with an arrow pointed directly at his eye.

Stunned at the speed of events he placed both hands behind his head in a submissive pose. He watched as Owen and John were dragged forward and pushed to the ground beside him. They struggled to their knees to find themselves facing several ragged men with drawn bows. A few moments later their packs along with his staff were dumped alongside them.

A solid built man now entered and from his dress and bearing it is clear he was someone of importance. His very presence commanded respect and all the bowman in the room straighten unconsciously as he viewed the scene. He looked around at the four men on their knees and he spat with some forced towards the scarred man.

"I see Anlaf has you doing work of honour in his name," he snarled at him.

"You will call my Earl by his rightful name," he said snarled with force.

"Oh we have names for Anlaf but Earl is not one of them," he said and he heard the men around him chuckle as he indicated the scarred man be bound. Several ragged men fell upon him began to bind him with great vigor and force.

"It least I am not hiding like some outlaw with a rabble of peasants, villains, and cowards," the scarred man grunted out as he was being manhandled.

He put his foot on the prone man's neck. "Ablendan Bandwof be careful of who you insult, for today my peasants, villains, and cowards out matched you."

"Sir Brice what are your orders?" One of the bowman asked as he approached and snapped to attention.

"For now he comes with us," he ordered as the man was forced to his feet and dragged off.

He put his hand on the man's arm beside him as he noted the look of distress on the bowman's face. "I do not forget Deman. He will suffer our justice, for his crimes, but right now we need him alive," he said as he saw the man nod perceptibly then snap to attention and leave.

He turned and the older woman fell on her knees and kissed his hand.

"Oh Sire, forgive us we did not heed your words, it is harvest and if we don't get the crops in it will be a bleak winter," she sobbed.

"Stand woman this is no time for thanks as we must melt away into the forest, gather your things and join the others," he told her. "We will come back and harvest on the first full moon but for now you must join with the others in hiding," he nodded to a couple of the bowman to assist her as she nodded her relief.

As she left he now turned to the three strange men on their knees hands behind their heads. "And now we come to you three. Strangers, who have been travelling across this county, doing strange inexplicable deeds, explain yourselves!" he commanded.

He continued as he saw the startled looks that passed between each of them. "The times are perilous we have watchers and runners who report every occurrence, you have been followed since you left the strange stones of Emin," he told them.

"We travel to Castle Godwin," Ianto began and saw several of the bow man draw their bows. "A man of importance to me is being held captive by his brother Gray and we seek to rescue him," Ianto said speaking quickly.

"My sister is also held and we are also hoping secure her release," John added and he saw a look of surprise on the man's face.

"You are brother to the sweet Lady Ariana?" he asked as he saw John nod.

"I am a Doctor travelling with them in case I'm needed," Owen added finally.

The man started at them for a long moment not sure what to make of this strange trio dressed in such a mix of familiar and the odd, and who spoke with such a strange accent.

"Why did you cut down the body of Alfred farmer and place him and his son in the remains of their dwelling? " He asked them.

Ianto took a breath and replied, "We were shocked at what we saw and as there was nothing we could do to help, we thought the least we could do was make sure they were all together." He saw the look of confusion so added, "It was the right thing to do."

"Explain why you left coins enough for a king's banquet, then left the remains of the meal you clearly paid for uneaten?" he asked of them.

Owen replied this time. "We didn't want to steal the person's supper so we took only what we needed. We had no idea to the true value of the coins, so we left what we thought was a reasonable sum."

The regal man stood thinking as he scrutinised the as he pulled his upper lip then indicated they stand.

"I tell you true I am not sure what to make of you, but your deeds indicate you are here with good intentions. I am Rodderick Brice captain of the guard at Castle Godwin and supporter of good son Eadwulf Godwin the true Earl," he held his hand out to John assisting him to stand.

"You are most welcome Sir John, I have long admired your sister, and as unworthy of her attention as I am, she has returned my favours to her in most kind manner. I carry her token with me and I have pledged myself to her release," he bowed his head towards John.

He now turned to Ianto. "I apologize for my words as your acts deem you to be a courageous man, but these are difficult times and we trust no one. You are clearly not a man of war and yet you stood and faced a full knight bearing down on you and managed to unseat him please tell me your title," he requested.

"I am Ianto Jones, librarian," he replied then seeing the look on confusion on Rodderick's face he added, "I look after books. "

"Surely books have not become so dangerous one needs to know such skills to care for them," Rodderick told him as he looked at him curiously not sure why this man was being so modest.

"And you kind sir are a Doctor, if so we are in much need of your services as we have many wounded, would you aid us with your skills?" he asked forthrightly.

John interrupted. "Sir we are on a quest and must reach Castle Godwin by sunset in two and a half days' time, Ariana's life depends on us keeping that appointment," he told him

Rodderick looked at him seriously and was about to speak, when he heard a shout and a whistle.

"We are discovered, we must in haste escape for we are in no position for a pitched battle," he declared, indicating to his men, to leave.

He looked at the three men, "Come, we must hurry if you remain here you will be killed, Anlaf Godwin has an army of mercenary Germanics and they are headed this way, COME!" he commanded leaving them in no doubt they should follow.


	58. Chapter 58

Heart and Soul – Part four Secrets and Lies.

**Chapter 58**

Day Three -Early Evening

Ianto tore a hunk of bread as a large circular flat loaf was passed around the eight men sitting around a small fire deep in forest. He was beyond hunger, the last meal they had eaten was the evening before and that had not been much more that a bite. He found a large blackened pot in front of him. A small crude wooden bowl was pushed into his hand and he scooped up a helping of what looked like some kind of thick porridge. It was getting dark so it was hard to tell exactly what it was but at this point he was so hungry he would have eaten the pot if it had been edible.

They had finally stopped late in the evening after a seemingly endless track. The bowmen had no problem with running almost the entire distance and had it not been for the horses Ianto knew they would never have made it. The speed of the travel meant they were now many miles closer to their goal than they would have been otherwise. But the trek had been fraught with difficulty and it felt like they were only just one step ahead of their pursers the whole day. It had only been in the last hour or so it had become evident they had lost them.

He dipped the bread into the bowl then took a bite, he could not make out the strong flavour but it was hot and filling and he felt his belly warm. He shifted trying to get comfortable on the hard log. He had never ridden on a horse and he was sore and the inside of his legs were raw. He squirmed and he reminded himself to ask Owen for some cream.

He scoffed down the bread along with the porridge and looked across the fire to see Captain Rodderick was in deep conversation with several others just out of fire light along with his prisoner who sat slumped tied against a tree.

"What have we been caught up in?" Owen asked John after he had taken a few bites of his supper.

After paying attention to his own helping John replied, "It's nasty; this is a time when possession is everything. Anlaf Godwin is the youngest son of the late Earl. His older brother Eadwulf Godwin was meant become the next earl, which everyone agreed would be good thing considering Anlaf's reputation. However when Eadwulf was away his father died suddenly. Anlaf took the opportunity to take over and locked his brother out, literally. It might have sorted itself out but then Gray turned up around the time the Earl died, and Anlaf suddenly had a lot more gold and hired a bunch of mercenary Germanics as his private army. They've been terrorising the locals, keeping them in line ever since."

"And Captain Rodderick; how does he fit in to all this?" Owen asked

"Oh he's the good guy. He's Eadwulf Godwin's right hand man; problem is he's losing. He's been trying to set up resistance, help when he can, and fight back. He's done just about everything right and is as well organised as he can be. However he can only call on the locals but they're caught between a rock and hard place, any dissent and you see what happens. It's only a matter of time before he's killed or captured."

"Where's Eadwulf Godwin in all this? Shouldn't he be here?" Ianto asked joining the conversation.

"He's away trying to rally support, but without the resources of the earldom he's basically penniless. To make matters worse Anlaf is holed up in Castle Godwin. Castles in this time are damn nigh impregnable. There is only one way to get him is to starve him out, right now he has enough food to last years. With his private army he can take whatever he wants whenever he wants it."

"But doesn't he have to pay the King taxes and that sort of thing, won't the king intervene at some point if he doesn't get his dues?" Owen asked.

"If I recall correctly at this time the king has his own problems trying to keep the bigger barons in check, who are almost as powerful as he is. Along with the threat of invasion by the Danes. So as long as the gold keeps coming, he probably doesn't care who it's from," Ianto added.

'And him?" Owen asked pointing to the scarred man tied to the tree.

"Ablendan Bandwof?" John asked looking in his direction. "He leader of Anlaf's private army and he's been untouchable until today. From what Rodderick's got planned for him his days are seriously numbered. He's had a hand in every rape, murder and atrocity since Anlaf took over. If I had any personal feelings on the matter I might even do him myself just for the sheer pleasure of it. But considering the grief he's caused I would rather the locals get their hands on him and see real justice done."

"Sounds a bloody mess," Owen commented as he chewed.

"Sounds horrible," Ianto agreed.

"Personally I don't give a damn, I have no interest in local politics and as soon as we've got Ariana and Jack out I never want to see this god forsaken hole again, they can all go to hell for all I care. Now if you will excuse me I need to err, um," John added standing as he moved away from the fire and walked off in the direction of the darkness.

Several moments passed as Owen took another helping from the pot. "How the hell did you learn to do that thing with a horse?" he asked Ianto who also helped himself to a second helping of porridge.

"I've read lot of Sharpe books," he replied paying attention to his food.

"You got that from a book?" Owen queried.

"You know Bernard Cornwell's; Sharpe series: Sharpe's Eagle, Sharpe's Rifles..." he stopped as he saw the look of confusion on Owen's face. "Well anyway according to Sharpe the way to deal with a charging horse is not to go for the rider but to hit the horse in the mouth," he explained.

"Why didn't you just shoot it?" Owen asked him

Ianto look sheepish, "Err I kinda forgot, it all happened so fast and I just reacted," he told him.

"You reacted by punching a horse in the mouth!" Owen retorted.

"Worked didn't it?" Ianto replied

"Yeah just before they dragged you off," Owen told him seriously.

"It seemed a good idea at the time," he replied wiping his finger around the bowl to capture the last morsel.

"Running towards a gang of heavily armed horseman calling them fuckwits. Yeah I can see how that worked," Owen said sarcastically.

Ianto was about to reply when out of the darkness a wildly dress man charged towards him brandishing an axe and screaming. He blinked as his tired brain tried to make sense then he realised the whole camp was overrun with shouts and cries of agony as desperate pockets of fighting broke out.

He stood and saw the man was lunging towards him, an axe aimed at his shoulder. Stepping aside he threw himself at the man grasping him around the waist in an attempt to unbalance him. The wild man was twice his size and he found instead the momentum slammed him onto his back. Frantically he scrambled to his feet as he warded off blows and he tried to grab the axe but found it was too slick. He brought his arms up again to fend the blows punching down on his face. He attempted to reach for his gun but the blows were so furious he knew he couldn't reach it and stay alive at the same time.

The world filled with light and pain as the night sky was filled with a blinding flash followed instantaneously by a shockwave which travelled through his body stunning him. He screamed as another blinding flash and wave of sound ripped apart the air around him.

Blinking in shock he lay disorientated, and numb, his ears ringing. He tried to move but found it impossible because he was pinned down by some heavy object making it difficult to breathe. He willed himself to move but found he was only capable of tiny movements. Time appeared to have slowed as he tried to make sense of how and why he was lying on sodden ground with a body on top of him and the head of a large axe buried in the ground right next to right ear.

There was a change as he recognised that the silence was now filled with what his befuddled brain told him was gun shots. As he listened they moved ever closer. He tried to get his body to move even arguing with it but it was impossible. He heard a sharp crack and the body pinning him jerked suddenly and began twitching in a horrible fashion. Several more shots rang out accompanied with moaning, pleading splutters and sick wet gurgling noises.

How long he lay there he was unsure as time appeared to have taken on a strange quality. He tried to call up the strength to move, when the body pinning him was gone and he looked up to see Owen, whose ears were bleeding holding out his hand so he reached out and pulled himself up.

"Percussion grenade," he croaked in explanation. "Two," he added holding his fingers up in case Ianto's hearing was affected as his was. After a quick survey to ensure Ianto was not injured he turned to see if he could help any of the surviving bowmen.

As Ianto stood he found himself in a scene that could have come straight out of hell. Firstly the area was flooded with light; from a source he didn't fully understand making it look surreal. Secondly as he looked around he noted a number of unconscious bodies in various unnatural poses scattered across the small campsite all dressed in a strange mixture of clothing he didn't recognise. As his thinking cleared he recognised them as their attackers. He looked at the body by his feet and it had a single gunshot to the back of the head. He swallowed bile as he understood the implications of the shots he had heard earlier and realisation that the prone bodies were not unconscious they were dead.

He looked across and saw two of the wild men huddled together on their knees, as John dragged a young adolescent to join them.

John stepped back from the cowered men who were looking at him in abject terror as if he was a very demon from hell. He began to speak with a deadly calm while he checked, and adjusted then reloaded is weapon.

"As an ex-time agent I normally don't get involved in local politics. It's not that I give a damn about screwing with time lines, it's just comes under my 'I don't give a fuck'rule', he told them a grim bitter look distorting his face.

His speech was interrupted as one of the huddled wild men jumped to his feet and started running towards the dark in a desperate attempt to escape. Glancing briefly in his direction, John aimed his weapon and shot him square in the back and he fell to the ground in a sickening heap.

"But in this case I am going to make an exception. I'm tired, hungry, dirty, I've had to deal with malevolent rocks. I've been spat at, chased, my feet are sore from walking across this god forsaken landscape, I'm worried sick about two of three people in the universe I ever gave a damn about and I can't even take a piss up against a tree in peace," he said as he grabbed the last remaining wild man by his long hair and dragged forward on his knees.

The man struggled with all his might but he was clearly still weak from the effects of the grenade and he put his hands up in a submissive gesture and began to gabber incomprehensively as John jammed the muzzle of his gun to the back of the man's head.

"John don't do it," Ianto said his voice cracked as he moved forward desperate to intervene.

"They're vermin Ianto, they would have killed us with no more thought than they would a cockroach," John snarled at him.

"It's one thing to kill in self-defense but this is wrong," Owen added his voice shocked at the speed of events and John's actions.

"Oh this is self-defense…, proactive self –defense," John shouted at them.

"You can't just kill people in cold blood," Ianto argued and he saw Rodderick and the recovering bowmen look between the strangers in bewilderment as they argued.

"This is not in cold blood," he snarled at Owen who stepped backed instinctually as he saw rage flash across John's eyes.

"There has to be another way," Ianto argued. "John you're better than this," he told him.

"I'm a doctor for god sake. I heal people I can't stand by and let you just execute them!" Owen pleaded as he now added his own voice.

"You saw the farm; you've seen what they've been doing. They don't deserve your pity or your mercy. Any pity you feel should be directed towards their victims," he pointed his gun in the direction of the bowmen, "I bet every one of them has lost a family member or had to witness some nightmare travesty caused by them." He spat towards a dead body then wiped his mouth." If the pair of you don't have the stomach to witness what must be done then you should turn away now," John told them hissing the words through his teeth.

He pulled his attention back to the man he held by the hair. The man writhed in his grip as he lifted his gun; when the body lurched backwards as a deadly flurry of arrows hit the man in the chest and throat. Ianto and Owen startled as they saw the surviving bowmen walking forwards as they reloaded their bows and fired again.

John grabbed hold of the boy and dragged him on his hands and knees next to Ablendan Bandwof who was still tied to the tree. "Ablendan Bandwof, "he pressed the gun viciously against his forehead as the man looked defiantly into his eyes, "pray to whatever god you believe in," he said as he pulled the trigger

Turning he pulled the boy roughly to his feet. "No!" Ianto and Owen shouted almost simultaneously moving towards him.

"That enough, he's only a boy," Owen argued. John looked at them in disgust then turned back to the boy.

"You any good at running?" He asked the boy who was shaking in fear.

"I -said-are- you- any- good- at- running?" he shouted at him.

"Yes," the boy stammered in a thick accent.

"I have a message for you to deliver," he pointed him in the direction of the Castle.

"About 17 miles from here is a castle. You run and keep running, and you tell your boss Anlaf that John Hart is on his way. You tell him I'm coming and I am bringing all hell along with me," he shook the boy. "Got it?" he snarled as the boy desperately nodded his understanding. "Then Run – RUN!" he shouted as the boy took off.

Ianto watched the boy race into the forest. He sank on the ground and put his head between his knees.

"Who are you?" Rodderick Brice, Captain of the Guard, asked John as he viewed the carnage.

"Anlaf Godwin's worst nightmare," John replied taking him by the elbow and leading him aside


	59. Chapter 59

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lie

**Chapter 59**

Day Four. Early Morning.

Day four began badly for Ianto. Sleep had been nigh impossible considering the blood bath the night before as images kept replaying over and over in his head. Compounding this was Jack's continued misery, he had finally fallen asleep fitfully just before first light. He had awoken stiff, sore, and aching, and from the sharp pain as he breathed, he thought he might have a cracked rib.

On examination Owen declared he was badly bruised from the fight the night before and other than a part of his ear lobe missing, he had no serious injury. It stung as Owen cleaned him up. He then handed over some cream for the raw patches caused by the ride the day before. His headache Owen declared was the result of the grenades which were designed to completely incapacitate. All he could offer was pain killers which Ianto gratefully accepted.

Looking around he saw the bowmen were also looking worse for wear after the nights' activates but were clearly restless to get moving. He accepted a large hunk of stale bread and a bowl of liquid which turned out to be ale of some kind. As he attempted to eat the hard bread when he looked up and saw a couple of the bowmen who were watching burst into laughter then mimicked dipping the bread in the ale to soften it. Smiling shyly at them he followed suit.

As they ate John had led Rodderick aside and spent a considerable time in discussion with him. Ianto was not sure what was being discussed but the look on Rodderick's face lightened as he listened intently. As the discussion ended Rodderick summoned several bowmen to him who took off at great speed.

Rodderick viewed the behavior of the strangers as he joined and shared the same common breakfast as his bowmen. One was a skilled healer and several of the most injured had reported that his ministrations had been gentle and of great assistance. None of the wounds were festering as they might. His most injured, had been cleaved along the length of his leg in a way to suggest he could lose his leg and become a cripple, or worse his life; and yet it would appear neither fate would be visited upon the man.

The other was a young man who appeared reckless but whose courage was beyond measure. Stranger still he claimed he had taken all his learning from books. He glanced across at John; never had a being ever filled him with such fear or anticipation. On the one hand he knew of him as the brother of the lady Ariana. On the other he carried concealed on his body the most terrifying weapons. They were so far removed from anything he had seen that they could be considered magical, but he didn't believe in such nonsense. He knew a weapon when he saw it, it may fire lumps of metal, but did a bow not do the same. The explosion and its effects were more problematic; he had nothing to compare it against. What was so difficult to comprehend was why if they were carrying such weapons they had not used them until there was no choice. It was conundrum to be sure, but their reluctance to deploy such fire power allowed him to trust them in a way he would not done otherwise.

He dismissed his men's talk that the three were demons of some kind. They ate, pissed, and had been injured so they were clearly men, but never had such men appeared to be so removed from the land they walked upon. On one hand they had skills and weapons that were beyond anything he had ever seen or experienced and yet they did not know how to dip stale bread in ale to make it edible. From their questions which were many, all centered around their everyday lives and their answers were met with fascination as if they had found themselves in some strange new land.

He sat back as he reviewed his conversation with John, how his hope had soared. After months of running skirmishes and desperation he was being offered a resolution to all their difficulties. He would be a fool to turn such an offer down; John had explained he had a personal grievance with one of the Castle's occupants; Lord Gray who held a man of significance to himself and the pale young man along with his sister. He knew about the Lady Ariana and John had told him they come here to rescue them both. The rescue of the Lady Ariana was something he had pledged himself to, and felt privileged for the opportunity to do so. He took a deep breath as handed back his bowl and stood, indicating they should now leave, there were so many unanswered questions, and it was a puzzle to be sure and one he fancied he would not solve this day.

**Day Four -Mid to late afternoon.**

The trek continued on foot in silence as Ianto used all his energy to put one foot in front of the other. He noted their travel was interrupted with short breaks as others joined and left to report to Rodderick then left with an excited air. He had to admit he didn't take much notice, all his focus was on Jack's deteriorating situation as the torture intensified. To make matters worse the torture, was causing Jack to relive some of his worse moments at the hand of the Master. He shuddered at the sheer cruelty and inventiveness of his torture of Jack. But the worst the very worst which Jack kept coming back to in an almost continual loop was himself being dragged before Jack being tortured and killed. Apparently the Torchwood team had led some kind of resistance and he had been captured. It was like Jack's very soul was ripped apart as Jack had watched his suffering and death. It took every ounce of energy he had to keep Jack here as he fixated obsessively on this one event.

Reeling as another round of torture began he could feel himself coming to the end of strength as Owen joined him and helped him along. He refused the offer of a horse preferring to walk because the rhythm of walking helped him keep his focus. He argued if Jack could endure he certainly could.

It was late afternoon, when he staggered into a large clearing in a wood to find a sizable encampment. He looked around and found it was filled with organized bustle combined with an air of excitement. From a brief head count there appeared to be around over a hundred men with bows and pikes. As he watched several more heavily armed men arrived and with even more coming up behind.

"What is going on?" he asked speaking for the first time as John Hart joined him.

"I'm organizing a surprise violent redistribution of power," he told him bluntly.

"Jack! " Ianto cried out startling him.

"Ianto" John called out as he saw him fall onto the ground trying to protect himself from unseen blows.

"John, I think they got your message," he managed to gasp out as he now felt the sheer savagery of the beating increased.

Owen watched in horror as Ianto thrashed around on the ground attempting to protect himself. Knowing he was mirroring the horror Jack was experiencing he fought to control his emotions as Ianto reacted to each blow with a grunt moan or cry. "God almighty, how long does it take to beat a man to death?" Owen cried out not sure how much more he could take of Ianto's and Jack's suffering as he looked up briefly and saw John similarly affected.

Screaming out, blackness overtook him_, Ianto found himself in a wide expanse of nothing, darkness would have been something, but there was nothing, no sound, touch, sight, or smell just non- existence that travelled in every direction into infinity. It took him a moment to figure exactly where he was and the answer came to him, Jack had died and somehow he had been pulled here. "Was the afterlife then?' he thought._

_If he had been pulled into the afterlife and Jack was dead then maybe he was here as well he reasoned. A movement caught his eyes he found himself alongside Jack and he threw his arms around him. Jack stiffened and he knew his worst fears for Jack had been realized. He pulled back to see the blank look on his face as understanding flowed through him and he knew why he was here. _

"_Listen Jack this is very important, you need to put your ring on, when you get back you must, must put on the ring," Ianto told him urgently not sure how much time he had before Jack revived._

_He saw Jack look in bemusement at him not sure what he was talking about._

_He held up his hand to show him the ring on his thumb as he saw a look of confusion on Jack's face._

"_I can bring you back, but you must put on the ring, we've been keeping you here, me and the rings, but the last beating took you over the edge," he struggled to explain, "the ring in your body has preserved a part of you, within its matrix."_

_Jack interrupted. "Am I lost?" he asked._

"_Yes Jack you are lost, an important part of you is lost," he lifted Jack's chin as he looked at his crotch. "Concentrate," he told him trying to get him to understand._

"_Oh I was thinking about an important part of myself being lost, and I thought I might know where to find it," he replied._

_Ianto took his hands and looked into his eyes and sighed and rested his forehead against Jack's._

"_I understand how important that part of you is..." he started to explain but stopped when he saw the skeptical look on Jack's face as if he couldn't possibly understand. "Trust me I know. It's as important to me as it is you," Ianto said as he saw the look of interest on his face grow._

"_Ohhh, so have you and I?" Jack asked thinking sex with this delicious creature was something he would really like to do and by the sounds of it they had already done so._

"_Made love, oh yeah," Ianto replied wistfully biting his bottom lip._

"_How come I don't remember, you're so, so kissable, I am sure I would remember you?" Jack asked then looked puzzled thinking this was possibly the most lovable person he had ever seen. As he thought deeply, trying to make sense of the conversation he realized he couldn't recall his own name._

"_Who am I?" he burst out _

"_You're Jack, My Jack, please listen concentrate," Ianto tried to explain as Jack tried to understand, he felt the rightness of his name but somewhere in the back of mind he felt there was another name but he couldn't recall that one either._

"_I bet you look good in a suit," Jack said as looked at the man again wide eyed as he mulled over the words,' my Jack" and he felt a thrill as he realized he might actually belong to someone, this one. He had been so lonely for so long he felt a tug at his heart that this wonderful being might love him. He looked in wonder and surprise not sure what he could have ever done to gain the regard of this handsome pale serious young man._

"_Jack I look bloody fabulous in a suit when you allow me to keep it on, that is" he told him. He realized this was going nowhere. He was feeling more and more desperate and he did the only thing he could think that might work and he pulled Jack towards him and kissed him. _ _He kissed him with all the passion and desperate yearning of their first kiss. _

_He drew back as he saw a look of recognition beginning to grow on Jack's face and he kissed him again._

"_Ianto," Jack said as their lips parted and a deeper awareness came to him, this was his Ianto._

"_Yes Ianto, your Ianto," Ianto repeated as he pulled up Jacks hand, "Listen when you get back, you must put on the ring, kiss it then place it here" he indicated to the nail on his left thumb. _

"_My Ianto, if I do this will you promise me another kiss like that?" Jack asked his voice full of longing_

"_I promise a life time of kisses and I'll even wear a suit," Ianto told him brushing his lips against Jack's._

"_A life time of kisses I like that," Jack repeated softly looking into his eyes realizing this was a solemn vow as well as a promise._

"_The ring Jack, you must put on the ring," Ianto shouted at him as he felt himself being pulled back. "PUT ON THE RING," he shouted. _

Suddenly Ianto felt himself returning and he sat up gasping taking a huge breath.

"God Almighty," Owen exclaimed "Are you ok?"

"The bond's broken, Jack's lost" He said as he broke down inconsolable.

Moving him with care, John and Owen lifted him to a secluded area away from the main group. Owen was a loss on how to help; he was distressed to see his stoic friend who was normally so reticent in such distress. He looked at John who was equally at a loss. When Ianto had passed out Owen was terrified the bond he shared with Jack meant he had died with him, a quick examination confirmed that had not happened. Moments later he had returned and apart from his initial statement had been unable to speak

Owen felt useless as Ianto lay unmoving; he knew from bitter experience that there were no words to console him all he could to be to offer his presence as support.

"When did he last eat?" John asked as some time passed.

"I've no idea I was looking after the injured bowmen and treating cuts and scrapes all day," Owen replied.

"We need to be practical here," John told him. "Tomorrow is going to trying in the extreme and he must be ready," he took a deep breath. "I don't care how we do this but he has got to get it together."

Owen thought for a moment. "He needs food and sleep; he's been in pain all day it's been written all over his face, so some serious pain relief. You go find some food real fool not the muck we've been eating," he saw the look on John's face, "do your best, some soft bread and cheese, and ale should do it," he suggested as he saw John head off.

"Right mate" Owen said to Ianto as he saw John return and place what looked like a round of bread and cheese along with large brown earthen ware jug of some kind. "We need you to sit up," he commanded in his best I know what's best for you doctors voice.

Ianto was unresponsive and it took John and Owen both to get him sitting. After several moments it was clear that Ianto was not going co-operate.

"This is hopeless," Owen said after short while as there every effort was resisted.

"I've got an idea, let's get him on his feet," John told him

With some effort John and Owen got him to his feet and leant him against a tree, as he began to slip back down John slapped him across the face. He saw Ianto's eyes flare with anger, and knew he had got a reaction. He went to slap him again and this time Ianto caught his hand.

"Good, you're angry, be angry Ianto, be angry at me, it's my fault," John goaded Ianto as Owen watched in stunned silence. Taking Ianto by the arms he started to shake him. "Come on Ianto , I 'm the bastard who brought him here, if it wasn't for me he would safe and you and he could play out your little university fantasy, for fuck's sake Ianto, get angry." He looked across at Owen in desperation and slapped him again harder this time and he could see the wildness growing in Ianto's eyes.

"What do I have to do to get you angry, your lover is over there and you are bailing out on him, Ianto he needs you, we need you, I need you, remember you tried to kill me with your bare hands? What happened to all that anger you felt, here's your chance hit me, a once in a life time offer, fight me, I'm the selfish son of a bitch who got him into this." He turned away towards Owen shaking his head, as Ianto lunched at him screaming as he landed a blow knocking him sideways.

"Fuck you!" Ianto screamed at him. "You brought all this down on us you selfish bastard!"

"Yeah I did it because I knew I could get him back ,you will never have what we had Ianto, we were real lovers, more than you will ever know," he goaded and Ianto gained his feet and lashed out again and pushed him forcefully away.

John stood his best cocky self both arms outstretched his hands out motioning him to bring it on. "That all you got big boy, big man in bed, but not so big where it really counts, that's right Jack needs a real man like me," he snarled at him and found Ianto was on top of him pounding with every ounce of strength he had left.

Owen watched open mouthed as he now saw John grasp Ianto round the waist holding him close as the Ianto now broke down and began to sob. He screamed, cried and raged at the injustice of it, the pain, his fear, his love for Jack, his grief and agony of feeling Jack die, his desperate attempt to get Jack to understand, the hopelessness, that Jack was lost insane for eternity. John listened and took it all as he rocked him and soothed him with soft words and stroked his hair.

As Ianto calmed down, he helped him sit up then took the offered food and jug from Owen. "Don't you ever tell anyone you ever saw this," John warned Owen raising a finger.

"My lips are sealed and even if I told anyone, I doubt they would believe me," Owen told him shaking his still not believing what he had just witnessed.

"Good," John said as gathered some food. "I have reputation to maintain."


	60. Chapter 60

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies.

Authors Note: Andlean translated form Anglo Saxon means retribution.

**Chapter 60**

**The darkest point of night.**

Sitting crossed legged wearing a tattered grey coat Jack examined a small object in the palm of his hand. There was just enough light seeping under a crack under one of the walls for it to gleam. It was so removed from anything else he had discovered in this strange dismal room. Jack had no idea where he was, he had awoken alone in a stone cold box, filled with discarded rotting fragments and he had found a coat and this. It was beautiful, a perfect circle of smooth buttery metal and he racked his brains to why such a simple object could hold him so enthralled.

He heard a faint murmur. He listened intently as he strained to hear; there it was again, it someone calling his name. He tilted his head twisting it around to see where it was coming from. Maybe it was coming from under the crack along the bottom of one of the walls he reasoned. He lay down putting his head by the gap. He heard it again; he sat up, no it definitely was coming from within the box. He stayed as still as he could, as he strained to hear. He returned to the center of the box to see if that would help and he heard it again and his attention was pulled to a growing warm feeling in his hand.

He opened his fist and in wonderment he realized the whisper had come from the ring. The whisper was faint; he brought the ring close to his ear and closed his eyes in an effort to focus on the sound. As he concentrated he saw the vision of a pale serious young man, a very handsome pale serious young man.

He watched intently and realized the whisper was not coming from the ring but from the lips of the young man. Each word was spoken with a lovely accent and he knew he could stand and listen here for a life time without interruption even if he couldn't make sense of the words.

"A life time," he said out loud surprising himself as he felt the ring warm again and his left thumb begin to itch.

He closed his eyes again and concentrated on the vision and imagined what it would be like to hold him in his arms. He felt a tear run down his face and he looked up and saw the young man was also crying. In some way he could not understand he felt somehow connected to the emotion pouring out the young man and it tore at his heart, such pain, passion, grief, love seeking solace. Caught up in grief he looked into his eyes and for a fleeting second he understood that the man was pleading, trying to get him understand something. It was like he was asking for something, he stamped his feet in frustration, and he had nothing of value he could offer and he felt the ring tingle. Maybe he could offer the ring he thought and, began to hold it out. He stopped as he saw the man already wore a ring on his left thumb and his own left thumb itched again as the vision began to dissipate..

Indescribable sorrow filled him as the vision began to fade.

"Don't leave me," he cried out as the words took on meaning.

"_The energy is going, fading I'm fading, the last remaining remnant of you is almost gone, I am sorry I failed you, I love you Jack, if you recall nothing else remember I love you, I love you," _The man kissed the ring on his thumb and held it to his lips as tears flowed down his face. Jack looked down at the ring in his hand bewildered and confused. He looked up as the vision was almost gone.

"Don't leave me here in the alone in the dark!" he screamed out as he felt his senses whirl and shadows began to fill his mind. The darkness was almost complete when the ring began to glow and pulsate. He looked down the ring and felt a moment of clarity, if he was going into oblivion then he was going with a final memory of the wonderful being who for a fleeting moment had made his terrible bleak existence bearable, he kissed the ring and brought it to his left thumb.

He fell to his knees as an ocean of feelings and emotions swept through him "Oh Ianto, my Ianto," he cried out as he landed on all fours and rolled on to his back ' I promise a life time of kisses," he gasped out.

Laying his eyes unseeing Ianto felt the last remaining ember of who Jack was slowly dwindle into nothingness. "Take me with you, I don't want to live," he felt himself cry out inwardly as he felt the fragile strand began to part. Tears flowed down his face as he sent his last thought as the final moment arrived.

"_I love you Jack, if you recall nothing else remember I love you, I am sorry I failed you, I love you, I love you, I love you," _he pushed out.

Ianto curled in on himself and sobbed. "_Oh my Ianto, my Ianto, I promise a life time of kisses."_ He opened his eyes enraptured. Whispers, followed feelings, thoughts of a future, fulfilling the promise of their love for each other, feeling it deepen, they soared.

**Day Five –** **Hour before Dawn.**

Leaning his back against a tree Ianto listened to those sounds accompanied with the waking of the two hundred souls gathered here in the clearing. Movement in the center caught his attention and he saw flames flicker as a fire was lit

He wondered where Owen was then remembered that he had left on some task John had set him. As his thoughts touched Jack again he smiled, and felt his love and he laid his right hand across his heart and closed his eyes.

A hand touched his shoulder, and he opened them to see it was John offering him a beaker filled with a warm liquid. He sniffed and then took a cautious slip of the spiced warm ale. He grimaced, he would never get used to the sour taste but water was not safe so he took another sip.

"You ok?" Owen asked as came up behind John holding his own beaker.

"Better than ok," he told them both and John slapped him and broke into a huge grin.

"You look brilliant Ianto" Owen observed as he noted the exultant look on his face. "Jack? He asked and saw the small smile on Ianto's face grow until his whole lit up.

"Where is he?" John asked expectantly.

"Dungeon in the castle lowest level," he told them as he saw John relax his shoulders.

"I love it when a plan comes together," he said rubbing his hands together and in the half light of the dawn Ianto could just make out the look of unrestrained relief on John's face.

"If he's in the castle it means we use Plan A. We only have one objective and we can ignore the barrow completely," John explained. "And if I know Anlaf and Gray like I do they will want to drag Jack in front of Ianto and do some serious gloating." He stopped as saw the look on confusion Owen's face "It means none of them will be going down the corridor leading to the barrow. It means our waiting friends will be less likely to be discovered," he said thinking of those souls who had chosen to infiltrate the night before and lay in hiding.

He saw a look dawn on Owen's face and he nodded his understanding. "And it means we have Anlaf's escape route covered because the one thing I can guarantee today is that Anlaf will make a run for it."

"What condition is Jack in?" Owen asked Ianto.

"He's good for now, he's cold, hungry, but his body has reset," he told them.

"Let's hope they don't have another go at him before we can get there," Owen said.

"Oh I think they are going to have a lot more on their minds in a few hours than making Jack's life difficult," John told them as his face darkened.

"Are you sure you want to trust me with high explosives?" Owen asked him as they started to walk towards the fire.

"More you, than them," John said as he indicated the small army that was now beginning serious preparations in the forest opening.

"Can I ask you something John? It's being driving me crazy for months," Owen asked as they joined the others to take a share of the breakfast which was being handed out from a large blackened caldron hanging over the fire on a tripod.

" What is it with you and Tosh? One minute you are all over each other, next thing she's hurling large objects at you, and calling you a temporary lapse of good judgement, while you duck. According to my calculations her good judgement seems to have lapsed five times since you first turned up." He queued.

"Is this really the right time to quell your curiosity?" Ianto asked rolling his eyes and taking a serving of what looked like some of porridge.

"Well you never know what might happen today, I might cark it and I would hate to die with this one mystery unsolved. Come on what is it between you, cos I don't get it," he said taking a bowl filled with hot cereal.

John looked round then replied softly. "It's like this, err how can I explain this, em, it's a question of libido. "

"Libido?" Ianto questioned not sure he had heard correctly.

"Let's just say there has only been one other person who has ever been able to keep up," John explained.

"Keep up?" Owen said not sure he understood.

"Insatiable," he added with a grin raising his eyebrows up and down, as he saw a look of understanding grow on Owen's face.

"Oh god, I'm not sure I wanted to know that," Owen retorted.

"Well you did ask," John replied taking a mouthful of food.

"Well that explains a lot," Ianto interjected as he threw a knowing look at John who smiled and slapped Ianto on the back.

Owen looked between them. "Oh god", he groaned out loud, and realised there really were some things better left unsaid as he coughed quietly taking a large bite of the excellent porridge he had been served.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Issuing final instructions Owen, John took off his wrist strap, and opened a panel removing a tiny crystal which he placed in Ianto's open palm to ensure it would not inadvertently dropped or lost.

John now removed a small pinkie ring from his right hand and he lifted out the jewel revealing a tiny cavity. He placed the jewel into Ianto's palm along the crystal he had removed earlier. With deft ease he took the crystal from Ianto's palm and placed it into a small cradle in the ring and the replaced jewel placing it on top. He took several moments to ensure the jewel was seated correctly.

Keeping the panel on his wrist strap open he checked the time on Ianto's watch and adjusted the time on Ianto's watch so they were in sync. Then he handed his wrist strap to Owen. John pushed the stone and got Owen to check that the signal was being received. John pointed to a small screen and explained, "When Ianto and I arrive at the main gate I will signal you by pressing the jewel on my ring. I will send the second signal only when Ariana and ideally Jack are with us. If you do not receive this signal within two hours of the first signal it means either myself or Ianto are incapacitated, or the signal has failed, at that point blow the charges," he told Owen who nodded his understanding as he closed the wrist strap and fastened it to his wrist. John placed the ring back on his hand and Ianto put his watch back on.

Turning they walked across to Rodderick who was dressed ready for the fray in chain mail covered with his deep green captain's uniform, his long sword sharpened, with two bowmen and pike men by his side.

"Are all preparations complete? Are they ready? Because if not, you need to tell me now?" John asked Rodderick. "I cannot emphasize this enough you_ must_ lead; where you lead they will follow." He looked around at expectant faces and saw the truth of his words "They will get scared, some will want to run away, some will become paralysed unable to move, but you must get them to move as soon as there is an opening, remember, blast, move, and fight. Do not allow the other side to recover, we need to get as many men inside as quickly as possible," John advised passionately

Rodderick listened intently before replying, "We have spent the night in preparation. All men have been pulled aside in groups and as individuals. They are aware there will be destruction as they have not seen before, it will roar and the earth will split aside and shake, there may be smoke and fire. All of the bowmen who are able and who survived the attack are here. Each lead a group of known steady men and are expected to lead if I should fall," Rodderick told him and slapped him on the shoulder. "I understand the element of surprise John; blast, move fight, three very simple instructions which you can be trust we will obey." He took a deep breath and continued.

"Now there are some important details you need to know," he said and a huge grin spread across his face. "The word has gone out that we have found a way to breach the castle and all those who have been waiting for this moment to come. Many you see are gathered here but some are hidden." He shouted, "ANDLEAN!" and the gathered men roared the word in reply.

"Today we have Andlean," he continued. "All those who suffered will gain peace this day," he added.

"Andlean," the men pronounced in unison savagely cheering.

"Remember this word, it is what binds us together," he told John, Owen and Ianto as he turned to them.

"Each of you need to wear one of these," Rodderick told them as he took several strips of cloth from the bowman next him and handed one to Owen, John and Ianto.  
As each took a strip of cloth, they noted every man including Rodderick had a piece of yellow cloth tied around their necks or around their arms.

"Any man or woman you see today wearing this colour in such a fashion is a known friend," he warned them. "Do not strike any who you find so adorned without true cause." He now drew back and looked at John directly and bowed.

"To fair Lady Ariana whose brave and regal heart has kept our hopes alive and worked tirelessly for this very day," he grabbed John's hand, pulling him to him, slapping him on the back almost knocking him off his feet as he lifted his sword and motioned to his bowmen who now took off with speed.

Owen, John and Ianto hugged each other silently knowing no words were required here, for this moment meant they might see each other again. They broke apart and nodded to each other as Owen moved away racing to catch up with Captain Rodderick.

"What hell does_ andlean_ mean?" John asked as he saw Rodderick's army moving at speed towards the castle some miles distant. "And what did he mean her brave and regal heart?" he said as they moved off. "What has she been up to?" he scowled.

"Well maybe, just maybe she's her brother's sister, "Ianto offered as he saw John begin to mutter as they moved off together.


	61. Chapter 61

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies

**Day five - Mid-morning **

Chapter 61

Standing concealed about 200 feet from the main castle gate; John pressed the jewel on his ring on his hand then handed his weapon over to Ianto. Ianto took the weapon and placed it through his belt next to his gun holster and John tied it into place with what looked like a thick loop of brown parcel string. John moved to double check both weapons were encompassed by the string, enough to have an effect but not enough to stop either weapon being drawn quickly. He looked at Ianto, and he nodded silently, they both knew this was a long shot. A long shot of all long shots. It could be that their deception would be uncovered immediately on inspection, but it was worth a try. Pulling his tee shirt down Ianto covered both weapons and the holster as best he could.

"I'm sorry about this Ianto, but you have to appear to be my prisoner," he said as he took some strong rope he had prepared and tied up his hands behind his back. As he finished he tested the rope and began to speak.

"Now today is going to be difficult, whatever friendship we have is going to be tested to the limit. We will have to trust each beyond anything we have had to deal with so far. I tell you now Ianto I trust you with my life, more importantly, I am entrusting you with Ariana's life. If anything happens to me I am counting on you along with Jack to get her out," he said as he glanced around the tree towards the gate as Ianto nodded his agreement

"We will do everything in our power to get her out," Ianto told him as John slapped his arm.

"I know you and I started out hating each other, so before we get into this today I want you to let you know how much I have come to, how much you.." He paused. "I am not sure how to say this..." He pulled Ianto to him and gave him a deep kiss. He drew back to the surprised look on Ianto's face. "Keep that in mind today, as the fourth person in this universe I give a damn about," he explained.

"Andlean," Ianto said as he looked at John with a small smile.

"Andlean" John repeated as picked up a rock and walked towards the gate.

John pounded on the gate. "This is John Hart, and I have Ianto Jones!" he shouted out.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Stripped down to his black tee shirt, jeans and belt Ianto was pushed and bullied along a stone corridor. Struggling to keep himself upright he felt a hard blow between his shoulder blades and he staggered forward just managing to right himself. His heart pounded in his chest terrified at what might happen if he fell and he swallowed fearing the consequence if he showed any perceived resistance.

They had arrived and been searched. The first guards they had encountered had been quiet and business like and it certainly helped that they were both wearing scraps of yellow cloth. John had been stripped of all weapons but the ring went un-noticed. The guards had just completed their search of Ianto with raised eyebrows and the odd nod, when a brute of man arrived to collect them.

The other guards had stepped back as he took over in fear of his anger if they failed to obey. John had watched in horror as Ianto was given a beating leaving him bewildered and in shock. It had only stopped when he finally convinced the brute that Ianto was to be delivered to Gray and he might have to face the consequences if he was really damaged.

One final shove and Ianto found himself unceremoniously dumped before a long table around which sat several men who looked up as he fell flat on his face. He hit the hard stone floor, with a crack and felt the wind knocked out of him as he felt a foot on the back of his neck.

"Get Jack," he heard a gleeful voice say. Ianto grunted with pain as the foot ground into his neck making it difficult to breath.

The pressure stopped and he was roughly forced onto his knees.

"So you are Ianto Jones?" The voice said and he looked up to see a young man. Before he could answer he heard a crash as a richly dressed man hurtled into the room fury written on every line of his face wielding a long sword.

"You!" he demanded, moving menacingly toward John Hart.

"I will have my vengeance," the man spat out. John stood his ground and spat back.

"He had it coming," John sneered forcefully as Gray as moved to intervene.

"Lord Godwin, stop!" the young man began to command as two guards manhandled Jack into the room.

Anlaf turned to see source of the noise to see Jack enter, his jaw dropped. "How!" he burst out his eyes widening in disbelief as he stared at the impossible. Less than a day ago he had beaten the life out of this man in the most savage manner possible, and yet here he was without a mark on him.

Jack found himself pushed down beside Ianto. He struggled to touch him and saw Ianto struggle towards him but they were pulled apart. Denied the comfort of touch they looked into each other's eyes and they pushed out as much love and comfort as they could. Ianto took a breath as he took strength from Jacks gaze and felt himself calm.

"Gray," Jack croaked as he fought to break his gaze from Ianto's and to look at his brother.

"Ariana," John Hart demanded before Gray could respond.

"First things first," Gray told him dismissively. "Did you search them?" he commanded of the brutal guard. "Did you remove everything you did not recognise?"

"Yes sire," he replied as he emptied a large bag of guns, several daggers and a samurai sword onto the table with a clatter amongst the food dishes.

Several of the occupants seated around the table started to examine the strange collection dumped before them. One picked up the samurai sword and drew it out of his scabbed and tested the blade by running two fingertips down its length. As he did so he sliced the tips of his fingers off. He dropped the sword, cursing and sucking on his bleeding fingers as he called for cloth. Another now picked up at the sword with more respect and began examining it more closely.

"Ariana?" demanded John. "Where is Ariana? I have kept my end of deal, where is she?"

"No" Anlaf shouted out. "I claim her for the death of Ablendan Bandwof! " He pointed his sword towards John.

"Gray control him, you and I made deal. I bring him" he pointed to Ianto, "in exchange for her," John told Gray forcefully.

Gray walked over to Anlaf and pulled him aside as John watched an argument ensued. He took the opportunity to view the room. The walls were covered in several tapestries, a large fireplace filled with several blazing logs. He counted the men; there were thirteen, he noted with interest that two of the guards had yellow strips of cloth about their person. It meant if it came to a fight six of them against the gathered knights including Anlaf and Gray. Odds two to one, they might make it yet John calculated.

The argument ended and a subdued but enraged Anlaf returned to the table and glared at John then hungrily moved his eyes towards Jack.

"You bastard," Ianto yelled as he struggled to stand and threw himself at John knocking him off his feet. There was a brief struggle then two of the men from around the table pulled him to standing as John punched him in the stomach. He doubled over in pain as he was dragged back beside Jack.

"Ariana," John demanded again, and as he spoke a young woman her hair braided with long yellow ribbons raced into his arms and immediately buried her head in his shoulder.

"Gray, I can make this right with you, but not him," Jack said as he motioned towards Ianto as he looked up at his brother.

"Dear brother I have waited a long time for this moment. He is going to suffer; his death will be slow and agonising. I promise you will witness every single moment of his anguish. I have dreamed of this moment, hungered for it, and when I'm done, I am going to hand you to Anlaf. You see he has just worked out your little secret Jack. Can you imagine what a gift you are to him? He's a sadist of the worst kind and you will get to endure under his hands the horror of my life." He motioned for Anlaf who was licking his lips in anticipation of the feast that awaited him. Gray moved aside as Anlaf pulled Jack to his feet by the lapels of his coat, his face twisted with delight. Pulling Jack to his feet he heard a strange metal clack and something heavy and cold was pressed into his neck.

"Get your hands off my husband," Ianto hissed through his teeth as he ground the muzzle of his gun into Anlaf's neck.

Anlaf tilted his head to see the young man was standing unbound, pressing a heavy black object with a hollow tube into his neck.

"You hold nothing a lump of metal, I fear it not," he declared, keeping his hold on Jack.

"Bet your life?" Jack asked him looking directly into his eyes. Anlaf jolted as he saw a flash of rage cross the man's eyes.

"Let him go," John added his voice pointing his own weapon at Gray.

"They have nothing Gray, do not be fooled my men will take them," Anlaf snarled indicating his men move forward.

"For gods' sake Anlaf get back," Gray shouted at him as he watched John aim at the nearest approaching man and fired. The room echoed as the shot rang around the room as everyone jumped.

"Oh, I've got your attention," John said as the man grasped his chest and fell to the ground.

On hearing the shot Anlaf stared wide eyed at the barrel of Ianto's gun.

"I'll, fucking blow you brains out, you fucking piece of shit, if you don't let him go," Ianto snarled at him.

On hearing the insult Anlaf suffused with anger but dropped his hands. His eyes flicked over to his men who were now quickly recovering. John pointed his weapon at them and they backed away. Ariana now ripped off the bottom half of her outfit off revealing leggings. She reached out and took a dagger from the table and moved to release Jack. As she did one of the Anlaf's cronies tried to grab her arm. As he did Ariana exploded in a ballet of precise movement and the man fell to the floor in agony clutching his genitals, and sporting a broken nose which bled profusely.

The tension in the room broke and the men scattered, some taking the opportunity to arm themselves the majority along with Anlaf headed for the door.

"I have waited for this, for so long," John hissed at Gray who seeing his intent raced to reach one of the four pillars in the room as John aimed and fired. The bullet chipped the pillar and John cursed.

Now free Jack grasped the front of Ianto's tee-shirt and crashed their lip together.

"You ok?" John asked Jack as the kiss broke.

"I am now," Jack told him as he put his arm around Ianto's waist to steady him as Ianto lent back and kissed him quickly as they edged back towards the fire end of the room.

"What happened?" Ianto asked as they joined John as Jack armed himself from the weapons on the table along with Ariana who took the samurai sword.

"The stone on my ring is jammed," John told him through his teeth.

"Shit," Ianto cursed under his breath as they heard Anlaf call out to the guards for reinforcements.

John saw moment and almost fired. "Andlean!" two voices screamed out and he recognised the two guards he had noted earlier pressed up against the right hand wall. John called out the word in reply and the men hurriedly joined them.

"What does that mean?" John asked Ariana loudly

"Retribution," she replied with glee as the two guards slapped their right fists over their hearts and repeated the word.

John was about to say more when an arrow hit one of the guards in the throat. Moving as one the group pushed over the table and took cover as an arrow hit the front with a thunk.

"What have you been doing?" John demanded of his sister as he handed his weapon to Jack and took his ring off.

"Me!, How the hell did you managed to hide your weapons, I mean there were in clear sight?" she asked him as another arrow hit the front of the table as Jack looked over the edge and fired towards the door.

"We had this," Ianto said as holding up a brass house key with a black chip on it, along with a loop of string.

"I love you," Jack said as pulled Ianto into quick kiss.

"What the hell as that key got to do with it?" Ariana said in frustration as another arrow flew across the table edge hit the stone wall behind and clattered to the floor.

"It's Jack's, we found it and Tosh modified it so we could surround objects with a perception field," he explained as another arrow hit, looking over the edge he fired towards the door.

"'She's my technological genius," John said an edge of pride in his voice.

"I'll explain later," Ianto said to Jack who nodded and quickly kissed Ianto again.

"This castle is impregnable it's full of my men. I will see to it you never leave this room alive," Anlaf screamed at them from the door.

"There are only five of you," Gray yelled at them from behind the pillar. "You only have so many bullets. I tell you now there are more men here in this castle than you have bullets, you may kill one, two, even ten but in the end they will over power you."

"Filth!" Ianto suddenly shouted out at Anlaf.

"What!" Anlaf said moving forward slightly as he heard the word.

"You heard me, filth," Ianto replied as both John and Jack looked at him. "Fix the ring," he hissed under his breath.

"I'm trying," John replied as Ariana went to assist him.

"Worm ridden filth," Ianto shouted back as he saw the look of rage grow on Anlaf's face.

"Don't fall for it," Gray shouted desperately towards the door as he realised the tactic was to enrage Anlaf into doing something unguarded. He cursed as he realised the word they were using had changed its meaning, to Anlaf it was the most degrading word in his language.

"You're a slimy piece of worm ridden filth," he added as rage now began to infect Anlaf's entire being and several of his men tried to hold him back.

"_Empire Strikes Back_?" Jack asked.

"_Return of the Jedi_" Ianto corrected him as he saw Jack nod.

"Keep at it," Ariana said she heard the scuffle to contain Anlaf. "I think he's losing it."

"How does the quote go?" Jack asked.

Ianto thought for few moments then shouted out defiantly as Jack mirrored the words with him, "You tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, he'll get no such pleasure from us!" Then turned to Jack. "You know I have always wanted to say that."

"I know," Jack told him as he took his free hand and brought it to his lips.

Red faced Anlaf struggled from of his men and spluttered, "After I have killed each and every one of you, I am going to stand by while Ariana is violated by every man in this room," he spat out venomously as he saw Ianto look over the table edge, aim his weapon and fire as Anlaf jumped back to safety.

"Enough," Gray shouted out. "There are five of you, more of Anlaf's men are on their way, you would need an army to get out of this room, let alone to the gates," he told them.

John pressed his ring and shouted out, "We were thinking the same thing ourselves so we brought one with us," he said as the entire building suddenly shook, then rocked with a deep ominous rumble, then shook again more violently.

Silence followed as dust drifted down from the ceiling filling the room in a haze. In the distance a broken howling and clash of metal could be heard as fighting broke out.

Chaos erupted in the corridor as the realisation hit Anlaf and his men that the castle had been breached and scattered to lead a defence.

The guard stood his sword at the ready as he raced towards the door his face dark with fear and anticipation as Ariana moved to follow. Seeing her intent he pulled her back.

"Let me go," she screamed as she struggled to join the guard "I've been planning this for months, I have a right to be there."

John swung her around "No, this is their fight," he told her.

"But," she struggled to say.

"I told Captain Rodderick we would get him into the castle only," John told her keeping a good grip as he saw the stubborn look on her face.

"Not fair!" she retorted.

"It's their day, they have deserved this moment without our help and history must record this as a local uprising," he explained.

Ianto shook his head. "It doesn't," he told her.

"Doesn't what?" she glared at him.

"Today. It's not recorded. I had a quick look at the history of this place as part of the Henge study. There's no mention, except a brief sentence that after some family difficulties Earl Eadwulf Godwin took back the earldom from his brother, Anlaf's name is not even mentioned."

"But, but that is so unfair, after all they've been through, there's nothing," she burst out indignantly.

"In 66 years this all gets swept away with the Norman invasion of William the Conqueror. The Godwin's stood with Harold, they lose everything," Ianto explained as he saw the distress on her face.

"So this was all for nothing. All their suffering, this day, no one remembers," Ariana said, distraught.

"The people who count do," Jack interrupted. "It doesn't matter what history recorded. What matters is that today justice was done by the people who are living now. They got their moment to take back some control and dignity over their lives. Every individual who stood up to be counted, every man, woman, and child who was saved, protected and fought know who the true hero was."

"Rodderick Brice, Captain of the guard," she said quietly.

"And he and all those with him don't need our help, let them have their moment of glory," Jack told her.

John released Ariana and reloaded his weapon. "I however have unfinished business," John said.

"No John he's my responsibility," Jack said as he grabbed his arm.

"He has an appointment with death," John growled back.

"This was my fault," Jack said distressed as Ianto tried to comfort him

"You let go of his hand Jack you were twelve," John retorted. "He caused all this grief. I didn't think it was possible to endure the suffering I've had to witness," he choked. "I made a vow when I held Ianto, after he beat you to death that Gray would pay for what he had done to him, Ariana and you. Don't deny me this Jack," he said as wild rage filled his face.

"Look after Ariana," he said as he checked his weapon.

"No, don't do this John, Ariana needs you, I need you, w..." Ianto trailed of as he felt the room swirl around him, he swayed and Jack caught him as he knees buckled.

"I got you," Jack told him as he wrapped his arms around him and helped him sit of the floor.

"Sorry, I not sure what's wrong," he said as another wave of dizziness hit him.

"I do," Jack said quietly as indicted to John who started to see there was anything to eat.

Ianto lifted his hand to stroke Jack's cheek as Jack wrapped his arms around him and sweetly kissed him as tears flowed down his face.

John pull into view with a plate of meat and a beaker seeing the moment he placed the plate and beaker by their side and, pulled Ariana away.


	62. Chapter 62

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies

**Day Five- End Game**

Chapter 62

Cupping Jack's face in his hand, Ianto lost himself in Jack's kiss. Pulling back he brushed the tears from Jack's face. He rested his head against Jack's chest listening to his heartbeat. Jack placed his hand against Ianto's check and caressed it with loving ease and kissed the top of his head. After a while Ianto pulled back from the embrace. Taking his thumb he traced Jack's lips and face as Jack lent into his touch. Jack ran the outside of his fingers down Ianto's face.

Sitting with his back against the wall, John watched the two lovers, oblivious to the world around them. He hoped nothing would intrude, because he knew they had earned this moment of peace. Ariana snuggled up to him and he put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"My tigress," he said to her.

"Do you think I will ever find someone to love me as much as they do each other?" Ariana asked him.

"What you're seeing a truly rare sight," John replied as Ariana looked up at him.

"Two souls bonded through trial, sacrifice and love," he told her. "So yes, I would hope someone would love you as much as they do each other, but I hope you won't have to suffer so much for it," he said as he kissed her forehead.

John felt his stomach growl, as he watched Jack and Ianto with delicate care began feed each other small tidbits still not breaking their gaze. How banal he thought after everything that happened this day he was hungry. Standing he pulled Ariana up with him and stretched. As he did he realized the sounds of battle had begun to fade. Making his way to the door he cautiously stuck his head around the corner as Owen almost ran into him.

"Where the bloody hell have you lot been!" He burst out.

"What happened to you?" Ariana burst out as she saw a grime covered man holding a blood stained sword and wearing splattered clothing.

"I stormed a bloody castle," he told them", that's right me, Dr. Owen bloody Harper stormed a castle. And do you know what is so tragic about this moment? I am never going to able to tell a living soul because no one is ever going to believe me," he said loudly as he walked towards Jack who was now standing.

"How ya doing mate?" He said as he wrapped his arms around Jack in greeting.

"All the better for seeing you," Jack replied.

"Did you really storm the castle?" Ariana said enviously as they pulled apart.

"Anlaf and company?" John asked.

"He's dead. First, they threw him off the battlements. Then he went to pieces. If you want to catch up with him, he's on display atop pikes along the castle wall", Owen informed them grimly.

"One down, one to go," John commented as he put his hand on his weapon holster.

"Rodderick?" Ianto queried.

"Mopping up the last pockets of resistance, but to be honest there's not many left fighting because most of Anlaf's men scarpered as soon as they saw the battle was lost, the rest you do not want to know," he cautioned.

"Gray?" John asked a darkness growing on his face as Jack looked at him.

"No one has seen hair nor hide of the bugger must have some bolt hole. Any way I am bloody starving where can a man whose stormed a castle get some grub?" Owen inquired.

"Follow me," Ariana indicated as she led them out to the door and along the corridor , down a level via a series of winding stone stairs till eventually they came up to a large room with two large fire places containing meat spits and several overturned tables with food scattered around the floor.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Searching through the remains of the kitchen and large pantry, they had managed to find enough food for a simple feast of bread, apples, cheese, black pudding and several hard boiled eggs which from the size and strong flavor were either geese or ducks eggs all, washed down with spiced ale.

Sitting as close to Jack as he could Ianto took deep sip of the beaker in front him. He grimaced at the sour dirty taste; one thing he knew he would not miss was the poor excuse for beer in this time.

"Bad," Jack agreed as he saw the grimace on Ianto's face.

"It's the furry", Ianto began. "After taste", Jack completed the sentence.

"Bloody hell, it's like listening to twins," Owen snarked commenting on the way Jack and Ianto finished each other sentences.

"Get used"… "to it" Jack spoke followed by Ianto as they leaned in and kissed each other.

"Stop doing that its freaking me out," Owen told them.

"Pair bonds, bloody insufferable, they have these little unheard conversations," John said as he winked. Ianto smiled and pulled up Jack's hand and kissed it.

"Your just jealous," Ianto told him as he grabbed another slice of bread and spread some butter on it.

"Damn right I'm jealous, Jack's a lucky man and if doesn't work out between you two, you know where to find me," he told him.

"I thought you and Tosh?" Owen pointed out.

"Always room for one more, you interested Owen?" John offered as Ariana burst into fits of giggles as John grinned at her enjoying the sound of her unrestrained laughter.

"Tosh?" Jack inquired.

"Well apparently John and Tosh have been having this hot and ..." Owen began to be explained but interrupted as a battle weary Rodderick accompanied by several men dragged Gray into the room and dumped him onto the floor.

"We caught him trying to escape via the barrow. We were uncertain of what to do with him as he is not one of us and we decided we should bring him to you for justice," Rodderick explained as everyone around the table stood.

John drew his weapon. "Endgame Gray. The moment you took Ariana you must have known this moment was inevitable. Yet I think you knew that but you hated Jack so much that you didn't care." He pointed his weapon at him, "I hold no regrets in killing you because I'm just putting your body out of its misery, everything that made you a human being ended the moment the Sla-harg took you," he said to him.

"Don't", Jack spoke for the first time.

"Don't what Jack?" John turned to him, "send him into the oblivion he deserves?"

"I forgive you Gray," Jack said to the figure as he cowered on the floor. He stepped around the table and pulled Gray to his feet as he resisted.

"This is my fault, I should have been a better brother to you, please forgive me". He pulled back and saw to his sorrow the look of hatred on his brother's face.

"I have no forgiveness for you, only hate", he sneered and with a sharp movement he jerked out a compact weapon he had been concealing and fired. Jack felt and saw Ianto clutch the top of his right leg and collapsed onto the ground.

As they all heard another shot, echo around the room Jack dashed to his side in an effort to break his fall. In one movement Owen tore open the blooded area of Ianto's jeans revealing an entry wound pumping out blood which grew in volume with every passing second.

It took only a fraction of a second for Owen to assess the entry wound on the right hand side of his groin and the blood literally draining out of his body to know Ianto was fatally wounded.

"He's been hit high the groin compromising his femoral artery Jack, he will bleed out in less than ten minutes."

"_JACK" _Ianto pushed out_ "I … _Jack felt something shift in Ianto's mind and he was gone.

"_No" _Jack pushed back_ "stay with me Ianto, please stay with me not like this, we are so close so close to a life, a life I promised you a life Ianto, no please, please,"_

"Do something!" Jack cried out to Owen as he tried to reconnect with Ianto.

"It's fatal Jack, even in the 21st century. He needs blood, an air lift to a trauma hospital, I can't even stabilize him, there is nothing I can do," he said shouted back desperation distorting his words.

Jack screamed out a deep visceral howl as he took Ianto into his arms, "Do something!" he screamed at him.

Looking around Owen grabbed one of the sharp eating knifes from the table and a rag he found on the floor, with swift precise strokes he sliced into the wound. Taking the rag he wrapped it around his fist and jammed it as high into the wound. As he did so he felt Ianto shudder as he pushed with all his might straining to bring the bleeding under control.

"I've bought us about two extra minutes so you better start fucking thinking of something," Owen told them as the bleeding eased perceptively. John slid beside him and fumbled with the jewel on his ring.

Ariana now joined them as she saw what he was trying to do as he handed her the ring. With trembling hands John shouted instructions as she removed the jewel exposing the crystal underneath. At the same time John opened the panel on the wrist strap on Owen's wrist.

"Rodderick search Gray and see if is wearing a leather wrist band," John yelled out as the men began frantically searching Gray's body.

"the bloody things drained you told us that," Owen hollered at him.

"It's all we got and it's his only hope," he roared back as he took the crystal from between Ariana's fingers and delicately replaced it back into its original position. Rodderick tossed the wrist strap from Gray's body to Ariana who placed it in John's stretched hand. Now he opened the panel and ripped out the screen and took out a black chip. Flipping the panel on the wrist strap on Owen's wrist Owen noted a number of gaps as John seated the chip in one of them. Checking that both the crystal and chip were seated correctly he closed the panel.

"Just recalibrating," John said as his fingers flew over the panel as he saw the look on Jack's face as an understanding passed between them as he nodded.

"Nine minutes", Owen called out as John finished punching in information as he stood up.

"Good luck," he shouted as he stood back to see the three huddled men enveloped in an orange haze.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Rubbing a sore spot on her neck, Tosh began to unwrap a small power bar as Gwen handed her a mug of coffee as she returned to her computer.

"Thanks Gwen," she said as she took the coffee. As she took a sip she noted an orange light began to fill the Hub. Looking around for the source of the glow, three figures materialized by the water feature. One figure was prone, another had his arms wrapped around him and a smaller man looked like he had is hand inside the other's leg, She blinked as the smaller man began to shout frantic instructions at her.

"Tosh call 999, tell them we have a man who has been shot in the groin and has compromised his femoral artery and we need a medi-vac, tell them he is blood type A+," the voice told her.

"What?" she repeated.

Owen took a deep breath. "Call 999 tell them we have a man shot in the groin and has compromised his femoral artery, we need an emergency air lift, tell them he is blood type A+ ," he repeated as she now realized it was Owen, the prone figure was Ianto and Jack was holding him.

"Got it", Tosh said as she flicked open her phone and began to speak.

"Where do they land?" Tosh demanded as she spoke to the emergency services.

"Plass," Jack shouted at her.

"I'll go grab the stretcher," Gwen said speaking for the first time.

"Stop!" Owen shouted at her.

"But we need do we get him up there," Gwen told him stung by his tone.

"Yes," Tosh said in defense of Gwen. "We can save time and meet the medi-vac."

"One of you get up there and bring the paramedic down here along with every intravenous kit he has," he yelled at them. "If I remove my hand Ianto will bleed to death in the time it would take us to move him from here to the lift."

"DO IT!" Jack screamed at her as they saw her hesitate.

"ETA Four minutes," Tosh told him still holding the phone to her ear.

"Seven minutes, three minutes and he goes into cardiac arrest," Owen told Jack who was looked back at him struggling to keep his composure.

The moments ticked by as they waited silently, it seemed as if time had slowed, as Owen and Jack looked at each other trying to stem the desperation they both felt. An age passed when at last they heard a sound, they both looked up as the saw the lift began to move downwards. Owen swore this was the longest moments of his life as two paramedics descended carrying some substantial equipment.

"Fill me in, "the man said as both paramedics began together working on Ianto. One incubated Ianto and attached an ambu-bag along with a small oxygen flask and began to squeeze it rhythmically. The main paramedic with speed and skill drove a needle into the back of Ianto's hand and established a line and connected a saline pack. He opened the valve fully and handed the pack to Jack who stood, "Squeeze that with all your might", he told Jack as the other medic in between pumps ripped open Ianto's tee shirt, placed two round wired patches on his chest and switched on a mobile heart monitor.

"He's gone into cardiac arrest", she called out as the other man pounded on his chest.

"He's back", she called out picking up another kit he set up another intravenous drip and handed it to Gwen.

"Same instructions, we need to replace as much fluids as we can," he told her.

"He's gone again," the other medic called out. "he's in fibrillation. Stand back," he told them as he applied the paddles and Ianto's body arched.

The medic watched his equipment. "Again", he called out as the action was repeated.

"Normal rhythm," she told him.

"Blood pressure's up slightly, keep those fluids coming," the main medic told them.

"Doctor Matthew Abrahams", he introduced himself as things calmed.

"Delia Smith, the other paramedic said.

"Now," Dr Abrahams said looking at them after a few more moments passed and he noted Ianto made small steps moved towards stability. "We come to the really difficult part," he told them honestly.


	63. Chapter 63

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies.

Chapter 63

Buffeted by the vortex of the helicopter blades Jack stood and watched as the helicopter lifted from the Plass then headed briefly out across the bay, gained height then turned towards the city skimming across building tops. It was not until he felt a touch on his elbow that he realized Gwen had parked the SUV beside him and had opened a door.

Staring out the window of the SUV as it speeded through the streets of Cardiff Jack battled to maintain some semblance of himself. The last hour has been a kaleidoscope of emotions, one merging into the other. He pushed out and the connection so strong just a short hour ago was absent. He looked down at his thumb and brought the ring to his lips, willing there to be something… anything. He could be dead right now and he wouldn't know. Jack felt an urge to smash to his fist against the windscreen. The ring responded to his grief and began to sing out a hymn of sorrow.

The hymn, a lament woven into the night sky cried out because they were unable to grant their parting gift. As the last of their kind they had intended to endow Ianto's essence to Jack, something he could carry forward with him for eternity, but the bond was too new and needed the gift of time to prepare. He shuddered as he felt their cries and felt his own soul dying. Without Ianto he knew he would live a half-life. A continuation of what was and he wondered what he had done to be so cursed, so punished, to be denied a life with the only two people he had ever loved.

Steering the SUV into the parking bay at the hospital reserved for such occasions Gwen pulled on the handbrake and saw Owen hurrying towards them.

He opened Jack's door. "He's alive," he announced as saw the tormented look on Jack's face.

Pulling Jack around he knew what had occurred and he shook him "Jack, Jack, Ianto is alive, he's in surgery," he said strongly as Gwen came to next to him.

"What's wrong?" she asked him her voice trembling as she saw clearly for the first time the state Jack was in.

"A lot has happened, Gwen the short version is," he took Jack's hand and showed her the ring. "Jack and Ianto are bonded. It's an emotional, come everything, god knows what bond. I saw this happen to Ianto when the bond broke because Jack lost himself." He stopped at the look of confusion on her face realizing that it was not possible to share with her the emotional journey they had taken over the past days, in the middle of the car park of a trauma hospital with a catatonic Jack Harkness and his lover in surgery, fighting for his life.

"He's shut himself off, because he's lost the will to live," he struggled to explain.

"What do we do?" she asked him.

"We need to do something to bring him back," he told her bring his hand to his mouth.

"What worked with Ianto?" she asked.

"We had John Hart," he told her and she raised her eyebrows.

"What did he do?" she asked

"He made Ianto angry?" he told her as he looked at her and pulled his lip in thought.

"Gwen, kiss him," he ordered her suddenly

"What!" she burst out.

"Kiss him Gwen, you been wanting to kiss him since you first met him," he told her.

"That's not the point, there's a difference from fancying someone in your head to actually following it through. What about Rhys I mean..?" she told him wide eyed.

"Fuck sake Gwen snog him, I won't tell Rhys, close your eyes and think of Torchwood," he interrupted her

Glaring at Owen she pulled Jack around and kissed him.

"I meant snog him, really snog him, like you love him. Kiss him like you mean it, put some real passion into it woman," he instructed as she threw him a dirty look. "Look I would do it myself, but if I'm right this will only work if it's you," he told her.

Pulling Jack around so he was facing her she put her arms over his shoulders she crashed their lips together and began to give him a passionate kiss.

After a few seconds he began to struggle and he pushed her away forcefully, putting one hand up to stop her in case she tried to kiss him again and wiping his mouth with the back of his other hand as if something extremely distasteful had happened. He looked in confusion at Owen and back at Gwen.

"I'll explain later," Owen said aside quickly to Gwen who was looking equally confused at why the tactic had worked.

"Ianto's made it, he's in surgery," he moved forward to catch Jack as he buckled.

"Come on mate, let's get you as close to him as we can," he said gently to Jack as Gwen locked up the SUV and ran to join them.

With gentle movements they directed Jack through the main waiting area into the lift bay which took them to the top floor. The lift door opened to the large area with a couple of hospital type leatherette seats and a coffee machine. The floor was marked with a large thick red line that ran from left to right with clearly indicating they were to go no further.

"He's down there," Owen told Jack as he maneuvered him to one of the seats and he fastened his eyes on the corridor.

"Cup of tea, Gwen," Owen directed her as she nodded in understanding.

"Coffee," Jack spoke for the first time since he had screamed at Gwen at the Hub.

"Coffee black, two sugars," Owen told her as he saw the look of distaste on Jack's face. "He's going to need you Jack. You're close to collapse, doctors' orders."

His hand on Jack's shoulder he watched as Gwen brought a cup of coffee from the coffee machine just over to their left.

"Sorry mate this is the best we can do," he said as he handed over the cup Jack broke down.

Handing the cup back to Gwen he rubbed his back. Several moments passed as he composed himself and wiped his face dry.

"I'm starving, we've had nothing real to eat for days one of us needs to go down to the cafeteria and get some grub," he said looking at Gwen.

"Stay here with Jack, you look like a refugee from the 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre'," she told him as he looked down at himself for the first time. He was covered in the stains from the battle earlier and his hands, forearms, and front of his clothing were blood soaked. Jack looked no better, his grey coat was equally soaked in blood and he was naked under that.

"Anything in particular?" she asked him.

"Nothing with peas in it or resembling porridge of any kind," he informed her.

He smiled at her and nodded as she headed for the lift.

"Where there's life Jack there's always hope remember that, there is always hope," Owen told him as he put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Returning with an assortment of sandwiches and sodas, she noticed Jack had not dropped his eyes from the corridor and was mostly oblivious to his surroundings. It was only with gentle coaxing they managed to get to Jack to eat half a sandwich and drink some of the coffee.

Owen however devoured everything she had brought including the half-eaten remains of Jack's sandwich, and all the fruit, when a woman dressed scrubs approached them.

"Are you people who are waiting for news about Mr. Jones?" she asked as they stood up to support Jack who was trembling.

"I'm Doctor Abby Williams, I've just had a call from the operating theatre and they've asked me to give you an update," she said as she saw the look on their faces. "Its good news," she assured them quickly. "They've managed to stabilize him and the vascular surgeon is now beginning to repair the femoral artery," she told them.

"Once he comes out of surgery he will be taken up to intensive care and considering his critical status is there anyone we can reach parents, partner , who would want to be with him?" she asked.

"This is Jack Harkness, Mr. Jones'partner." Owen explained. She kept her face neutral and held up a finger as she disappeared down the corridor then returned several moments later.

"Not sure about size but I think these should fit," she said handing two sets of scrubs over to Gwen along with several large hospital towels and some soap.

"I am sure you will want to join him as soon as you are able, so I suggest you take this opportunity to clean up," she told them matter-of-factly. "There's a shower a floor down and this would be a good time as it's going to be a while before he's out."

"Thank you," Owen said as he gave her the thumbs up. Owen led Jack over to the lifts as she turned away.

"Told ya, 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre," Gwen repeated as the lift door opened.

twtwtwtwtwtw

"Right," Gwen said as she stood outside the bathroom door as Jack cleaned himself up.

"What the bloody hell happened in the car park? Why did you get me to kiss Jack?" she said to Owen as she recalled the look of distaste on Jack's face when he pulled back and saw it was her.

"Ianto doesn't know this but I had quick look though the journal he had with him when he was brought to Hub by John. The part I read over was about how much he felt he was in competition with you for Jack's attention and affection." He saw the look on her face." I know the flirting between you and Jack was harmless fun, but not for Ianto. It caused him real hurt because he noted every look, comment and touch. It wasn't jealousy he just felt that at some point you would win. Some incident would occur and whatever they had would end because Ianto was only a pathetic part-time shag tea boy and you were the one Jack really wanted. I think he seriously believed Jack was only with him because he couldn't have you"

"Now I know Jack had read his journal when he found them and through the bond they shared Jack would have an understanding of this. So kissing you is the one thing Jack would avoid at all costs. Doing so would confirm Ianto's worst fears about not being worthy enough and being replaced. And secondly you are not Ianto, the only person Jack needs and wants is him."

"So basically what you are saying is the one person in the universe Jack would never want is me," Gwen said to him.

"Sorry Gwen," Owen told her.

"God almighty, the pain people suffer on their own, I wish I'd known Owen, I mean I could see how much Ianto cared for Jack and I always hoped they would… I could have put him straight. I see Jack as a hero but I could never be what he needs, can you imagine it Jack and me..." she stopped exasperated as she mulled over his explanation some more.

"You know Owen, I had this thought for a while I am not sure for how long but I have this feeling Jack's been lonely a long time, like he's just going through the motions because he's had no other choice. I was so happy for him because he had finally found someone. We all saw the difference in him over those months before he went off with the Doctor," she commented and saw Owen nod as the bathroom door opened and Jack emerged dressed in scrubs holding a large white plastic bag.

"You look a little better?" Gwen she told him as he handed her the bag.

"Ianto loved this coat, please look after it" he told her.

"Of course," Gwen replied puzzled not sure why he was using a pass tense.

"He's not dead yet mate", Owen told him "Ianto loves your coat and it will be cleaned and repaired for whenever you need it" he told him as Gwen nodded and he now headed to clean up.


	64. Chapter 64

Heart and Soul – Secrets and Lies

**Chapter 64.**

Several hours passed as they waited, when a surgeon started down the corridor toward them.

"Dr. Harper?" she asked. "I'm Dr. Meredith Vincent I'm the main trauma surgeon. "

"This is Ianto's partner Jack Harkness," Owen said as he introduced Jack to her as she looked at the worried faces before her.

"We've just finished. I can tell you it was touch and go there for a while. He suffered a further cardiac arrest during surgery; at that point we stopped until he could be further stabilized. He's had 20 units of blood and a further seven of plasma. He had a partially severed femoral artery, the force of the bullet shattered part of the lower pelvis and his right hip joint.

"Right now we've repaired the femoral artery and we've stabilized the pelvis with external fixation so when you see him he will have lots of wires and screws. As for his hip joint we've removed any visible bone fragments. Later we will have to schedule more surgery to fully replace the external fixation with internal fixation and replace the hip joint and repair the socket. He was hit in the groin but I can assure you all his important parts are undamaged. However what nerve damage is yet to be seen, but its early days", she took a deep breath, as she viewed the raw fear on Jack's face as she continued", He's been taken to intensive care where you can join him. I'll come and check on him through the night, and tomorrow we will assess his condition. He is critical however baring some unforeseen difficulty I am cautiously optimistic." she saw Jack relax slightly. "Any questions?" she asked finally

"Can I go to him now?" Jack inquired quietly as the surgeon gave him a nod.

"Of course", she replied and watched as he was led to the lift.

His heart pounding Jack wished he could will the lift to go faster, as the door opened he moved directly to Ianto. A nurse moved to intervene but Owen shook his head as he saw Jack lean over and kissed his forehead taking his only free hand he placed it against Ianto's face as Owen pushed a chair under him and he sat down.

"Is Tosh still at the Hub?" Owen asked Gwen as they watched Jack stroke Ianto's face.

"I'm not sure" she replied.

"Well get her there, there's something she needs to know," he said wearily as the events of the day began to catch up with him as he shook slightly.

"Lean on me," Gwen offered as they made their way out.

twwtwtwtwtwtwtw

"I'm sorry Tosh" Owen began as the entered the Hub and Tosh raced over to them.

"Ianto," she burst out and saw him shake his head as he saw her eyes flood with tears.

"He's going to make it," Gwen quickly corrected Owens statement.

"Then what?" she asked distressed.

"It's John," he told her.

"He's dead isn't he," she sobbed.

Owen moved over to the sofa and sat down heavily." There is no easy way to say this, when Ianto was shot he butchered his vortex manipulator to make a workable model to give him his only chance."

"I can fix it, I'll go back" she stated as he threw the wrist strap to her. Catching it she immediately opened the panel to see there was nothing but blackened fragments which disintegrated to powder as she touched them.

"I think he powered it by focusing all its energy for a one way jump," he told her as he leaned forward as a wave of exhaustion flooded through him.

"No," she cried out as she slumped to the floor.

Kneeling Gwen stroked her back as she rocked herself.

"What about that Time Lord Jack hangs about with? Can't we ask him for help?" Gwen offered desperately trying to think of a solution.

"Can't see him lifting a bloody finger," Owen stated angrily.

"But he's Jack's friend," Gwen said.

"We have no way of contacting him and there is no guarantee he would come anyway," he said resignedly

"No," Tosh said now standing." I will not let this be," she said as she started pacing as tears ran down her face.

"Fuck, what a fucking horrible way for this to end," Owen shouted out as he stood to comfort Tosh.

"What the hell happened?" Gwen asked.

"It was Gray, he shot Ianto, Jacks been to hell and back and and…It's over, Ianto's gone, Jacks with him," he tried to explain.

"What do you mean?" Gwen asked not sure she understood what he was trying to tell her.

"Ianto. The Retcon damage, when he was shot it he realized he was dying and his brain began to shut down. The bottom line is his higher functions are already gone, the rest will follow in cascade failure," he told her, "Jack already knows, and I tell you now Jack won't survive this."

"Jack can't die," Gwen reminded him.

Owen pointed to his heart. "He can in here," he warned her.

"Is there nothing we can do?" Tosh said looked up with a tear stained face.

"The only person who can save Jack is Ianto," he told her sadly.

"He seemed a bit out of it I mean that's to be expected, but he kept himself together," Gwen told him quietly.

"This is a crisis and he's only able to carry on for Ianto's sake. He's recovering from what Gray did to him, only Ianto had the full picture. It was clear he was tortured and I know it pushed Jack over the edge and somehow through the bond they shared Ianto got him back but it was touch and go."

"Well I'm not giving up, "Tosh said as he looked at him as she started to take the wrist strap apart, "And neither should you, we lost hope when we thought you were dead. It was a terrible moment and it taught me there are more surprises in heaven and earth than can be imagined."

"Dead?" he said as he blinked at her.

"Just as you jumped the rift flared," she informed him.

"Rift flare?" he repeated not sure what she was talking about.

"When you jumped there was a massive rift flare Owen, we thought you had all been vaporized," Gwen explained

"I have no idea what you talking about," Owen told them becoming more and more confused.

"As you jumped there was a massive rift flare, it was only intervention from the Henge that enabled the jump," Gwen enlightened him.

"I must be more tired than I realized, did you say Henge?" Owen repeated.

"Yes Owen, the Henge. It released a massive amount of power, did all sorts of damage, took out satellites, the energy signature circled the earth fourteen times and… well, you arrived didn't you," Gwen informed him grimily amused at the shocked looked on his face.

"Yeah we did a hundred miles away from where…" he stopped as he realized what had occurred. "Bloody hell," he said after a few moments as he took in their revelation.

"So what I am telling you don't lose hope Owen, because I'm not, John may be stranded in the past but I will find a way to get to him back," Tosh told him wiping her face clear as a look of determination replaced grief, "You just wait and see."

**Five days later**

Carrying a cardboard tray with two cartons of coffee Owen headed towards the Intensive Care Unit. It was had been five days and Ianto's physical condition had only marginally improved; he was not truly stable and had good and bad days. Last night had been bad, and all he could to was offer moral support. Walking passed the nurses' station he saw the head nurse indicate that he should follow and she led him to her office and closed the door

"'Dr. Harper we need your help," she began uncomfortably. "It's Ianto's partner, we're very worried about him. He hasn't slept since he got here, he won't eat, we've only see him drinking coffee,"she indicated to the cups he held. "I've seen shock before, we experience it as day to day reality and we can see he is close to collapse. We made up a cot for him but he just refuses to use it. Is there any way you can persuade him to take just a couple of hours rest?"

Owen shook his head and saw the look of exasperation on her face.

"I also wanted to tell you that the Dr. Vincent has called a conference about Ianto's condition it's not looking good" she said sadly. "She thinks there's been some kind of brain damage and wants to prepare Jack and I need to know he has some support because he's going to need it."

Owen touched her arm "Thank you. I will see what I can do, let he know when the conference is and I will there," he told her as she opened the door and he made his way to Jack's side and nudged his elbow.

"Jack," Owen said gently as he handed a carton of coffee to him. It grieved him knowing there was nothing he could do to stop Jack's descent into hell. He had a haunted look that reflected every year of his long life in his eyes.

Looking up briefly he took the cup before returning his gaze to Ianto.

"How are the preparations going?" Jack asked him.

"We can't move him," Owen told him sighing repeating the phrase as he had done hundreds of times over the past days.

"How are the preparations going?" Jack repeated.

"They're not Jack, we have to face the reality there is no way we can move Ianto. If we do it will kill him," Owen told him honestly. "He's not stable enough and you and I both know why."

"His mind is deteriorating. Owen I can feel it , every passing moment a little more shuts down, a few more days and his autonomic systems will start to fail, please, please tell me there is some way we can get him there," Jack begged as she saw the look of distress on Owen's face.

"Moving Ianto is logistical nightmare, he is totally dependent on the skill of the staff here and the life support systems within this care unit. Even if we could get a helicopter and whisk him off, it's a five hour helicopter ride, he could go into cardiac arrest at any time," he explained.

"Ambulance, don't tell me we can't do this," Jack told him desperately.

"No need," a voice said at the end of the bed and they both stood to see a tall man wearing glasses in a brown suit.

"Doctor!" Jack burst out as he spun around.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he declared, "but I been having a bit of a row, argument. No that's the wrong word, let's call it a debate. You see I was hijacked, or was it commandeered, is that the right word? Anyway, there was a heated discussion, well shouting really, demands were made, negotiations were entered into, leading to agreements, and here I am," he said as he saw the stunned look on Jack's face then across to Ianto. "First things first," he said as he went to Ianto's side and drew out his sonic screwdriver, adjusted it then pointed it at Ianto's forehead. As he did a stream of pink energy surged out in a series of precise bursts. As the last one faded he pulled away and saw Ianto's eyes lids begin to flutter, he started to stir then opened his eyes and looked directly towards Jack. He began to struggle against the incubation tube as a nurse raced in and Owen assisted in its removal.

"Hey," Ianto croaked as Jack collapsed into the chair taking Ianto's hand as he laid his head into it and sobbed.

"It's ok Jack, I'm here now," he soothed as he raised his other hand and stroked his hair.

The Doctor folded his arms he watched as Jack gently began to gently kiss every part of Ianto he could safely touch, starting with his face as nurses began to assess his vitals and check equipment.

"Doctor Owen Harper," Owen said holding out his hand in greeting.

"I not sure how to ask you this but there's a couple of people we need you to rescue, there're stuck in the year 999," he added after a few moments as they watched as Jack continued in his adoration of Ianto.

"Already done," the Doctor coughed in reply, "part of the agreement, dropped them off at the Hub. From what I saw there's a major reunion going on."

"Agreement with whom?" Owen asked puzzled by the reply.

"The Anaclouthia Solution," he told him. "Six of the most stubborn beings it's been my displeasure to encounter," he told him annoyance creeping his voice. "There are not many objects in this universe that can stop a Tardis in full flight but they did it. So to cut a long story short, I was stuck fully materialized no way up, down, forward sideways or backwards until…" he stopped as he saw the look of confusion Owen's face.

"Oh you don't know who they are do you?" he said to Owen smiling. "Do you know how long the search for The Anaclouthia Solution has been going on?" The Doctor asked as Owen shook his head. "Hundreds of thousands of years, and here it was on Earth all this time hiding itself away," he explained.

"I gather it's in disguise," Owen hinted hoping for an explanation.

"Well yes, it would be considering what it is," the Doctor told him.

"And what is it then?" Owen asked frustrated at not getting a clear answer.

"A weapon, some would say the most powerful weapon in the universe. It's the last of many created during a long and disastrous war, kept ready and watched over by six beings. Three from one side and three from the other. They made the ultimate sacrifice and chose to remain as buried souls living within its matrix for eternity, guardians of the peace they had forged. You see it's a one use desperate solution type of weapon made at a point of madness between two races who had forgotten why they were fighting. It was made at a point where both sides were prepared to annihilate the other to win. An alliance of sanity was formed and six brave souls risked everything to steal one of the weapons and made an ultimatum, stop fighting or be prepared for the suffering of both races to be over permanently."

"You're talking about the Henge," Owen said as he began to understand.

"Yes I believe that is what is currently camouflaged as , "the Doctor told him, "and apparently they have a soft spot for Ianto," he said as Owen raised his eyebrows, " and Jack of course. They've remained quiescent for millennia sleeping mostly; waking every now then, until an immortal and his damaged lover turn up. They were saddened that neither would ever be able to fulfill the love they held for each other and they decided to intervene. They were quite eloquent about how much they care and the happy ending they want to see, in fact they were very insistent about it."

"So they stopped the Tardis?" Owen asked impressed by the power they had wielded out of love to reach out and stop the unstoppable.

"I was held captive in my own Tardis until I agreed to their terms," he said indignantly.

"Agreement, about helping Ianto?" Owen queried trying not to smile at the Time Lord's predicament.

"Oh I was willing to help Ianto, god knows I owe Jack, it was just the rest of the terms I had issue with," he said as he narrowed his eyes and looked uncomfortable.

They watched as Jack now slept his head resting on the bed close to the head end. Ianto's fingers entangled in his hair his eyes closed.

"A happy ending," Owen said "I like the sound of that. "

"I don't think there is a being in this universe who deserves a happy ending more than Jack," the Doctor agreed as he took out a mobile phone and handed it to Owen, "Tell Jack to call me when he and Ianto are ready," he said winking as he turned and left quietly.

"Ready for what?" Owen said confused.

"He'll know, now I need to go and soothe my Tardis," he explained as passed through the doors.


	65. Chapter 65

Heart and Soul - Secrets and Lies

**Chapter 65.**

Holding on to Jack's arm, and using a walking stick to steady himself Ianto carefully maneuvered himself down the last few steps into the main area of the Hub. He paused for a moment as Jack kissed him.

"Are you ready?" Jack asked him smiling.

"I have never been more ready for anything in my life," Ianto told him excitedly as he took Jack's arm.

"Packed?" he asked Jack and saw him smile.

"Checked, double checked, wrapped in bubble wrap, and packed in boxes and stored in the Tardis," Jack told him.

"Your coat, you packed your coat, we're going to need it," he said squeezing Jack's arm as he saw him break out in a huge grin as they now reached the main area.

"I would hate for us to get there and find we've forgotten something…" Jack stopped his words with a kiss.

"Trust me I have not forgotten anything," he told as he looked around and saw everyone was gathered.

John Hart his arm draped around Tosh's shoulder, her arm around his waist. Next to him was Ariana looking every bit John's sister complete with belt and samurai sword. Gwen, Rhys and of course Owen standing around the water feature. Waiting along with them was the Tardis, its door open in front of which stood the Doctor.

"Excellent," he said as he saw Jack and Ianto enter and joined them. "Thank you for meeting me here," he started with a cough knowing full well he had no choice in the matter he tugged at his shirt collar as if it was strangling him as he pulled out a large piece of paper with something written on it and cleared his throat.

"Today I have to make a public apology in front of Jack's friends, I need to say the following: I am sorry that you got left behind on Satellite Five," he stopped abruptly as it looked like he was engaging in a silent conversation," I will amend that I am sorry I ran away and left you behind from you on Satellite Five, leaving you stranded this was very wrong of me," he took a deep breath.

"I am sorry I ran away again and used the Tardis to escape trillions of years into the future. I also apologize that I called you 'wrong' as I understand this has caused you real anguish," he paused for a moment to compose himself.

"I further apologize for not recognizing how hurt you were after the Master died or thanked you… " He looked thunderous as it appeared he was interrupted again and amended his words.

"I take this moment to thank you for your sacrifice during the year that never was. I realize that without your help I would have never have been able to defeat the Master. I was aware he used you most cruelly. I am sincerely sorry that I did not give you the support you truly deserved or check on you to make sure you were alright and recovering." He looked up and took off his glasses and indicated to the open door He folded the paper carefully and moved back into the Tardis as he viewed the opened mouthed astonishment of the people before him.

"I hate long goodbyes," Owen said as he grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him into a hug, "You look after each other, "he told them.

Tosh followed as she threw her arms around first Jack then Ianto. As they parted Jack took John's hand as John pulled him hug. Ianto followed as he slapped his back.

"I am so going to miss you," Gwen said kissing Ianto on the cheek and hugging Jack as Rhys shook Ianto's hand.

Jack pulled away from Gwen and handed her an envelope. "It's my resignation, just to make it official."

"We have something for the both of you," she said as took a large wrapped gift as Jack kissed her cheek as Ianto looked at her.

Opening it he saw it was framed group photograph of all of those present including John Hart and Ariana.

"Thank you," Ianto said as he looked at Jack turning now they took a last look and entered the Tardis.

twtwtwtwtwtwtwtw

Pulling shut the door of the Tardis, Ianto pulled Jack into a deep kiss as Jack started to grope him.

"Hey, enough of that," the Doctor told them, as they proceeded undo each other's belts. "If you can't contain yourselves your room is down the hall on your right," he indicated with his arm.

"The list," the Doctor said holding out his hand as they passed him by, noting Jack had his hand on Ianto's arse and Ianto's hand was down the back pocket of Jack's trousers.

"Oh right," said Ianto pulling out a long roll of paper which unraveled to around a meter long. Seeing the look of horror on the Doctor's face, he started rolling it up again

"Sorry that's the list of things I intend to do to Jack," Ianto said grinning as he felt Jack stifle a laugh. Jack put his arm around Ianto's waist in support as Ianto now pulled out a folded A4 sheet of paper and handed to the Doctor.

"I see you two are enjoying having fun at my expense," he warned them as he set the Tardis to move and the put on his glasses and started to look at the list then looked at them.

"This is impossible," he burst out, "It's going to take months!"

"Well that good," Jack said as he slapped the Doctor on the back. "Cause we were hoping for a long honeymoon," he grinned.

"Who came up with warm and weather?" he asked incredulous.

"Warm, that what was me," Jack replied.

"I added weather," Ianto told him.

"In a peaceful quadrant of space which is politically staple and nothing happens for at least 500,000 years," the Doctor said as he continued to read out loud from the list.

"We want guaranteed peace and quiet," Ianto replied as Jack nodded in agreement and kissed Ianto.

"Contemporary with 21st century earth," the Doctor continued.

"We want to keep in touch," Jack replied

"No cities, a colony, no more than 5000 people, balanced ecologically, but high tech, high standard of living not based on exploitation ,medically advanced, self-reliant, multi species, family orientated," he looked up from the list.

"Never saw you as a family man," the Doctor said as he saw a look of sadness fleetingly touch Jack's face as Ianto squeezed his hand.

"No organized religion, must be based on the principals of equality and tolerance, where there is high standard of education and thirst for knowledge," he took a deep breath as he continued.

"A place where everyone contributes to the welfare of the community but everyone has a high level of individual achievement and finally there is a sense of fun and no one takes themselves too seriously," he stopped and looked at them both, " and it must have warm but changeable weather," he said as he finished.

"Oh absolutely I hate the cold," Jack told him thinking it ironic he had lived in Cardiff for over a hundred years.

"Nothing like a good storm," Ianto said as he winked.

"Right you too go enjoy yourselves and I'll be getting on then," he said sarcastically starting his search.

"You know there are six beings who would love to help," Ianto offered.

"Go to your room," the Doctor spluttered pointing in the direction of the corridor.

"Yes I know the Henge beings would love to help," he told the Tardis as she began to hum as Jack and Ianto headed to their room. "And just when did you get to be on a first name basis with them?"

"Yes I know you've made friends, just try keep your enthusiasm for each other down to dull roar," he said advised muttering to himself thinking he would never live down being ordered around by a bunch of rocks… 'sorry,' be pushed out, 'Henge beings.'

twtwtwtw

Closing the door Ianto slumped leaning heavily on Jack." I need to lie down," he said exhaustion slurring his words.

Sitting Ianto on the edge of a large double bed Jack began to undress him easing out of his trousers as Ianto pulled off his tee shirt. "I am knackered and not in a good way," Ianto told him as he lifted up his right leg on the bed.

"Do you need anything?" Jack asked him as he pulled up the covers.

"You, get in here," Ianto ordered as Jack gleefully slipped out of his clothes and carefully got into bed with him and took him in his arms as Ianto started to laugh. Jack laid his head on his chest listening to the sound.

"He really thought we were actually going have sex in the console room of the Tardis," he laughed.

"The look on his face when you shook out that roll of paper," he grinned.

"Yeah it was worth the discomfort," he grimaced slightly, "just to see that look,". Ianto told him still laughing.

"Are you in pain, I've got pain relief?" Jack said sitting up abrubtly as he remembered the foil of pain killers in his trouser pocket.

"Just sore, I just need rest and so do you," he told him pulling him back down.

"Yeah," Jack admitted truthfully as he took Ianto's hand kissed it and snuggled back down.

"When we get to the resort will you kiss my scar?" Ianto asked after several quiet moments.

"You know it's great you have scars in places that are so strategically placed," Jack told him snuggling up as he yawned and Ianto kissed the top of his head.

"Is that a promise?" Ianto teased gently.

"After I have caught up with months of sleep," Jack yawned again stretching out his whole body before settling himself around Ianto

A few more moments passed he let out a small sigh of relief as Jack fell asleep. Jack was exhausted having spent every waking moment devoted to his care. Now at last they were on their way and he could finally get Jack to a place where he could heal. Ianto might have scars on the outside , well mostly on the outside. But he knew all of Jack's were all on the inside. Ianto knew he was good at faking it but he could no longer hide anything from him. Jack was deeply wounded and he would need time to overcome the past hundred years let alone the last three. Ianto hoped he was worthy of the task before him and his love would be enough to heal the wonderful being in his arms. He kissed the top of his head, and held him closer, as he did six beings started to sing with joy and joining with two rings, created a hymn celebrating fulfillment, destiny , love, of promises made and kept and happy endings.

Closing his eyes, Ianto sensed the Tardis humming along as he drew Jack closer and felt himself drift into a deep peaceful sleep.


	66. Chapter 66

This final chapter is dedicated to my fabulous beta Milady_ dragon, for her encouragement, notes and editing skills.

**Heart and Soul – Epilogue.**

Standing at the on the end of the small jetty, Jack reached over and took of the mail bag from the outstretched hand of the young man.

"Extra mail today, transport just come in from the Centari, Earth run," he told Jack.

"Thank you Josh," Jack said as he quickly glanced inside and saw a satisfactory number of letters.

"My pleasure, Mr Harkness," the young man replied shyly as he received one of the Jack's famous dazzling smiles as he took off on his wave rider heading off to the next island.

Jack stood for a moment and watched as he headed out and he took in the view. He would never get tired of this. He loved every square inch of their slice of paradise. He ran his eyes along the beach, the white sands sparkling as the sun caught the fragments of quartz left over from when the colony was first created. The sands curved around to create a perfectly sheltered lagoon, complete with overhanging trees that hugged the shore line creating pockets of shade. He put his hand over his eyes as he squinted, he could just make out Josh as he crossed the deep water channels that carried the tides in and out.

Many the times he and Ianto had walked and swam across, Island hopping visiting neighbours. In fact over one week they had challenged themselves to visit every family on each Island. Their effort had culminated in a beach party on the Big Island to congratulate them on their round trip and everyone agreed it was a fun way and novel way to introduce themselves. Now it had become an annual group event where everyone joined in ending right here on this beach, where they had introduced the colony to the delights of a BBQ.

He loved the way the people here were so open to using every opportunity to have fun and create their own traditions. It made the wait to find this place so worthwhile. He picked up the bag and began to head back to the house which stood on the highest point so it took in every aspect of the landscape. He pushed out with his mind and received a gentle response. Ianto was in the garden picking vegetables, preparing a salad for lunch.

He put the bag down on the sand and went down to the sea to let the gentle waves wash over his feet. He looked down he could just make them out and saw his ankles were swollen again. That meant more rest this afternoon. Not that he really minded it was the warmest time of the year and he didn't want to move around much anyway.

He turned around and looked up at the house. Ianto had loved building it, they both had. It was a requirement for entry you had to build your own house. It made it more personal, somehow building something with your own hands. He chuckled at that and the rest of the community who wanted to help the 'boys' set up their home he recalled.

It was open, spacious, cool in summer, warm during the short cold spell that went for winter here. It took in the whole island and every room had a view. 'A view,' he smiled to himself; the best view as far as he was concerned was Ianto.

Ianto often berated him for what he called Ianto watching, and replied equally strongly that he was often Jack watching. In truth was they could not bear to be separated from each other; the furthest they ever got was the distance from the house to the jetty. He pondered on this and he knew why, they were still both healing. Ianto still had nightmares and the odd bad night, so did Jack for that matter and it was only each other's presence and reassurances that eased their night terrors. For himself he knew it was because he wanted to spend every waking and sleeping moment with the man he loved. He felt Ianto touch his mind telling him lunch was almost ready. Turning he picked up the bag and followed the path back up to the house.

Feeling Jack's response Ianto smiled as he saw Jack begin to make his way back up to the house. He busied himself in the kitchen pouring out juice and slicing bread. Taking the leafy greens he had picked from the garden he rinsed them under the tap, enjoying the view from the wild side of the Island he had placed the kitchen in just this angle to capture. He loved watching the waves roll in and hit the craggy rocks his love of storms undiminished.

It had taken the Doctor ten months to find somewhere that had fulfilled each requirement on their list. Not that he and Jack were complaining they had found the ideal place and were enjoying an extended honeymoon. They had started out at a popular planetary holiday resort but soon found neither of them had any tolerance for large crowds or noise and realised they needed almost complete solitude free of any stress. They called the Doctor and asked to be re-located; he had found them a wonderful place, an out of the way villa in a private and intimate resort. There they found the space where they could finally relax and began the long road to recovery.

Then the Doctor had located this colony. It was perfect; less than 5000 beings that lived in perfect harmony with the planet they had settled. Filled with a mix of artists, writers, scientists, inventors, and other creative beings all living together in artificially created group of small Islands, one for each family. It had taken them six months to prepare their application for membership and another four months before they had been accepted. It had included an exhaustive round of interviews and submissions. It had also meant complete disclosure of Jack's immortality plus their personal histories. The committee had welcomed them saying they believed that Jack and Ianto would add something truly special to their community. It had been with a sense of relief when they had heard; both knew how privileged they were to be accepted, because they were the first for over two hundred years.

Ianto felt Jack was nearing the bottom deck and went to meet him. He looked hot and out of breath, so he went down the steps and held out his hand. Taking the mail bag he pulled Jack up to the steps to the main deck that ran around the house. "Steps... my nemesis," Jack puffed out as they reached the top.

"Lunch is ready and I see your ankles are swollen again," Ianto told him. "I'll check your blood pressure after lunch," he added as he guided Jack to the outdoor double recliner seat and handed him a plate and laughed as he balanced it on his tummy. He placed a cushion under Jack's feet raising them.

"You know you better watch it one kick and the lot will be on the floor again," he said as he watched the plate wobble as took his own lunch joining him.

"I reckon there's co-ordination going in there," Ianto said as he took a bite of his salad.

"What, ganging up, little rascals?" Jack said laughing

"You two," Ianto leant over to Jacks tummy and started talking, "stop kicking your dad's food on the floor he needs it." Jack pulled him across and kissed him.

Putting his salad down Ianto now took the mail bag and emptied it between his legs and began to sort through the different sized envelopes.

He was always amused at the colony's love of actual mail. It was delivered every other day and meant for a lot of interaction between each colony family. Receiving and sending mail was a colony highlight that everyone indulged in including them.

"You know that Josh has a crush on you," Ianto told him as he took a sip of juice.

"I noticed, it gives me a good reason to keep up my flirting," Jack told him.

"You should know I caught him snogging Alia's eldest Manly outside during the last social," Ianto added.

"Manly has lovely tentacles, such a prefect shade of green" Jack commented taking a sip of juice.

"Well he had his tentacles all over Josh," Ianto advised as he took now empty plate from Jack.

Jack opened the first envelope. "Colony celebration coming up, 400 glorious years, organising committee wants to know if you would like to give speech."

"Hell no," Ianto replied.

"Some one's got to do it," Jack told him, "and you are now the colony's historian."

"Not doing it," Ianto told him as Jack smiled.

"But they loved the last one," Jack added a few moments later.

"All I said was 'it was great everyone could come and hoped they had good time," he said.

"Yes it was all of twelve words and took less than 30 seconds," Jack told him. "That's why they loved it. Are you sure?"

"I'll think about it," Ianto told him as Jack opened another envelope.

"Oh there's a message from the Doctor," Jack said in delight as he read it out. "'Please ask the Henge beings to stop using me as message service.' "Oh and he sends his congratulations."

Jack opened another message. "The Henge beings send their best wishes and thank us for the message crystal of the solstice gathering 'we really enjoyed it, send more, we are sending a surprise, we are excited. '"

"What do they mean by that?" Ianto said looking slightly concerned

Jack laughed. "If they were human they would be knitting baby booties."

"I sense another angry note coming from the Doctor," Ianto told him.

"Yeah well it's what happens when you're on your own for 400.000 years and make friends,"

Jack told him.

"You know I have my suspicions that the Tardis and the beings are you know," Ianto said raising his eyebrows.

"You sure?" Jack asked him as Ianto winked at him.

"What the hell are they going to send" Ianto said worry creasing his face.

"God knows" Jack replied as he opened another letter, "I just hope it's not a mini henge,"

He handed a photograph to Ianto who read the back. "Me 8 months gone" It was Gwen heavily pregnant with Rhys, his arms around her.

"You know that woman is amazing, head of Torchwood, training up new a new team and pregnant. I don't know how she does it," Ianto said as he viewed the photograph.

Jack nodded in agreement unfolded the letter and began to read.

Ianto reached over and opened a buff envelope, "Oh Jack, Jack they like the new title, and are going to publish _Rodderick Brice, Captain of the Guard: Story of an Unknown Hero_," he burst out in excitement as Jack leaned in and kissed him.

"I am so proud of you," Jack told him as he saw Ianto beam with delight. He was so thrilled for him thinking of the hours he had spent working on the manuscript and the struggle to find a publisher.

" Print run starting in three weeks, should be on the shelves in two months," Ianto said his eyes glowing as he grinned and stretched up alongside Jack who put his arm around him and kissed him as they admired the book cover, which had a handsome man in a green jacket holding a sword with andlean engraved down its face. Jack started to nuzzle his neck as Ianto reached up for a long deep kiss.

When they drew back Ianto snuggled up against him as Jack continue to read Gwen's letter.

"Gwen writes that Owen sends his regards, says he is sorry he couldn't write he's just finishing his training as an emergency trauma specialist. He says under no circumstances are we to burden either of the babies with the name Owen."

Jack and Ianto looked each other for a moment as the mulled over the name. "Agreed," they said almost simultaneously as Jack returned to Gwen's letter.

A few moments later Jack threw his head back in laughter. "John has run off again. He left Tosh stranded on Sigma 85 apparently with a dodgy cargo of samlimi he had won in some card game."

Ianto rolled his eyes before speaking. "That's the fourth time he's run off. I think they enjoy it, he gets her angry and she vows to track him down, and chases him half way across the quadrant, he runs hoping to be caught."

"And he gets caught every time," Jack added.

"So he can't be running all that fast then can he?" Ianto replied as Jack looked into his eyes.

"You gonna tell me?" Jack asked as Ianto gave him a shy grin., They were open to each other at all times, except when they were working on a surprise for each other and he had sensed for days that Ianto was hidden that part of his mind he preserved for such occasions.

"I've been thinking, of names, and I was thinking of Sarah, Esme for our little girl," he said softly as he saw the look of surprise on Jack's face as a tear began to flow down Jack's cheek. Ianto reached up and used his thumb to wipe the tear away. Ianto knew Jack would get emotional because Jack had never fully recovered from the loss of his first wife Sarah and their baby Esme and wanted something in honour of their memory.

"Oh Ianto," he said as he buried his head in Ianto's shoulder.

"I thought it would be perfect because it would mean Sarah and Esme would be here with us somehow," Ianto explained as he reached over and kissed Jack's swollen belly.

"I think Sarah would have liked that very much," Jack told him softly.

"Two more months and they will be here," Ianto said with a sigh.

"Two more months and we will have a family at last," Jack said looking down at his lover.

"_Two more months_" they thought together as they interlinked their left hands.


End file.
